There are two things I'm impatiently anticipating right now. One is unusual for me to look forward to, and the other I'm looking forward to for an unusual reason.
Exercising
It has now been more than 6 weeks since I have been able to work out in any manner. I had a cold leading into New Years, then I got bronchitis at work, which lasted well into January. Right as that was clearing up, I began to get an odd knot in my back, between my spine and right shoulder blade. It started out feeling like a marble stuck in there, and it kept not going away. Then I did some heavy lifting and took a few shifts on grinders at work, and that threw my back into orbit. I dealt with pretty bad pain that weekend--it hurt every time I breathed in or moved--, and went to the doctor on Monday. The X-rays didn't show any misalignment, and the Doc prescibed a muscle relaxant and hardcore antiinflammatory to address what she thought was a muscle contusion. I wasn't thrilled, but it turns out she was right, and the next day I felt 50% better. A couple days into the pills and I was effectively back to normal! Plus I'd get a nice, chill, almost-dizzy buzz after each meal's dose :-)
I feel like a pale, sickly shrunken noodle, and I can't wait to ease back into walking on the treadmill and pumping some IRON. I hope this desire stays with me, 'cause that would really help in doing it consistently. For now, I'm cautiously doing some pushups, and we'll go from there.
Summer
Of course.
Duh.
But this year it's different, and a lot stronger than the years when I looked forward to school being over. I've been wishing to >>do<< different things when I hang out with people, rather than sit in a house or a restaurant and chit chat or entertain ourselves with media. Influenced by Ken's example and a deep desire to see the sky, I keep wanting to do things outside. Got a free Saturday morning/afternoon? Let's drive to Raccoon Creek State Park and hike around! Drive out an hour into the country and explore! Got an hour after dinner? Walk around some old stately neighborhoods around Squirrel Hill! Sit outside in some secret vantage point perched on a Pittsburgh hillside!
But all of this doesn't work too well when it's grey, wet and cold outside. Hence my pacing at the gate, waiting for spring to show up.
I hope both these desires remain when they're able to be fulfilled. If they do, I could do some really worthwhile things in the coming months.
Just . . . get here summer!
--JPB
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Artificial Colon-induced Importance
Triumph:
Paging through screen after screen after screen of emails till I found the ONE spam message that was preventing me from have a clean inbox. Ahhhhh. Unread? zero.
Triumph:
Stevie Ray Vaughn turns out to be the perfect music for right now. Shawn McDonald sang to us for 2.7 hours as I drifted through dim consciousness on the couch and Mom and Dad discussed every inch of the house plans on the computer screen, and I was looking for something quiet to follow him up. Quiet but not melancholy... quiet and happy or interesting and not sensitive acoustic.. but Stevie took things in a little different direction, and it's PERFECT. Thusly is the point of having 5247 songs to choose from.
Frustration:
Still unable to log in to my artistcollaboration ftp sites to upload new recordings.
Possibility:
Yahoo! domains for a few bucks a year. My own whole website? Hmm...
Resolve:
My savings keeps going up (I set it up to put half my net paycheck in there every week), but my checking account has trickled down. I need to spend less money. Small things, smart things, recognizing that this isn't as special of a case as it feels, but rather it's another $27 subtraction that I have a chance to cut out of my next bank statement. It's good to look over my account activity and see my spendings add up.
Discomfort:
The weird knot of pain between my right shoulder blade and backbone. For two weeks now it's been taking my breath away when I turn or move certain directions. Shannon and Dad's best efforts at pounding it out haven't helped, and it's sitting back there, a quiet little ache. It's like somebody implanted a marble back there and forgot to take it out.
Warm:
The fire behind me, the light oak cabinets and table and chairs, golden floor, golden brown couches, yellow light, soft shadows, sleeping beagle, carpet, blankets, brown bricks.
--JPB
Update:
Triumph:
Recording one of the songs that I sang into my cell phone memo recorder awhile ago. Many other songs still lay in there conceived yet unborn, but this one at least is out in the air, screaming a little bit, but kinda good looking. Looks a little like his daddy.
Helplessness:
It's late. Work is immovable. Nothing in the world can change the hours gone and the fewness of the ones that remain before then. I have rolled my dice.
Paging through screen after screen after screen of emails till I found the ONE spam message that was preventing me from have a clean inbox. Ahhhhh. Unread? zero.
Triumph:
Stevie Ray Vaughn turns out to be the perfect music for right now. Shawn McDonald sang to us for 2.7 hours as I drifted through dim consciousness on the couch and Mom and Dad discussed every inch of the house plans on the computer screen, and I was looking for something quiet to follow him up. Quiet but not melancholy... quiet and happy or interesting and not sensitive acoustic.. but Stevie took things in a little different direction, and it's PERFECT. Thusly is the point of having 5247 songs to choose from.
Frustration:
Still unable to log in to my artistcollaboration ftp sites to upload new recordings.
Possibility:
Yahoo! domains for a few bucks a year. My own whole website? Hmm...
Resolve:
My savings keeps going up (I set it up to put half my net paycheck in there every week), but my checking account has trickled down. I need to spend less money. Small things, smart things, recognizing that this isn't as special of a case as it feels, but rather it's another $27 subtraction that I have a chance to cut out of my next bank statement. It's good to look over my account activity and see my spendings add up.
Discomfort:
The weird knot of pain between my right shoulder blade and backbone. For two weeks now it's been taking my breath away when I turn or move certain directions. Shannon and Dad's best efforts at pounding it out haven't helped, and it's sitting back there, a quiet little ache. It's like somebody implanted a marble back there and forgot to take it out.
Warm:
The fire behind me, the light oak cabinets and table and chairs, golden floor, golden brown couches, yellow light, soft shadows, sleeping beagle, carpet, blankets, brown bricks.
--JPB
Update:
Triumph:
Recording one of the songs that I sang into my cell phone memo recorder awhile ago. Many other songs still lay in there conceived yet unborn, but this one at least is out in the air, screaming a little bit, but kinda good looking. Looks a little like his daddy.
Helplessness:
It's late. Work is immovable. Nothing in the world can change the hours gone and the fewness of the ones that remain before then. I have rolled my dice.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
A Survey of 2007
Inspired by Jason's enjoyable post.
Most unexpected event:
Doubting every single thing about my life and being further from God and more miserable than I ever thought I would be.
Hardest thing (other than above):
Battling and being drowned by my laziness.
- Struggling to do a good job at work and not being able to easily change that
- Letting my musical potential slip away mostly unrealized
- Letting almost everything I want to do slip away undone
Best new addition:
I'll pick two:
1) Pure Boss practice room up in the loft of the Chima's barn. It's like something in a movie - warm wood sloped ceiling, thick green carpet, drums and amps packed in tight.. we can do whatever we want up there, and when we're tired, there's a pool table and couches down below!
2) The Piersons! I started hanging out with their family this year, and now I try to go over there for dinner and hanging out every couple weeks. I love being around younger kids and experiencing the richness and fun of a well-run family. I'm so grateful for their openness!
Best new music:
Oooh baby. Probably Mae. They have become a staple of my heart and subwoofer right next to Switchfoot. I also got into The Who. Don't listen to them much right now, but they affected my music a good bit.
I've been sucking in new music like a feind, though - just most of it not as deeply as Mae.
Biggest change:
Getting a job.
I am challenged. Hard.
I am paid.
I am tied-down.
I am being forced to conform and suck up like most people are in their first year of public school. Which is good for me.
It's an amazing blessing and a grating frustration.
Biggest thing that didn't turn out to be big:
For those of you who don't know, I had a "relationship" (we called it a purposeful friendship, since that's what it was) in the spring. I've never sought God and been met by Him so intensely than in the month preceding that. It went about a month, and then we both agreed that it wasn't really clicking, and so it ended, as well and as painlessly as I think something like that possibly could. I won't say who here, but if you want, feel free to ask me about it.
Biggest thing that did turn out to be big:
Youth Camp! I still don't really feel like I'm the person who organized and led THE youth camp. Which is good, 'cause that would fill me with pride, and it's not really true.
Planning was a beautiful, intense, focused haze, and camp was a slow-motion paradise, personally (for myself) and spiritually (for everyone else). Could not have gone better.
Best memories from an event:
Probably the Pirates game/fireworks show/Styx concert with Daniel, Justin, Betsy and other church folks. A multiplicitly delightful and wondrous night.
Thing I most respect about myself from the year:
Probably... my burgeoning music collection and appreciation.
Next is maybe my skill at driving my car.
There's some brutal honesty for you.
Those may seem trivial, but I can't think of anything else I respect about myself. Everything else sucks.
Thing others probably respect most about me:
The stuff I do with church: worship team, care group worship, college night, Fuse I-team.
I put this in, at the risk of seeming prideful (I'm not proud about this stuff), because it illustrates the dichotomy of who I want to be and who I am. The frustration I feel with my life vs. the value other people see in what I do do. Maybe I am actually living my life OK, but I have no peace right now.
Well, this is an odd mix of really depressing and then pretty happy stuff. For future reference, I am in a lonely and depressed mood right now with people leaving for college, Daniel and Ken in Utah where I would kill to be, and myself torn and shredded with doubt, frustration, hopelessness and self loathing. Those are all honest feelings, but they come and go, so there is only limited value in expressing them. And FYI, expressing them intensifies them. Literally, speaking words of doubt solidifies that doubt in your mind. So really watch what you say, and hold your tongue more than you let it go. Our words ring like a judge's gavel, and come back to speak to our heart later, so don't put a bunch of junk out there that will make it harder to turn to God with childlike faith and gratefulness.
I want to end with a flurry of things that I've remembered as I've searched my memory to come up with this post. Just indulge my desire to preserve the past:
- Nate and Sarah's wedding. I was a groomsman, which was sweet.
- Getting a new laptop
- We're going to build and move to a new house, for crying out loud! At this moment Dad is sitting at the computer working away on the plans. It is filling his life right now, and he's doing a masterful job at it.
- We got Alex in the band for awhile, and I played guitar, but it didn't work out so we're back to 3.
- We got a new kitchen table and a couch in the basement, so two main areas of the house look a lot better.
- The great Harrisburg trip with Shannon, Mike and Kayte.
- The free period in the spring after graduating and before getting my job
- I've become pretty good friends with Craig Tumino and Betsy Caprio. Nick Shuch continues to be a strangely good friend, too.
- I don't really stay at the Hoffman's much anymore in Akron. Pure Boss is more centered on the Chimas now.
- My gosh, the Rishels left and Jeremy Hetrick is our new assistant pastor! He and his family have been a joy and delight in many many ways.
- I don't enjoy food as recklessly as I used to, and I don't always want to talk about stuff like I used to.
- I started the year as a person who grew facial hair and didn't wear glasses. Now I've ditched the contacts and beardtee and am a cleanshaven person with glasses.
- Genesis series at church, and lately the Philippians series.
- Oooh man, the Dispatch concert trip! Steph's glorious glorious beach house in the idyllic Stone Harbor beach town, tons of driving, and really really enjoying the concert. Quite a trip.
- Kennywood with Steve Hoffman, Rachel and Betsy. Great time with an unusual mix of people.
I think 2007 was in 3 distinct phases - semesters actually. Spring was no-work, no-school, ending with the golden month. That phase was ended viciously with my job starting, and the summer was the newbie phase of my job, which, looking back, was very very different from how it is now. Youth Camp totally occupied the first part of the summer. The fall was settling in to my real job as it is now, sprinkled with really good times with friends - Pittsburgh, Grove City, Messiah, Villanova and Akron. The year ended with a glorious stretch of vacation - family in Chicago, then Tuminos in Akron, then Akronites here, centered around the Harvey's basement. A larger-than-life time whose memories still leave a sad sweet tinge.
OK, that wraps it up. I pray to God that 2008 has me finding God and peace and direction, be it in the job-wife-family direction or the music-craziness-doingstuff direction. Mostly I need my hard cold heart softened and Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross made real to me in an abiding way.
Thanks for reading! Future self, I bet you treasure this post.
--JPB
Most unexpected event:
Doubting every single thing about my life and being further from God and more miserable than I ever thought I would be.
Hardest thing (other than above):
Battling and being drowned by my laziness.
- Struggling to do a good job at work and not being able to easily change that
- Letting my musical potential slip away mostly unrealized
- Letting almost everything I want to do slip away undone
Best new addition:
I'll pick two:
1) Pure Boss practice room up in the loft of the Chima's barn. It's like something in a movie - warm wood sloped ceiling, thick green carpet, drums and amps packed in tight.. we can do whatever we want up there, and when we're tired, there's a pool table and couches down below!
2) The Piersons! I started hanging out with their family this year, and now I try to go over there for dinner and hanging out every couple weeks. I love being around younger kids and experiencing the richness and fun of a well-run family. I'm so grateful for their openness!
Best new music:
Oooh baby. Probably Mae. They have become a staple of my heart and subwoofer right next to Switchfoot. I also got into The Who. Don't listen to them much right now, but they affected my music a good bit.
I've been sucking in new music like a feind, though - just most of it not as deeply as Mae.
Biggest change:
Getting a job.
I am challenged. Hard.
I am paid.
I am tied-down.
I am being forced to conform and suck up like most people are in their first year of public school. Which is good for me.
It's an amazing blessing and a grating frustration.
Biggest thing that didn't turn out to be big:
For those of you who don't know, I had a "relationship" (we called it a purposeful friendship, since that's what it was) in the spring. I've never sought God and been met by Him so intensely than in the month preceding that. It went about a month, and then we both agreed that it wasn't really clicking, and so it ended, as well and as painlessly as I think something like that possibly could. I won't say who here, but if you want, feel free to ask me about it.
Biggest thing that did turn out to be big:
Youth Camp! I still don't really feel like I'm the person who organized and led THE youth camp. Which is good, 'cause that would fill me with pride, and it's not really true.
Planning was a beautiful, intense, focused haze, and camp was a slow-motion paradise, personally (for myself) and spiritually (for everyone else). Could not have gone better.
Best memories from an event:
Probably the Pirates game/fireworks show/Styx concert with Daniel, Justin, Betsy and other church folks. A multiplicitly delightful and wondrous night.
Thing I most respect about myself from the year:
Probably... my burgeoning music collection and appreciation.
Next is maybe my skill at driving my car.
There's some brutal honesty for you.
Those may seem trivial, but I can't think of anything else I respect about myself. Everything else sucks.
Thing others probably respect most about me:
The stuff I do with church: worship team, care group worship, college night, Fuse I-team.
I put this in, at the risk of seeming prideful (I'm not proud about this stuff), because it illustrates the dichotomy of who I want to be and who I am. The frustration I feel with my life vs. the value other people see in what I do do. Maybe I am actually living my life OK, but I have no peace right now.
Well, this is an odd mix of really depressing and then pretty happy stuff. For future reference, I am in a lonely and depressed mood right now with people leaving for college, Daniel and Ken in Utah where I would kill to be, and myself torn and shredded with doubt, frustration, hopelessness and self loathing. Those are all honest feelings, but they come and go, so there is only limited value in expressing them. And FYI, expressing them intensifies them. Literally, speaking words of doubt solidifies that doubt in your mind. So really watch what you say, and hold your tongue more than you let it go. Our words ring like a judge's gavel, and come back to speak to our heart later, so don't put a bunch of junk out there that will make it harder to turn to God with childlike faith and gratefulness.
I want to end with a flurry of things that I've remembered as I've searched my memory to come up with this post. Just indulge my desire to preserve the past:
- Nate and Sarah's wedding. I was a groomsman, which was sweet.
- Getting a new laptop
- We're going to build and move to a new house, for crying out loud! At this moment Dad is sitting at the computer working away on the plans. It is filling his life right now, and he's doing a masterful job at it.
- We got Alex in the band for awhile, and I played guitar, but it didn't work out so we're back to 3.
- We got a new kitchen table and a couch in the basement, so two main areas of the house look a lot better.
- The great Harrisburg trip with Shannon, Mike and Kayte.
- The free period in the spring after graduating and before getting my job
- I've become pretty good friends with Craig Tumino and Betsy Caprio. Nick Shuch continues to be a strangely good friend, too.
- I don't really stay at the Hoffman's much anymore in Akron. Pure Boss is more centered on the Chimas now.
- My gosh, the Rishels left and Jeremy Hetrick is our new assistant pastor! He and his family have been a joy and delight in many many ways.
- I don't enjoy food as recklessly as I used to, and I don't always want to talk about stuff like I used to.
- I started the year as a person who grew facial hair and didn't wear glasses. Now I've ditched the contacts and beardtee and am a cleanshaven person with glasses.
- Genesis series at church, and lately the Philippians series.
- Oooh man, the Dispatch concert trip! Steph's glorious glorious beach house in the idyllic Stone Harbor beach town, tons of driving, and really really enjoying the concert. Quite a trip.
- Kennywood with Steve Hoffman, Rachel and Betsy. Great time with an unusual mix of people.
I think 2007 was in 3 distinct phases - semesters actually. Spring was no-work, no-school, ending with the golden month. That phase was ended viciously with my job starting, and the summer was the newbie phase of my job, which, looking back, was very very different from how it is now. Youth Camp totally occupied the first part of the summer. The fall was settling in to my real job as it is now, sprinkled with really good times with friends - Pittsburgh, Grove City, Messiah, Villanova and Akron. The year ended with a glorious stretch of vacation - family in Chicago, then Tuminos in Akron, then Akronites here, centered around the Harvey's basement. A larger-than-life time whose memories still leave a sad sweet tinge.
OK, that wraps it up. I pray to God that 2008 has me finding God and peace and direction, be it in the job-wife-family direction or the music-craziness-doingstuff direction. Mostly I need my hard cold heart softened and Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross made real to me in an abiding way.
Thanks for reading! Future self, I bet you treasure this post.
--JPB
For all you car owners and want-to-be car owners
Two facts.
The first: My insurance for the last 12 months was $1806.
The second: My insurance for the next 12 months will be $1056.
Two messages:
The first: Cars are EXPENSIVE! Hold out as long as you can before getting one! Don't get one unless you're sure you'll be able to pay for it (and I'm not talking the one-time cost of purchasing the vehicle). They drain precious twenties and hundreds from your pocket like nobody's business.
The second: My rate is dropping by $750 because my three accidents are finally off my record . . . three years after they happened. When you have a car, don't be stupid with it. I don't mind accelerating fast sometimes or taking turns harder than most people know you can take them, but when it comes to serious risks like the distance between you and the car in front of you, rainy conditions, stopping time... it's no joke. If you mess up once, you'll be paying for it for years.
You can buy cheaper cars than mine and get less insurance than I have, but these messages still stand in principle. It behooves us to have a sober view of owning and operating a car.
--JPB
The first: My insurance for the last 12 months was $1806.
The second: My insurance for the next 12 months will be $1056.
Two messages:
The first: Cars are EXPENSIVE! Hold out as long as you can before getting one! Don't get one unless you're sure you'll be able to pay for it (and I'm not talking the one-time cost of purchasing the vehicle). They drain precious twenties and hundreds from your pocket like nobody's business.
The second: My rate is dropping by $750 because my three accidents are finally off my record . . . three years after they happened. When you have a car, don't be stupid with it. I don't mind accelerating fast sometimes or taking turns harder than most people know you can take them, but when it comes to serious risks like the distance between you and the car in front of you, rainy conditions, stopping time... it's no joke. If you mess up once, you'll be paying for it for years.
You can buy cheaper cars than mine and get less insurance than I have, but these messages still stand in principle. It behooves us to have a sober view of owning and operating a car.
--JPB
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Snapshot
Woke up this morning and felt a lot better than I expected - the top of my mouth wasn't swollen, my lungs weren't quite clogged with congestion, and I didn't ache anymore (hooray).
Random thought: Think about PR. Public Relations. Like for a politician or celebrity. Now, what is the "public" with which the relations must be managed? Why is PR necessary? I think the "public" in this case is defined by being essentially ignorant about that for which PR is being managed. If they really knew this politician, he wouldn't need a PR guy to make sure every statement coming out of his mouth can't possibly be taken wrongly. If they really knew circumstances, personalities, contexts, we wouldn't need PR. The pervasive availability of news has made everyone "partial-knowers" - ignorant "public" who need to be managed. This thought isn't intended to be snotty like that last statement sounded, rather, just to sit back and ponder on the nature of PR and why we need it. An overinformed public. Which is why I don't watch news or read newspapers or hardly ever check online news. Most of it is none of my business.
Active playlist setup: Playcounts > 0. Results: 4213 items. 11.8 days of audio material. All of which I have listened to at least once.
Well, most of that's probably just one listen, right? Playcounts >1. 3483 items. 9.1 days.
>4? 1987. 5.1 days.
>9? 852. 2.1 days.
Thats a lot of hours and days and weeks and months of music that has gone into my brain.
Something I am intensely proud of, for some strange reason that is probably inscrutable to many. One of the few ways that I am a type of person I respect. Probably an idol that God will tear down or wear down through the future. Certainly something that has greatly benefitted all aspects of my musical creativity.
Chick-Fil-A for lunch tomorrow! Hearty beef & veggie soup for breakfast.
Tonight was a nearly unique night, and very satisfying. I stayed home while Mom and Dad went to prayer meeting and Daniel went off to the Shuchs' to hang out and play games. I sat in the huggle chair and ate large amounts of the oriental snacks I bought Saturday and read large amounts of "The Mixing Engineer's Handbook." I like my EQ style, but my gain staging sucks and I need to leave headroom when I record and mix. And--probably with youthful bravado and arrogance--I think my monitor setup is just fine and I can make fine mixes with it, all else being equal.
Wednesday is over. Over the hump for another week! Now it's just "tomorrowisFriday" and "todayisFriday!", and another weekend is here. Funny how the precious and irrepeatable weeks rush by.
Time to obey what I said 30 minutes ago: "I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed."
Which brought exclamations of joy from Mom :-P
--JPB
Oh, and I most definitely, indubitably and irrevocably . . . . put my boxers on backwards this morning.
Random thought: Think about PR. Public Relations. Like for a politician or celebrity. Now, what is the "public" with which the relations must be managed? Why is PR necessary? I think the "public" in this case is defined by being essentially ignorant about that for which PR is being managed. If they really knew this politician, he wouldn't need a PR guy to make sure every statement coming out of his mouth can't possibly be taken wrongly. If they really knew circumstances, personalities, contexts, we wouldn't need PR. The pervasive availability of news has made everyone "partial-knowers" - ignorant "public" who need to be managed. This thought isn't intended to be snotty like that last statement sounded, rather, just to sit back and ponder on the nature of PR and why we need it. An overinformed public. Which is why I don't watch news or read newspapers or hardly ever check online news. Most of it is none of my business.
Active playlist setup: Playcounts > 0. Results: 4213 items. 11.8 days of audio material. All of which I have listened to at least once.
Well, most of that's probably just one listen, right? Playcounts >1. 3483 items. 9.1 days.
>4? 1987. 5.1 days.
>9? 852. 2.1 days.
Thats a lot of hours and days and weeks and months of music that has gone into my brain.
Something I am intensely proud of, for some strange reason that is probably inscrutable to many. One of the few ways that I am a type of person I respect. Probably an idol that God will tear down or wear down through the future. Certainly something that has greatly benefitted all aspects of my musical creativity.
Chick-Fil-A for lunch tomorrow! Hearty beef & veggie soup for breakfast.
Tonight was a nearly unique night, and very satisfying. I stayed home while Mom and Dad went to prayer meeting and Daniel went off to the Shuchs' to hang out and play games. I sat in the huggle chair and ate large amounts of the oriental snacks I bought Saturday and read large amounts of "The Mixing Engineer's Handbook." I like my EQ style, but my gain staging sucks and I need to leave headroom when I record and mix. And--probably with youthful bravado and arrogance--I think my monitor setup is just fine and I can make fine mixes with it, all else being equal.
Wednesday is over. Over the hump for another week! Now it's just "tomorrowisFriday" and "todayisFriday!", and another weekend is here. Funny how the precious and irrepeatable weeks rush by.
Time to obey what I said 30 minutes ago: "I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed."
Which brought exclamations of joy from Mom :-P
--JPB
Oh, and I most definitely, indubitably and irrevocably . . . . put my boxers on backwards this morning.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
A couple clarifications
Dear blog,
I don't want you to feel unloved or un-thought-of because of my neglect of you for the past few months. Truth is, I've thought of you many times. A lot of cool things have happened, and I wanted to write about them so I could remember them later. I've had a lot of deep and emotional thoughts, experiences and realizations, and even some random and interesting insights into life, both trivial and technical. But here's the deal: one of the changes I've been undergoing--call it a low-level emotional motivation change--is that I no longer feel like there's inherent value in expressing myself. In fact, I've come to really despise talking about something and then never doing anything about it. I feel the pettiness and arrogance of so much of my own musings and other peoples', and work has beat into my head the truth that no one cares what you say, they care what you DO. Do I want to make an album of my solo songs? Don't frikkin' write a long blog post about it! You can write that post when you have the CD in your hand and can include a link to the website selling it!
So when I would be in the shower or on the road or at work and think of some nifty principle upon which the world operates, or some clever thought that sums up part of what I've been going through, it was quick to lose its appeal and drop to a dull unimportance, and your screen never saw its life. And all those trips to Akron and fun times here? Sorry blog, I just didn't want to jump into the long ordeal of writing them out, writing way too much, trying to hack down the length, then hating myself for not being a clever and concise writer like Kayte Bell, and grinding my teeth at yet another fate sealed by the late hour I'd stayed up till.
So, that's where I've been, and that's who I've been lately. Maybe I'll have a spurt of writing more for awhile, I don't know. I wrote these two posts because Megan Chima told me at church last Sunday that she somehow read my blog, and she thought it was clever, and that I was a good writer. That was cool to hear, and made me think maybe it's nice for people to have interesting things to read here and maybe I'm not as completely stupid and poor a writer as I feel like I am.
OK, that's it. Take-home point? I no longer place paramount and self-evident value on pure self expression. Often times I think of something I could say in a conversation, and then think why? To what end? And let it go and never say a word. I'm getting older, blog, and I don't like it. It's nice not to regret impetuosity so much and to feel sorta better than others sometimes, but I place a high value on the heedlessness of youth, and wish I wasn't so shackled by the analytical predictions that limit my actions before I every actually TAKE them and see what happens.
Oh and lastly, just so you don't run wild with speculation, when I said in my last post that within a year I probably wouldn't be a single man, that was a un-backed-up impression I've had, not a secret relationship I'm not telling anyone about. :-P
Yeah. Trying not to use so many smiley faces either.
--JPB
I don't want you to feel unloved or un-thought-of because of my neglect of you for the past few months. Truth is, I've thought of you many times. A lot of cool things have happened, and I wanted to write about them so I could remember them later. I've had a lot of deep and emotional thoughts, experiences and realizations, and even some random and interesting insights into life, both trivial and technical. But here's the deal: one of the changes I've been undergoing--call it a low-level emotional motivation change--is that I no longer feel like there's inherent value in expressing myself. In fact, I've come to really despise talking about something and then never doing anything about it. I feel the pettiness and arrogance of so much of my own musings and other peoples', and work has beat into my head the truth that no one cares what you say, they care what you DO. Do I want to make an album of my solo songs? Don't frikkin' write a long blog post about it! You can write that post when you have the CD in your hand and can include a link to the website selling it!
So when I would be in the shower or on the road or at work and think of some nifty principle upon which the world operates, or some clever thought that sums up part of what I've been going through, it was quick to lose its appeal and drop to a dull unimportance, and your screen never saw its life. And all those trips to Akron and fun times here? Sorry blog, I just didn't want to jump into the long ordeal of writing them out, writing way too much, trying to hack down the length, then hating myself for not being a clever and concise writer like Kayte Bell, and grinding my teeth at yet another fate sealed by the late hour I'd stayed up till.
So, that's where I've been, and that's who I've been lately. Maybe I'll have a spurt of writing more for awhile, I don't know. I wrote these two posts because Megan Chima told me at church last Sunday that she somehow read my blog, and she thought it was clever, and that I was a good writer. That was cool to hear, and made me think maybe it's nice for people to have interesting things to read here and maybe I'm not as completely stupid and poor a writer as I feel like I am.
OK, that's it. Take-home point? I no longer place paramount and self-evident value on pure self expression. Often times I think of something I could say in a conversation, and then think why? To what end? And let it go and never say a word. I'm getting older, blog, and I don't like it. It's nice not to regret impetuosity so much and to feel sorta better than others sometimes, but I place a high value on the heedlessness of youth, and wish I wasn't so shackled by the analytical predictions that limit my actions before I every actually TAKE them and see what happens.
Oh and lastly, just so you don't run wild with speculation, when I said in my last post that within a year I probably wouldn't be a single man, that was a un-backed-up impression I've had, not a secret relationship I'm not telling anyone about. :-P
Yeah. Trying not to use so many smiley faces either.
--JPB
I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!
But soon enough I'll probably be taking antibiotic pills. [I may have bronchitis. More on that in 2 paragraphs.]
I've been hanging out like there's no tomorrow for several weeks, ever since friends started coming back from college for Christmas break. There were a couple days with Daniel, Justin and Betsy, then the wild Friday night care-group-party-and-beyond, crashing at the airport at 5:30am and flying to Chicago for Christmas. The night I flew back from Chicago Justin and I were out till 4am, I had one evening Thursday to catch up, and then Friday it was out till 2 or so at Betsy's, then Akron Saturday afternoon, and the fun really began!
I had a realization tonight as I finally got a shower, feeling almost like a stranger in my home, where I've been but a ghost of a resident for days. It was more than the warning thought that's been wagging its finger at me every time I stop to take a glance backwards: "You can't keep doing this! You can't work in a no-mercy real world job and keep your foot in the heedless college crowd that stays up like there's no tomorrow because there hardly because they sleep till 3pm the next day!" That thought has been amply realized in the continued worsening of my throat and voice, and the deathly weight of tiredness that leaded my limbs and dragged my eyelids shut on Thursday, literally while standing up.
The realization was not that I *can't* be doing this forever, but that I *won't* be doing it forever. At some point, probably within a year, I will not be a single man anymore. Certainly in five years (if the good Lord's willin' and creek don't rise) it would be strange, and not too great, if I was still hanging out all night entertaining myself with movies and games and young unattached friends.
I went out to lunch Friday with my boss and a sand salesman, and they were talking at length about their lives - being married, kids, watching the money slip away, watching the years slip by. I do not believe that life has to be a hopeless and nearly joyless trap like it is for them, and I do not believe that my life will be like that, but it did slap a vivid picture of real life right in my face. Things do actually change from how they've been, and it actually is possible (and will happen) that I'll be the guy who goes home early and leaves the laughter behind to go sleep and be responsible. That I will go home and eat sandwiches because I shouldn't pay $12 for a restaurant meal.
What's the application of this? Well, to put it starkly, it means these past weeks are probably one of the last times I will be hanging out so crazily. [And by crazy I mean skipping by home at 11:46pm after work, care group and Fuel 'n' Fuddle, stuffing my backpack with clothes and some deodorant, hopping in somebody's car back to the Harvey's, playing pool, watching The Godfather II till 4am, waking up, eating pancakes, driving a vanfull of chattering people to a museum, wandering around, swinging by the oriental drug store to buy shrimp crackers, hitting up Chick-Fil-A with a group of 17, jumping over to the thrift store, and returning again to the Harvey's house for pool, music, the Steelers game and more entertainment of myself by and with others.] I may have a few of these carefree periods left, but their days are numbered, mark my words. And yours are too, if you hope to be anything but a petty and self-serving child all your life.
What's the point? I'm not sure, honestly. I wanted to write this post to break my spell of not blogging, to write down this realization, and to try to convey the finality and real-ness of its emotional impact. I'm still going to dead fish-it tomorrow -- drive to church and go from there, not knowing wherest and whenst I will go, flitting from person to person, group to group, conversation to conversation, joke to joke, activity to activity. A life full of failures has dulled any recognizable motivation to be all responsible and think ahead and cut everything out now so that at some magical point in the future everything'll be great, which would be a natural action point from what I've just written.
Somehow, it feels like there is value in realizing that our youthful days are numbered, and that the adults who are asleep right now will inevitably be us.
Enjoy it now! And don't be surprised at the future.
--JPB
I've been hanging out like there's no tomorrow for several weeks, ever since friends started coming back from college for Christmas break. There were a couple days with Daniel, Justin and Betsy, then the wild Friday night care-group-party-and-beyond, crashing at the airport at 5:30am and flying to Chicago for Christmas. The night I flew back from Chicago Justin and I were out till 4am, I had one evening Thursday to catch up, and then Friday it was out till 2 or so at Betsy's, then Akron Saturday afternoon, and the fun really began!
I had a realization tonight as I finally got a shower, feeling almost like a stranger in my home, where I've been but a ghost of a resident for days. It was more than the warning thought that's been wagging its finger at me every time I stop to take a glance backwards: "You can't keep doing this! You can't work in a no-mercy real world job and keep your foot in the heedless college crowd that stays up like there's no tomorrow because there hardly because they sleep till 3pm the next day!" That thought has been amply realized in the continued worsening of my throat and voice, and the deathly weight of tiredness that leaded my limbs and dragged my eyelids shut on Thursday, literally while standing up.
The realization was not that I *can't* be doing this forever, but that I *won't* be doing it forever. At some point, probably within a year, I will not be a single man anymore. Certainly in five years (if the good Lord's willin' and creek don't rise) it would be strange, and not too great, if I was still hanging out all night entertaining myself with movies and games and young unattached friends.
I went out to lunch Friday with my boss and a sand salesman, and they were talking at length about their lives - being married, kids, watching the money slip away, watching the years slip by. I do not believe that life has to be a hopeless and nearly joyless trap like it is for them, and I do not believe that my life will be like that, but it did slap a vivid picture of real life right in my face. Things do actually change from how they've been, and it actually is possible (and will happen) that I'll be the guy who goes home early and leaves the laughter behind to go sleep and be responsible. That I will go home and eat sandwiches because I shouldn't pay $12 for a restaurant meal.
What's the application of this? Well, to put it starkly, it means these past weeks are probably one of the last times I will be hanging out so crazily. [And by crazy I mean skipping by home at 11:46pm after work, care group and Fuel 'n' Fuddle, stuffing my backpack with clothes and some deodorant, hopping in somebody's car back to the Harvey's, playing pool, watching The Godfather II till 4am, waking up, eating pancakes, driving a vanfull of chattering people to a museum, wandering around, swinging by the oriental drug store to buy shrimp crackers, hitting up Chick-Fil-A with a group of 17, jumping over to the thrift store, and returning again to the Harvey's house for pool, music, the Steelers game and more entertainment of myself by and with others.] I may have a few of these carefree periods left, but their days are numbered, mark my words. And yours are too, if you hope to be anything but a petty and self-serving child all your life.
What's the point? I'm not sure, honestly. I wanted to write this post to break my spell of not blogging, to write down this realization, and to try to convey the finality and real-ness of its emotional impact. I'm still going to dead fish-it tomorrow -- drive to church and go from there, not knowing wherest and whenst I will go, flitting from person to person, group to group, conversation to conversation, joke to joke, activity to activity. A life full of failures has dulled any recognizable motivation to be all responsible and think ahead and cut everything out now so that at some magical point in the future everything'll be great, which would be a natural action point from what I've just written.
Somehow, it feels like there is value in realizing that our youthful days are numbered, and that the adults who are asleep right now will inevitably be us.
Enjoy it now! And don't be surprised at the future.
--JPB
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
The Job Market (i.e. the scary desert)
For obscure and not really sufficient reasons, I spent an hour or so looking at job postings in the Pittsburgh area on craigslist. Ultimately, I wonder what else is out there besides this straight 'n' steady white collar line I've always been on. So I clicked through retail/wholesale, media stuff, architects/engineers, skilled trades and food/hospitality.
First off, I'm grateful for HAVING a job. Not having to sell myself, try to prove I meet the qualifications, hope I hear back, keep looking...
Next, I'm grateful for my salary. I may be on the low end of starting ChemE salaries for this area, but compared to so many other jobs out there, I've got something to be happy about.
From a couple postings, I'm brushed with a breath of something different and interesting. Working at a vintage artsy items store ("Your Mom's"), responsible for making creative and artistic signs for the store, updating their websites, going out and finding cool stuff to sell, setting up for live sound on the weekends, etc. Sounds like fun.. less the minimum wage. And for a more exotic shot, if I had experience and skill with maintenance, I could go work in Antarctica for 3 months! The stuff of National Geographic.
Lastly, I'm genuinely scared at the lack of low-experience chemical engineering jobs posted. Everybody and their sister company are looking for mechanical and electrical engineers, but I only found a handful of ChemE postings, and most of them wanted experience. Everybody wants experience. Reading over lists of requirements makes me want to learn specific, demonstrable job skills like software programs, project management, supervision, systems integration, design, etc. etc. Seeing what employers are looking for makes me want to get my butt moving at work. I've gotten a shot of the career-minded motivation I've often scorned. What a young fool.
I'm grateful God led me--half wondering why--to look this over tonight. I don't know how long this motivation will last, but it's a shot at least, and I think I needed it. I think I'll be gladder to go to work tomorrow, and I pray I'll dive in further, trying to learn, insert myself into what's going on, and get things done.
Easy to want to do, easy to imagine, but terribly hard to do in front of real people, full of ignorance, awkwardness, self-doubt and stupidness. I guess I'm not as much of a go-getter as I thought. I wish I could say "I don't get awkward," but it's a real impediment. Bleah.
One other thing brought to mind--something that's been brewing up a ton lately: I hate saying stuff like I just wrote about. Yeah I'm motivated now, but I'll probably go right back to how I've been tomorrow. I hate jumping the gun, talking all about something, and then not following up on it. Like my blab about studying recording. I'm still looking at it, but almost all of my desire for that path is gone right now, and I've done very little towards it. The more you talk about something at first, the more you have to let down, the more respect you lose, the more you hate yourself when the future comes and you don't do anything. Speak from a position of accomplishment, not planning! DO, then talk. Or better yet, be someone truly worthy of respect and just DO, and let another man praise you, and not your own mouth. I wish I could be that kind of person.
But for now I thought I'd write about this to maybe remember it down the road and be knocked into a healthy appreciation for my job again.
Peace.
--JPB
First off, I'm grateful for HAVING a job. Not having to sell myself, try to prove I meet the qualifications, hope I hear back, keep looking...
Next, I'm grateful for my salary. I may be on the low end of starting ChemE salaries for this area, but compared to so many other jobs out there, I've got something to be happy about.
From a couple postings, I'm brushed with a breath of something different and interesting. Working at a vintage artsy items store ("Your Mom's"), responsible for making creative and artistic signs for the store, updating their websites, going out and finding cool stuff to sell, setting up for live sound on the weekends, etc. Sounds like fun.. less the minimum wage. And for a more exotic shot, if I had experience and skill with maintenance, I could go work in Antarctica for 3 months! The stuff of National Geographic.
Lastly, I'm genuinely scared at the lack of low-experience chemical engineering jobs posted. Everybody and their sister company are looking for mechanical and electrical engineers, but I only found a handful of ChemE postings, and most of them wanted experience. Everybody wants experience. Reading over lists of requirements makes me want to learn specific, demonstrable job skills like software programs, project management, supervision, systems integration, design, etc. etc. Seeing what employers are looking for makes me want to get my butt moving at work. I've gotten a shot of the career-minded motivation I've often scorned. What a young fool.
I'm grateful God led me--half wondering why--to look this over tonight. I don't know how long this motivation will last, but it's a shot at least, and I think I needed it. I think I'll be gladder to go to work tomorrow, and I pray I'll dive in further, trying to learn, insert myself into what's going on, and get things done.
Easy to want to do, easy to imagine, but terribly hard to do in front of real people, full of ignorance, awkwardness, self-doubt and stupidness. I guess I'm not as much of a go-getter as I thought. I wish I could say "I don't get awkward," but it's a real impediment. Bleah.
One other thing brought to mind--something that's been brewing up a ton lately: I hate saying stuff like I just wrote about. Yeah I'm motivated now, but I'll probably go right back to how I've been tomorrow. I hate jumping the gun, talking all about something, and then not following up on it. Like my blab about studying recording. I'm still looking at it, but almost all of my desire for that path is gone right now, and I've done very little towards it. The more you talk about something at first, the more you have to let down, the more respect you lose, the more you hate yourself when the future comes and you don't do anything. Speak from a position of accomplishment, not planning! DO, then talk. Or better yet, be someone truly worthy of respect and just DO, and let another man praise you, and not your own mouth. I wish I could be that kind of person.
But for now I thought I'd write about this to maybe remember it down the road and be knocked into a healthy appreciation for my job again.
Peace.
--JPB
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Seamos Recordando
Pure Boss has a new song!
Recorded, that is.
We've got lots of new songs, quite a bit fuller and better than our first album, but we've let two summers go by without coming through on our promise to "record the album this summer." So per Brian's idea, this weekend I packed up my PC and interfaces and we set up musicmaking shop in the loft of the Chima's barn. Which consequently became even MORE the coolest place in all of Ohio :-) The rain drizzled outside in the gray chillyness, but up in the loft the light glowed off the warm wood roof and avocado carpet scraps, and we filled the little hunched room with drums, mics, guitars, amps, pedals, and cables cables everywhere.
The plan was to practice Friday night and nail down the song(s) we wanted to record. Instead, we took a long time to set up, and devolved into Brian and Stephen playing X-box and me laying on the floor watching and being tired. We pretty much hit the sack that night, in Brian's now-sweet, Nick-vacated room, with Dora trying to get us to play tennis ball even though it was 1am.
Brian worked on Saturday, so I slept in (a bit too long) and met Jess after her shift at Starbucks for some catching up. Starbucks sure seems like a cool place to work! It's kinda filed away in my mind as a backup plan if I ever get out of my current career and need to find work. Next on the agenda was Guitar Center, where I finally bought the Line6 delay pedal I decided on 2 weeks ago. I met Steve there, and my cell phone finally ran out of batteries (I forgot to bring the charger), and eventually Steve and I ended up back at the Chimas. Steve put on his new drum heads, and I hooked up my new pedals. Steve Gole swung by at 4 o'clock and we got in some good jams with him before he headed to Canton to visit an old friend there. Brian was back by that time, but we didn't really get anything done with the rest of the day 'cause Brian and Steve went to a pumpkin carving party and I went over to Emily's house to hang out and watch a movie.
It was nice to have some chill time with the Fab Four (minus Christin), and by the end of the night Craig, Steve and Brian, Josh, Dave Potter, Jenica, Jess, Jen, Emily and Christin were all there. We watched The Office and Shooter and had some pizza, and by the time we left it was 2:30 and we were all 3/4ths asleep. Good times with Akron folks.
Did we go home and crash like sensible people? No no. We laid in Brian's room and talked about the band, and then Brian was like "Hey guys, we should watch that video of our concert at my grad party!" So we headed down to the basement and stayed up till 4:30 watching and critiquing our last show. Good times indeed :-)
Sunday was work day (how ironic that sounds). After church Brian and I came right back (Steve just slept through the whole morning), we ate a bit of lunch, and then hit the studio. We were up there till 11, minus a break for dinner (yay Mr. and Mrs. Chima for buying us subs!). We got drums, bass and guitar, leads, and vocals down for "City Lights Behind Me," but none of it was tight, and I got increasingly bothered by the flabbiness of it all as we went along. It's a great song--my favorite of Steve's--but the recording wasn't coming together, starting with the bongy, flabby drums and getting worse from there. I have now found peace by considering this our first pass at the song, and mostly our calibration of the new studio setup. We'll come back and record it again after we've done some more songs, and then we'll make it SWEET! But at the time, it drove me up a wall.
At the last, when the song was burning to a disc and Monday loomed ominously on the horizon, I couldn't make myself tear down the studio we had labored two days to set up. So I thought about it, decided everything there could take the cold, and left it all set up, with the promise to return the following Sunday and record another song. I took my guitar stuff with me, but left the rest.
I stopped at Starbucks on the way out to cheer Jess up on her 11:30 closing shift, and found that they had let her go early, which was merciful considering she was opening at 5:30 the next morning. So I ordered a pumpkin latte from strangers and headed home, mulling over the unavoidable mountain of time that lay between me and where I needed to be the next morning. I find it interesting to contemplate the finality of the distance when I'm in Akron. There's no way to weedle around it, bs through it, or save it for later. The miles must be crossed and there's nothing for it but to suck it up and drive. I almost went straight to work and slept in the parking lot, but I figured that was a bit weird, and I'd probably get strange looks when the shift change came in at 6. So I just headed home and did all I could to stay alert. I made it, and another week began.
It was a good weekend. Akron is one of the only areas in my life that I am relatively satisfied with right now. I'm not constrained there by my self-imposed drive to get home, be in control, and do my own things, so I actually end up with some interesting and memorable experiences, and a lot of good time with people. And that's all coupled with the enriching and purposeful band stuff, which is the best thing musically that I have going right now. So, thank You Lord for Akron, and may it serve Your purposes amidst the great fun and enjoyment!
--JPB
P.S. To clarify, my sense of usefulness and satisfaction from being in Akron is NOT because the people in Pittsburgh stink or I don't like them! The difference is in myself: I'm more the person I want to be over there, because I'm removed from home and my habits of laziness and independence. Akron is truly great, but Pittsburgh is home, and Providence is my family.
Recorded, that is.
We've got lots of new songs, quite a bit fuller and better than our first album, but we've let two summers go by without coming through on our promise to "record the album this summer." So per Brian's idea, this weekend I packed up my PC and interfaces and we set up musicmaking shop in the loft of the Chima's barn. Which consequently became even MORE the coolest place in all of Ohio :-) The rain drizzled outside in the gray chillyness, but up in the loft the light glowed off the warm wood roof and avocado carpet scraps, and we filled the little hunched room with drums, mics, guitars, amps, pedals, and cables cables everywhere.
The plan was to practice Friday night and nail down the song(s) we wanted to record. Instead, we took a long time to set up, and devolved into Brian and Stephen playing X-box and me laying on the floor watching and being tired. We pretty much hit the sack that night, in Brian's now-sweet, Nick-vacated room, with Dora trying to get us to play tennis ball even though it was 1am.
Brian worked on Saturday, so I slept in (a bit too long) and met Jess after her shift at Starbucks for some catching up. Starbucks sure seems like a cool place to work! It's kinda filed away in my mind as a backup plan if I ever get out of my current career and need to find work. Next on the agenda was Guitar Center, where I finally bought the Line6 delay pedal I decided on 2 weeks ago. I met Steve there, and my cell phone finally ran out of batteries (I forgot to bring the charger), and eventually Steve and I ended up back at the Chimas. Steve put on his new drum heads, and I hooked up my new pedals. Steve Gole swung by at 4 o'clock and we got in some good jams with him before he headed to Canton to visit an old friend there. Brian was back by that time, but we didn't really get anything done with the rest of the day 'cause Brian and Steve went to a pumpkin carving party and I went over to Emily's house to hang out and watch a movie.
It was nice to have some chill time with the Fab Four (minus Christin), and by the end of the night Craig, Steve and Brian, Josh, Dave Potter, Jenica, Jess, Jen, Emily and Christin were all there. We watched The Office and Shooter and had some pizza, and by the time we left it was 2:30 and we were all 3/4ths asleep. Good times with Akron folks.
Did we go home and crash like sensible people? No no. We laid in Brian's room and talked about the band, and then Brian was like "Hey guys, we should watch that video of our concert at my grad party!" So we headed down to the basement and stayed up till 4:30 watching and critiquing our last show. Good times indeed :-)
Sunday was work day (how ironic that sounds). After church Brian and I came right back (Steve just slept through the whole morning), we ate a bit of lunch, and then hit the studio. We were up there till 11, minus a break for dinner (yay Mr. and Mrs. Chima for buying us subs!). We got drums, bass and guitar, leads, and vocals down for "City Lights Behind Me," but none of it was tight, and I got increasingly bothered by the flabbiness of it all as we went along. It's a great song--my favorite of Steve's--but the recording wasn't coming together, starting with the bongy, flabby drums and getting worse from there. I have now found peace by considering this our first pass at the song, and mostly our calibration of the new studio setup. We'll come back and record it again after we've done some more songs, and then we'll make it SWEET! But at the time, it drove me up a wall.
At the last, when the song was burning to a disc and Monday loomed ominously on the horizon, I couldn't make myself tear down the studio we had labored two days to set up. So I thought about it, decided everything there could take the cold, and left it all set up, with the promise to return the following Sunday and record another song. I took my guitar stuff with me, but left the rest.
I stopped at Starbucks on the way out to cheer Jess up on her 11:30 closing shift, and found that they had let her go early, which was merciful considering she was opening at 5:30 the next morning. So I ordered a pumpkin latte from strangers and headed home, mulling over the unavoidable mountain of time that lay between me and where I needed to be the next morning. I find it interesting to contemplate the finality of the distance when I'm in Akron. There's no way to weedle around it, bs through it, or save it for later. The miles must be crossed and there's nothing for it but to suck it up and drive. I almost went straight to work and slept in the parking lot, but I figured that was a bit weird, and I'd probably get strange looks when the shift change came in at 6. So I just headed home and did all I could to stay alert. I made it, and another week began.
It was a good weekend. Akron is one of the only areas in my life that I am relatively satisfied with right now. I'm not constrained there by my self-imposed drive to get home, be in control, and do my own things, so I actually end up with some interesting and memorable experiences, and a lot of good time with people. And that's all coupled with the enriching and purposeful band stuff, which is the best thing musically that I have going right now. So, thank You Lord for Akron, and may it serve Your purposes amidst the great fun and enjoyment!
--JPB
P.S. To clarify, my sense of usefulness and satisfaction from being in Akron is NOT because the people in Pittsburgh stink or I don't like them! The difference is in myself: I'm more the person I want to be over there, because I'm removed from home and my habits of laziness and independence. Akron is truly great, but Pittsburgh is home, and Providence is my family.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Speed Dial (and digression)
One of those random bits of life that I'll enjoy remembering 20 years from now:
1. Don't use this one, for whatever reason. I just assigned it to Steve Gole.
2. Brian Chima
3. Dad Cell
4. Mom Cell
5. Home
6. Daniel
7. Hoffmans
8. Steve Hoffman
9. Quinlisks (I forget I have this one assigned)
Notice the logic of the arrangement: Rather than arranging by importance numerically (i.e. home = 1), I arranged it geometrically, since 5 is the most central button.
Incidentally, it's little things like that that will keep me from ever really fitting in with normal people.
That's a thought that touches on what's becoming very obvious at work: I just don't fit in with the "cool crew," the good ol' boys, the hang-out-at-the-coffee-machine crowd. My humor, my actions, my thoughts, my comments, my questions, my mannerisms, are all different. They all kill the mood, or break the conversation, or leave a hanging silence. Most of what I do is more logical and thought-out, or at least more free from the constraints of public-school-bred social conformity, but it still hurts to not fit in.
It has made me grateful for the people at church who let me fit in. I had forgotten what it feels like to be a tagalong, to be in the way, to be awkward, a minute late, missing the point, out of the know. Fundamentally I'm still a homeschooled geek, but I love the Christian people who let me forget that.
Hrm. Way more deeper than I was looking for here. Logic-based behavior vs. public-school-bred social conformity. One of those thoughts that I should compile into a series of essays. Something like "Logical systems and principles of everyday life: You'll say 'Hm, I never really thought about that, but you're right!'"
--JPB
1. Don't use this one, for whatever reason. I just assigned it to Steve Gole.
2. Brian Chima
3. Dad Cell
4. Mom Cell
5. Home
6. Daniel
7. Hoffmans
8. Steve Hoffman
9. Quinlisks (I forget I have this one assigned)
Notice the logic of the arrangement: Rather than arranging by importance numerically (i.e. home = 1), I arranged it geometrically, since 5 is the most central button.
Incidentally, it's little things like that that will keep me from ever really fitting in with normal people.
That's a thought that touches on what's becoming very obvious at work: I just don't fit in with the "cool crew," the good ol' boys, the hang-out-at-the-coffee-machine crowd. My humor, my actions, my thoughts, my comments, my questions, my mannerisms, are all different. They all kill the mood, or break the conversation, or leave a hanging silence. Most of what I do is more logical and thought-out, or at least more free from the constraints of public-school-bred social conformity, but it still hurts to not fit in.
It has made me grateful for the people at church who let me fit in. I had forgotten what it feels like to be a tagalong, to be in the way, to be awkward, a minute late, missing the point, out of the know. Fundamentally I'm still a homeschooled geek, but I love the Christian people who let me forget that.
Hrm. Way more deeper than I was looking for here. Logic-based behavior vs. public-school-bred social conformity. One of those thoughts that I should compile into a series of essays. Something like "Logical systems and principles of everyday life: You'll say 'Hm, I never really thought about that, but you're right!'"
--JPB
Monday, October 22, 2007
Discouraging Poem
I include this poem not because it's how I feel right now, but because it still socks me in my gut with how I felt a week ago. Right now, thanks to a nice talk with Mikey after College Night and a couple days' dose of time, I'm feeling contentedly optimistic. But here's how life seemed not long ago, and how I'm still not convinced it isn't:
Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground
--CA
Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground
--CA
Monday, October 15, 2007
A Good Saturday
That I want to remember.
Because it wasn't the kind of Saturday you'd remember.
But it was the kind of Saturday I seek so often, and I want to remember why I have sought such days, and that they weren't just wastes.
Mom, Dad and Grandma Sweetie all went up to Grove City for the day, from noon till sevenish. So I was by myself. I got up and drove to the church office at 9 to meet with Jeremy and talk about the state of things for awhile. Before going home I went to Wal-Mart for the glamorous purchase of deodorant, work socks, regular socks, and boxers. At home I straightened up my room (at long last), alternating sets of pushups with weeding out old clothes and neatening the beds. Then followed a period of eating lunch, watching Heros, doing laundry, and catching up on email and Facebook.
Daisy was getting bored, so I went out in the delicious cool air and we played frisbee for awhile. I marveled at how well she tracked and caught that little disk, and it was great to see her so happy and energetic.
Now follows the only real wacko, non-ideal part of the day: I was shooting the BB gun at trees and such out back after frisbee, and ended up literally shooting out the window of our motor home, which was parked on the dead end street up from our neighbors! Long story, not *quite* as dumb as it sounds... but pretty much :-P So that was a bizarre diversion as I revisited the foolish 8-year-old days that I never really had.
To close it out, the folks got back home, Daniel's friend Skipper was there, and I went downstairs into one of those rare, wonderful recording times. "College Song" is finally coming together, and the tracks seemed to be uniting as a whole into more than the sum of the parts, which is something I can't make happen.
So: lovely day at home, catching up on life and enjoying it. I may not always be able to recalibrate myself with times like this, and that may not be the highest goal of life, so here's to the relaxing and useful days that have gone by, and here's to what may come ahead; may we all give ourselves to what we know to do.
--CA
Because it wasn't the kind of Saturday you'd remember.
But it was the kind of Saturday I seek so often, and I want to remember why I have sought such days, and that they weren't just wastes.
Mom, Dad and Grandma Sweetie all went up to Grove City for the day, from noon till sevenish. So I was by myself. I got up and drove to the church office at 9 to meet with Jeremy and talk about the state of things for awhile. Before going home I went to Wal-Mart for the glamorous purchase of deodorant, work socks, regular socks, and boxers. At home I straightened up my room (at long last), alternating sets of pushups with weeding out old clothes and neatening the beds. Then followed a period of eating lunch, watching Heros, doing laundry, and catching up on email and Facebook.
Daisy was getting bored, so I went out in the delicious cool air and we played frisbee for awhile. I marveled at how well she tracked and caught that little disk, and it was great to see her so happy and energetic.
Now follows the only real wacko, non-ideal part of the day: I was shooting the BB gun at trees and such out back after frisbee, and ended up literally shooting out the window of our motor home, which was parked on the dead end street up from our neighbors! Long story, not *quite* as dumb as it sounds... but pretty much :-P So that was a bizarre diversion as I revisited the foolish 8-year-old days that I never really had.
To close it out, the folks got back home, Daniel's friend Skipper was there, and I went downstairs into one of those rare, wonderful recording times. "College Song" is finally coming together, and the tracks seemed to be uniting as a whole into more than the sum of the parts, which is something I can't make happen.
So: lovely day at home, catching up on life and enjoying it. I may not always be able to recalibrate myself with times like this, and that may not be the highest goal of life, so here's to the relaxing and useful days that have gone by, and here's to what may come ahead; may we all give ourselves to what we know to do.
--CA
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Life: Revised
I'm gonna tap out the new plan for my life that has just materialized, to represent the thoughts and ideas that have been building up of late:
I work through May at Guardian, giving them a year of service to be fair, and then quit this job for which I am discovering I am not very well suited. I have a chance to do some travel if it works out, plus I can plan and run Youth Camp 08 during the summer, and in the fall I start taking classes at the Duquesne University school of music for a degree in sound recording or some such topic. I flourish in the environment, the formal training fills in the gaps of my homespun skills, and I make connections and build qualifications that lead to a job as a sound engineer in a studio when I graduate in 2 years.
There we go! :-)
And now I'm on my knees crying out to God again, for Him to show the way, step by step, and help me follow Him NOW, at work, and not do anything that isn't His plan.
The world feels open again, and hope scents the air like a delicious smelling salt. (Or a 15-year-old single malt scotch)
Such was the grace for today. Who knows what tomorrow's will be.
--Clear Ambassador
I work through May at Guardian, giving them a year of service to be fair, and then quit this job for which I am discovering I am not very well suited. I have a chance to do some travel if it works out, plus I can plan and run Youth Camp 08 during the summer, and in the fall I start taking classes at the Duquesne University school of music for a degree in sound recording or some such topic. I flourish in the environment, the formal training fills in the gaps of my homespun skills, and I make connections and build qualifications that lead to a job as a sound engineer in a studio when I graduate in 2 years.
There we go! :-)
And now I'm on my knees crying out to God again, for Him to show the way, step by step, and help me follow Him NOW, at work, and not do anything that isn't His plan.
The world feels open again, and hope scents the air like a delicious smelling salt. (Or a 15-year-old single malt scotch)
Such was the grace for today. Who knows what tomorrow's will be.
--Clear Ambassador
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
More free coffee!
Happiness is finding that you have over 19,000 points accumulated in your National City account and redeeming them for $30 of Starbucks gift cards.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
This post may surprise you
To be fair, I am going to post this entry, which I wrote last week. Hm, how the darkness has changed so quickly! I don't know if the light is here to stay, but here's a look into the darkness that has been consuming me for the past month:
***********************************************
Youth camp materials left un-tended-to.
Care package left uncompleted; months and months late; meaningless, stupid and awkward now. Regret sticks through like a thick needle.
Good music coming out of the speakers. Music like I ache to make. Frustration like a straight jacket.
Shaver sitting unplugged on the cabinet since I haven't even unpacked from the weekend yet. Tousled, messy room condemning me from every ugly corner.
Deep piles of mail quietly deriding my negligence from weeks and months past. Have I incurred another overdraft from an unpaid account? Worry like a stab in my stomach.
I read the birthday card from Mom and Dad, and love them, but I just don't agree with their warm words of encouragement. I don't think they're right.
It's 10 o'clock. You're already late. You stupid worthless piece of junk, flopped on the couch doing F***ING INTERNET while your life rolls by you untended into the junk heap and you wring your hands but never do a thing and see the wreck coming but NEVER DO A THING.
I am tired, tired, tired, oh so tired of hating everything I am.
--I am not a clear ambassador. That's a hypocritical signature. I'm a failed launch, hearing loss, an inflammed knee, Applebee's cocktails, and a deserted shopping mall.
**********************************
Just for clarification, the things listed above did NOT make me feel this way. I've finally decided to let a bit of this out, and cleaning up my room just gave some examples to use.
***********************************************
Youth camp materials left un-tended-to.
Care package left uncompleted; months and months late; meaningless, stupid and awkward now. Regret sticks through like a thick needle.
Good music coming out of the speakers. Music like I ache to make. Frustration like a straight jacket.
Shaver sitting unplugged on the cabinet since I haven't even unpacked from the weekend yet. Tousled, messy room condemning me from every ugly corner.
Deep piles of mail quietly deriding my negligence from weeks and months past. Have I incurred another overdraft from an unpaid account? Worry like a stab in my stomach.
I read the birthday card from Mom and Dad, and love them, but I just don't agree with their warm words of encouragement. I don't think they're right.
It's 10 o'clock. You're already late. You stupid worthless piece of junk, flopped on the couch doing F***ING INTERNET while your life rolls by you untended into the junk heap and you wring your hands but never do a thing and see the wreck coming but NEVER DO A THING.
I am tired, tired, tired, oh so tired of hating everything I am.
--I am not a clear ambassador. That's a hypocritical signature. I'm a failed launch, hearing loss, an inflammed knee, Applebee's cocktails, and a deserted shopping mall.
**********************************
Just for clarification, the things listed above did NOT make me feel this way. I've finally decided to let a bit of this out, and cleaning up my room just gave some examples to use.
Monday, October 08, 2007
The Perfect Weekend
This past weekend in Akron categorically ranks among the best ever.
A multitude of things I've wanted to do all happened, and all happened well:
[Mike, you'll appreciate all the free stuff]
- Mini (drumless) Pure Boss show at the Sausage Fest. 2 guitars and bass, and everybody said we sounded the best we ever have!
- Latest episode of The Office in the Chima's basement till about 4:30, with Brian, Nick, Craig, Steve and Jes
- Lovely morning alone at the Chimas: sleep in, work out, shower
- Sitting outside in the perfect warmth, sipping a free iced latte and catching up with Jess before she started work
- Unconstrained hours in Guitar Center, getting all the pesky little things like sticks and strings, and trying out a few pedals for my future rig (EVH Phaser = heaven)
- Deuteronomy and Dr.Pepper in Taco Bell
- Got Jess out of work early :-)
- Helped some Tuminos move Jason into his new office at the church. Finally got to meet the new pastor!
- Seamless transition to hanging with the Tuminos for the rest of the day, which I've wanted to do for ages
- A stop at Zack's. Hangin' with Christin and free ice-cream!
- Frisbee for hours in the Tumino's street, till way past dark
- Silly Ninja Game around the fire!
- Arsenic and Old Lace with Craig and Steve. Whew, what a ride!
- Crashed in the Hoffman's den. No trip to Akron would be complete without one of these :-)
- On time for church!!! *gasp*
- Jason preached. And John Joyce played drums!
- Lunch after church at the grace house. = time to hang with everybody
- Going for a hike with assorted Tuminos, Mallinacks, Potters, and Meghan
- SEBASTIAN!!! Goodness gracious, puppies are so cute! And funny! Ahhhhhhh, finally met my puppy-time quotient, which has been building up for years.
- Ultimate Frisbee after the hike. Yessssss!
- Great climbing tree
- Riding back with Sebastian flopped on my lap
- More hanging with the lively and lovely Tumino family (Collin takes care of most of the liveliness :-) )
- Chipotle and music with Craig
- Another free Starbucks!
- Sixth Sense and a quiet, semi-freaked-out drive home on the dark highway
I think all this weekend was missing was some solid band practice time. Other than that, man.. I'm left amazed that it all actually happened, so well and so enjoyably! Thank You Lord for your kindness.
--Clear Ambassador
A multitude of things I've wanted to do all happened, and all happened well:
[Mike, you'll appreciate all the free stuff]
- Mini (drumless) Pure Boss show at the Sausage Fest. 2 guitars and bass, and everybody said we sounded the best we ever have!
- Latest episode of The Office in the Chima's basement till about 4:30, with Brian, Nick, Craig, Steve and Jes
- Lovely morning alone at the Chimas: sleep in, work out, shower
- Sitting outside in the perfect warmth, sipping a free iced latte and catching up with Jess before she started work
- Unconstrained hours in Guitar Center, getting all the pesky little things like sticks and strings, and trying out a few pedals for my future rig (EVH Phaser = heaven)
- Deuteronomy and Dr.Pepper in Taco Bell
- Got Jess out of work early :-)
- Helped some Tuminos move Jason into his new office at the church. Finally got to meet the new pastor!
- Seamless transition to hanging with the Tuminos for the rest of the day, which I've wanted to do for ages
- A stop at Zack's. Hangin' with Christin and free ice-cream!
- Frisbee for hours in the Tumino's street, till way past dark
- Silly Ninja Game around the fire!
- Arsenic and Old Lace with Craig and Steve. Whew, what a ride!
- Crashed in the Hoffman's den. No trip to Akron would be complete without one of these :-)
- On time for church!!! *gasp*
- Jason preached. And John Joyce played drums!
- Lunch after church at the grace house. = time to hang with everybody
- Going for a hike with assorted Tuminos, Mallinacks, Potters, and Meghan
- SEBASTIAN!!! Goodness gracious, puppies are so cute! And funny! Ahhhhhhh, finally met my puppy-time quotient, which has been building up for years.
- Ultimate Frisbee after the hike. Yessssss!
- Great climbing tree
- Riding back with Sebastian flopped on my lap
- More hanging with the lively and lovely Tumino family (Collin takes care of most of the liveliness :-) )
- Chipotle and music with Craig
- Another free Starbucks!
- Sixth Sense and a quiet, semi-freaked-out drive home on the dark highway
I think all this weekend was missing was some solid band practice time. Other than that, man.. I'm left amazed that it all actually happened, so well and so enjoyably! Thank You Lord for your kindness.
--Clear Ambassador
Thursday, October 04, 2007
More Stories
"What're you guys up to today?"
"Jackin' off."
[ . . . ]
"You know, you're gettin' real good at showing up when the work's done."
[ . . . ]
"You guys doing the left side next?"
"It's already done! That's what I told you about showin' up when the work's done."
"Well I didn't know you guys were doin' this!"
"That's why you gotta come over here and see what's going on!"
"I did! I was here like an hour ago!"
That's the story here at the hot end. Real questions are rarely answered, and [semi-joking] fault is zealously found upon any apparent absence or ignorance.
It's not as bad as it sounds in writing here, though, 'cause Kirb shot a smile as he walked out of the control room after that last exchange, and these brief dialoges don't show you the hours of joking around the office, the real communications that do happen, and the camraderie when everybody's sweating away down under the ports. So don't hate my job ('cause I don't), just.. observe and ponder (like I do).
> <> <> <> <> <> <> <
This morning I got an email with the info for a teleconference at 2pm. I'd been in a couple of these before where we go in my boss's office and listen around the telephone to all the Guardian plants in the area catching up with each other. What I didn't know, and didn't find out till 1:50, was that Earl wasn't going to this meeting, so I was the sole Floreffe representative. And it dawned on me as the first few minutes went by, that I was expected to give a report on what went on in September! I was nervous enough just being in Earl's office by myself, on the phone with all the managers and such. I could feel my brain freezing up and ceasing to recall any of what had transpired in the past 4 weeks, but I hunted furiously through the HotEnd drive for report files and sheets.. anything to jog my memory and give me the yield and tons pulled at least. The first plant's report sorta drifted by my ears as I jotted some notes down and found the report I was looking for. And that was a good thing, 'cause then I heard "OK, so, John, you want to give us an update from Floreffe?"
I'm not real good at talking on the fly, so I probably spoke fast and I know I wasn't as coherent and succinct as the other guys, to whom this sort of info is second nature. They were interested in the new Ashur tweel we put in, and asked a couple extra questions about our cutting and lehr issues with the 10mm Crystal Gray (the ribbon of glass basically shattered apart for two entire days). I held my own, though, and it was pretty cool to be "flying solo" amongst "real people."
In all of this, I just love how I got a wordless forward in the morning, and no mention--not even a hint--that Earl wouldn't be there, that I would be speaking for the plant, and that maybe I should get ready a little bit for that!
Ahh, nobody gives me a thought of help here, but that's what gives this job value. It stands out as the one thing in my life that I answer for unhelped; in failure, growth and success. (I guess I've learned guitar that way, but that's not really a real life thing.)
--CA
"Jackin' off."
[ . . . ]
"You know, you're gettin' real good at showing up when the work's done."
[ . . . ]
"You guys doing the left side next?"
"It's already done! That's what I told you about showin' up when the work's done."
"Well I didn't know you guys were doin' this!"
"That's why you gotta come over here and see what's going on!"
"I did! I was here like an hour ago!"
That's the story here at the hot end. Real questions are rarely answered, and [semi-joking] fault is zealously found upon any apparent absence or ignorance.
It's not as bad as it sounds in writing here, though, 'cause Kirb shot a smile as he walked out of the control room after that last exchange, and these brief dialoges don't show you the hours of joking around the office, the real communications that do happen, and the camraderie when everybody's sweating away down under the ports. So don't hate my job ('cause I don't), just.. observe and ponder (like I do).
> <> <> <> <> <> <> <
This morning I got an email with the info for a teleconference at 2pm. I'd been in a couple of these before where we go in my boss's office and listen around the telephone to all the Guardian plants in the area catching up with each other. What I didn't know, and didn't find out till 1:50, was that Earl wasn't going to this meeting, so I was the sole Floreffe representative. And it dawned on me as the first few minutes went by, that I was expected to give a report on what went on in September! I was nervous enough just being in Earl's office by myself, on the phone with all the managers and such. I could feel my brain freezing up and ceasing to recall any of what had transpired in the past 4 weeks, but I hunted furiously through the HotEnd drive for report files and sheets.. anything to jog my memory and give me the yield and tons pulled at least. The first plant's report sorta drifted by my ears as I jotted some notes down and found the report I was looking for. And that was a good thing, 'cause then I heard "OK, so, John, you want to give us an update from Floreffe?"
I'm not real good at talking on the fly, so I probably spoke fast and I know I wasn't as coherent and succinct as the other guys, to whom this sort of info is second nature. They were interested in the new Ashur tweel we put in, and asked a couple extra questions about our cutting and lehr issues with the 10mm Crystal Gray (the ribbon of glass basically shattered apart for two entire days). I held my own, though, and it was pretty cool to be "flying solo" amongst "real people."
In all of this, I just love how I got a wordless forward in the morning, and no mention--not even a hint--that Earl wouldn't be there, that I would be speaking for the plant, and that maybe I should get ready a little bit for that!
Ahh, nobody gives me a thought of help here, but that's what gives this job value. It stands out as the one thing in my life that I answer for unhelped; in failure, growth and success. (I guess I've learned guitar that way, but that's not really a real life thing.)
--CA
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Short Story
I was at the dentist two weeks ago, to get a cavity refilled after its previous occupant had vacated the premises (I thought it was a popcorn kernel. Not so). Dr. Qualk shot me up with Novacain (Carbocain, actually), and waited the customary few minutes for it to take effect. We talked about college, and chemistry, and organic chemistry, and O-chem lab, and O-chem 2 lab, and the triumph of getting an A in O-chem 2. I suddenly realized that the numbness had passed its apex. He was better than he thought at placing that needle, and I had been numbed up about 5 minutes ago.
I chenched the arms of the chair and said a silent, fervent prayer that he would wrap up his collegiate ruminations. Getting one shot was bad enough. Getting another for no good reason would SUCK.
Thankfully after a couple more sentences he picked up his drill and got to work.
Still, by the time the filling was in and he started smoothing it out, he was basically buzzing into my un-numbed gums.
But I said not a word, for a little tingle at the edge of your gums is much better than another needle rammed up your cheek.
Novacain shots were one of the very few true terrors of my childhood.
--CA
I chenched the arms of the chair and said a silent, fervent prayer that he would wrap up his collegiate ruminations. Getting one shot was bad enough. Getting another for no good reason would SUCK.
Thankfully after a couple more sentences he picked up his drill and got to work.
Still, by the time the filling was in and he started smoothing it out, he was basically buzzing into my un-numbed gums.
But I said not a word, for a little tingle at the edge of your gums is much better than another needle rammed up your cheek.
Novacain shots were one of the very few true terrors of my childhood.
--CA
Messed-up guy
Here's an inventory of my current nonidealities. They seem to have added up to a disturbing plethora at the moment:
- Right thumb sensitive at extremes of motion, and still can't bend all the way in. From crushing it whilst walking on my hands on railings at Kennywood.
- Scratches all over my arms and shoulders from clearing brush Saturday.
- Big beautiful bruise on my right bicep from above.
- Small spots of poison ivy all over my arms, back, ankles, chin, and ears. From above.
- Some weird bruise or pulled tendon on my left bottom quad. Origin unknown.
- Bee sting/stinging nettle on my, well, left behind :-P From Saturday.
- Some crazy swollen gland under my chin. Just discovered that tonight.
- Top of mouth all torn up from eating a massive hoagie for lunch. (Yes, I'm a martyr)
- Some kind of wierdness on my scalp.
- Rug burn on my right wrist from grabbing something jammed under my subwoofer.
- Burn on my right wrist from a piece of 400 degree glass.
- Right patella tendon has been inflammed and sensitive. Worst it's been in a year.
At the moment number 4, poison ivy, wins the prize for most constantly irritating and aware-of. The thumb thing keeps going and going and I wonder if it will ever get better. The scalp thing is disconcerting, the knee is frustrating and discouraging, and the swollen gland makes me wonder if I'm on the edge of being sick. But mostly the poison ivy just itches itches itches ITCHES!
And to clarify, I am not complaining here. This is a status report, not a whine fest.
Good times, eh?
--Clear Ambassador
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Caught Up
For once. Once in the last... four years?
I'm caught up on sleep.
And not in a "bleahh I woke up at 1 o'clock and feel like mush" way.
I woke up at 7, and even though I could've kept pushing snooze, I have remained alert and comfortable since then. It's not the empty overabundance of energy that caffeine gives, but there's no drowsiness lurking just below the surface, waiting to engulf me as soon as I stop moving.
Yesterday I got home at 6:30 from work. Mom and Dad were mostly finished with their dinner, so I said I would get mine separately in awhile. I laid down on the little couch in the family room.. and woke up at 9. Just enough to brush my teeth and move to the bigger couch.
So that's about 12 hours of sleep. And I was extremely hungry when I got to work.
I don't know what to make of this, except perhaps that it shows the difficulty of actually getting enough sleep. We'll see how it goes tomorrow morning...
--Clear Ambassador
I'm caught up on sleep.
And not in a "bleahh I woke up at 1 o'clock and feel like mush" way.
I woke up at 7, and even though I could've kept pushing snooze, I have remained alert and comfortable since then. It's not the empty overabundance of energy that caffeine gives, but there's no drowsiness lurking just below the surface, waiting to engulf me as soon as I stop moving.
Yesterday I got home at 6:30 from work. Mom and Dad were mostly finished with their dinner, so I said I would get mine separately in awhile. I laid down on the little couch in the family room.. and woke up at 9. Just enough to brush my teeth and move to the bigger couch.
So that's about 12 hours of sleep. And I was extremely hungry when I got to work.
I don't know what to make of this, except perhaps that it shows the difficulty of actually getting enough sleep. We'll see how it goes tomorrow morning...
--Clear Ambassador
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