Diary of a Czar

Who would have thought, three months ago when I fished around for a funny signature and ended up ending my email with "--The Czar", that it would become such a big deal. And as kids searched for a hidden 2-liter bottle of Dr.Pepper, or chugged odious water from 2-oz. Dixie Cups and ran around holding hands, Mr. Pierson began to refer to me as "The Bizarre Czar" :-) Hey, I'll take that moniker and wear it with pride.

Well, youth camp. Let's see . . .


Sheetz on the way in with Katie, Daniel and Nick.

Katie making custom Yickiepickie T-shirts, and thereby being amazing.

Czar sash!! Ahhhhhhh, me likey.

Frenetic beginning, 'till Greg C took charge of Capture the Flag/Frisbee and I was freed.

Czarship has its perks: private room, morning espresso, Autumnobile access, radio, and knowledge to answer questions.

Czarship has its lows: when there's nobody to make the fire with which marshmallows are to be roasted, it's your fault. And you don't get to hear much of the messages, even when you're leading worship.

3-4 cans per day.

Canker sore the size of Manhattan = pain that never leaves you nor forsakes you.

Leading worship = doable, especially with a room full of people who want to sing.

Leading worship practice = very hard and humbling.

Skit about me and Dr.Pepper. Made my month :-)

Watching the campers run around carrying out YCAmoeba, by brain child. Seemed to go well!

Amazing, extended ministry after Monday and Tuesday nights' sessions.

The hardest part of running YC is the announcments. Timing; what to say; who to say it; when to do seconds; etc.Thanks dragged on too long, and I pretty much didn't think at all about the end of camp, so it got pretty hectic again.

The Meadows for ice-cream with PChOP people.. staving off the end of YC :-)

Steve-O came home with us, which pretty much made that day and the next.

As Monday rolled by, I was amazed at the experience of having other people take on tasks that I assigned them, and doing them as well, and with as much care and concern, as I would (or more). It's hard to describe what it was like watching Greg take CTF/F and make it happen, or walking into my office and seeing Wes Taylor hunkered over, drawing multiple maps of the Amoeba game to give to each of his refs. The wonder of this feeling is somehow tied to the fact that I could never make someone do things that well. I found quite clearly that comments/instructions from myself can't create a sense of ownership in anybody. So to see someone caring and working and *feeling* their task - doing what I could never ask or force them to do - . . well, it was indescribable! [I think this feeling relates to that which arises when we see God's grace at work. Could never ask or demand...]

Ultimately, I remained profoundly unaffected by nearly everything that went on at Youth Camp, even as I cried while people shared, and played my heart out when I led worship. So I didn't come home with a glowing ember to cherish, but I think with an armful of logs to fuel faith down the road.

YC08? Barring the providentially unexpected, I'm in 100% baby! We'll see how the post-YC meetings go in August.

For all of you who were affected at Youth Camp, who saw God there, who felt the Holy Spirit in you and around you . . cherish that! Thank God for that! I am far more aware now than I ever was before that all our youth camp stuff, all the food, games, plans, bunks, buildings, bandanas.. they are all fundamentally different from God coming. I didn't send Him an email telling him to show up Monday and Tuesday nights at 7pm. All my plans and labors, though not meaningless, felt like popsicle sticks in my hands before the great weight of God that deigned to settle on those little buildings out in the rolling green of Clymer, PA.

--Clear Ambassador/Czar

I want to remember the skits, so here they are:
- Blue Barf: "THE Infomercial" - predominantly featuring Minus 1, starring Akash Negi :-D
- Peeps: "Dancing with the Peeps" - featuring the Czar on guitar. Cowboy country, Picnic Table Polka, Spaced-Out robot hip-hop, and Blue Barf Ballet.
- Picnic Table - I forget the title. It was a rollicking, random ride of scattered, semi-indecipherable yet entertaining Biblical references and trippy vignettes. Killing the fatted calf was a highlight
- Cowboys - "Cowboy Memories" - sittin' round a campfire, recalling vignettes. Let us not forget the mooing cows or meeting the Man in Black.
- Flaming Cheetos - "Wheel of Fortune" - Took the cake for 2007. Human spinner, hand-made letters to be flipped over, and people doing the voices for other people. Good times.
- Spaced Out - "Dr.Pepper Obsession" - Nick Schuch = me (beardtee, Czar sash and radio, can of Dr.P), Mike P = psychiatrist. Rest of team = vignettes. Shannon as our Mom back in the homeschooling days (She's gone! We can eat ice-cream and drink Dr.Pepper!). Steve Shuch shaved the top of his head to play the old John B, hobbling on a cane and still clutching the can. Ahhh, amazing!

Like a spider, I spin my threads

206.

Threads, that is.

Email threads in my youth camp inbox.

Probably like 500 messages or something, total.

It's funny - that's pretty much what "working on something" amounts to these days: sending emails and making phone calls. Sometimes I sit down and think and write out lists or ideas, but for the most part it's just communicating to or from people on the lappy or the celly.

Teams are almost set. Worship teams are pending a couple approvals. Skit, games, campfire, contingency plans, Sunday night activity, meal plan, snack trailer are all in the hands of my yickiepickies*, requiring only my occasional input/decision/approval. Sermons and seminars are in Mike P's domain. Worship setlists are one of the biggest pending issues, as well as head referee assignments and a couple other helper positions. Probably the biggest single thing remaining is designing and making the booklets. Then there's the team leader meeting this Saturday with my (as yet undetermined) admin input, and the prayer and pizza tomorrow with my as-yet-unguided prayer leadership. Several annoying outliers keep nagging me, but I try to write those down in an appropriate place for future reference as soon as possible.

So let the emails and grace flow like rain :-)

--Clear Ambassador (aka The Czar)


*Youth Camp Planning Coordinator = YCPC = yickiepickie
They are Mike Quinlisk and Katie Calano (YCPCKC. Lucky!)

Life is Good

I could hardly be happier right now without being just directly drenched by the Holy Spirit's love.

Sitting here.. sunny and cool outside... iPod on shuffle pumping through the house speakers.. a virgin Pure Boss at my side, Cheez-Its, youth camp stuff rolling along...

Is this happiness apart from God Himself? Or is it a legitimate enjoyment of Him? I think it's the second.. though I'm not sure how much of this kind of happiness lasts when things get harder. But for now, right now, life is really really good.

[I'm at the Hoffmans in Akron. I'll go see the big annual dance show this evening. For now I'm sitting in the main area at the table working on the lappy. Nobody's around, the dogs are sleeping peacefully, the sunny trampoline awaits my next break-for-mental-health, usefulness exudes from my work on Youth Camp matters, Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its ooze flavor from their crispy goodness, Dr.Pepper and Live Wire Mountain Dew combine in a marraige of matchless flavor in the Chick-Fil-A cup (one of the best pop cups ever made, btw), and the music. Oh the music! Even from down in the den, Mr. Hoffman's subwoofer kicks; and all-library shuffle... it makes all music new. Leadbelly? Frank Zappa? Random Beck song I never gave a sneeze about before? U2 songs as old as my love for music? Every one is a jewel of delight. Can it be ok to be on top of the world like this? I don't know, but I think it's right to look up. Every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Thank You, Lord, for this drop of Your kindness. May I remember it and love You when I don't feel as directly _happy_.]

--Clear Ambassador

2 left, you're graylining!!

Yesterday was an interesting day at work. So I will write about it.

Scotty J took a vac day, and Pad B's getting out pretty far ('cause we're running like 60's yields so the cullet silo's filling up and we're having to dump to pad), so Jay was out in the payloader all day putting a third level on the pad, which left me to haul cullet when the cold end bins red-lighted.
Which means that the dude who would normally do that was gone, and the other dude who would then do it was occupied because we're making sucky glass--more that we can melt back into the process--and our sucky-glass storage area is getting overfull and thus needs to be reorganized. So I got to drive the dump truck around for an hour or two, which was a welcome activity.

Later in the day there was a garbled page for all hot end personnel to high tail it to the tin bath. We were getting a narrow shot, which means a sudden decrease in the amount of molten glass flowing out onto the liquid tin. That's bad because you have these shafts sticking in to the tin bath with toothed wheels on the end that spin on the glass and pull it out to the right width and thickness as it floats on the tin. If you get a narrow shot, the glass can suck inside of those wheels, and if you lose one of them (they're called "top rolls"), that's baaad news. So everybody rushes over, throws on a headset, and runs to a machine (another name for "top rolls," which are actually technically called attenuators) to manually crank it in if needs be. I'd never been on a machine before, but there was no time for that. So I got on number 2 left, and held my face at the burning hot window, staring in at the the glowing tin and the glowing glass and the little turning glowing wheel. Sure enough, the glass started to suck in, and I started to lose it on the wheel (which is called graylining, 'cause the edge of the glass lifts up and the shadow under it looks gray). Everybody on the radio was freaking out, and I was cranking like a madman, but apparently you have to push in and then crank for it to engage, so it wasn't moving! Tom ran over and ripped it in barely in time, and once things settled down everybody talked about it and how freaked-out they were. I was very very glad I didn't lose the ribbon, even though I had a legitimate "excuse." Making an honest mistake and getting saved is way better than bombshelling the process and having a "good excuse."
And though it was hairy, I love those times when there's a real need and I'm helping with it. It's the best way to learn, and there's this amazing feeling of empowerment and.. I dunno what, that comes from being thrown in the "front lines" and having to do the right thing and having it matter. I can only faintly imagine what being in a war would be like, and how that would draw you together with your comrades and make you feel like a man. I'm happy with dump trucks and top rolls for now :-)

I got Chick-fil-A for lunch that day, which was good, and contributed to the interestingness of the day. I also enjoyed hanging out in the tin bath, looking at the furnace, and reporting on the furnace, all carried out with a degree of knowing-what-I-was-doingness. Which is the best.


I made a good dinner tonight, so I'll write about that too:

I sauteed some onions and garlic in olive oil, wilted some kale down into it, and cooked it soft, steaming it part of the time with balsamic vinegar. Ate a bunch of that, plus I've got a bunch left for tomorrow.
I've become convicted of the place and utility of whole grains in my diet, so I baked two pre-made Pepperidge Farm rolls from the freezer, which were very good.
Lastly, I heated up a Dr.Pepper-basted hamburger patty from last night and fried up an egg to complete the meal.
Ahhh, skillets and really really sharp knives are wonderful!

I ate whilst being buffeted by John Piper. I downloaded all the NA sermons today, printed out song sheets for most of the new songs they did, bought the "Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart" book, and bought a CD of hymns done by various Passion artists. Not quite my usual musical preference, but the resonation of those old and magnificent words in my soul is better than anything, and modern rock sounds can add a legitimate force and swell to those words and melodies.

I am changing being changed.

I hardly listen to music anymore,
I hardly do Facebook,
I haven't been to Akron in almost 2 months;
I haven't watched a movie in who knows how long;
I wake up at 6am on Saturday on my own (but still go back to sleep, don't worry :-) ).

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.

When you're filled, you feel blessed.

When you're sitting there gnawed by hunger and dying of thirst, you're still blessed... but you actually feel like you're about to die, which isn't such a pleasant state to be in.

Such is the nature of a valley. No pain, no gain.
Real pain? Real pain? Sitting there hurting because things are wrong and they hurt??

Real gain.

Hate that deal?
No wonder! You were made for Heaven, not this place.

But God's hands are all around you. They're even holding the wrongness that causes your valley. He died for it all, and the great gaping depth of that payment lets you sit in a cocoon of favor and right standing that you'll grow more aware of as you make your way through this life. It pads you all around; it covers every angle; it hedges every path, past present and future. You'll grow to love that cocoon more and more as the years wash over you, and run to it quicker and quicker when the ground gives way to another valley.

So run to it now, with whatever you've got, and believe this:

As far as the East is from the West, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

--Clear Ambassador

] Psalm 103:12 [

Some Days in May

Here are some pics from my camera phone, taken during a spurt of wanting to document life.

The first robin to hatch in the nest right outside our door.

Poor Mom robin!

Every time we walk out the front door she goes flying frantically out of the bush :-/

Guess she'll get pretty rip wing muscles...

Daisy laying on Dad's lap while he played a game of Mississippi Marbles (aka Greedy) with Grandma while she was here.

She came up April 27th and left May 16th.

Lots of puzzles, games and ice-cream at Handel's.

She appreciates and enjoys food in a way I deeply respect, especially for a person her age. She is a model of choosing to be content and happy in life.

Mom opening her Mother's Day present from me. Yes, after basically missing last year's M Day and birthday, I put together this lovely box for her. Empty box :-)

BUT, inside was a sign saying "To be filled with produce from Stan's," and a card with a picture of an empty stomach promising to fill it with lunch at the Strip District. We used to go there back in the golden days (i.e. this spring), so it was fun to go again, though it was a Saturday morning, not a Monday like before.

Tonight, around 9 of the clock (i.e. o'clock). Grandma Kari and Grandpa Ken are here for a few days, and this is a typical evening position: watching a baseball game, with the dogs laying around and Grandpa and Daniel talking back and forth about sports things I have no capacity for remembering or regurgitating. They both have amazing minds for remembering details.

Care Group!!

I thought Dad and Dave looked pretty funny there, in an unwitting way :-)

It was a good care group. Dad wrapped up a lively discussion with some of the best words of summary, application, exhortation and love that I've ever heard from him. Good job, Dad!

A general shot of care group. It was Sanda's last meeting, and she shared some of what God's been revealing (and revolutionizing) in her through the back injury she's been dealing with. It was cool to hear how God's truth touched ground in her fine academic mind. I was really encouraged, as well, to see how she's grown since coming here - from being rather shy to joking and laughing and just radiating the joy of Christ.

Mr. Pierson's desk.

Where I worked on Youth Camp stuff all evening.

Lucky Charms.

Left over from Fuse Fun Night.

Which was a long time ago.

Glommy marshmallows = not so hot, but I'll still pick them out and eat 'em.

Happiness is . . .

:-)

Except this was at Arby's, not Taco Bell >:-(

While we're on the subject of food...

I knew there were lots of kinds of olives, just like there are many types of coffee, but somehow it just isn't real till you see a spread like this.

This was at Stamooli's, at the Strip.

Way cool place.

I got lots of odd stuff like Ouzo hard candy and half a candied citron.

The menu board at Fortunes, a sweet coffee place in the Strip District.

I got Mom a fruit smoothie, and I had an iced cappuccino (very very good).

They carry a marvelously-large selection of "Oral Fixation" mints. Mimosa, Jasmine, Green Tea . . . what joy it brings to this mint collector's heart!

Pirates Game!

Grandpa took Daniel, Dad and me to the ball game after church today.

I think Daniel knew I was taking the pic, and responded accordingly, but Grandpa was just kinda sitting there :-P

Want some popcorn?

Dad and his middle progeny.

Gotta love his expression :-)

Sorta like, "What on earth is this I have raised?"

So . . I make glass

Aight, here's some o' the digs on work:

First off, Guardian is a good company, and the people I work with in the plant are almost all happy and well-adjusted :-) There's a lot of joking and laughing and friendliness (and yes, bad language, but that's part of the real world). I'm getting my narrow white-collar world shaken up a bit, which is good. There are a lot of people who come home from work sweaty, tired and incredibly dirty, and they make our country run.

As you can see here, the plant is basically a big long warehouse, whose fundamental dimensions are obscured by multitudinous add-ons. The float line goes down the length - from the furnace hoppers dropping batch into the furnace (bottom left) to the cold end guys packing glass and the fork trucks zipping filled racks off to banding, end caps and storage (top rightish). There isn't overhead stuff, so you don't have to wear hard hats, which is really nice. Everybody walks around with steel toed shoes and safety glasses. If you're around anything hot, you wear your mint green jacket (which most people wear around all the time anyway). If you're doing true hot work, you wear a kevlar hood. If you're around breaking glass or loud stuff, you wear earplugs. If you go under the furnace, you wear a hard hat. If you're a slitter or a packer down at the cold end, you wear these big honkin' yellow bibs to protect you from breaking glass, and if the plates you're cutting are taller than your neck, you wear a full face mask. I pretty much walk around all day in steel toes, jeans, my green jacket, safety glasses, and hot work gloves sticking out of my back pocket.

The float glass line consists of a very large furnace, which you can see in this picture. This is the back left cornerish of it. The glowing spot is the edge of the actual furnace, and the gray squarish thing on the left is the intake/exhaust duct. It's hard to see the actual walls of the furnace under all the beams and pipes and cooling ducts and such, but when you find it, it's all white silica bricks, which are about the only thing that will stand the heat (2800 degrees) for the life of the furnace (~7 years). You're usually well-removed from the hot stuff, but you can open ports and look in the furnace, and there are a couple openings into the furnace and the "refiner" - which is a big swimming pool of melted glass. You can look in briefly, while holding a piece of dark glass in front of your eyes, but the heat gets to you. I've never been around such a volume of intense heat before. It's like when you open a hot oven and get blasted with air that makes your ears and forehead tingle...or when you're by one of those campfires that's so hot you sorta hold your hand up in front of your face after awhile. Just more intense.

It's a bit of a rush - walking on the catwalk over the ports on the firing side and feeling the metal of your belt buckle burning at the edge of your jeans. Or wondering if the tips of your ears could actually get burned by the heat of the air as you try to stand and listen like it's no big deal while Bobby explains the batch logs returning with the convective flows from the spring zone. Most people at the hot end have had some (or many) intense experiences with heat, and I'm sure I'll end up with a few of my own. For now, burning some hair at the front of my head is the craziest thing that's happened :-P

My job. As young Russ asked emphatically in The Kid, "But what do I DOOO?"

Well, basically, Guardian pays me to help the process run well/better. Operators, working 12-hour shifts, take care of the hour-by-hour maintenance, monitoring and documentation. They also take care of immediate upsets like batch hitting the wall or the ribbon swinging in the tin bath. The process engineers work a little more long term, thinking like "OK, why do we keep having adhesion chip issues? Where could they be coming from?" Or "How can we vary the batch compositions to speed up our transition to this darker color of glass?" The days are filled with a lot of walking around, hanging around control rooms, talking to people, watching screens, and a bit of desk work. In my three weeks, the process has been running quite stably, so there hasn't been much action. But when stuff hits the fan, things get pretty exciting :-/

Right now, to accomplish that ultimate goal, I am working as hard as I can to learn the basics. Trying to follow people around or track them down to show me stuff, asking every question I can come up with, taking copious notes when I get back to my desk, and trying to eschew laziness and "input myself" as much as possible in what's going on. What I've come to realize is that the process is, with little or no exaggeration, as dynamic, complicated and indecipherable as a human being. People who have worked with it for 30 years learn new things every day. In a way, no one really knows what's going on. Chemical plants are built, and the next 50 years are spent trying to figure out how they work and keep them from breaking down :-)

So yeah, it's a formidible challenge; but folks are looking out for me and planning out my training. It's great when I learn stuff, and even better when I can actually DO things. Last week I learned the raw material end of the process, and this week I was up in the payloader (i.e. front-end loader) hauling rail cars around and driving the dump truck back and forth with 8 tons of cullet (busted glass) in the back. I love it when I can get my jacket dirty. That's a good day of work :-)

Here's a good basic shot of the hot end office, where my desk is. This is looking directly left of the direction I sit. Jay, BT and Brian sit at the three desks in a line there, and Earl--my boss--has his office inside where that big window is. It's a nice little area. There's a central sound system in the whole plant, and when somebody isn't paging somebody, they play the XM radio. Thank You SO MUCH, Lord, for no radio commercials! I seriously think it would mess me up to have radio ads in my head all day every day. You can adjust the volume of the speakers in each office/area, too, which is cool. "Outside" my office, which is still inside the overall warehouseish thing, there's the float line going down, and then lots of little sub-buildings and areas like the QC lab, maintenance shop, store room, more offices, and lots and lots of stacked glass. Overall, it is quite a nice place - pretty clean, well kept, and not full of nasty chemicals or hazardous wastes (which made my co-op plant sort of a pain).

Quite honestly, I couldn't ask for a better job. The people really seem great, across the board, week after week, the location is 20 minutes from home with almost no traffic, every day is different, and I am expected to advance in my career, not just stay in this job forever. I've had a few tastes of doing real work - meaningful things that someone else couldn't do at the moment - and it's invigorating. I'm grateful to have people looking out for me and thinking about my training and learning program. I'm praying and working to do the best job I can and really help Guardian make more, better glass, and God has allowed me to be content and happy with the unchanging 8-hours-a-day schedule and early bed and rising times.

There's a LOT more I could write. I have to keep fighting back details about the process and plant that I'm so impressed with myself for knowing (yes, pride, it's everywhere, even in a know-nothing 3-week-old process engineer trainee). If anybody wants to know how glass is made, or what this common substance is actually like, let me know! :-) I hope to write a post in awhile about glass, and probably another one about "The operator and the engineer", and how you can succeed in life. Yes indeed :-P

Even though it was a hard transition, being in a real job in this field is pretty cool sometimes. Again, I couldn't ask for a better job, and God is wondrously good to have brought me here. May He use the money earned, the career begun, and the eight hours spent every weekday, to His glory and eternal purposes.

--Clear (actually, slightly bluish green from the iron oxide in the glass, which absorbs solar radiation so your car doesn't heat up as much in the sun) Ambassador

Two Things That Were Remarkable

Indeed, three that were noteworthy.

1) Wednesday. Daniel left at ~8:30pm to hang out with Justin and Heather at Denny's. I stayed home, worked out, and went to bed around 11.

2) I sat in the dining room with Mike and Carla Pierson while Andrew pulled out of the driveway with Caleb and Mitchell. First time they had both watched one of their children drive away. [i.e. Andrew got his drivers license today :-) ] I also loved how Mitch and Caleb were immediately like "Oooh, can I come??" when it was determined that Andrew would take the car over to Gramps and Grams. Being around younger kids is enlivening.

3) I sat up in a massive front-end loader and pulled around two rail cars at work today. Probably well over 300 tons total weight.

This is it. I'm already woefully late for the fourth night in a row this week, and I'm paying the price of deadness at work, so I can't give an update on work on life. THIS is work and life :-)

God is good.

--Clear Ambassador

Deeper than I can convey, not as much as I wish I could say

I think the best way for me to represent the past week is to describe where I'm at right now.

A big day is over. I spent all of Sunday in Bethel Park with Daniel and Nick--an old and oddly good friend. A warm glow remains in my memory from church - eating up Joel's sermon on Abraham (God initiates, we respond, and HE is faithful, not us), playing electric guitar for worship, and really catching up with several great folks outside of my usual social rounds. I got to hang out at the Piersons - something I've been wanting to do all week - and that always leaves you feeling great. They're a special and joyful household :-) We even got to see Spiderman III, after the PLP (Post Lunch Party) chillin' in a parking lot rocking tunes and drinking peach tea.

9:07 found me driving home in my car after dropping Daniel off for his ride back to Grove City and depositing Nick at home. There in the car the familiar feeling of the past week surfaced again. The friends, the fun, the light and glow of fellowship were over. There I was, rolling down the road with nothing but my heavy heart tugging away inside my ribcage. Ahead of me what I see is a strangled 30 minutes until 10 o'clock, after which every minute doing anything is a punishment beating me with future tiredness and irredeemable missed duty. I see driving back down the already-familiar road to the plant and having another day slip beneath my feet, the prime hours passing in a selfless and rigid drain. I see another day just like that afterwards, and another one after that, and another one after that.

Part of me could try to take you further down this path.. try to wake up the mood that tore me apart for days last week. Saddened my heart more than I've ever been before. But the fact is, when I woke up Thursday morning, those wounds were healed. The bleeding battle for God, for joy in Jesus, was fundamentally over . . at least for now. While the facts of what has passed, what is gone, and what lies ahead are all the same, the unshakable grief and sorrow was broken, by the ineffable mercy of God on a beaten-down soul. So while I felt that familiar feeling tug at me as I left the day behind and faced the week ahead, beneath it was and is a quiet peace and general hope of joy, filling out those days as they stretch ahead in my mind's eye. I found God in the valley and here in the clearer ground, and that is not a trivial thing. It's not something that can't meet me as I sit alone in my car with basically everything good behind me and everything hard and undesirable ahead of me. That's the story of this week. The hardest valley I can ever remember, and GOD shining through that, real and enlivening in the days I've been given.

Sorry if this is uselessly abstract or out of left field or something. It's a greatly-constrained chip off the tip of an iceberg that's kinda pretty big in my life.. sort of like the first time this whole "Christianity" thing has actually worked. We'll see how it keeps shaking out as the days roll by, incessantly demanding application and facing me with the choice of going hard for God's will or slipping back into my ways. There's a lot I'm not writing out, but maybe this gives you the idea that last week was pretty non-normal.

As I rode in the car, I walked out again the now-well-trodden path of dealing with the bleakness tugging at my heart. You never know what the right way will be to deal with your heart honestly before God.. a lot of times it's open prayer, kneeling down and letting God in and talking out where you're at. Sometimes it's taking your shirt off, mowing the lawn and pounding Good Charlotte through your head. Sometimes it's having a beer and talking with Dad till midnight. Tonight it was listening to the anthem of this season of my life.

You ever have a song that really hits you for awhile? Something where the words and the music come together almost too well to believe, and it just hits you, right where you're at, singing out what you could never write out so clearly yourself? Well, the ironic thing is, for the past two weeks, that song has been my own song :-) I put on my electric guitar song first ('cause the iPod was at that song anyway), and then I switched over to "Don't Doubt" and cranked up the sound system till it cut and pounded through my whole body. The words spoke to me with perfect encouragement, reproof and hope: "Don't doubt! Trust in what you know He says. Step out. Step out on His promises! He'll meet you. Look at all the lives around! Just trust Him; trust Him with your life." The bridge quaked with the pent-up energy that you can't even quite express.. that comes from living through God meeting you and suspecting, deep down, that He has great, real goodness for you that blows away what you've already seen if you push through and choose that right road. And when it breaks and comes crashing into the chorus... it's like the living, breathing excitement of hope - everything that's happened and will happen.. something you could never write or say without breaking. How could these words, that I wrote myself, reach out and speak to me so perfectly, like the closest counselor hitting me with just what I need to hear? It just makes me smile and wonder :-) I do need to mix more highs and lows into that song, though. It's punchy, but I had to crank the treble, on the FM transceiver, which you never do, and I upped the bass with the sub at full, which will usually leave your eyes bugging out of your head. But yeah, if you want to hear the call of my life and feel the excitement and challenge and tension of what God's been doing, just listen to that song. And go buy a subwoofer for your car, because I tell you in all seriousness, you have not heard a song until you've let its sound actually push your body around with it.

I think I'll stop writing. Crap, it's 11:15. Arrr man, that kills me! [exclamation point of fist-pounding, not excitement or lightness] Alas.

Look at me! I'm not miserable! I'm listening to Copeland, and it's right and good before God. I don't care about anything other than following God and getting His joy. I don't care about anything but that! I don't even know what to say *about* God that's effective enough. Just, look at me, and look at Him! Listen to my song and look at Him. Look at Him!

I can't believe all the things that You've done
Oh glorious things that Your plans have become
I saw you right there in front of my eyes
I can't believe all the things that You've done

--Clear Ambassador

List of things to buy with first paycheck:

• New (working) electric shaver
• Air filter for Pepsi Blue
• Two pairs of jeans that can be trashed
• Set of 50 foam inserts for my good earphones
• Flickr pro account
• A new left ankle (I wish!)

First Day of Work

Most of me wants to just hit the sack since I'm in desparate need of sleep, but I really want to at least jot a few things down for those of you who were praying and asking how my first day went.

Thank you for praying! Though I only got 7 hours sleep total over the previous 2 nights, I was remarkably not deathly tired throughout the day. I was glad, though, that I already knew about confined space entry and ISO-9001, 'cause I definitely wasn't too sharp during those videos :-)

This week isn't my job yet. I get 3 half-days with Jake the HR guy, going over a thumb-thick stack of papers and forms and several videos, and then I spend the rest of the week taking half days with each of 7 different areas (like Hot End, Cold End, Lab, etc.), learning stuff and meeting people. Next week is when I'll be turned over to Earl, my direct manager, and the real job-specific training and learning will start. Rumor has it I'll be trained to drive the massive front-end loader out back :-)

I went through the day with another guy, also named John, who just got hired into the maintenance department. He was an amiable and pleasant guy, and I was grateful many times to be going through everything with him. We spent basically the whole day in a small conference room sitting around a table going over forms or watching videos or talking with Jake. We went to the update meeting at 9 o'clock, we took a long break for lunch with several folks from the plant, and we walked around on a mini tour in the afternoon, but otherwise we were workin' away on the orientation/training checklist.

I think I'll save a well-crafted and entertaining picture of the plant for another day. If you want to know what this day was like for me, just picture me sitting in a comfortable office chair in a nice conference room with great big windows letting in the sunshiny world.. sitting back or leaning forward, listening, signing forms, checking off training items, and occasionally laughing with the guys. Not a bad day by any means, but also not anything like what my real work will be.

Also, just to sorta throw this out there, God is amazing. I've been pretty "washed up" at various times over the past few days as great change loomed before me and I looked back at what would never be the same again. I always have a hard time with change, even when it's from a good thing to a good thing. But somehow, somehow God met me at the point of nostalgia and terrible sadness over the season that is now past. I don't even know exactly how, but I went from being broken up about about what was over to being broken up about Jesus. It occured as I read John 14 - 21, and I think that it's there, in the Word, that we meet Jesus Himself and are comforted and engaged and cheered in Him, and not just His blessings.

No way can that paragraph mean to you anything close to what it meant to me, but that's ok :-) It's good stuff.

I will get 7 hours of sleep tonight. Not ~too~ bad.. *doubtful grimace*

--Clear Ambassador

Post 150!

If you read nothing else of this semi-indulgent yet should-be-interesting post, read this paragraph and give me some feedback:

So, last night I was informed by a friend that the pictures on my music website were... notsomuch cool. Here's my site. What do you think? I think they're funny; but I want to find out if this is one of those things where I would do better to follow what others tell me and just quietly wish inside that the world was different.

Which brings up something, at least for your punctuationally-observant folks out there: I've come to a personal and highly effective set of punctuation guidelines for my journaling which is far broader and freer than the regular rules. I try to write down my thoughts as exactly like they sound in my head as possible. This has led me to adopt ".. " as a way to indicate a pause. Not a dead stop like a period, certainly not a fluid comma, but also not the implied linkage/continuance of an ellipsis (...). Just, a pause. It's very helpful for conveying the effect that pauses can have in verbal communication. Thoughts can be set next to each other without necessarily having to be linked or separated explicitly. I've also, as demonstrated above, adoped a semicolon as basically an intermediate between a comma and a period. Sometimes I need to make sure that I pause long enough at a certain point - longer than a comma, but not a rolling pause like " -". For that I keep ending up at a semicolon, even though it's probably not the proper (and oh-so elusive) use of that mark that so unjustly occupies such a prominent position on the keyboard. I also use " - " to indicate a pause with flow. Shorter than "..." but not the specific--set this phrase aside--meaning of a dash ("--"). I love using punctuation freely! Like, they're not regimented marks whose use and interpretation is set in stone, they're tools.. a set of marks I can use in any combination I want to achieve the effect I want.  . . . some spaces, some dots.. dots together, dots separated . . . it's like a musical score that lays down the thought and cadence of my mind. And don't worry, firebrand-bearing English language mob; I'm not saying this should be adopted for everyone and all the rules thrown out in a hellacious punctuation free-for-all. That's MySpace and Facebook :-/ It's just.. fun for me to use, and gratifying.

Tonight we had a Fuse scavenger hunt, which was fun. I was behind the scenes, watching everybody go out and come back with crazy stories and flushed faces. I am old! Nate and Sarah totally made this night happen - I did almost nothing. I could blame it on youth camp stuff, but that's cheap and inaccurate. Basically, things have been semi-crazy, so it was very nice and kind of them to pick up the slack and free me up.

Yesterday I worked on youth camp stuff all day in Mr. Pierson's office and then hit Quaker Steak and the Top of Pittsburgh with Mike, Shannon and Kayte - the Fantabulousish Foursome. It was good times, and we even got both clear skies and cool clouds while overlooking the city from my otherworldly spot. Ahh, to lay flat on my back and let the uniform motion of the clouds spread from periphery to periphery sink into my consciousness. Across the sky they crawl, lit pinkish orange from below and wetted silver from the moon behind. Uniform they crawl - miles and miles of clouds all marching at the same step, keeping the same orientation as they corporately slide over my head. The city gleams on the close horizon, and lights stretch out like arms over the dark shrubby face of the ground. Let your eyes relax as wide as they can see - let the periphery sink in to its full extent - and still all you will see is the pink of the sky and the black of a flat horizon. Raise your head, and you will see nothing but clouds stretching over you like an open ceiling. Turn your head. Go ahead and turn it! You won't find a hill looking down on you! You'll see more sky and more earth stretching out below you. Relax your shoulders.. let them widen again. There's space around you and a world that's bigger than you out there. For a moment, we're on Pittsburgh, not in Pittsburgh.

This must be a little bit what seeing God is like.

--Clear Ambassador

s u n d a y

Sunday was,

- Wearing a T-shirt on worship team, but it was legal 'cause I had a suit jacket on too!
- Joel praying for Mr. P before the sermon
- Good sermon with some phrases that were sticky in my head
- Talking to Carl & others at lunch. Not being a socially selfish introvert.
- Basketball after church, baby!
- Baking in the sun and remembering why I was never too sad about the cooler weather
- Having a sour attitude about being a loser with no hands and no shot
- Being mature enough that Shannon said she didn't even notice. Yay for being older!
- PGP with Shannon Quizzle and Money Man
- Bumming deer burgers off the Piersons for dinner
- Popping my ankle out playing wiffle ball
- Ice torture!
- Talking with Erin about her headaches
- Grillin', chillin', maxin' and relaxin' out back in the perfect weather
- E B C#m A about 79 times while we talked
- Stick shift with a sprained ankle = change gears as little as possible
- Broom =/= good crutch

The Piersons are cool!

This post was styled in honor of Mike Q.

--Clear Ambassador

Ununemployed

It's so pervasive to me that I haven't thought till now to document it in my blog:

I HAVE A JOB!

Yes, God has again pretty much dropped a life decision right in my lap. This time I was really prepared to roll up my sleeves and slog through a long and time-consuming job search. I didn't interview senior year, and I really didn't do much for two months after graduating, but then I started to do the things that good job hunters do: go to Career Services, work on my resume, sign up with Pitt's job hunting online service, and go to a job fair. Nothing was really clicking though, and I kept feeling like I was butting my head against a wall. Then one day not too far in I was looking over employees who had interviews scheduled at Pitt, and there was this company called Guardian Industries that was located in Jefferson Hills.
I did a double take.
Jefferson Hills?
That's where the Harveys live!
That's . . . really close!

Indeed, it was true. A classic starting chemical engineer job right down Rte. 51... 20 minutes from home and totally opposite downtown traffic! The responsibilities sounded intriguing (learn, troubleshoot and improve the glass-making process), and the interviews were in only a few days!

I signed up and sent some emails, and they ended up cancelling the Pitt interviews, but I got a phone interview a few days later. I remember studying up on the company like crazy when I found out, and basically being pretty worked-up about the call. It was my first real job interview ever, and all the mystique and foreboding and craziness I'd ever heard about seemed looming on the other side of that cell phone ring. But it came, I talked reasonably well, and most importantly, I didn't bomb :-) I asked some good questions at the end, and I guess they liked me, 'cause a few days later they called back and invited me for a plant tour and a series of in-person interviews.

That was on a Friday, from 9am to about 12:30. I got a long plant tour and then interviewed with four people, all the way up to the plant manager. All the interviews went very well - almost surprisingly easy and natural. The plant was pretty interesting - way way smaller than NOVA's huge spread-out multi-area site. It's one long warehouse-type building with silos and a furnace at one end and offices and glass plates at the other. Spanning the length is a long bed of liquid tin on which the glass floats, gets shaped, cools, and then is scored and broken into squares. It's a pretty nifty process, and it cranks out about 350 million tons of glass a year, running 24/7/52. Guardian itself is a 19,000-employee privately-owned company, 3rd or 4th worldwide in glass manufacturing and growing markedly for the past 20 years.

I guess they continued to like me 'cause Jake the HR guy called me back a few days later and said there had been a lot of positive comments after my visit and they wanted me back for a more in-depth plant tour and some more interviews. That was the day that I felt like the job was mine - it seemed more like my first day of work than an "interview." I talked more with Earl, who'll be my direct manager, and I hung around with Brian, the other process engineer, and I learned a bunch more about the process. The people I met were just nice normal folks, and I started to have a pretty good feeling about the prospect of working there. I left with an application form and a free Quaker Steak 'n' Lube lunch in my stomach.

So that was it for awhile, and I dutifully went to another job fair, finding only dreary prospects that left the Guardian job seeming all the brighter and better. Then I got the call on the way to Harrisburg, I got the details Monday, I got the offer letter and benefits info Friday, and I signed myself away Wednesday. My background check has gone through fine, and now we await only a clear physical (Tuesday) to confirm my tentative start date of April 30th (Two weeks from today, seeing as it's no longer Sunday).


So, I'm planning to enjoy my last 2 weeks of freedom, and I'm contemplating the prospect of 50 years of working every day. That's part of being a man, and I'm ready to start, but I'm also interested to see if God brings some different things in the coming years. In my mind I'll be at this job for a year or two before I move up or out, which is expected of this position since it's a starter ChemE job. Whatever I end up doing, it will be great to start my career in operations, learning a real day-to-day manufacturing process.
I'm also anticipating being challenged in making new friendships and being a witness for Jesus Christ in a new and dominating context. I think God will have a lot of growth for me, and... well, I'm just not quite sure what it will really look like for me to settle into a job that won't just be over in 4 months or let me sit back and chill as a student. I believe that grace is there, and I'm ready to walk into it, but I'm not quite sure what I'll find when I get there :-)

And for now Dad's cool to let me live at home, so I'll be savin' like a fiend. Real life awaits, and it's nice to meet it with some money in the bank.

What a life I've been given! When I see where God has allowed me to start from, all I can really respond with is a desire and a determination to use it however He shows me to. Why the free engineering degree? Why the great job? Why the stable home and loads of life teaching and training? I can't say, and I won't feel guilty about it, but by God I'll do whatEVER He wants me to with it. And even as I looked over my offer package, I knew that 401K savings can melt away like snow, full bank accounts can shrivel to nothing in an instant, houses can crumble, and nations can collapse in a day. When I think of a wife and kids depending on me I already feel pangs of anxiety, but below that I know that if I'm where God wants me to be, I will be secure, and He will never let me down. Whatever He gives me, I'm grateful for, and wherever He takes me, I'll follow confidently.

Here I come! *dun dun dun*

--Clear Ambassador

The Gaze of Your Love

>>Sorry if this is a repeat for you Facebookers amongst us<<

I started coming up with a new song Tuesday whilst trying to prepare for care group at Grove City. I was really trying to think over and express many threads of thought that have been planted in my mind and heart over the past few weeks. Trying to see how fully and truly we are covered by what Jesus did. The core of these thoughts is probably Ephesians 1:4 - that we are holy and without blame before Him in love.

I haven't done much writing or recording recently because I've been so discouraged at my suckiness compared to Switchfoot. That comparison still remains accurate, but God blessed this song, I think because it's born out of wonder and consideration of what He's done for me. He blessed the recording, too, and I hope you enjoy it and are encouraged by it. (click the title to hear the recording)

The Gaze of Your Love
John Behrens
April 10-12, 2007

You pick up the pieces and lead us to Jesus again
You bridge all the breaches that keep us from entering in
You freely receive us because of what Jesus has done
You love us as deeply and sweetly as You love Your Son

We are ho - ly
No blame remains as we stand before You in love
We are ho - ly
Spo - tless and clean
No stain, no shame to break the gaze of Your love

You guide us and teach us and reach out to meet us again
There's nothing we bring as we stand and we sing of the Son
You kindly remind us the past is behind us and sin
Was borne in your body and broken when You rose again!

We are ho - ly
Spotless in Your sight
No blame remains as we stand before You in love
We are ho - ly
Clothed in radiant white
No stain, no shame to break the gaze of Your love

Aaaaaand, God comes through!

Yep yep. Unlike the Pirates in yesterday's home opener, God pulled through tonight.

I went up to Grove City to bring Daniel back after break and lead worship for the grover care group, but I ended up going from worship leader to leader when Joel called and said he couldn't make it. Unfortunately, I had no inspiration whatsoever as I tried to plan some worship songs and prayer/discussion topics in the afternoon. My spiritual EKG was flatlined, and I was rather worried for the meeting. But I prayed for what I knew God would do--bless His children with what He knows they need--and walked on, pulling songs out, reading some verses, calling Joel, and pondering. I prayed a lot that He would meet us and minister Christ to us, whether or not there were emotions or particularly awesome experiences.

What I want to say here is that God answered those prayers. And I was really banking on that, 'cause I came into the meeting with nothing but 8 scattered songs, some verses from John 17 that have been meaningful in the past, and a lot of somewhat confused prayer.

As we went through some songs, I felt and saw God direct the meeting--having people go around and thank God after the first song, looking over the songs and seeing which one to do next, etc. And by His kindness, I really did start to get stirred up afresh at what God has done for us and how great and greatly-to-be-praised He is. We ended up having a great time sharing what was going in our lives, praying for each other, and singing God's praises. God even gave us some "frosting," like having conversation flow pretty comfortably--not necessary, but very nice.

So... God really did it! I put my foot out into darkness, and found ground under it. I suppose I find this particularly noteworthy because it all happened in the space of a few hours, and it was crystal clear that I had nothing, and God answered my prayers.

Um, this probably shouldn't be such a big deal to me, but I think it's really really cool, and I hope you're encouraged to walk where God shows you to, and to pray in faith, really trusting for what the Bible clearly says He will do.
Guess what?

He'll do it. Whoa! :-P

--Clear Ambassador

Take a ride on the vignette blimp!

Vignette. That's the word.

It was a full and eventful trip, but I don't want to descend again into the chronologically-precise slog of my typical trip account.

So we'll start up in the Goodyear Blimp, taking a wide shot looking down over the weekend. If you follow the little dotted lines around the map, you'll see that Mike Q, Shannon Q, Kayte B and I drove 4 hours down the windey PA Turnpike to Harrisburg, Kayte's hometown. We went to see the Harrsiburg church, the Bell family, and to run a 10K race which some of the Bells were doing. We left Friday at 3:30, and we got back Monday at 5:30 or so. That's the Family Circus version.

Now we jump out of the blimp, pop out our Kevlar 6-foot gliding wings, shoot down towards the grey ground below, and crash through the roof of the new Pleasant Hills Chick-Fil-A. We were there twice over the trip, and it comes to mind when I think of the weekend. Vignettes, remember? Anyway, Mike had his stash of coupons, so he got us all free combos on the way out and the way in. Verily, it was on the way out, whilst balancing my sandwich and fries and holding my Dr.Pepper firmly between my legs in the back seat of Harvey (Kayte's car) that my phone rang and I got a job offer! Nice way to start the trip. We also ended our travels with a long sit in the restaurant, eating our ridiculously free food and having a rollicking good time. As Steph would say, the four of us had bonded over the weekend, and it was fun to hang out there for an extra hour before hitting the Q's and splitting up.

So that was Chick-Fil-A. Great place. Another picture is the four of us in the car. Mike and I traded off driving to be manly. I think we got roughly 3 manpoints per 10 miles driven, if I remember the latest manpoints rewards plan.

Harvey is an old Ford Explorer, so he had plenty of room inside, which was nice. I played guitar on the way out (when not driving, gosh), but other than that we didn't play music, which was actually nice 'cause we just talked. And ahh, what a great group of people! No worries about redeeming vacuous conversation, no striving to stay involved or keep someone else from being left out - just abiding and having a blast. The Quinlisks are like family, and Kayte fit in enthusiastically like she does in everything. We got running jokes started (like annoying Shannon), we talked about real stuff like our parents and plans and possibilities, we commented on the world as it passed by, and it all flowed very nicely. One of my favorite parts was when I had each of us say something we respect about each of our parents. The depth and encouragement of what we shared still lingers. I say again - good group of people :-)

**BEEP BEEP** Gratuitious Vignette Alert! **BEEP BEEP**

Sitting in the back left of the SUV, all folded joints sweaty, definitely aware that Harvey's AC isn't working and the sun's radiation definitely is, but nobody's said anything.
Shannon: Man it's hot in here!
Kayte: Yeah! I know..
John: Agh, sorry guys! I just can't help it, geez.
*clamorous expressions of disdain* Heheheheh

Hmm. Let's see how to work this now. Basically, we're back in the blimp again, we just watched our little band of voyagers truck across the state, and now we're jumping out again over open green farmland/housing developments. It was night when we arrived, but right now it's day so that you can see around. The sky is crystal clear, the sun is shining, the grass below seems to glow green of its own accord, and as we drift down under our parachutes, warm smells of cow manure drift up to meet us (hah farmland). We settle down in a cul-de-sac 10 minutes from anything but other houses and some pretty farms. That big box of a house with a basketball hoop out front is the Bell's house. Let's go inside, shall we?

Ahh yes my friend, you see the spacious comfort of this fine Pennsylvania home? Out here in the country, space is a plentiful commodity, spent with ease. It is neat, it is new, it is nice, no? It makes a nice setting for the weekend, no? Indeed. Big new houses are one of my favorite things. And despite Mrs. Bell's protestations, the unfinished basement was sweet too. Mike and I slept down there in the couch quadrant. We also played ping-pong in the ping-pong table quadrant, thought about wrestling in the wrestling mat quadrant, and stayed away from the storage shelves quadrant. Big basement. And I was undefeated in ping-pong except for the Chinese ping-pong, in which I was.. the opposite of undefeated. Unvictorious, I suppose. Or unundefeated.

And how about the people living in this house? From what habitat springs this Kayte we've known for 4 years? What must the household of Debra Bell, renowned homeschool speaker and writer, be like? Is it indeed as fun and funny living with Gabe as you would think?

Well, the Bell family is cool. Very friendly, open and humorous. The household seems commesurate with the house: big, open, and lots of stuff in and out :-) Mike and Destiny live 15 minutes away, so they're around often. There's a Bible study every Sunday, and I get the impression that Gabe and assorted friends come and go whenever. They welcomed us in unceremoniously and unselfishly, and it didn't take long at all to be very comfortable in the house, hanging out, talking, laughing, and participating in what was going on.

When we got there Mike, Destiny, Gabe and a friend Dan were playing a hot game of spades, Mrs. Bell was at a conference in St. Louis, Mr. Bell was heating up some pizza, and Kristen was around. We talked, unloaded Harvey, played some ping-pong, and several of us went for a run around 9:30. Mike Q and I ended up out on the back porch with Gabe and Dan, smokin' pipes and enjoying the first warm night of the spring. Good batchelor stuff as Gabe put it :-) We talked in the kitchen till after 2, and Dan finally headed off and we hit the sack. That night was a lot of fun.

*Whizzz* *click* *whirrr*
That's me reeling you back in to my blimp vignette analogy thing.
Hokay, so, we're in the blimp again, and this time we've drifted away from the Bell house over to a Holiday Inn around Harrisburg. It's Saturday morning - 65 degrees and sunny. Using our magical vignette X-ray goggles, we look inside one of the meeting rooms, and behold! Half the Harrisburg church is there, and several folks from the Philly prophecy team are doing a prophecy seminar. Mr. Prater teaches a couple times, and we have two times of ministry. Mike is standing at the sound board helping (which makes him happy), Shannon and I are sitting watching people get prayed for, and most everybody else is prayer or a prayee. Cool way to spend a Saturday morning, and another reminder that God really is real, and really is beyond this natural world. I think a lot of people were encouraged and challenged and stirred up, which is great.

Mmm, the rest of Saturday... got home late after helping Darryl (sp?) tear down sound stuff, had a hearty ham lunch (which really made it feel like Sunday), and eventually ended up hiking in the woods at a nearby state park (or some such preserve). That was another enjoyable time of comfortable fellowship - walking, picking our way down paths or through thorns, and talking on and off between various groups about life. From our magical blimp standpoint we would see our pluckish band wander around the woods (*cough* lost? *cough*), we'd notice a few manpoint-earning assisted creek crossings, and we'd probably laugh at the silliness of these fine folks trekking through half-mile-wide thorn patches. We'd definitely laugh when I fall flat on my face in the middle of a clear path after successfully transversing said ungainly terrian. Yep yep, I'm a smooth one :-)

Let's pull out those vignette X-ray goggles again, and this time look inside the Bell home. We'd see me spending a lot of time diddling quietly on my guitar in rooms full of talking people. Saturday and Sunday we ended up spending many blocks of time sitting around the living room/dining room area and talking with whoever was around. Most of those times I would pick up the guitar and start amusedly musicating. I wonder about that - I wonder if it was nice, unnoticed, or perhaps annoying for the people around. I wonder if it's a lazy personal alternative to entering more fully into the conversation. I wonder...arg, if I'll ever write a song that is a good and personal as "Only Hope" has been for me. Switchfoot is amazing and I'm terrible. But that's unrelated. Anyway, yeah - lots of guitar. One cool thing was that I wrote a song about Kristen (Kayte's sister) for her birthday, which was Sunday. I sang it during her nonchalant birthday observance, and I think folks enjoyed it. Writing songs about people seems to be a musical thing that people like far more than I wish they liked my songs and skills. Funny how that works.

Ah, and Saturday night late sitting around just me and Mike Q I wrote a song with his lyrical help that's kinda cool and sounds like an old folk song. You would have needed magical vignette X-ray microphones to hear it, though, 'cause it was pretty quiet.

Sunday was church, the race, the Bible study in the house, Kristen's birthday, and more chilling/guitar diddling time. Church was, well, rather unexceptional in a completely benign way. Mr. Prater spoke, so I didn't get to see the home pastor do his stuff, and we didn't hang around much afterwards 'cause we were off to the race. The message on evangelism was good, but nothing new to me. It will become more applicable when I start working, which will be interesting to see. I will say that the worship team seemed to copy, admirably but uninventively (and somewhat stiffly) the CD arrangements of the songs they played. I've never seen that before in a Sovereign Grace church.

Our blimp now drifts down south to York, PA, where a bunch of sportily-clad people are hopping about, stretching, mulling, and fussing over headphones and mp3 players. Finally they all pack together like a motley amoeba, somebody yells "GO!" over a megaphone, and the amoeba starts to stretch out. Pretty much at the back of the amoeba is a little girl in pink running determinedly, another little girl in purple running amiably, a thick-built guy in a maroon Izod fleece running like a farm horse, and a skinny guy in an AE shirt trotting along and trying not to go faster. Up somewhere in the middle is a short-blue-shorted giraffe running pell-mell, long legs kicking (Yep, that's Mike. And in case you were wondering, those people were Kayte, Destiny, Gabe and myself). By the end of the race the amoeba has gotten really stretched out and distended. The AE guy comes in on his last breath after a fast second half, the Izod guy motors up the hill with amazing speed, the giraffe lays it all out for the final stretch, purple girl zips up with a smile on her face, and pink girl powers to the end with a wild Bell look of eager determination. Everybody had a great experience, and the pretty green land around the running trail enjoyed being looked at.

Oooh yeah. With our X-ray microphone (not quite sure how that works, but hey, it's magical, right?) we would hear Gabe call AE boy a beast, which is pretty spiffy coming from him. AE boy still wants to beat him up the hill, though.

Anyway, moving on to Monday. Monday was nice, for those of us who didn't have to get up early and run the American economy. Sunny, relaxed, and more fun time with the four of us. I got up at 9:15 and drank some milk whilst waiting for my call about the job offer. The call went great, and the offer, while not stunningly awesome, is totally solid, and I'm 99.5% sure I'll take it. It's a great blessing to get it, too, because aside from this job other prospects are kinda dreary. I got to take the call in Mrs. Bell's airy office, which was nice and quiet.

After the phone call you vignette blimp observers will note our foursome packing into Harvey and toodling down to a fabric store to sate Kayte's (totally cool and not-unnormal or homeschool-geeky) passion for quilting. You'll wait in vain to see Mike and me leave the store soon after entering. Hah! Verily, Mike and I ended up hanging around in there the whole time, looking at the myriad patterns and thinking about Youth Camp team colors and remarking on noteworthy fabrics. We even helped the ladies pick out some patterns. I tell ya - whatever the four of us did together, we made it a good time :-)

After the store and some lunch we dragged ourselves into packing up and heading out. I had to get back in time to leave with Mom, Dad and Daniel for Gettysburg (tracking right back down the same road!), and Kayte wanted to get settled back in for Tuesday. So, another road trip, more holding breaths through tunnels (I remain undefeated and unchallenged, HAH!), more sunshine, twists and vistas, and more great fellowship.

I suppose the picture in my mind of this trip is of sparkling sunshine, a big house surrounded by green green grass and open, rolling hills, and probably Gabe saying something funny about somebody. I'm pretty glad we got to see Harrisburg while we still have a tour guide here in Pittsburgh, and hopefully some day I can come back and beat Gabe up the hill at the end of his nightly run. Garr! D-:

I guess that does it. Good trip! I definitely feel a "bond" between the four of us, cheesy though that may sound. It's an honor to get to spend that much time with such good friends, and the memory will linger long and happily in all our memories.

Farewell, vignette blimp! Farewell magical X-ray goggles and technologically bewildering but concurrently magical X-ray microphone! As it drifts away into the Monday sunset, it leaves us with a faint, effervescent picture: The four of us 5 years from now. It's more a spark of excitement than a picture. Excitement and curiousity at where God might take us in our lives. I'm happy to know everybody now, and it should be fun to track our progress as we walk along with our interesting Guide.

--Clear Ambassador

Chick-fil-A Grand Opening

It's 7:20am, and I'm wide awake. That in itself is odd. I was also curled up under my leather jacket on a stranger's chair in a parking lot at 4am. That is very odd :-) Yes folks, despite my initial disinclination towards it, I ended up participating in the "First 100" tailgate party outside the Chick-fil-A opening up on 51. In case you don't know, when a free-standing Chick-fil-A opens up they give a year's worth of combo meals (52 coupons) to the first 100 people in line. Folks start coming at 6:30am, 24 hours before the restaurant officially opens. They have music, some free food, games, and occasional roll calls to make sure people don't sign up and then leave.

I knew Mike Q and some others were doing it, and Jonathan left around 9pm, but I was laying in the chair in Mom and Dad's room randomly dozing with Daisy on my lap, and I didn't feel like doing something different. But Huggies called me at 11 o'clock and said I should come down and bring some guitars, and I made a "what the heck" decision to go. I was half thinking I'd just stay for a few hours and leave, but once I got there and started hanging out with some guys and having fun, I decided to stick it out. I wasn't one of the first 100, but those from 101 to 130 have a chance to win one of 5 more "chicken for a year" deals that are raffled off based on how long you've been there.

So we played guitar, did hackey sack, watched the soccer players and hoped they broke a window, got in line for roll call, and enjoyed the free tea and coffee. Around midnight they had everybody inside for free ice-cream sundaes, and Dan Cathy, the president of Chick-fil-A (and son of its founder) gave a pep talk. This was the awesome part of the evening, because he also gave a solid and genuine talk, read a verse from Romans, and prayed right there in front of everybody. It wasn't some cheesy or fakely-pious spiritual blab, but a straight-foward, humble, honest and relevant sharing. The verse was the one that says how people didn't give glory to God as God or thank Him, which isn't a feel-good verse by any means. I was quite heartened by such a genuine Christian witness, and I have heaps of respect for Dan Cathy and how he's running his whole company.

The night was pretty fun, but it really started to drag around 4am. The group of guys I was hanging out with started bedding down in sleeping bags and folding chairs, but I just couldn't get warm enough under my jacket, with my rear end on the pavement and the cold wind biting through leather, hoodie and denim. 15 minutes literally passed like an hour, and I decided this wasn't worth it, so I got up again and passed more slow time standing, walking, talking and freezing. In the midst of warm weather, this night dipped down to freezing, making us earn our free combos.

So, to end this stor, we had afinal role call, I didn't win the raffle, but Mike Q gave me a bunch of his coupons because he's a great guy and a great friend, I finally got some chicken, and I drove home facing beautifully-lit skies and feeling not bad, but not quite normal. Now I'm jacked on Dr.Pepper, I'm running 5 miles at 11am, I'm listening to RelientK, and Mom's starting laundry. What a strange and sweet night!

I like the image in my mind - the parking lot lit by white street lights, the tent area, the football area, the soccer area, the people hunched over poker tables, the clean new restaurant, and the fun sense of camraderie with everybody there. It was a good time, and Chick-fil-A is walking out a Christian business as well as I think it's possible. Mad props!

--Bleary Ambassador

Good Days

Today was pretty much an amazingly sweet day, and it follows on the heels of another really sweet day - both of them making good use of my current freedom.

Yesterday I got up before 9 and Mom and I went to the Strip District to buy vegetables. We stopped in at a coffee shop on the way to Stan's Produce Market and I found FOUR new flavors of "Oral Fixation" mints - a windfall in the mint collection department! I also got a latte there. It was not the latte of a child. They roast their own beans, and they do it remarkably...thoroughly. It pretty much left the taste of a cigar in my mouth.

We got about $40 of veggies at Stan's, and we were home in plenty of time for Mom to leave for her lunch with Jere. I spent the rest of the day working on "All The Things That You've Done." I finished up the drums first, and I think after that I heated up some soup and casserole for lunch and did some devotions. I picked up "My Utmost For His Highest" on Friday (at lunch during jury duty) and so far it's been cool - challenging my conception of what a Christ-centered life looks like. After the nutritional and spiritual vittles I hit the electric guitar. Other than a break for dinner with Mom, Dad and Jonathan, I basically flipped through the various parts of the song and laid down a bunch of different guitar parts. It was pretty fun sitting there, dialing up whatever tone I wanted to on the GT-6 and enjoying the benefits of my increased electric playing of late, but I have a sinking suspicion that I'll end up deleting everything I did once I get vocals and bass down. That's how you learn stuff - waste a day recording parts in the wrong order, and never make the same mistake again :-

So, Monday was sweet. Up in the morning, veggies with Mom, recording (which is kind of like doing school work - rewarding, but hard to get myself into), and a quiet time. That night I did laundry and watched "Clear and Present Danger."

Today I got up at about 10, ate some frosted shredded wheat while packing up my backpack, and headed out for a day in Bethel Park. It started out with a two-mile run with Kayte Bell in preparation for the grand 10K this Sunday. The sun was out, the sky was bright blue, and it was mid 70's - a perfect day to be out and about. I bummed a shower and some lunch off the Piersons, sorta made up for it by helping carry in stuff from Sam's Club, and headed out for a 1pm meeting with Mr. Pierson. It's always fun talking stuff over with MP, and this was no exception. The myriad filaments of Youth Camp 2007 are starting to come together now, and after another meeting or two, I think we'll be pretty good to go.

I had a 8:30pm meeting with Mike Q and Katie Calano, so I had time to kill. I had a very nice quiet time in the empty meeting room and then hit YC stuff in Joel's now-vacated office. Kickin' back in the chair, typing emails, shuffling papers, eating jelly beans, and letting holiness soak into me from fully-stocked bookshelves lining every wall . . . good times :-)

I made a Taco Bell run at 4pm and took a little break at 8. It was nice sitting there by the open window, listening to the T clack by every few minutes, bare feet on the carpet (or propped up on the desk :-) ), working away productively but not stressfully. Mike and Katie arrived on time and we commenced a very enjoyable time of talking through all the plans so far, coming up with ideas, writing stuff down, and laughing a lot. I got a ton of input and new thoughts from them, which I wasn't expecting, and I think they both came away with solid pictures of their jobs and YC as a whole. That was a lot of fun, sitting up there in Joel's office, going over stuff, planning stuff . . sorta like we were adults, I guess :-)

And now I'm home. I made myself a delicious browned parmesan hawaiian egg amalgam for a fourthmeal (I'll sit down and tell you about my amalgams sometime), ate it whilst watching some TV, and now I've written about these days and I'm ready to retire as much on top of this life as it's possible to be right now.

And like Oswald said in one of the pages I read today, when we are lifted up higher in God's things, it's not like a legalistic pinnacle where we cling to one tiny point on the edge of plummeting, but rather we reach a broad table where it is easier to move about. I like that picture of Christian growth.

--Clear Ambassador

Trip of Taco Bells

I just got back from a long-awaited Akron trip, and even though it's 2:17am, I'm writing about it. It has been more than a month since I was last briefly in Akron (for an unsatisfactory band practice). I've been to two Switchfoot shows since then, which stirred the natural buildup of rock 'n' roll inside of me into a frenzy that needed to be let out. Y'ARR! So I've been looking forward to this trip, which took advantage of Brian and Stephen's spring break from Akron U. Plus, I was able to stick around Friday and Saturday for Care Group, Fuse I-Team planning meeting, and Kayte and Erin's St. Patty's Day party. It would have been a crying shame to miss that all, 'cause Kayte's SAS friends were really cool.

I drove out Sunday after church and lunch with Shannon's friends in Mt. Lebanon. Mom was in Florida, and Dad was going to a new guy--Bob's--house for lunch. Daniel was shuffled mercilessly back to Grove City since he was surrendering his ride due to the completion of the Sunday evening New Member's class.

The day was beautiful, and I called up different people and talked while I drove in the sunlight and looked at the regular puffs of cumulous clouds spreading off towards the horizon like giant cloud cookies. Brian, Stephen and I had a setup/jam/songwriting session that night, bisected by the grabbing of some Taco Bell for dinner (the first of many). They taught me a classic Pure Boss song, "Emo Coaster," and we worked "Always Late" up into a veritable song after being a sweet but impotent idea for months.
We also spent a lot of time working on guitar tones--something I'd been struck by at the Switchfoot concerts. I brought my Fender75 tube amp for my guitar, and I have been incredibly happy with its tone. YES! Finally that spontaneous $400 purchase is paying off! I'm getting unique, all-tube, 1970's non-modeled guitar tones that rival those of the $1200 Vox AC30 I played at Guitar Center on Monday. (Plus, my spontaneous $400 USA Strat is also paying off, dishing out juicy tones and taking me to string lock dive-bomb heaven).
That night Steve and I killed some JW's and wrote a song about chugging a gallon of milk--Steve's proof that coming up with classic goofy Pure Boss songs isn't a worry.

Monday was the off day--Brian and Alex were occupied, so I was free (and so was Steve in the end, 'cause he decided not to work for Jared). I met Jess, Christin and Justin at Quizno's for lunch, which was my only non-band-related contact of the trip. Steve and I killed some time at home after that, how I don't recall at the moment, and ended up getting some lunch at Taco Bell (Zesty Nachos have my stamp of approval, especially for $0.99) and hitting Guitar Center. That night we hung around with the fam, watched some 24, looked over old baseball/basketball collections, and ended up watching a Frank Peretti movie.

Tuesday was going to be all band all day, but that morning Alex called and said he realized he had voice lessons and work taking him out of comission at 4:30. So, yeah, we had a half day, basically, starting a little after 10am. We went over the songs Alex has learned so far, and then worked on the new ones from the night before. The guitar tones worked pretty well and OH YEAH! We bought a 5000-watt sound system when Lentine's music store shut down! So we had two dual-15"+horn mains (1200W each) and two 600-watt subs cranked up down in the dance room :-) We mic'd the kick drum, and it shook that place! Feedback was a pain, but overall the sound system was incredible.

Practice went well Tuesday, but we all agreed that we wanted more, so Brian, Stephen and I spent a lot of time taking it all down and setting it up at the Chimas. And that brings me to something that's so sweet, it's like from a movie or something, and probably only a small fraction of people ever get to live out such a classic dream. The little "barn" out behind the Chimas' house has a fair-sized upper room, somewhat small, but cozy with 2 little windows, the roof slanting up and in, and a big chunk of thick carpet on the floor. We set our whole rig up there, despite Steve and Brian's initial doubts, and it tucked in like a gymnast doing a triple flip! Sooo sweet dude, you have no idea! Drums nestled back at one end, mains and rack at the other end, guitar amp stacked on bass amp, mics and pedals on the floor, and a low wall of subs with a keyboard on top. The wires are all tucked away nicely, and the wood everywhere sucks up the sound like a million-dollar recording room. The carpet is soft, the wood is warm, the subs pound the entire building with the kick drum, and it is the most unbelievably cool thing ever! Right now we're leaving almost everything set up there, which seems too good to be true--band practice without hours of irksome setup--but we'll see. I'm just happy to have played there today and to be enjoying the happiness of the whole setup. Ahhhhh :-)

Oh yes, and we took a break from practice that afternoon and grabbed some Taco Bell. Good stuff man--it keeps us going.

I've gotten slightly ahead of myself here. Before setting up the sweet sweet practice room in the top of the barn, we spent a long time and a lot of effort trying to set up a pool table on the ground level. A friend was giving the Chimas his old table, but it turned into a bigger deal than planned when the felt was ripped and we had to pull it off. So now there's a large, ungainly and incredibly heavy slate-topped table in the barn, and the Chimas are debating how to get it refelted. I have a feeling it'll be that way for a looong time, but we'll see.

Craig was over to help with that all for awhile, and when it was over and sound setup was over, Alex was back from work and we all got some dinner inside and warmed up. Brian, Stephen and I crashed in the basement that night after watching Dodgeball. I was up late, but hey, when I'm in Akron, it's crash and burn! It is, actually, and it's kind of funny--these days totally removed from my normal life, almost constraintless, just bouncing from one thing to another with no worry about spending time or accomplishing anything other than band stuff.

I digress. Today, which is now yesterday, Steve picked up Alex and we hit the music at about 11 o'clock. The little practice room was sweet beyond belief, and we cooked up some MORE great new songs. Brian played a song for Steve and I a few trips back, which we brought out, and it turned into my favorite of all our new songs. Plus, Brian randomly played the first song he ever wrote, and we ended up turning it into a hard-rocking new song with a surprisingly good melody and some fantastic guitar parts. Like we say sometimes after crashing out the end of a tight rocking song, we're sweet! :-P We've been blessed, I'd say, greatly.

So, yeah--Brian and Alex left around 3:30, Steve and I watched Mean Girls and took down the music stuff we wanted to take back home, and we drifted back to the Hoffmans' around 6pm. I was planning to leave at that time, but I didn't want to cut it all off right then, so I hung around, watched some TV, ate some food, and played mini pool and foosball with Philip. I finally left at 10 o'clock, ready for a relaxing and contemplative night drive home.

I also swung by the top of Pittsburgh instead of going right home once I got back into Pittsburgh, and I ended up spending a long time up there listening to Switchfoot and looking out over the panorama. I'm starting to like "New Way To Be Human" like nothing I've liked since perhaps Legend of Chin. Switchfoot is unique for me in their combination of lyrics about God, creative and skilled music, and genius song writing. They're personal to me like almost no other band is. It's amazing how much enjoyment I've been getting out of them--their music, personalities and shows--and I'm quite grateful to God for His goodness in that. It may hurt sometimes, but it really is a joy, and in Heaven I'll meet the end of all these longings.

Garr it's late. This was a very good Akron trip, and I'm still aglow with the practice room. How crazily blessed we are right now! I'm also aglow with Switchfoot, and I'm wondering how long this will last, and where it will lead. I'm also downered about the car full of stuff to be unloaded, and I'm still not quite realizing that I have a job fair tomorrow.

The bird clock ticks, the refridgerator steadly wooshes, Daisy just snorted and shifted in the chair to my right, all the lights are warm and low except the screen in front of me, and I'm lucid despite my heavy arms and lolling head.

What a life.

--Clear Ambassador

Cool Pictures

I took some time under the hood of our piano tonight taking pictures with Daniel's camera, and I just finished taking a lot more time editing the pics and coming up with captions. Facebook calls this a "public link," so I'm hoping y'all can see the pictures. I'd be quite happy if somebody appreciated them, 'cause I think they're really cool :-) Something about the old feel of the piano, the solidity of its construction, and the magnificence of its span of strings and its repetitive precision.

So, check it out!

http://pitt.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2091894&l=26e4e&id=14224546

Oh, and I was wearing a bow tie and tux shirt from serving at the Exploring Christianity kick-off dinner, so I took some pictures of that, 'cause its spiffy and venerable.

Lemme know what you think! Hope the link works.

--Clear Ambassador

In Response to Jason

Here you go, folks! Luke and Leia, in all our costumed glory.

Most of that glory was on Leia's side :-)


We sang a Luke and Leia version of the Brady Bunch theme. The last picture is when we were singing "The Skywalker Bunch, The Skywalker Bunch." Word on the street is that that was the best part. And no Jason, I'm not putting up audio files of our singing so you can hear :-P

Good times.

--Clear Ambassador/Luke Skywalker