Tonight I made tomatillo salsa: oven-roasted tomatillos and jalapenos, sauteed garlic, onions and jalapenos, all blended together with some salt, pepper and lime juice. Fry up some eggs and refried beans, and you've got a plate of huevos rancheros - a Ken classic and one of my favorites. It was so good I just made another plate now! So that's 7 eggs, most of a can of refried beans, and about a cup of salsa. I'm always glad when I want to and am able to eat a bunch of hearty food like that.
The idea and ingredients for the salsa came from the Strip District, where Mom, Melanie and I went yesterday. Mel spent the day with us, which was cool. We had a great lunch at a swanky "Island cuisine" place at the strip, and for dinner we had wine, crazy cheeses, fruits and baguette. Really good stuff. Not the way I expected to spend my day off, but not a loss by any means.
I've got a story for you: Back in the day we had this tape labeled "Songs and Sounds of the Sea," and we boys would listen to it and drink in the hearty vocals and tight harmonies, all exuding the mystique of the old whaling sailing days. I tried to find a copy of that album about a month ago, but my google search showed that it was a National Geographic Society record made in the 70's, and never re-released. After a couple emails I contacted a "John Roberts" from a seafaring music website, and he said he had a CD copy of the record that he'd made. A week later, I got a package in the mail, and there it was! Turns out John Roberts is one of the artists on the album, too! So I've been eating it up, and it has fueled my taste for genuine, folk-type music. If anybody's interested, I'd be happy to hook you up with a copy of the CD. As far as I'm concerned, it is fanTAStic music and well worth investing in. There's a spark in that album that just.. ah man. I dunno :-)
Today I had some swelling poking down from the top of my mouth, back by my throat. ARG. The classic beginning sign of a cold. Dude, I've just spent the last MONTH being sick. M O N T H. First regular flu killed about 2 weeks. Then I was over it and up to Akron for a weekend, but my stomach started giving me problems, and I got dizzy a few times, and slept a bunch, and when I got home Monday I had full-blown stomach flu for 2 days. Then Thursday, when I was all better, I tried eating normally, and had a reaction to something that caused my gut to empty itself over the course of a couple hours. Like, empty. Not a good time. So I took it even slower with foods after that, and at last the next Tuesday I was back to normal. Then, a couple hours after lunch at work, the exact same rumblings started down in my gut. In a second my mind made the connection: My vitamins! I take a multivitamin, glucosamine for my crappy joints, and "chorella," which is like a concentrated green vegetable supplement. I think it's the chorella that racked me out. Anyway, I cried to God in desperation and dismay, and by His mercy (and a lot of concentrating and laying motionless in the hot end locker room), I made it out with just one puke. No more vitamins for now! :-/
So yeah - I really don't want to be sick again. We'll see. I slept a lot today. Ugh. Another day off basically wasted -- waiting for the time to pass.. drifting semi-aimlessly, sleeping if I feel tired, potsing about on the exercise bike, grabbing a guitar for a few minutes, changing the membrane on our water filter system, watching TV for a couple hours... a day almost utterly wasted. This is killing me at this moment: it's like I have no vision, but really I have no drive. No drive to buckle down and read a bunch of the Bible, or do a study, or try to fix my recording interface again, or get my butt outside and rake the leaves, or SOMETHING! People who accomplish stuff don't waste time, and I'm sitting here at the end of one of many days that I have basically wasted.
I don't think things will stay this way indefinitely, but it still kills me. It kills me not so much that I wasted the day, but that I'm not the kind of person who uses their time with purpose and drive and diligence. You don't accomplish things like writing books or recording albums or gaining experiences or moving upward in any area or profession if you don't live that way.
We'll see what God has for me to do. For now, I've gotta get up at 4:30am tomorrow and go to work.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Life in America
Blech. If I was reading this blog, I probably wouldn't read this post. But when I clicked on a yahoo news link by accident, I found an article which demonstrates my thoughts so well that I can't pass up the opportunity to succinctly state them. [And I did put a LOT of effort into writing this post well.]
It would be best to read this yourself first. But if you hate clicking links of any sort as I do, I'll sum it up:
"Microwave ovens pose a serious safety hazard to young children, a new study of scald burn injuries demonstrates."
"Hot foods or liquids from microwave ovens were the fourth leading cause of scald injuries in children under 5 years old, a review of records from the University of Chicago Burn Center shows."
Studied 140 cases. Now they're calling manufacturers to make a way to prevent little kids from opening microwaves.
My thought is that America is chasing a million improvements like this, and I feel like they all end up with the same fundamental action point: a new requirement for everyone to prevent harm to a few. Bluntly, we're trying to make life dummy-proof and risk-proof.
Many of these improvements, like alcohol thermometers instead of mercury ones, and forklifts that won't move until someone is sitting in the driver's seat, make a lot of sense, and it's a blessing that we have been able to address the accidents that brought about their development. Almost all of these improvements, like getting manufacturers to make microwaves that infants can't open, are valid and right in and of themselves.
But your average joe can't work on his own car anymore because of all the emissions and efficiency and safety systems, and how many cars have been classified as totaled because the airbags went off in a fender bender and it's too expensive to replace them? How many manufacturing jobs are no longer in America due in part to the cost of meeting the extensive and voluminous requirements for environmental and occupational safety? What is the effect on our sense of personal responsibility when "Caution, the beverage you are about to enjoy may be hot" is on every coffee cup lid? What I see from a zoomed-out perspective is a burgeoning structure of abridging the freedom and taxing the resources of the majority to prevent harm to a few. To prevent risk.
I am in an impossible situation here: these improvements, these requirements, do worthy things. It would be evil to stop putting airbags in cars just so they're easier to fix. What?? I would have workers die in accidents so companies can save some money on their Responsible Care departments? What if it was MY kid that got scalded? But along with all the good they do, there is a sum effect of these advances--the good ones, the nit-picky ones, the life-saving ones, the far-fetched ones, all of them--that is to me wearisome, sad, and damaging at a deep and subtle level.
So which would you rather have? More freedom and a healthier nation (in ways you probably don't even realize)?
Or the two (or twenty) friends that would have died by now 100 years ago?
I am content to be where and when I am. But I thought I would express this view I have--this conundrum that vexes me--since it is a frequent presence in my thoughts, and undergirds my view of everything around me.
Personally [and that's an important qualifier], I wouldn't mind trading #2 for #1. Bring on the risk and pain: let's LIVE!
--JPB
It would be best to read this yourself first. But if you hate clicking links of any sort as I do, I'll sum it up:
"Microwave ovens pose a serious safety hazard to young children, a new study of scald burn injuries demonstrates."
"Hot foods or liquids from microwave ovens were the fourth leading cause of scald injuries in children under 5 years old, a review of records from the University of Chicago Burn Center shows."
Studied 140 cases. Now they're calling manufacturers to make a way to prevent little kids from opening microwaves.
My thought is that America is chasing a million improvements like this, and I feel like they all end up with the same fundamental action point: a new requirement for everyone to prevent harm to a few. Bluntly, we're trying to make life dummy-proof and risk-proof.
Many of these improvements, like alcohol thermometers instead of mercury ones, and forklifts that won't move until someone is sitting in the driver's seat, make a lot of sense, and it's a blessing that we have been able to address the accidents that brought about their development. Almost all of these improvements, like getting manufacturers to make microwaves that infants can't open, are valid and right in and of themselves.
But your average joe can't work on his own car anymore because of all the emissions and efficiency and safety systems, and how many cars have been classified as totaled because the airbags went off in a fender bender and it's too expensive to replace them? How many manufacturing jobs are no longer in America due in part to the cost of meeting the extensive and voluminous requirements for environmental and occupational safety? What is the effect on our sense of personal responsibility when "Caution, the beverage you are about to enjoy may be hot" is on every coffee cup lid? What I see from a zoomed-out perspective is a burgeoning structure of abridging the freedom and taxing the resources of the majority to prevent harm to a few. To prevent risk.
I am in an impossible situation here: these improvements, these requirements, do worthy things. It would be evil to stop putting airbags in cars just so they're easier to fix. What?? I would have workers die in accidents so companies can save some money on their Responsible Care departments? What if it was MY kid that got scalded? But along with all the good they do, there is a sum effect of these advances--the good ones, the nit-picky ones, the life-saving ones, the far-fetched ones, all of them--that is to me wearisome, sad, and damaging at a deep and subtle level.
So which would you rather have? More freedom and a healthier nation (in ways you probably don't even realize)?
Or the two (or twenty) friends that would have died by now 100 years ago?
I am content to be where and when I am. But I thought I would express this view I have--this conundrum that vexes me--since it is a frequent presence in my thoughts, and undergirds my view of everything around me.
Personally [and that's an important qualifier], I wouldn't mind trading #2 for #1. Bring on the risk and pain: let's LIVE!
--JPB
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Real Life
Ever since everybody went back to college, I've been spending the dedicated portions of my free time doing "real life" stuff, which has become the distinguishing mark of this period of time. I was originally planning on buckling down with music stuff after the summer and putting an album out there for people to listen to, but Dad had some home projects, and it was absolutely the right thing to do to help.
Coming out of summer, after my long and glorious tour of Akron, Cleveland and Grove City, Dad started tearing apart the upstairs bathroom to replace the floor tiles, and I replaced the kitchen sink. Once the new floor was in, I took up the job of painting the bathroom walls. Which got extended to include the ceiling, and lengthened by the difficulty of fully covering the original light blue color (not so "light" after all). In the midst of this, Dad was socked with buying a new van after ours got totalled by somebody tearing up the hill and smashing into it. He was also dealing with insurance people to look at the damage to our property: torn up driveway, demolished mailbox, and two mashed up tree trunks. He and Mom went down to West Virginia overnight to pick up our new minivan (White Dodge Grand Caravan, sunroof, 3.8 V6, leather seats, DVD player... pretty nice!), and despite taking an entire week off of work, he barely touched the house plans, which was his original goal for that week.
Now I'm starting on the trim for the bathroom (which looks nice, btw), the pressure's on for finishing the house drawings, and the water filter for the kitchen sink is messed up. Oh, and the sunroof on the new van is busted too. And for me, the software for my recording interfaces is shot to hell, and after a night of intense misery, I have nothing but an indeterminite period of difficulty awaiting me when I try again to fix it.
Although at this moment we're all feeling pressed down by all this stuff that keeps breaking, in general this has been a good time for me of doing real things. Something just clicked when Dad started laying out all these projects, and my mindset has been that this is what I'll do, and I'll get things done. It's satisfying to get experience and learn how to do house stuff, but above everything else, it is very gratifying to be able to help Dad in a way that's meaningful to him. To take these things off his back so he doesn't have to worry about them is a valuable contribution, and it makes me happy that I'm able to do that. It's something a 24-year-old son living at home ought to do for his father. So I'll do everything I can, and I'll come out a little more prepared for taking care of my own home, and Dad will come out with more things fixed than he would have been able to do himself.
Tomorrow I head to Lowes to scope out options for the bathroom trim. Hopefully they have good wood in stock.
Hm... there's a Chick-Fil-A at the Waterfront too... :-)
--JPB
Coming out of summer, after my long and glorious tour of Akron, Cleveland and Grove City, Dad started tearing apart the upstairs bathroom to replace the floor tiles, and I replaced the kitchen sink. Once the new floor was in, I took up the job of painting the bathroom walls. Which got extended to include the ceiling, and lengthened by the difficulty of fully covering the original light blue color (not so "light" after all). In the midst of this, Dad was socked with buying a new van after ours got totalled by somebody tearing up the hill and smashing into it. He was also dealing with insurance people to look at the damage to our property: torn up driveway, demolished mailbox, and two mashed up tree trunks. He and Mom went down to West Virginia overnight to pick up our new minivan (White Dodge Grand Caravan, sunroof, 3.8 V6, leather seats, DVD player... pretty nice!), and despite taking an entire week off of work, he barely touched the house plans, which was his original goal for that week.
Now I'm starting on the trim for the bathroom (which looks nice, btw), the pressure's on for finishing the house drawings, and the water filter for the kitchen sink is messed up. Oh, and the sunroof on the new van is busted too. And for me, the software for my recording interfaces is shot to hell, and after a night of intense misery, I have nothing but an indeterminite period of difficulty awaiting me when I try again to fix it.
Although at this moment we're all feeling pressed down by all this stuff that keeps breaking, in general this has been a good time for me of doing real things. Something just clicked when Dad started laying out all these projects, and my mindset has been that this is what I'll do, and I'll get things done. It's satisfying to get experience and learn how to do house stuff, but above everything else, it is very gratifying to be able to help Dad in a way that's meaningful to him. To take these things off his back so he doesn't have to worry about them is a valuable contribution, and it makes me happy that I'm able to do that. It's something a 24-year-old son living at home ought to do for his father. So I'll do everything I can, and I'll come out a little more prepared for taking care of my own home, and Dad will come out with more things fixed than he would have been able to do himself.
Tomorrow I head to Lowes to scope out options for the bathroom trim. Hopefully they have good wood in stock.
Hm... there's a Chick-Fil-A at the Waterfront too... :-)
--JPB
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
New York City!
Two years ago, Nate, Katie, Sarah and I spent 4 days in Chicago, doing a lot of walking, and getting to know that majestic city. Since then we've been talking about going to New York, and last weekend--pretty much at the last minute--, that talk became reality. Katie and Rebekah pulled into Nate and Sarah's driveway at 4:45am Friday, we piled our bags into the white minivan, and the five of us headed off into the thin morning light. Off to New York City!
The trip really didn't come together for sure until a couple days earlier, when we worked out our housing arrangements and I got Monday off of work (I'm back on shifts, which respect neither holiday nor weekend). Rebekah had been vascillating, but Mr. Calano said she oughta go, and so we were five. That strengthened the "Calano Girl" contingent, which changed the dynamics of the trip from how Chicago had been. And as far as differences go, having a car and driving gave a different feel to our being in the city, and our accomodations were very different on this trip.
Our time in New York was actually shaped a lot by our housing arrangement. Nate and I stayed at the house of a family from the Sovereign Grace church in Brooklyn, and the girls stayed with their Aunt Janet at her apartment, only 10 blocks away. The logistics of getting to and from Manhattan shaped each day prominently, and gave our time in the city less of an "abiding" feel. That was fine, though, 'cause not having to pay for a hotel was a remarkable blessing, and we got to know the city in a different way. Instead of only seeing the impersonal megapolis of Manhattan's soaring buildings, we walked the streets and spent time in the comfortable brownstone houses and thick brick apartments that coat Brooklyn's earth so densely with humanity. In fact, some of the best memories that stick out in my mind are from there.
Friday we walked around Times Square and the surrounding area after arriving and finally finding parking at about 1pm. Saturday we bustled our way through Chinatown and Little Italy in the morning and early afternoon, finishing off with a little Frisbee in Central Park. The later afternoon and evening were then taken up with getting back to our separate residences in Brooklyn, freshening up, getting back together, and driving to some of the Calanos' relatives in the area. We went to Aunt Jo's apartment first for a brief call, and then hurried post-haste to Aunt Rosemary's, where a large contingent of semi-distant, highly-Italian Calano relatives were gathered, eager to see Tommy's girls and Sarah's new husband. I had heard about their Uncle Rocky, food food food, kissing on the cheek when greeting, and other aspects of the side of the family that Mr. Calano came from, and I was quite curious to see if they were exaggerated, or what.
Well, they were all true. And I had a blast! The little Brooklyn house was packed with folks, and they were all friendly, and I got to have several nice conversations and a lot of great food. The New York City urban life is quite different from my experience, and nothing could have shown me it as well as that evening.
The other "induplicable" touch of real NYC life was the apartment where the girls stayed. Their aunt Janet is a lawyer in Manhattan, and her apartment is the entire 15th floor of a building. Nate and I got to stay there Sunday night since Janet was out and we had the place to ourselves. It was a really nice place, and every window greeted you with an airy view of the city. Sunday night I spent an hour just sitting in the window well of the pool table room, soaking in the sea of lights stretching out from my perch, and listening to the breathing of the metropolis. Something about cities gets to me really deep, and that night and that apartment let me take it in like nothing else could have.
Nate and I got to see a more yuppie aspect of NYC life via the Roses, the family who very kindly hosted us Friday and Saturday nights. They were a young family with two young kids, in a small but comfortable Brooklyn apartment. Rick worked right off of Times Square, and they hadn't owned a car since moving to the city. The Sovereign Grace church (City Church) is within walking distance of their house, and so are most of its members. Rick helps on the sound team Sunday mornings, so I came early with him and helped set it up and run it for the service.
It wasn't a *New York* experience per se (other than the 3-race diversity of the 4-person worship team), but it was one of my highlights from the trip. Like I said when I ran sound for Chad and Abbey's grad party a few months ago, I am rarely happier than when I'm behind the wheel of a sound system. Ooh ooh - and the bagels! Rick had mentioned the bagels they have every morning before the service, and asked if we'd had New York bagels yet. His hearty recommendation had me kind of excited, and my hopes were not disappointed when I finally had a chance go go back and grab one before the service started. Lest you think "New York bagels" is just a platitude, let me assure you: they were de-SHILL-ous! The fundamental texture and basic flavor way outclassed even the asiago cheese or cinnamon sugar of a dense, lifeless Panera bagel.
[Don't get me wrong: I still highly enjoy Panera. I'm not complaining, and I'm not ungrateful for what we have here, and neither should you be. Being made to enjoy less something over which you have no control is poison. I am solely commenting on the specialness of the New York trip.]
So yeah - Sunday morning was cool, and touching the healthy, solid ground of a Sovereign Grace church was a great anchor point for the trip.
As far as what we saw in Manhattan during the days, it was mostly the classic New York sights that don't require a large block of time or money to see. We didn't go up any buildings, didn't go out to Ellis Island or the Stat of Lib, didn't see a Broadway show, and didn't go to any museums or music venues. We did spend time and money browsing & shopping in Chinatown and Little Italy (Littaly, as I like to call it), walking around Central Park and Times Square, riding the Metro, seeing Grand Central Station, and getting food from such places as Pellegrino's, a gyro stand, Jamba Juice (Katie's favorite!), and Famous Famiglia Pizzeria. We walked the Brooklyn Bridge (absolutely stunning. And mind-blowing when you think that they built it just a few years after the Civil War!), rode the Staten Island Ferry, and walked past dresses that were worth more than our combined monthly salaries on Madison Avenue. We didn't learn about the city in a museum or catch the big hits on a bus tour, but we saw its life in progress at eye-level:
Whellnow, on the way back Monday evening, we pulled off the turnpike at the Sideling Hill plaza as the light was fading from the Pennsylvania sky. As we pulled into our spot, I noticed the sign for the restaurants: Famiglia Pizzeria! So I got all gee-hawed up and ordered me a slice of pepperoni, happy to know that this place was really good, and I had a good dinner coming.
Bite.
Squish.
Glop.
Bleah.
The cheese was like slime, the sauce choked the pizza with tasteless tomato acid, and the whole piece sagged and slumped in my hand like a fine upstanding lad who'd had his backbone pulled out.
Here's the thing though: Yes, my dinner that night was a disappointment. But it crystallized in my mind that we had been somewhere special that night in Times Square. Oh, the turnpike one might have had the same picture of Famiglia guys tossing dough in the Macy's Day Parade hanging on its wall, but the food behind the counter was just a sad, mediocre placeholder flying under the same name. "Famous Famiglia" was started in the heart of New York City by the four Kolaj brothers, who arrived there with their mother in 1970 [ref]. Not only were we at probably one of the first locations they opened, but just a few miles away from where we sat, colossal ship yards were drawing in goods from all over the world, piping them through New York's labyrinthian conduits and out to the rest of the United States. Where could you find fresher Italian goods than right there? New York has the authenticity of true value: it's not just a tourist trap - it really is one of the shipping capitals of this hemisphere. It really was history's epicenter of immigration from everywhere across the ocean. And it really is the place to put something if you're only gonna make one of it.
We were at a special place during our trip, and from gazing at the sprawl from the window of the apartment to staring at the grafitti flashing by in the subway tunnels, from the shrimp scampi in Little Italy to the ferris wheel inside the Times Square Toys 'R' Us, from the ~noo ywok~ accent in the little Brooklyn apartment to the men playing guitar and hammered dulcimer and selling their CD in Central Park, New York City wasn't an imitation, it was the real thing. And I liked that!
Next on the list: Go there with Steve Hoffman. :-) :-)
The trip really didn't come together for sure until a couple days earlier, when we worked out our housing arrangements and I got Monday off of work (I'm back on shifts, which respect neither holiday nor weekend). Rebekah had been vascillating, but Mr. Calano said she oughta go, and so we were five. That strengthened the "Calano Girl" contingent, which changed the dynamics of the trip from how Chicago had been. And as far as differences go, having a car and driving gave a different feel to our being in the city, and our accomodations were very different on this trip.
Our time in New York was actually shaped a lot by our housing arrangement. Nate and I stayed at the house of a family from the Sovereign Grace church in Brooklyn, and the girls stayed with their Aunt Janet at her apartment, only 10 blocks away. The logistics of getting to and from Manhattan shaped each day prominently, and gave our time in the city less of an "abiding" feel. That was fine, though, 'cause not having to pay for a hotel was a remarkable blessing, and we got to know the city in a different way. Instead of only seeing the impersonal megapolis of Manhattan's soaring buildings, we walked the streets and spent time in the comfortable brownstone houses and thick brick apartments that coat Brooklyn's earth so densely with humanity. In fact, some of the best memories that stick out in my mind are from there.
Friday we walked around Times Square and the surrounding area after arriving and finally finding parking at about 1pm. Saturday we bustled our way through Chinatown and Little Italy in the morning and early afternoon, finishing off with a little Frisbee in Central Park. The later afternoon and evening were then taken up with getting back to our separate residences in Brooklyn, freshening up, getting back together, and driving to some of the Calanos' relatives in the area. We went to Aunt Jo's apartment first for a brief call, and then hurried post-haste to Aunt Rosemary's, where a large contingent of semi-distant, highly-Italian Calano relatives were gathered, eager to see Tommy's girls and Sarah's new husband. I had heard about their Uncle Rocky, food food food, kissing on the cheek when greeting, and other aspects of the side of the family that Mr. Calano came from, and I was quite curious to see if they were exaggerated, or what.
Well, they were all true. And I had a blast! The little Brooklyn house was packed with folks, and they were all friendly, and I got to have several nice conversations and a lot of great food. The New York City urban life is quite different from my experience, and nothing could have shown me it as well as that evening.
The other "induplicable" touch of real NYC life was the apartment where the girls stayed. Their aunt Janet is a lawyer in Manhattan, and her apartment is the entire 15th floor of a building. Nate and I got to stay there Sunday night since Janet was out and we had the place to ourselves. It was a really nice place, and every window greeted you with an airy view of the city. Sunday night I spent an hour just sitting in the window well of the pool table room, soaking in the sea of lights stretching out from my perch, and listening to the breathing of the metropolis. Something about cities gets to me really deep, and that night and that apartment let me take it in like nothing else could have.
Nate and I got to see a more yuppie aspect of NYC life via the Roses, the family who very kindly hosted us Friday and Saturday nights. They were a young family with two young kids, in a small but comfortable Brooklyn apartment. Rick worked right off of Times Square, and they hadn't owned a car since moving to the city. The Sovereign Grace church (City Church) is within walking distance of their house, and so are most of its members. Rick helps on the sound team Sunday mornings, so I came early with him and helped set it up and run it for the service.
It wasn't a *New York* experience per se (other than the 3-race diversity of the 4-person worship team), but it was one of my highlights from the trip. Like I said when I ran sound for Chad and Abbey's grad party a few months ago, I am rarely happier than when I'm behind the wheel of a sound system. Ooh ooh - and the bagels! Rick had mentioned the bagels they have every morning before the service, and asked if we'd had New York bagels yet. His hearty recommendation had me kind of excited, and my hopes were not disappointed when I finally had a chance go go back and grab one before the service started. Lest you think "New York bagels" is just a platitude, let me assure you: they were de-SHILL-ous! The fundamental texture and basic flavor way outclassed even the asiago cheese or cinnamon sugar of a dense, lifeless Panera bagel.
[Don't get me wrong: I still highly enjoy Panera. I'm not complaining, and I'm not ungrateful for what we have here, and neither should you be. Being made to enjoy less something over which you have no control is poison. I am solely commenting on the specialness of the New York trip.]
So yeah - Sunday morning was cool, and touching the healthy, solid ground of a Sovereign Grace church was a great anchor point for the trip.
As far as what we saw in Manhattan during the days, it was mostly the classic New York sights that don't require a large block of time or money to see. We didn't go up any buildings, didn't go out to Ellis Island or the Stat of Lib, didn't see a Broadway show, and didn't go to any museums or music venues. We did spend time and money browsing & shopping in Chinatown and Little Italy (Littaly, as I like to call it), walking around Central Park and Times Square, riding the Metro, seeing Grand Central Station, and getting food from such places as Pellegrino's, a gyro stand, Jamba Juice (Katie's favorite!), and Famous Famiglia Pizzeria. We walked the Brooklyn Bridge (absolutely stunning. And mind-blowing when you think that they built it just a few years after the Civil War!), rode the Staten Island Ferry, and walked past dresses that were worth more than our combined monthly salaries on Madison Avenue. We didn't learn about the city in a museum or catch the big hits on a bus tour, but we saw its life in progress at eye-level:
- Two, no three, no four generator trucks humming at the curb with rivers of power cables snaking off to a giant tent dominating a block-sized park. "Pardon the inconvenience as we continue to make New York a fashion capital of the world" read the signs. Thanksgiving day fashion show, I believe.
- Peeking over the fence into a roadwork zone, where bundles of pipes and conduits took up about as much volume as actual dirt below the pavement.
- Orange and green caught my eye in the random block where this sushi place was supposed to be. A shorter building was tucked inbetween 500-foot giants, and the entire top area was done up in striking orange, green and white. "Permanent Indian Consulate to the United States" was engraved on a plaque in the 20-foot bronze doors that loomed above me like a mysterious gate from a Kipling story.
- Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of people strewn over the sunny grass in Central Park, and walkers, runners and bikers pouring along the path as we sat on a bench and ate our toasted bagels and Jamba Juice smoothies for breakfast.
Whellnow, on the way back Monday evening, we pulled off the turnpike at the Sideling Hill plaza as the light was fading from the Pennsylvania sky. As we pulled into our spot, I noticed the sign for the restaurants: Famiglia Pizzeria! So I got all gee-hawed up and ordered me a slice of pepperoni, happy to know that this place was really good, and I had a good dinner coming.
Bite.
Squish.
Glop.
Bleah.
The cheese was like slime, the sauce choked the pizza with tasteless tomato acid, and the whole piece sagged and slumped in my hand like a fine upstanding lad who'd had his backbone pulled out.
Here's the thing though: Yes, my dinner that night was a disappointment. But it crystallized in my mind that we had been somewhere special that night in Times Square. Oh, the turnpike one might have had the same picture of Famiglia guys tossing dough in the Macy's Day Parade hanging on its wall, but the food behind the counter was just a sad, mediocre placeholder flying under the same name. "Famous Famiglia" was started in the heart of New York City by the four Kolaj brothers, who arrived there with their mother in 1970 [ref]. Not only were we at probably one of the first locations they opened, but just a few miles away from where we sat, colossal ship yards were drawing in goods from all over the world, piping them through New York's labyrinthian conduits and out to the rest of the United States. Where could you find fresher Italian goods than right there? New York has the authenticity of true value: it's not just a tourist trap - it really is one of the shipping capitals of this hemisphere. It really was history's epicenter of immigration from everywhere across the ocean. And it really is the place to put something if you're only gonna make one of it.
We were at a special place during our trip, and from gazing at the sprawl from the window of the apartment to staring at the grafitti flashing by in the subway tunnels, from the shrimp scampi in Little Italy to the ferris wheel inside the Times Square Toys 'R' Us, from the ~noo ywok~ accent in the little Brooklyn apartment to the men playing guitar and hammered dulcimer and selling their CD in Central Park, New York City wasn't an imitation, it was the real thing. And I liked that!
Next on the list: Go there with Steve Hoffman. :-) :-)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
One Crazy Long Weekend
I tried to savor it as much as possible -- driving around in the afternoon sunshine of a Monday.. waking up at 10am on Tuesday... 5 straight days without work!
Here's the backstory: After 2 weeks on the 12-8 schedule, I was informed Friday morning that I was being put on D crew as the fill-in hot end supervisor, until a bona fide replacement can be found. 12-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, starting out on days (6am - 6pm) on Wednesday. Aha! An extra 2 days off, courtesy of my boss. AND, with the way the schedule works, I work Wednesday and Thursday, and don't have to come back till Monday night (6pm - 6am)! Except I'm taking Monday off to go to New York City!
So yeah - lotsa days off in a short space of time. Something to savor indeed.
And before the NYC trip hits, I want to jot down what I did with all those days.
Friday I slept till about 4pm, packed up and hung out with Daniel as he packed up for Grove City, and reluctantly left at 5:37pm -- 37 minutes after I planned to leave, and 97 minutes after I should have left to get to frisbee on time. Yep: a frisbee game in Akron - the kickoff to a long-overdue Ohio weekend. Even though I didn't arrive till almost 8, I still caught a lot of great frisbee action, as the sunset painted the sky light orange and the breeze was warm over the drying August grass. We hit Zack's (excellent frozen yogurt) after it was too dark to play any more and we were tired of playing while it was too dark to play any more. Then the night changed from the plan. Chad and I went to a good-bye party for Dave Davis at the Chimas, and I ended up hanging out there with Brian and Nick, Steve, Jes Arlia, Joel Putnam and some others until around 3am. Everyone would say we had a good time, but I wonder about the usefulness of a bunch of immature people lounging around talking about nothing and making each other laugh. We did go to Taco Bell, though, and that was definitely time well spent :-)
Slept till noon Saturday up in Craig and Chad's room, and wiled away the afternoon hanging out with Collin and going on a couple errands with him and Craig. Not real purposeful, but I wouldn't call it a waste. Since Steve-O had slept in from the night before, he was working late, and then going to a movie, so I shrugged my shoulders and accepted the Tuminos' invitation to come along to a birthday/anniversary gathering with their relatives. Ended up being a sweet time at a really nice house, eating some good food (yes, including corn), talking to some new and very pleasant folks, climbing saplings, and jumping a badminton net (which amazed everyone there). Craig, Chad and I left early, listened to some of my recordings on the way home, and ended up watching "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" for the evening. Great movie! Aa-ee-aa-ee-aaahhh....
Thus endeth the chronicles of the Tumino house era of my trip. Beginneth "Smorgasbord Sunday." Woke up at the Tuminos, went to church (sans breakfast), enjoyed the Chad-led worship service and Randy Stewart-preached sermon, chatted about, double-entreed at Chipotle with Steve-O, picked up some shingles, and sat in the parking lot watching a TV show on Steve's iPod while waiting for the rain to clear up so we could finish this roof he was working on. OK, so, the rain's not clearing up. Off we go to the (old) Roberts Care Group farewell picnic, where I have a couple good conversations, grab a burger, and head off down the road following Cory Thompson's Jeep Cherokee towards Cleveland. Cutting out the details, I end up standing on the floor of the House of Blues with Craig, Cory, Steve-O and Charlie (my buddy from Pitt), waiting for Styx to hit the stage. And they hit it! And boy howdey did they hit it good :-) A dazzling and entertaining display of proficiency and experience. Maybe a little too up close and personal for a band of that style and age, but everyone basically said it was the best concert they'd ever been to. The night ended flopped upon the couch in the Hoffman's den at 2am with Brandy curled up at my feet and Steve-O getting out his schedule to discover what classes he had tomorrow and when he should get up. Ah yes.
Thus endeth the Akronian segment of my saga. Now beginneth the brief, second, Cleveland excursion. I got up as soon as I could drag myself out of bed (about 9) and drove to Charlie's place to hang out for the morning. We took a long walking tour of Case Western and got lunch at this sweet place called Tommy's (which ironically is right by the Grog Shop, where I saw State Fair play with Golinski and Shannon).
Now we enter the Grove City portion of my wanderings. However, we don't enter it easily, since my cell phone absolutely refuses to get charged, and by this point is completely dead. I called Daniel from Charlie's phone right before I left, and left a voicemail to the effect of "Hey, I'm coming... um, I don't know where your room is, or what your class schedule is.. and I don't have any way to call you again, and you don't have any way to call me... but here I come!" So we set sail to GC with a broken telegraph and no wood to make a fire for smoke signals. Fortunately the celly takes enough charge to get a text with his room location. Unfortunately, the driver is dumb and goes on the wrong highway. Fortunately, there's a Rita's where he cuts through to get back on track, and cotton candy ice is deLISHious. Daniel is asleep peacefully on the couch when we arrive.
It was interesting being at Grove City on the first day of classes, but not being a student. Lots of people greeting friends they hadn't seen in awhile, and lots of bustley class stuff. We ate dinner in the cafeteria with a few guys from AEX, and went to the hall afterwards and chilled for awhile. It's fun seeing the fun and funny things that transpire in a dorm hall, and get little pictures of people as they stop in the room for a minute. Eventually we got our butts up off the couch and went to Wal-Mart with Jess. Pretty much the classic thing to do when visiting a GCC student :-)
The rest of the night was spent in Daniel's room, with a morphing group of people occupying the room as time went by. Eventually Daniel, Tim and myself were left, talkin' about good stuff and relaxing in the light of the white mesh Christmas lights. Then people started getting back from the freshman square dance, somebody was talking in a hillbilly accent, three people returned pieces of western garb borrowed from Daniel, and EVERETT finally came in! I had been waiting to meet Daniel's roommate, and I was unprepared for how sweet he is. He seems pretty easy-going and considerate, and he's got a good streak of random humor, which will serve him well in his Daniel-roommate capacity. Definitely a good guy.
Sleep that night, wakeupfulness the next morning, lunch at Taco Bell, and off down the sun-baked highway home. I'm SO glad I got to see Daniel's setup, see some of the faces around him, and get a little feel for where he's at. His room's quite nice, with a couch and two big chairs and carpet, and there seem to be a lot of solid guys in his hall. I'm sure he'll be going over to the AEX hall a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing Skipper and Shane and other quality dudes from there as I drop by over the semester.
Thus endeth the saga. Thanks for reading! I'm sure my next post will be even harder to keep from being too long. New York, here we come!
Here's the backstory: After 2 weeks on the 12-8 schedule, I was informed Friday morning that I was being put on D crew as the fill-in hot end supervisor, until a bona fide replacement can be found. 12-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, starting out on days (6am - 6pm) on Wednesday. Aha! An extra 2 days off, courtesy of my boss. AND, with the way the schedule works, I work Wednesday and Thursday, and don't have to come back till Monday night (6pm - 6am)! Except I'm taking Monday off to go to New York City!
So yeah - lotsa days off in a short space of time. Something to savor indeed.
And before the NYC trip hits, I want to jot down what I did with all those days.
Friday I slept till about 4pm, packed up and hung out with Daniel as he packed up for Grove City, and reluctantly left at 5:37pm -- 37 minutes after I planned to leave, and 97 minutes after I should have left to get to frisbee on time. Yep: a frisbee game in Akron - the kickoff to a long-overdue Ohio weekend. Even though I didn't arrive till almost 8, I still caught a lot of great frisbee action, as the sunset painted the sky light orange and the breeze was warm over the drying August grass. We hit Zack's (excellent frozen yogurt) after it was too dark to play any more and we were tired of playing while it was too dark to play any more. Then the night changed from the plan. Chad and I went to a good-bye party for Dave Davis at the Chimas, and I ended up hanging out there with Brian and Nick, Steve, Jes Arlia, Joel Putnam and some others until around 3am. Everyone would say we had a good time, but I wonder about the usefulness of a bunch of immature people lounging around talking about nothing and making each other laugh. We did go to Taco Bell, though, and that was definitely time well spent :-)
Slept till noon Saturday up in Craig and Chad's room, and wiled away the afternoon hanging out with Collin and going on a couple errands with him and Craig. Not real purposeful, but I wouldn't call it a waste. Since Steve-O had slept in from the night before, he was working late, and then going to a movie, so I shrugged my shoulders and accepted the Tuminos' invitation to come along to a birthday/anniversary gathering with their relatives. Ended up being a sweet time at a really nice house, eating some good food (yes, including corn), talking to some new and very pleasant folks, climbing saplings, and jumping a badminton net (which amazed everyone there). Craig, Chad and I left early, listened to some of my recordings on the way home, and ended up watching "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" for the evening. Great movie! Aa-ee-aa-ee-aaahhh....
Thus endeth the chronicles of the Tumino house era of my trip. Beginneth "Smorgasbord Sunday." Woke up at the Tuminos, went to church (sans breakfast), enjoyed the Chad-led worship service and Randy Stewart-preached sermon, chatted about, double-entreed at Chipotle with Steve-O, picked up some shingles, and sat in the parking lot watching a TV show on Steve's iPod while waiting for the rain to clear up so we could finish this roof he was working on. OK, so, the rain's not clearing up. Off we go to the (old) Roberts Care Group farewell picnic, where I have a couple good conversations, grab a burger, and head off down the road following Cory Thompson's Jeep Cherokee towards Cleveland. Cutting out the details, I end up standing on the floor of the House of Blues with Craig, Cory, Steve-O and Charlie (my buddy from Pitt), waiting for Styx to hit the stage. And they hit it! And boy howdey did they hit it good :-) A dazzling and entertaining display of proficiency and experience. Maybe a little too up close and personal for a band of that style and age, but everyone basically said it was the best concert they'd ever been to. The night ended flopped upon the couch in the Hoffman's den at 2am with Brandy curled up at my feet and Steve-O getting out his schedule to discover what classes he had tomorrow and when he should get up. Ah yes.
Thus endeth the Akronian segment of my saga. Now beginneth the brief, second, Cleveland excursion. I got up as soon as I could drag myself out of bed (about 9) and drove to Charlie's place to hang out for the morning. We took a long walking tour of Case Western and got lunch at this sweet place called Tommy's (which ironically is right by the Grog Shop, where I saw State Fair play with Golinski and Shannon).
Now we enter the Grove City portion of my wanderings. However, we don't enter it easily, since my cell phone absolutely refuses to get charged, and by this point is completely dead. I called Daniel from Charlie's phone right before I left, and left a voicemail to the effect of "Hey, I'm coming... um, I don't know where your room is, or what your class schedule is.. and I don't have any way to call you again, and you don't have any way to call me... but here I come!" So we set sail to GC with a broken telegraph and no wood to make a fire for smoke signals. Fortunately the celly takes enough charge to get a text with his room location. Unfortunately, the driver is dumb and goes on the wrong highway. Fortunately, there's a Rita's where he cuts through to get back on track, and cotton candy ice is deLISHious. Daniel is asleep peacefully on the couch when we arrive.
It was interesting being at Grove City on the first day of classes, but not being a student. Lots of people greeting friends they hadn't seen in awhile, and lots of bustley class stuff. We ate dinner in the cafeteria with a few guys from AEX, and went to the hall afterwards and chilled for awhile. It's fun seeing the fun and funny things that transpire in a dorm hall, and get little pictures of people as they stop in the room for a minute. Eventually we got our butts up off the couch and went to Wal-Mart with Jess. Pretty much the classic thing to do when visiting a GCC student :-)
The rest of the night was spent in Daniel's room, with a morphing group of people occupying the room as time went by. Eventually Daniel, Tim and myself were left, talkin' about good stuff and relaxing in the light of the white mesh Christmas lights. Then people started getting back from the freshman square dance, somebody was talking in a hillbilly accent, three people returned pieces of western garb borrowed from Daniel, and EVERETT finally came in! I had been waiting to meet Daniel's roommate, and I was unprepared for how sweet he is. He seems pretty easy-going and considerate, and he's got a good streak of random humor, which will serve him well in his Daniel-roommate capacity. Definitely a good guy.
Sleep that night, wakeupfulness the next morning, lunch at Taco Bell, and off down the sun-baked highway home. I'm SO glad I got to see Daniel's setup, see some of the faces around him, and get a little feel for where he's at. His room's quite nice, with a couch and two big chairs and carpet, and there seem to be a lot of solid guys in his hall. I'm sure he'll be going over to the AEX hall a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing Skipper and Shane and other quality dudes from there as I drop by over the semester.
Thus endeth the saga. Thanks for reading! I'm sure my next post will be even harder to keep from being too long. New York, here we come!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Be not anxious
Rest easy, world! Mothers, tuck your children back in bed and whisper words of comfort in their ears. Be at peace citizens, for watchful eyes are over the glass plant while you sleep and night embraces the land.
In other words, I'm now working midnight - 8am for a month or so :-)
I volunteered for this shift to help out as we make some changes in how the tin bath is being run. There's another guy who's working 4 - 12, so between him, myself and the daylight folks, we've got 24-hour coverage for most of the week.
So how is it?
Well, things started out rough. I couldn't make myself go to sleep Sunday evening, so by the end of my first night I'd been going 25 hours straight. Worse than that, we had a size change (going to a different width and thickness of glass ribbon) that went awry and cost us a lot of production, and seemed to be due to me failing in my purported role.
Tuesday was better, since we didn't have any size changes, and the crew that was on for most of the night was one of the best. It got even better at the end as I talked to my boss when he came in. Turns out I did OK the night before, and the focus of the problem lay elsewhere. WHEW. I had had faith going into this, which turned to despair, but God didn't let me sink. I still need him every hour of every night, because I have a lot to learn about this process, and when things start going wrong, I don't have a big pile of experience to turn to.
Wednesday I tore my to-do list UP, baby! Good to feel productive, and to be so, demonstratively.
Tonight is real quiet, and the network is having issues, so I can't do most of what I need to do. Which is why I wrote this.
I'm sleeping fitfully (meaning I'm waking up 4 or 5 times) from 9 till 4 or so. I drag at the end of the night, but when the sun comes up, the day shift comes on, and the world wakes up, I get all perky again. Although I'm getting more sleep than before, it's not as deep. I ain't fooled by no shade over no window, bubba -- it's light outside and I know it!
Good: I still have evenings free, which is when other earthlings are typically free and foraging about for hang outage.
Bad: No more sleeping out on the deck. In fact, no more sleeping at night at all, which I find myself lamenting.
Good: The plant is peaceful, and I'm by myself at my desk.
Bad: Dismissing myself from whatever's going on at 11pm and going off, not to close my eyes in slumber, but to work a full workday. This was hard last night at the GROW picnic: saying my good-byes in the middle of everybody sharing what God had done over the summer.. leaving that rich group of people circled around the campfire, the warmth of fellowship and the glow of the firelight. It was also hard tonight, when I had to quick lay down my last idea for the bass line and shut the studio down in the middle of a spurt of jubilant inspiration on a new song. Oww my most of me! :-/
Good: Change, stretching, growth. God. God's presence. Which I need to remember and listen to more. But which is comforting nonetheless.
Time to go see how the tin bath is doing.
--JPB
In other words, I'm now working midnight - 8am for a month or so :-)
I volunteered for this shift to help out as we make some changes in how the tin bath is being run. There's another guy who's working 4 - 12, so between him, myself and the daylight folks, we've got 24-hour coverage for most of the week.
So how is it?
Well, things started out rough. I couldn't make myself go to sleep Sunday evening, so by the end of my first night I'd been going 25 hours straight. Worse than that, we had a size change (going to a different width and thickness of glass ribbon) that went awry and cost us a lot of production, and seemed to be due to me failing in my purported role.
Tuesday was better, since we didn't have any size changes, and the crew that was on for most of the night was one of the best. It got even better at the end as I talked to my boss when he came in. Turns out I did OK the night before, and the focus of the problem lay elsewhere. WHEW. I had had faith going into this, which turned to despair, but God didn't let me sink. I still need him every hour of every night, because I have a lot to learn about this process, and when things start going wrong, I don't have a big pile of experience to turn to.
Wednesday I tore my to-do list UP, baby! Good to feel productive, and to be so, demonstratively.
Tonight is real quiet, and the network is having issues, so I can't do most of what I need to do. Which is why I wrote this.
I'm sleeping fitfully (meaning I'm waking up 4 or 5 times) from 9 till 4 or so. I drag at the end of the night, but when the sun comes up, the day shift comes on, and the world wakes up, I get all perky again. Although I'm getting more sleep than before, it's not as deep. I ain't fooled by no shade over no window, bubba -- it's light outside and I know it!
Good: I still have evenings free, which is when other earthlings are typically free and foraging about for hang outage.
Bad: No more sleeping out on the deck. In fact, no more sleeping at night at all, which I find myself lamenting.
Good: The plant is peaceful, and I'm by myself at my desk.
Bad: Dismissing myself from whatever's going on at 11pm and going off, not to close my eyes in slumber, but to work a full workday. This was hard last night at the GROW picnic: saying my good-byes in the middle of everybody sharing what God had done over the summer.. leaving that rich group of people circled around the campfire, the warmth of fellowship and the glow of the firelight. It was also hard tonight, when I had to quick lay down my last idea for the bass line and shut the studio down in the middle of a spurt of jubilant inspiration on a new song. Oww my most of me! :-/
Good: Change, stretching, growth. God. God's presence. Which I need to remember and listen to more. But which is comforting nonetheless.
Time to go see how the tin bath is doing.
--JPB
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
A couple days...
[I started this post I think at the end of this week, and got up to Tuesday. Now I don't remember what I did the rest of the week. Alas!]
Sunday 8/3 - Another splendidly long Summer weekend day. Went to church early with Daniel and Chad, and played my synth along with practice to try to start learning what sounds good in a worship setting. Mr. Pierson dished out another fantastic sermon, and after lunch all the Ohio folks and a lot of 'Burghers hit up Panera for lunch. Chad, Abbey, Hannah and Halley (and Nick Schuch) came with us back to our house, where we lolled about in the family room, played some music, and then went out and... picked blackberries in the woods! Which turned out to be a great time despite the voracious thorns. Wild blackberries aren't consistently sweet or flavorful, but those that are are exquisite. And there were TONS of them. Patches of berry-clad brances that make your eyes light up. After berrypicking we cleaned up and worked on dinner. I grilled the dogs, and we all sat out on the patio and ate in the perfect summer air, laughing a lot, and having some good convo as well. Cornfolks headed out shortly thereafter. "Chad we just, oh Chad.." :-P Really good times with those folks. AND THEN, Daniel and I left for Schenley Park, where a big group of church folks were gathered on the hill to toss a disc and watch the "Cinema Under The Stars" movie. Frisbee was sweet on the long slope, and the movie's mediocrity was redeemed by the STUNNING vista spreading out behind it. A smoky gradient of blue to red at the horizon, and a thin sliver of moon, turning blood red as it sank into the blinking lights of the city skyline. Never has Pittsburgh seemed so broad, open, and plain cool! A memorable night. Followed up by Fuel & Fuddle!! Ah, it was an amazing night, let alone the fantastic day preceding it.
Monday 8/4 - The hardest day of work since things started going better. I will never again come in to work at 8:00 on a Monday. I had 3 days to report on for the 9am morning meeting, and simply not enough time to prepare. Earl and Kirby were gone, so I was pretty much alone getting grilled by the plant manager and not having the answers. Left a lousy taste in my mouth that lingered through the rest of the day's stressfulness. That evening Steve Gole came over for dinner, talkin' and jammin', which was sweet! He hasn't been around for a month, so it was good to catch up, and Daniel joined us for the music, which was a lot of fun.
Tuesday 8/5 - "Heathen Night." :-) Daniel was going with Mr. Harvey to give stuff out and talk to homeless folks, so the rest of GROW banded together for the evening. We went to Schenley Park and played frisbee till it was too dark to see (well, past that point, actually), then we took a long leisurely walk to Dave 'n' Andy's, which is a famous Pittsburgh homemade ice-cream joint. Even I liked it, and I don't get very excited about ice-cream. On the walk back to the cars I halted the group and encouraged us toward profitable discussion, which everybody did very well. We walked up to the cars, and stood around and kept talking for 30 minutes! Good times in the car with Shannon and Heather on the way there & back.
...that's all folks...
Sunday 8/3 - Another splendidly long Summer weekend day. Went to church early with Daniel and Chad, and played my synth along with practice to try to start learning what sounds good in a worship setting. Mr. Pierson dished out another fantastic sermon, and after lunch all the Ohio folks and a lot of 'Burghers hit up Panera for lunch. Chad, Abbey, Hannah and Halley (and Nick Schuch) came with us back to our house, where we lolled about in the family room, played some music, and then went out and... picked blackberries in the woods! Which turned out to be a great time despite the voracious thorns. Wild blackberries aren't consistently sweet or flavorful, but those that are are exquisite. And there were TONS of them. Patches of berry-clad brances that make your eyes light up. After berrypicking we cleaned up and worked on dinner. I grilled the dogs, and we all sat out on the patio and ate in the perfect summer air, laughing a lot, and having some good convo as well. Cornfolks headed out shortly thereafter. "Chad we just, oh Chad.." :-P Really good times with those folks. AND THEN, Daniel and I left for Schenley Park, where a big group of church folks were gathered on the hill to toss a disc and watch the "Cinema Under The Stars" movie. Frisbee was sweet on the long slope, and the movie's mediocrity was redeemed by the STUNNING vista spreading out behind it. A smoky gradient of blue to red at the horizon, and a thin sliver of moon, turning blood red as it sank into the blinking lights of the city skyline. Never has Pittsburgh seemed so broad, open, and plain cool! A memorable night. Followed up by Fuel & Fuddle!! Ah, it was an amazing night, let alone the fantastic day preceding it.
Monday 8/4 - The hardest day of work since things started going better. I will never again come in to work at 8:00 on a Monday. I had 3 days to report on for the 9am morning meeting, and simply not enough time to prepare. Earl and Kirby were gone, so I was pretty much alone getting grilled by the plant manager and not having the answers. Left a lousy taste in my mouth that lingered through the rest of the day's stressfulness. That evening Steve Gole came over for dinner, talkin' and jammin', which was sweet! He hasn't been around for a month, so it was good to catch up, and Daniel joined us for the music, which was a lot of fun.
Tuesday 8/5 - "Heathen Night." :-) Daniel was going with Mr. Harvey to give stuff out and talk to homeless folks, so the rest of GROW banded together for the evening. We went to Schenley Park and played frisbee till it was too dark to see (well, past that point, actually), then we took a long leisurely walk to Dave 'n' Andy's, which is a famous Pittsburgh homemade ice-cream joint. Even I liked it, and I don't get very excited about ice-cream. On the walk back to the cars I halted the group and encouraged us toward profitable discussion, which everybody did very well. We walked up to the cars, and stood around and kept talking for 30 minutes! Good times in the car with Shannon and Heather on the way there & back.
...that's all folks...
Friday, July 25, 2008
Que esta pasando
The summer continues with its craziness. I'm consciously putting recording, jamming, room cleaning, and even sleep and working out on hold, in order to capitalize on the people availability that I believe this summer extends uniquely. GROW is drawing a bunch of folks together with a ready zeal to hang out, and Daniel and Justin's job at the church office gives them flexible hours, and plops them right in the middle, locationally and vocationally, of what's going on. At some point last week Daniel had seen the Graham brothers for 7 straight days in a row! I want to be able to say that I used the legendary Summer of '08 to its fullest potential.
Thank God I haven't gotten sick, and I've been actually much better at work being alert and involved (which has more to do with God "loosing the bonds" on my understanding than with the caffeine I hit up every morning), despite getting 4 - 6 hours of sleep almost every night. The main toll that takes is in not being able to work out. The heartiness of my joints is directly linked to the amount of sleep I get, and I can't tear them up lifting weights if I don't give them sleep to heal up. But that's an OK exchange for now.
Wednesday was decent sleep-wise. I went to the middle school after work and helpd Ryan set up the new sound board and rework the whole sound system. By God's grace we had it all rockin' and rollin' for worship practice, which ended at 9:30. I am rarely happier than when I'm running sound, and that night was especially joyous because my abilities in that area were directly able to benefit Ryan, and the worship team, and ultimately the whole church. I've been wishing for a way my music stuff could be used in God's service without being antagonistic to His purposes, so I was very grateful for that opportunity. After practice Daniel, Justin, Heather and I chilled and watched the clouds and stars at Q Park till 10:50pm. Then shut it down, drove home, and hit the sack.
Yesterday I was somewhat reasonable with sleep as well, which I think made Mom happy :-) I slept for almost 2 hours after work, which was my contingency for going swing dancing, since that went till midnight. It worked out pretty well. I even helped Mom for awhile before hitting the sack, and she was cool with me bypassing dinner. 'Course, when I got home at 12:30am I went downstairs and jammed with my Scholz Rockman for an hour. But I don't regret that either, 'cause it convinced me that it really is a quality piece of gear, despite its cheesy plastic body. Swing dancing turned out to be fun, as well, and we got into the groove decently well towards the end. Makes me want to keep doing things like that until I'm comfortable in general with dancing and can improvise with grace.
Today I try to flee the premises as close to 4:30 as possible, zip home, pack up quick, and head to the church office for the GROW camping trip (woo hoo!).
Lunch break ends... NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW
[Any Flaming Lips fans out there? If so, you'll get that.]
Thank God I haven't gotten sick, and I've been actually much better at work being alert and involved (which has more to do with God "loosing the bonds" on my understanding than with the caffeine I hit up every morning), despite getting 4 - 6 hours of sleep almost every night. The main toll that takes is in not being able to work out. The heartiness of my joints is directly linked to the amount of sleep I get, and I can't tear them up lifting weights if I don't give them sleep to heal up. But that's an OK exchange for now.
Wednesday was decent sleep-wise. I went to the middle school after work and helpd Ryan set up the new sound board and rework the whole sound system. By God's grace we had it all rockin' and rollin' for worship practice, which ended at 9:30. I am rarely happier than when I'm running sound, and that night was especially joyous because my abilities in that area were directly able to benefit Ryan, and the worship team, and ultimately the whole church. I've been wishing for a way my music stuff could be used in God's service without being antagonistic to His purposes, so I was very grateful for that opportunity. After practice Daniel, Justin, Heather and I chilled and watched the clouds and stars at Q Park till 10:50pm. Then shut it down, drove home, and hit the sack.
Yesterday I was somewhat reasonable with sleep as well, which I think made Mom happy :-) I slept for almost 2 hours after work, which was my contingency for going swing dancing, since that went till midnight. It worked out pretty well. I even helped Mom for awhile before hitting the sack, and she was cool with me bypassing dinner. 'Course, when I got home at 12:30am I went downstairs and jammed with my Scholz Rockman for an hour. But I don't regret that either, 'cause it convinced me that it really is a quality piece of gear, despite its cheesy plastic body. Swing dancing turned out to be fun, as well, and we got into the groove decently well towards the end. Makes me want to keep doing things like that until I'm comfortable in general with dancing and can improvise with grace.
Today I try to flee the premises as close to 4:30 as possible, zip home, pack up quick, and head to the church office for the GROW camping trip (woo hoo!).
Lunch break ends... NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW
[Any Flaming Lips fans out there? If so, you'll get that.]
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I just recounted my past week for Jess, to explain how I don't even eat, sleep or brush my teeth consistently, let alone have regular devotions. Since I made myself recall it all, I'll put it down here, and as much before and after as I can remember.
Monday 7/7 - The first full day that Mom, Dad, Daniel and Daisy were home from Kentucky. I was supposed to help clean up the house that night, but I found a SWEET guitar on craigslist in the afternoon, so I drove out to Mt. Oliver and bought it before dinner. After cleaning up for several hours that night, Daniel and I headed to the Harvey's for Justin's general-purpose birthday gathering. Whereat we spent the night. Great times with this summers' group of people: Daniel, Justin, Tim, Betsy, Katie & Rebekah C, Rebekah B, Jess, DK, Quinlisks, Chelsea, Schuchs, and others I'm sure. We also had some Allisons there, and Janelle McCombie from Indiana, which was sweet.
Tuesday 7/8 - GROW! It was Nick's birthday, so several of us gathered at the snow cone stand before GROW, and Betsy brought a cake. Then after the meeting we congregated at the Schuch's house for a late night pizza party for Nick. I had to peel myself away around midnight to go home and sleep.
Wednesday 7/9 - Domenica had free tickets to the Pirates-Astros game, so I headed to PNC Park after a brief stop at home and met Nate, Sarah, Anna B, Domenica and the Graham Brothers at the Clemente statue. It was a PERFECT night, and though the Bucs let themselves loose, it was fun to sit and talk and enjoy the sights.
Thursday 7/10 - The hits just kept coming. Thursday I drove straight to the Rutmans' after work for dinner and a trip to Monroeville with Nate Dogg to check out a guitar. We also hit up the Guitar Center out there, and hit some traffic on the way back. Then back to my house where I soldered up a busted speaker while Daniel and Justin put together a 2-person cow suit and Tim Whitbeck watched in amusement. Good man-times after that, sitting around in the back yard talking and enjoying the benefits of our age.
Friday 7/11 - Friday morning I packed for the next 4 days or so, and headed out. I went to Chick-fil-A for lunch and got free food because of the cow shirt I made the night before (Did I mention Friday was Dress Like A Cow Day?). Work finished up splendidly (thank you Lord, and friends for praying), and I headed to the Harveys. Some hecticity, ending up at C-F-A for dinner (more free food!) with great GROW folks, and back to the Harvey's for the dub feat -- double feature movie night. I loved Luther, but wasn't feeling Amazing Grace, so I crashed on the floor at about 11pm. One of the best decisions of the weekend.
Saturday 7/12 - Up at 7:30 and drove to Akron. Hung around, helped the Tumino's set up for Chad and Abbey's grad party, made a Dr.P run :-), grad partied, frisbeed, grad party tear-downed, showered at the T's, and went to Dave Potter's for his graduation/21st birthday party. I finally crashed in the Tumino's living room at about 1:30 as everybody sat around and watched Looney Tunes. Looking back, Saturday felt more like 4 days, not 1. Four good days.
Sunday 7/13 - Church (hooray for Jason Reyes and the Stewarts!), Chipotle take-out to the Allisons, and then the rest of the afternoon there hanging out with a big group of Akronites. I ended up in a group around the piano, playing and singing worship songs for something like 3 hours. Eventually we left there and hung around at the Tuminos for a few more hours eating dinner and playing grand rounds of knock-out. Departure: ~9pm. Harveys: 12:15am. Whereat I spent the night.
Monday 7/14 - I actually just came home after work Monday. Grandma Sweetie and Aunt Diane were spending the night on their way home from visiting Kristin, so we all ate dinner out on the patio and went to Handel's to satisfy Grandma's insatiable love of ice-cream. I was dead tired, but Mom had to drag me away from the synth at 10:30. I had discovered that everything I'd played around with till then was just side "A" out of TWO banks of presets!
Tuesday 7/15 - Another GROW day. Justin, Daniel, Betsy and I congregated at the snow cone stand beforehand, and I got a steak & egg hoagie from a sweet local place near our property. We did sword drills for a starter game, and I got to stop and pick out prizes at the dollar store on the way :-D Slept out on the deck again after taking the garbage out. Haven't slept in or on my own bed in... a month? Something like that.
Wednesday 7/16 - Don't remember! Other than the money I made, this day is lost to me. I do know that during this whole week, work was excellent. Something clicked (i.e. God worked), and I was able to simultaneously understand and take ownership of much more of what's going on.
Thursday 7/17 - When it was my turn to answer my own question around the fire Thursday night, I had a tough time picking a highlight for the day. They took me out to lunch for my birthday, and Olive Garden was REALLY good... but that wasn't the highlight. Being really hot and sweaty and getting a guava snow cone from Nick's stand was wonderful... but not the highlight. Daniel and Justin bought a bunch of deluxe food and we cooked dinner at the property as we sipped ice cold Dr.P's and IBC root beers, and then a bunch of people came at 8:30 and we talked and I played some of my songs... and ultimately maybe that was the true highlight. But the one that had me wiggin' out with excitement and disbelief was tucked in the middle. I saw some guitar effects listed on craigslist, did some brief research, and immediately called the number listed. He'd had all kinds of people calling about them, but if I could meet him soon, he'd give me all 4 I wanted, for the price of two! So I freaked out, finished up a bunch of work stuff, and headed down 51 to meet him at the Goodwill store. He had the reverb, EQ, chorus and Scholz Rockman, all for $150, and they looked SWEET. But the highlight was talking after the sale-- he has a studio in Carnegie, and buys and sells all kinds of instruments, and invited me to come hang out anytime. I haven't had a free evening yet to take him up on that, but I 100% plan on doing so. My first Pittsburgh music connection had me trippin' along as I drove off towards the snow cone stand. We'll see what comes of it!
Friday 7/18 - I'm 24! Earl was gone, so I ran the hot end for the day. It was about the same as the days at youth camp-- running around, tending to this and that-- which was sweet. Care group that night, and a followup bonfire at the Quinlisk's with leftovers from Thursday. Fell asleep wrapped in a groundcloth, and got all bit up by some bugs.
Saturday 7/19 - Slept in till 11, and hung out in the living room playing my synth while Mom cooked. Breakfast plans got scrapped, but we had lunch after Dad got back from mowing at the property, and not long afterward we all headed out (in one car! Together!) to the Calvetti's for Rochelle's surprise birthday party. Good times hanging out with the kids. That night I recorded some jams with my synth, but of course, since I was recording, and not jamming, it didn't relaly flow, and most of it sucked. Funny how that little red "R" button kills all inspiration, eh? :-/ Nick slept over that night.
Sunday 7/20 - Went to church at 10, and sat with the Caprios and Wes. The Stewarts were in from Akron, and Randy's sermon was great. After some hecticity, 9 of us ended up meeting at Wendy's, grabbing some lunch, and heading to the Youghiogheny River Outfitters to canoe down the river. Abbey was in town for the day! We got rained out right before heading out, and after playing frisbee in the downpour for an hour, we packed it up, Abbey headed for Maryland, and we headed back. Sad maybe, but we still had fun :-P That afternoon was SWEET! Instead of buying some overpriced undergood-tasting food at some restaurant, our group headed to the Caprios, where we all made dinner. Betsy and I did some shopping and got materials for chicken terriyaki and stir fry. I directed the operation (and cleaned under the leaking garbage disposal :-/ ), and we ended up sitting out on the back deck eating some pretty good food, talking, and feeling pretty cool :-) That evening we walked to a little field nearby and played frisbee for hours. A perfect summer day I will not soon forget.
Monday 7/21 - The GROW girls made dinner for all the guys... and then sent us out as 3 teams on a **video scavenger hunt**!! Coffee with mayo... singing happy birthday to strangers... calisthenics in the pouring rain... ring around the rosie in Wal-Mart... the list could go on and on :-) We're not sure if the video evidence has been destroyed yet, but our agents are working on clearing the record :-P
Tuesday 7/22 - A slightly less great day of work, but I can't complain, and it was my fault anyway. The Allisons have been in town since Sunday night, so we all congregated at my house for dinner with the fam. Then off to GROW, which was great. I ran across Hebrews 10:32 and on, which really hit home with where our discussion group was at from John Piper's book. Quite remarkable. Then we watched Newsies at the Quinlisks -- a time expenditure which I 70% regret -- and Justin and I repaired to the Harvey abode for sleep.
Let's just say I woke up this morning feeling as tired as you would feel at 3am after an exhausting day of work and a long busy evening. I think that means I'm exactly 1 day behind on sleep, but I can't think of a day I'm willing to give up, and the schedule marches on like a banshee, so on I go. I'm honestly not sure how this will come out, but so far I haven't gotten sick, and I'm doing well at work, so we'll see. Tonight I am fervently hoping that, in the moment, I don't disregard my plans to leave promptly from worship practice and go home and sleep. Which brings up that tonight we're setting up the NEW SOUND BOARD (which is why I'm going), and I'm stoked for it!
This is a monster post, and I'm so hungry my intestines are digesting themselves, but HA! I have finished it, it is done, and I shall call it my squishy, and it shall be my squishy. Time to make like a hungry boy and fly to Chick-Fil-A!
--JPB
Monday 7/7 - The first full day that Mom, Dad, Daniel and Daisy were home from Kentucky. I was supposed to help clean up the house that night, but I found a SWEET guitar on craigslist in the afternoon, so I drove out to Mt. Oliver and bought it before dinner. After cleaning up for several hours that night, Daniel and I headed to the Harvey's for Justin's general-purpose birthday gathering. Whereat we spent the night. Great times with this summers' group of people: Daniel, Justin, Tim, Betsy, Katie & Rebekah C, Rebekah B, Jess, DK, Quinlisks, Chelsea, Schuchs, and others I'm sure. We also had some Allisons there, and Janelle McCombie from Indiana, which was sweet.
Tuesday 7/8 - GROW! It was Nick's birthday, so several of us gathered at the snow cone stand before GROW, and Betsy brought a cake. Then after the meeting we congregated at the Schuch's house for a late night pizza party for Nick. I had to peel myself away around midnight to go home and sleep.
Wednesday 7/9 - Domenica had free tickets to the Pirates-Astros game, so I headed to PNC Park after a brief stop at home and met Nate, Sarah, Anna B, Domenica and the Graham Brothers at the Clemente statue. It was a PERFECT night, and though the Bucs let themselves loose, it was fun to sit and talk and enjoy the sights.
Thursday 7/10 - The hits just kept coming. Thursday I drove straight to the Rutmans' after work for dinner and a trip to Monroeville with Nate Dogg to check out a guitar. We also hit up the Guitar Center out there, and hit some traffic on the way back. Then back to my house where I soldered up a busted speaker while Daniel and Justin put together a 2-person cow suit and Tim Whitbeck watched in amusement. Good man-times after that, sitting around in the back yard talking and enjoying the benefits of our age.
Friday 7/11 - Friday morning I packed for the next 4 days or so, and headed out. I went to Chick-fil-A for lunch and got free food because of the cow shirt I made the night before (Did I mention Friday was Dress Like A Cow Day?). Work finished up splendidly (thank you Lord, and friends for praying), and I headed to the Harveys. Some hecticity, ending up at C-F-A for dinner (more free food!) with great GROW folks, and back to the Harvey's for the dub feat -- double feature movie night. I loved Luther, but wasn't feeling Amazing Grace, so I crashed on the floor at about 11pm. One of the best decisions of the weekend.
Saturday 7/12 - Up at 7:30 and drove to Akron. Hung around, helped the Tumino's set up for Chad and Abbey's grad party, made a Dr.P run :-), grad partied, frisbeed, grad party tear-downed, showered at the T's, and went to Dave Potter's for his graduation/21st birthday party. I finally crashed in the Tumino's living room at about 1:30 as everybody sat around and watched Looney Tunes. Looking back, Saturday felt more like 4 days, not 1. Four good days.
Sunday 7/13 - Church (hooray for Jason Reyes and the Stewarts!), Chipotle take-out to the Allisons, and then the rest of the afternoon there hanging out with a big group of Akronites. I ended up in a group around the piano, playing and singing worship songs for something like 3 hours. Eventually we left there and hung around at the Tuminos for a few more hours eating dinner and playing grand rounds of knock-out. Departure: ~9pm. Harveys: 12:15am. Whereat I spent the night.
Monday 7/14 - I actually just came home after work Monday. Grandma Sweetie and Aunt Diane were spending the night on their way home from visiting Kristin, so we all ate dinner out on the patio and went to Handel's to satisfy Grandma's insatiable love of ice-cream. I was dead tired, but Mom had to drag me away from the synth at 10:30. I had discovered that everything I'd played around with till then was just side "A" out of TWO banks of presets!
Tuesday 7/15 - Another GROW day. Justin, Daniel, Betsy and I congregated at the snow cone stand beforehand, and I got a steak & egg hoagie from a sweet local place near our property. We did sword drills for a starter game, and I got to stop and pick out prizes at the dollar store on the way :-D Slept out on the deck again after taking the garbage out. Haven't slept in or on my own bed in... a month? Something like that.
Wednesday 7/16 - Don't remember! Other than the money I made, this day is lost to me. I do know that during this whole week, work was excellent. Something clicked (i.e. God worked), and I was able to simultaneously understand and take ownership of much more of what's going on.
Thursday 7/17 - When it was my turn to answer my own question around the fire Thursday night, I had a tough time picking a highlight for the day. They took me out to lunch for my birthday, and Olive Garden was REALLY good... but that wasn't the highlight. Being really hot and sweaty and getting a guava snow cone from Nick's stand was wonderful... but not the highlight. Daniel and Justin bought a bunch of deluxe food and we cooked dinner at the property as we sipped ice cold Dr.P's and IBC root beers, and then a bunch of people came at 8:30 and we talked and I played some of my songs... and ultimately maybe that was the true highlight. But the one that had me wiggin' out with excitement and disbelief was tucked in the middle. I saw some guitar effects listed on craigslist, did some brief research, and immediately called the number listed. He'd had all kinds of people calling about them, but if I could meet him soon, he'd give me all 4 I wanted, for the price of two! So I freaked out, finished up a bunch of work stuff, and headed down 51 to meet him at the Goodwill store. He had the reverb, EQ, chorus and Scholz Rockman, all for $150, and they looked SWEET. But the highlight was talking after the sale-- he has a studio in Carnegie, and buys and sells all kinds of instruments, and invited me to come hang out anytime. I haven't had a free evening yet to take him up on that, but I 100% plan on doing so. My first Pittsburgh music connection had me trippin' along as I drove off towards the snow cone stand. We'll see what comes of it!
Friday 7/18 - I'm 24! Earl was gone, so I ran the hot end for the day. It was about the same as the days at youth camp-- running around, tending to this and that-- which was sweet. Care group that night, and a followup bonfire at the Quinlisk's with leftovers from Thursday. Fell asleep wrapped in a groundcloth, and got all bit up by some bugs.
Saturday 7/19 - Slept in till 11, and hung out in the living room playing my synth while Mom cooked. Breakfast plans got scrapped, but we had lunch after Dad got back from mowing at the property, and not long afterward we all headed out (in one car! Together!) to the Calvetti's for Rochelle's surprise birthday party. Good times hanging out with the kids. That night I recorded some jams with my synth, but of course, since I was recording, and not jamming, it didn't relaly flow, and most of it sucked. Funny how that little red "R" button kills all inspiration, eh? :-/ Nick slept over that night.
Sunday 7/20 - Went to church at 10, and sat with the Caprios and Wes. The Stewarts were in from Akron, and Randy's sermon was great. After some hecticity, 9 of us ended up meeting at Wendy's, grabbing some lunch, and heading to the Youghiogheny River Outfitters to canoe down the river. Abbey was in town for the day! We got rained out right before heading out, and after playing frisbee in the downpour for an hour, we packed it up, Abbey headed for Maryland, and we headed back. Sad maybe, but we still had fun :-P That afternoon was SWEET! Instead of buying some overpriced undergood-tasting food at some restaurant, our group headed to the Caprios, where we all made dinner. Betsy and I did some shopping and got materials for chicken terriyaki and stir fry. I directed the operation (and cleaned under the leaking garbage disposal :-/ ), and we ended up sitting out on the back deck eating some pretty good food, talking, and feeling pretty cool :-) That evening we walked to a little field nearby and played frisbee for hours. A perfect summer day I will not soon forget.
Monday 7/21 - The GROW girls made dinner for all the guys... and then sent us out as 3 teams on a **video scavenger hunt**!! Coffee with mayo... singing happy birthday to strangers... calisthenics in the pouring rain... ring around the rosie in Wal-Mart... the list could go on and on :-) We're not sure if the video evidence has been destroyed yet, but our agents are working on clearing the record :-P
Tuesday 7/22 - A slightly less great day of work, but I can't complain, and it was my fault anyway. The Allisons have been in town since Sunday night, so we all congregated at my house for dinner with the fam. Then off to GROW, which was great. I ran across Hebrews 10:32 and on, which really hit home with where our discussion group was at from John Piper's book. Quite remarkable. Then we watched Newsies at the Quinlisks -- a time expenditure which I 70% regret -- and Justin and I repaired to the Harvey abode for sleep.
Let's just say I woke up this morning feeling as tired as you would feel at 3am after an exhausting day of work and a long busy evening. I think that means I'm exactly 1 day behind on sleep, but I can't think of a day I'm willing to give up, and the schedule marches on like a banshee, so on I go. I'm honestly not sure how this will come out, but so far I haven't gotten sick, and I'm doing well at work, so we'll see. Tonight I am fervently hoping that, in the moment, I don't disregard my plans to leave promptly from worship practice and go home and sleep. Which brings up that tonight we're setting up the NEW SOUND BOARD (which is why I'm going), and I'm stoked for it!
This is a monster post, and I'm so hungry my intestines are digesting themselves, but HA! I have finished it, it is done, and I shall call it my squishy, and it shall be my squishy. Time to make like a hungry boy and fly to Chick-Fil-A!
--JPB
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Summer Rises
***This post was written a good while back at the beginning of summer. I don't think I actually finished it, which is why it wasn't posted, but I'll put it up here. The language seems a little over the top at points, but it's pretty much what it felt like, and still feels like occasionally.***
Sunlight rises over the hills of winter, creeps in from the corners of spring, and people start driving around with their windows open and short sleeves on. In my life, key people like Daniel, Justin and Betsy come back home to stay for a few months, and the world is once again as it should be. My text messaging has increased dramatically as I try to coordinate with a bunch of fun people looking to spend time. My "want to do" list is longer than ever before: Go out in the woods, camp, jam with Steve Gole, jam with Justin and Daniel, record the soundtrack for Nathaniel Taylor's movie, record some songs with Pure Boss, record my own songs, go to Akron several times, go to Washington DC, play lots of basketball, keep lifting weights, maybe get a digital SLR and take some cool pictures, go to Pirates games, play frisbee after church every week, and pretty much do anything outside of the self-imposed confines of my stupid little life.
My "want to do" list is long. My "have to do" list is short. And powerful. Like a mad rip 5-foot UFC fighter. Go to work every weekday (not too bad), be alert and energetic at work (the killer), and the trump card: plan and execute youth camp. I'm currently gasping for air under the torrent of youth camp stuff that needs to be done. So the WTD list will mostly have to wait until after June 22nd-25th.
Aside from that, I'm still straddling both worlds, trying to be a bona fide engineer and employee during the day, and hanging out with carefree people 4+ years younger than me afterwards. I'm in tension between the demands of and engineering career and the cries of the undercurrent of music that keeps wanting to suck my feet out from under me. I straddle the line between saved and unsaved, boiling over sin constantly in myself, but continuing to seek God in different ways, when I can, and going to church and doing church stuff. I stand on a windblown peak, with two faces of a cliff at my feet. One is an engineering job, which has stability and money for a wife and family down at the bottom. The other is a wild ride that lives in the moment, ventures out into new things, walks down unknown paths, makes the most of these priceless years of youth, leaves me some stories to tell, but doesn't guarantee anything 10 years later at the bottom. I've been climbing for the engineering suburbanite cliff all my life, but I can't get the siren call of the other road out of my head or my gut. I'm ready to fight my laziness, kick my craving for stability and sameness in the gut, and throw myself into the big wide world and see what I can do. But I have no direction, no certainty, no peace, and no real prospects in that direction. It's the idle dreams of a lame kid sitting on his bed whining about his life but not doing anything about it. But the engineering path is kicking me in the stomach as well, as I meet baffling resistance within and without to "clicking" here, drinking it in, pushing through the difficulty of learning, and excelling like I did in college.
Mom had a picture that sums it up well: I'm surrounded by goads. Sharp points at every turn. Every direction I try to go jabs me and sends me right back. I'm at an impasse, and the only way out is up. Nice cliched ending to the analogy, right? Well I'm still waiting to see if that actually happens. I try occasionally, I have brief moments of positive feelings towards God, briefer moments of fragmentary hope, but mostly I'm sitting here looking at sharp spikes staring me in the face from every direction, hating where I'm at, where I'm headed, and myself, the creator of all these goads. I've heard stories all my life about people who excelled, who accomplished, who performed, who did things. I have the bug for that, but I can't seem to carry it out, and I'm wondering if there's any place, any mercy, for someone who sees greatness, has the kernel for it, but lets it slip through his unwilling hands. I'm to blame, but I feel helpless at the same time. I can't just shrug my shoulders and make my deepest motivations change in the twinkle of an eye! I'm to blame, but I feel like a prisoner all the same. I'm despicable, I want to be pitied, and I hate myself for wanting to be pitied.
Will this ever change? I know full well that the only true solution to this impasse IS up. God. Surrender of my "pride of life," desire to make something of myself, be impressive, be impressed with myself. SEEING that I am hell-bound and needing mercy, and therefore sincerely clinging to Jesus Christ, crucified for my sins and risen again, throwing the doors open to Him and following His voice with childlike submission, faith, and sweet gratefulness, love and joy.
Sunlight rises over the hills of winter, creeps in from the corners of spring, and people start driving around with their windows open and short sleeves on. In my life, key people like Daniel, Justin and Betsy come back home to stay for a few months, and the world is once again as it should be. My text messaging has increased dramatically as I try to coordinate with a bunch of fun people looking to spend time. My "want to do" list is longer than ever before: Go out in the woods, camp, jam with Steve Gole, jam with Justin and Daniel, record the soundtrack for Nathaniel Taylor's movie, record some songs with Pure Boss, record my own songs, go to Akron several times, go to Washington DC, play lots of basketball, keep lifting weights, maybe get a digital SLR and take some cool pictures, go to Pirates games, play frisbee after church every week, and pretty much do anything outside of the self-imposed confines of my stupid little life.
My "want to do" list is long. My "have to do" list is short. And powerful. Like a mad rip 5-foot UFC fighter. Go to work every weekday (not too bad), be alert and energetic at work (the killer), and the trump card: plan and execute youth camp. I'm currently gasping for air under the torrent of youth camp stuff that needs to be done. So the WTD list will mostly have to wait until after June 22nd-25th.
Aside from that, I'm still straddling both worlds, trying to be a bona fide engineer and employee during the day, and hanging out with carefree people 4+ years younger than me afterwards. I'm in tension between the demands of and engineering career and the cries of the undercurrent of music that keeps wanting to suck my feet out from under me. I straddle the line between saved and unsaved, boiling over sin constantly in myself, but continuing to seek God in different ways, when I can, and going to church and doing church stuff. I stand on a windblown peak, with two faces of a cliff at my feet. One is an engineering job, which has stability and money for a wife and family down at the bottom. The other is a wild ride that lives in the moment, ventures out into new things, walks down unknown paths, makes the most of these priceless years of youth, leaves me some stories to tell, but doesn't guarantee anything 10 years later at the bottom. I've been climbing for the engineering suburbanite cliff all my life, but I can't get the siren call of the other road out of my head or my gut. I'm ready to fight my laziness, kick my craving for stability and sameness in the gut, and throw myself into the big wide world and see what I can do. But I have no direction, no certainty, no peace, and no real prospects in that direction. It's the idle dreams of a lame kid sitting on his bed whining about his life but not doing anything about it. But the engineering path is kicking me in the stomach as well, as I meet baffling resistance within and without to "clicking" here, drinking it in, pushing through the difficulty of learning, and excelling like I did in college.
Mom had a picture that sums it up well: I'm surrounded by goads. Sharp points at every turn. Every direction I try to go jabs me and sends me right back. I'm at an impasse, and the only way out is up. Nice cliched ending to the analogy, right? Well I'm still waiting to see if that actually happens. I try occasionally, I have brief moments of positive feelings towards God, briefer moments of fragmentary hope, but mostly I'm sitting here looking at sharp spikes staring me in the face from every direction, hating where I'm at, where I'm headed, and myself, the creator of all these goads. I've heard stories all my life about people who excelled, who accomplished, who performed, who did things. I have the bug for that, but I can't seem to carry it out, and I'm wondering if there's any place, any mercy, for someone who sees greatness, has the kernel for it, but lets it slip through his unwilling hands. I'm to blame, but I feel helpless at the same time. I can't just shrug my shoulders and make my deepest motivations change in the twinkle of an eye! I'm to blame, but I feel like a prisoner all the same. I'm despicable, I want to be pitied, and I hate myself for wanting to be pitied.
Will this ever change? I know full well that the only true solution to this impasse IS up. God. Surrender of my "pride of life," desire to make something of myself, be impressive, be impressed with myself. SEEING that I am hell-bound and needing mercy, and therefore sincerely clinging to Jesus Christ, crucified for my sins and risen again, throwing the doors open to Him and following His voice with childlike submission, faith, and sweet gratefulness, love and joy.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Like the Good Old Days
This past weekend I went on a great trip to Akron. Kinda just happened when plans for Philly fell through, and seemed to have the ring of God's blessing about it. Here's the low-down:
Left work Friday. Made good time up 51 and through downtown.
Steve still at work, so I walk into "La Puente" and crash the Refine dinner :-)
Meet Joel Putnam, who turns out to be an amazingly cool guy.
Abandoned mall with Nick, Brian and Jenica.
Iron Man. We are entertained.
"The engineer in me cries out!"
Joy! Steve is still up when I get home, and there's stuff for burritos!
Hanging around the kitchen like the old days. Long time talking and praying out on the front porch.
Sleep till 2 with a break to play with Lizabeff.
Steve back. Taco Bell, Guitar Center, and Walmart for the afternoon.
Enchilada Cheetos!
$1200 Rhodes. I WANT IT. Holy smokes.
No show for the CoG Academy drama. Instead, really good time hanging out with Mike.
Walked down to the Duchess and bought pop and chips, just like the old days! *sniff*
Seriously.
Brian, Nick and Dave Potter come over and we burn wood from the old stage.
Talking about eating Kosher for hours.
Truly good time with those guys!
3:30? Hmm.
Church *mostly* on time.
Baja fresh with Jess and Jen.
That would be Jess Arlia and Jenica. Hah! Gotcha, eh? *poke poke*
Met Solomon. Hah! Someone else is awkward!
Say what? Some party event thingey for Will Paradis and some Rutkowski? Sure, I'll go!
Seems to be lame for a brief period, then I get in on a basketball game, and 7 hours later it's like, man, this was an awesome day!
Sorta kept up with a college-level bballer (who was also a really nice girl)
Experienced Mr. Paradis's home-made audiophile speaker system. My life is changed.
Not joking at all.
It's one of the best-sounding systems in the world.
Like, whaaaat? {:-0
Also got to know Adam Hanes and his sweet sweet outdoor job.
Finally met Amanda Rutkowski!
Good times with more people. Jon Fleck, John Roberts, Brian came by, played catch with Jenica, basketball with Justin Work & others, caught up with Rick Matzek, met the whole Paradis family.
It was a good day. I shot well.
Awkwardly standing there through the tearful goodbyes of the Rutkowskis and Digneys, who are like Will's family. (He was going off to the Air Force the next day. Turns out this was a send-off party for him and Rick Rutkowski.)
Home with Steve-O. Jon Lavery is there!
Freaking genius.
SECOND 2-liter bottle of Diet Dr.Pepper.
"Hey Jon, is this your week to not sleep?"
". . . yeah . ."
GAH it's 12:53am and I'm in Akron!
And of course I didn't remember till 10 o'clock, AT the Paradises, that tomorrow I get up extra early to do extra hard work.
Prayer, Vault, and some rockin' music get me home no problem. It was a good drive.
It was a good weekend.
Like, really good.
My efforts to be more friendly and outward-, people-focused were blessed! Kinda leaves me standing in the dust saying "Did that just happen? Duuude!"
Left work Friday. Made good time up 51 and through downtown.
Steve still at work, so I walk into "La Puente" and crash the Refine dinner :-)
Meet Joel Putnam, who turns out to be an amazingly cool guy.
Abandoned mall with Nick, Brian and Jenica.
Iron Man. We are entertained.
"The engineer in me cries out!"
Joy! Steve is still up when I get home, and there's stuff for burritos!
Hanging around the kitchen like the old days. Long time talking and praying out on the front porch.
Sleep till 2 with a break to play with Lizabeff.
Steve back. Taco Bell, Guitar Center, and Walmart for the afternoon.
Enchilada Cheetos!
$1200 Rhodes. I WANT IT. Holy smokes.
No show for the CoG Academy drama. Instead, really good time hanging out with Mike.
Walked down to the Duchess and bought pop and chips, just like the old days! *sniff*
Seriously.
Brian, Nick and Dave Potter come over and we burn wood from the old stage.
Talking about eating Kosher for hours.
Truly good time with those guys!
3:30? Hmm.
Church *mostly* on time.
Baja fresh with Jess and Jen.
That would be Jess Arlia and Jenica. Hah! Gotcha, eh? *poke poke*
Met Solomon. Hah! Someone else is awkward!
Say what? Some party event thingey for Will Paradis and some Rutkowski? Sure, I'll go!
Seems to be lame for a brief period, then I get in on a basketball game, and 7 hours later it's like, man, this was an awesome day!
Sorta kept up with a college-level bballer (who was also a really nice girl)
Experienced Mr. Paradis's home-made audiophile speaker system. My life is changed.
Not joking at all.
It's one of the best-sounding systems in the world.
Like, whaaaat? {:-0
Also got to know Adam Hanes and his sweet sweet outdoor job.
Finally met Amanda Rutkowski!
Good times with more people. Jon Fleck, John Roberts, Brian came by, played catch with Jenica, basketball with Justin Work & others, caught up with Rick Matzek, met the whole Paradis family.
It was a good day. I shot well.
Awkwardly standing there through the tearful goodbyes of the Rutkowskis and Digneys, who are like Will's family. (He was going off to the Air Force the next day. Turns out this was a send-off party for him and Rick Rutkowski.)
Home with Steve-O. Jon Lavery is there!
Freaking genius.
SECOND 2-liter bottle of Diet Dr.Pepper.
"Hey Jon, is this your week to not sleep?"
". . . yeah . ."
GAH it's 12:53am and I'm in Akron!
And of course I didn't remember till 10 o'clock, AT the Paradises, that tomorrow I get up extra early to do extra hard work.
Prayer, Vault, and some rockin' music get me home no problem. It was a good drive.
It was a good weekend.
Like, really good.
My efforts to be more friendly and outward-, people-focused were blessed! Kinda leaves me standing in the dust saying "Did that just happen? Duuude!"
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I'd better document last week, 'cause if I don't remember it, then it was of almost no value. Even though I *did* a lot (meeting one of my current personal goals), it was of a consumptive, rather than productive nature, leaving nothing for me to show but a few souvenirs and less money.
But it was not ill-spent.
Except Tuesday. I worked, and stayed up late watching TV because it was easy. Hateful.
Wednesday, after some internal debate, I agreed to go with Steve Gole to Cleveland to see his friends' band State Fair play. They didn't even start till 10pm, so it was a late night. But Steve drove so I could sleep, and musically it was worth the trip. State Fair crosses the line from "good band.. for friends of mine" to "good band. Period", and even got into "I don't care about the band, I'm immersed in a highly enjoyable sea of sound at the moment." Really something for some guys playing in "The Grog Shop!"
Thursday Steve, his friend Rachel, and myself met up at the Strip District, grabbed some dinner, and went to see Eisely play at Club Stratus. We ate at this cool "island cuisine" place. Shwanky. Not cheap. But delicious, and I felt cool being there :-) The concert was small, personal, good sound quality, and yieldinous of a new band. "The Myriad" was opening when we got there, and they grabbed our attention even before we got into the building. Bought a CD, talked to their bass player, and rocked it out in the car on the way home. Great stuff. Cool "night on the town."
[This is all I can remember. I didn't finish this post, and now I have forgotten that which I sought to preserve :-( This illustrates the reason I want to write in this blog. Somewhat of a negative motivation, but so are a lot of things in life.]
But it was not ill-spent.
Except Tuesday. I worked, and stayed up late watching TV because it was easy. Hateful.
Wednesday, after some internal debate, I agreed to go with Steve Gole to Cleveland to see his friends' band State Fair play. They didn't even start till 10pm, so it was a late night. But Steve drove so I could sleep, and musically it was worth the trip. State Fair crosses the line from "good band.. for friends of mine" to "good band. Period", and even got into "I don't care about the band, I'm immersed in a highly enjoyable sea of sound at the moment." Really something for some guys playing in "The Grog Shop!"
Thursday Steve, his friend Rachel, and myself met up at the Strip District, grabbed some dinner, and went to see Eisely play at Club Stratus. We ate at this cool "island cuisine" place. Shwanky. Not cheap. But delicious, and I felt cool being there :-) The concert was small, personal, good sound quality, and yieldinous of a new band. "The Myriad" was opening when we got there, and they grabbed our attention even before we got into the building. Bought a CD, talked to their bass player, and rocked it out in the car on the way home. Great stuff. Cool "night on the town."
[This is all I can remember. I didn't finish this post, and now I have forgotten that which I sought to preserve :-( This illustrates the reason I want to write in this blog. Somewhat of a negative motivation, but so are a lot of things in life.]
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Caution: Discouragement below
Today I met one of those people who makes me feel like the most unaccomplished, wasted, insignificant and lowly person walking this globe. I saw a Behringer headphone amp on craigslist, emailed the seller, and ended up driving out to Greentree to pick it up at his office this afternoon. Garry had long enough hair to be a tried and true music guy, but short and neat enough to be very professional. He had mentioned his studio on the phone, so I asked him about it as we stood in the stark lunchroom (straight out of The Office!) and he hooked up the unit so I could test it. Turns out he ran a studio all the way from a four track tape rig in the 80's to a full-blown 32-channel board with all kinds of gear and people working there... while playing in bands himself and working as a software engineer. He's finally knocking the studio down to a home rig since the crazy amount of work and time and lack of sleep was getting to be too much. I use Cakewalk Sonar 2.0 as my recording software. Turns out he was on the beta testing team for Cakewalk for years, and he wrote some of the code that they use in Sonar. He spoke about mics and boards and gear and bands and musicians with the ease of immense familiarity.
I drove away from the gleaming office building despising my pitiful, introverted, connection-less, lackadaisical, unfocused, unmotivated, unproductive little suburban life. Hearing about Ken's accomplishments in Africa hasn't helped either. Leading tours, hanging out with a multimillionaire client, setting records in Ethiopia, working on writing a field guide, posting 100% professional-looking pictures of vistas that make me almost wet my pants, planning and working to break the North American record for the most bird species seen in 1 day (which he's got sponsors to pay for, by the way)...
While here I sit in my colossally tiny world of church friends (Whom I love, don't get me wrong! You guys are.. far better than most of the world even knows can be), a few work friends (with whom I have no connection outside of work), and... what is it 1? maybe 2 friends from college? I roll through this life safe in my car, paying for everything I do and everywhere I go, talking pleasantly with strangers behind counters whom I'll never see again, and holding unrelentingly onto my time and activities. I find myself waiting to end conversations with people! Just because.. it's less effort to not talk! The thought of making my life, my evenings, my hours, my meals, my time, my effort, part of something other than church, work and the occasional trip to Akron or elsewhere is inconceivable.
That is the functional reality I am faced with in those moments when I crave being accomplished in real-life, professional-level fields. I am so far from real music people, people running studios, the actual livings and breathings of professional musicians and studios that it makes me snort a despising laugh at myself. And the thing that kills is that I can't kid myself that I'll start making those kind of connections. My life isn't going to change that drastically! If it was, it would have by now! I have never done my recording at the level of fierce seriousness that gets you moving up and into professional (or even just freakin' serious hobby) circles. And though I hurt inside for the lack of accomplishment, I know that that is not the same as a motivation that will begin to generate that kind of productivity.
So I sit in our kitchen with a knot in my stomach, hatred for myself, and thick chains of laziness, personality and years past and gone locking me down. There is no one to blame but myself.
You may protest - oh! You go to Akron! You travel around! You're a better guitar player than me! You have a studio in your basement and you've made two albums and like 70 songs!
All that is is a pitifully small pond in which I might look like a big fish. Any kind of respectable, real-world pond leaves me a bacteria floating in the water, worth nothing to anyone.
When (please Lord) God saves and changes me, I think I will look back on this post as the wretched misery of a person trying to live for himself and being resisted in his pride. I can't just snap my finger and make that change, though. And right now, I'm in the valley of despair--at least in the moments like today when I look at my life and compare it to lives of actual accomplishment in the world.
Here again is a poem I wrote awhile ago and posted. It gives a bit of emotion to the content of the paragraphs above:
Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground
A couple things I'm happy with:
- Basketball. I'm exercising myself, hitting shots, and getting outside.
- Jamming with Steve Gole. So much fun, and some pretty cool music!
- This post. At least I was non-lazy enough to exercise the creative energy necessary to type this up and work it over.
- My music collection. It's huge, I know almost all of it, and it's recently been expanded by another 7 CD's.
I don't know what that's worth. Documenting this period, I suppose. Pretty dinky stuff I guess, but at least it's not depressing, and I enjoy those things. I don't want to be ungrateful or unreasonable.
--JPB
I drove away from the gleaming office building despising my pitiful, introverted, connection-less, lackadaisical, unfocused, unmotivated, unproductive little suburban life. Hearing about Ken's accomplishments in Africa hasn't helped either. Leading tours, hanging out with a multimillionaire client, setting records in Ethiopia, working on writing a field guide, posting 100% professional-looking pictures of vistas that make me almost wet my pants, planning and working to break the North American record for the most bird species seen in 1 day (which he's got sponsors to pay for, by the way)...
While here I sit in my colossally tiny world of church friends (Whom I love, don't get me wrong! You guys are.. far better than most of the world even knows can be), a few work friends (with whom I have no connection outside of work), and... what is it 1? maybe 2 friends from college? I roll through this life safe in my car, paying for everything I do and everywhere I go, talking pleasantly with strangers behind counters whom I'll never see again, and holding unrelentingly onto my time and activities. I find myself waiting to end conversations with people! Just because.. it's less effort to not talk! The thought of making my life, my evenings, my hours, my meals, my time, my effort, part of something other than church, work and the occasional trip to Akron or elsewhere is inconceivable.
That is the functional reality I am faced with in those moments when I crave being accomplished in real-life, professional-level fields. I am so far from real music people, people running studios, the actual livings and breathings of professional musicians and studios that it makes me snort a despising laugh at myself. And the thing that kills is that I can't kid myself that I'll start making those kind of connections. My life isn't going to change that drastically! If it was, it would have by now! I have never done my recording at the level of fierce seriousness that gets you moving up and into professional (or even just freakin' serious hobby) circles. And though I hurt inside for the lack of accomplishment, I know that that is not the same as a motivation that will begin to generate that kind of productivity.
So I sit in our kitchen with a knot in my stomach, hatred for myself, and thick chains of laziness, personality and years past and gone locking me down. There is no one to blame but myself.
You may protest - oh! You go to Akron! You travel around! You're a better guitar player than me! You have a studio in your basement and you've made two albums and like 70 songs!
All that is is a pitifully small pond in which I might look like a big fish. Any kind of respectable, real-world pond leaves me a bacteria floating in the water, worth nothing to anyone.
When (please Lord) God saves and changes me, I think I will look back on this post as the wretched misery of a person trying to live for himself and being resisted in his pride. I can't just snap my finger and make that change, though. And right now, I'm in the valley of despair--at least in the moments like today when I look at my life and compare it to lives of actual accomplishment in the world.
Here again is a poem I wrote awhile ago and posted. It gives a bit of emotion to the content of the paragraphs above:
Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground
A couple things I'm happy with:
- Basketball. I'm exercising myself, hitting shots, and getting outside.
- Jamming with Steve Gole. So much fun, and some pretty cool music!
- This post. At least I was non-lazy enough to exercise the creative energy necessary to type this up and work it over.
- My music collection. It's huge, I know almost all of it, and it's recently been expanded by another 7 CD's.
I don't know what that's worth. Documenting this period, I suppose. Pretty dinky stuff I guess, but at least it's not depressing, and I enjoy those things. I don't want to be ungrateful or unreasonable.
--JPB
Monday, April 14, 2008
Killing some time at work
I'm sitting at work icing my ankle, with a few minutes to kill, so I have the luxury of writing whatever I want in here! I'm ignoring the burden of past experiences that I haven't yet documented.
My left ankle is pressed up against a stiff ice pack that's pressed up against my man boot that's pressed up against my desk. I'm hunched over to reach the keyboard, backing up every minute or two to fork off another piece of enchilada, or take a sip of the SoBe Essential juice+energy Berry Pomegranate flavored energy juice drink. Nobody else is around, so I'm playing The Strokes comfortably loud through my desktop speakers. Since mowing the lawn last week, I've gotten to like them a good bit. More British stuff from Craig.
XM47, "Lucy," plays at volume notch 1 in the speaker above me. It's just on so I can hear a page if one comes through. Gotta pause the iPod quick and try to catch the repeat. "JAWN BAREIN, WUN SEVINDY FOWR.. JON BARIN, WUNSEVINDYFOR PLEEZ." And since it's night turn, you never know when you might get a whoop in the background as they're hanging up the phone, or maybe some intentional clatter of the receiver, or best yet, a multi-syllabic mispronounciation of Frank Fronzaglio's name :-)
My hot end is in good order. Dale didn't show up, so I've been hauling cullet most of the night (which is why I'm icing my ankle), but I've got 7 truckloads, and we use about 9 per shift, so I'm close to even. The sand car is done unloading and I pushed it down the tracks to the other empties. The tin bath is running well and we've got two of the most experienced operators there right now. Frankie is learning the furnace from Josh, and they've got some hot & dusty cleaning yet to do. We may not get the debris cleaned out from under 3 port left and right... we'll see. Roy Hi-vac'd all 3 levels of the batch house, so I'm waiting awhile before I ask him to clean up the busted glass in the casting hall. QC tests show that the glass color is holding steady, and the last defect sampling didn't have any bottom tin pickup, so we seem to have licked that. There's not much I can do about the tab alumina or chromite, and the seeds & bubbles aren't bad enough to warrant action. Joe has been cleaning up around the tin bath, and that's one of the main things remaining for the last 3 hours of the night: cleaning up the place for all the daylight folks coming in in a few hours. I try to leave them as few things to complain about as possible.
It's been a very relaxed weekend, which is welcome after the HELLACIOUS day last Tuesday. I messed up, we went out of spec, lost a lot of glass, and didn't have a very good reason for it. Bleah. I learned my lesson, though.
Enough sitting around. I could do this all night, but I gotta always light a fire under my own rear and get out there, look around, think, take a step back mentally, scout around for anything left untended, anything that should be done, anything that somebody could give me a hard time for not doing or fixing or addressing or noticing. If somebody walked in right now and looked around, what would they see? What would they ask me about? Would I have a good answer? Could anybody look in on me right now and say I'm being lazy? Would they be right?
That's what these weeks as a supervisor-in-training have been like. On good days, I love it. On the bad days I want to bash my head into an I-beam.
There have been many more good days than bad.
Ahhhh. Good song just came on :-)
Hope this was somewhat profitable, or at least mildly entertaining to read!
--JPB
My left ankle is pressed up against a stiff ice pack that's pressed up against my man boot that's pressed up against my desk. I'm hunched over to reach the keyboard, backing up every minute or two to fork off another piece of enchilada, or take a sip of the SoBe Essential juice+energy Berry Pomegranate flavored energy juice drink. Nobody else is around, so I'm playing The Strokes comfortably loud through my desktop speakers. Since mowing the lawn last week, I've gotten to like them a good bit. More British stuff from Craig.
XM47, "Lucy," plays at volume notch 1 in the speaker above me. It's just on so I can hear a page if one comes through. Gotta pause the iPod quick and try to catch the repeat. "JAWN BAREIN, WUN SEVINDY FOWR.. JON BARIN, WUNSEVINDYFOR PLEEZ." And since it's night turn, you never know when you might get a whoop in the background as they're hanging up the phone, or maybe some intentional clatter of the receiver, or best yet, a multi-syllabic mispronounciation of Frank Fronzaglio's name :-)
My hot end is in good order. Dale didn't show up, so I've been hauling cullet most of the night (which is why I'm icing my ankle), but I've got 7 truckloads, and we use about 9 per shift, so I'm close to even. The sand car is done unloading and I pushed it down the tracks to the other empties. The tin bath is running well and we've got two of the most experienced operators there right now. Frankie is learning the furnace from Josh, and they've got some hot & dusty cleaning yet to do. We may not get the debris cleaned out from under 3 port left and right... we'll see. Roy Hi-vac'd all 3 levels of the batch house, so I'm waiting awhile before I ask him to clean up the busted glass in the casting hall. QC tests show that the glass color is holding steady, and the last defect sampling didn't have any bottom tin pickup, so we seem to have licked that. There's not much I can do about the tab alumina or chromite, and the seeds & bubbles aren't bad enough to warrant action. Joe has been cleaning up around the tin bath, and that's one of the main things remaining for the last 3 hours of the night: cleaning up the place for all the daylight folks coming in in a few hours. I try to leave them as few things to complain about as possible.
It's been a very relaxed weekend, which is welcome after the HELLACIOUS day last Tuesday. I messed up, we went out of spec, lost a lot of glass, and didn't have a very good reason for it. Bleah. I learned my lesson, though.
Enough sitting around. I could do this all night, but I gotta always light a fire under my own rear and get out there, look around, think, take a step back mentally, scout around for anything left untended, anything that should be done, anything that somebody could give me a hard time for not doing or fixing or addressing or noticing. If somebody walked in right now and looked around, what would they see? What would they ask me about? Would I have a good answer? Could anybody look in on me right now and say I'm being lazy? Would they be right?
That's what these weeks as a supervisor-in-training have been like. On good days, I love it. On the bad days I want to bash my head into an I-beam.
There have been many more good days than bad.
Ahhhh. Good song just came on :-)
Hope this was somewhat profitable, or at least mildly entertaining to read!
--JPB
Friday, April 11, 2008
Buffet
I had a thought awhile ago. A creep-out, actually. A being-creeped-out that there are days when I never get my heart rate up or use my muscles for anything but walking, sitting, standing, walking again.. laying down... Augh! Jibbly jibbly jibbly.
Sitting there stagnating when I'm 23 years old!
So Sunday was a good day for buffeting of the body, and I went for it headlong.
A group from church--the elder 4(!) Calvettis, Taylor boys, Graham guys, elder 2 Q's, Kevin, Dad and myself--convened in the sunshine and breeze at Quinlisk Park eager to get the disc flyin' in a Providence Church ultimate frisbee game. We putzed around at first, and took a break to drive to Wendy's after an hour, but we still logged plenty of foot-pounding, lung-pounding action over the grass and through the sky.
I tell you what - football could never compare to frisbee. You can't bend a football throw around three people and have it lift up higher, hang in the air, and float down to a receiver right in the middle of defenders.
Round about 4 o'clock my legs were starting to tell me I couldn't go on much longer, and I was relieved to find that that was the general feeling. So a couple more goals, and we were done. With frisbee, that is. I've been itching to play basketball, and I had Mike Q bring a ball from the Q's house, so I headed right over to the hoops. An over-inflated ball with double rims makes for tough shots, but Brian, Mitchel and I still got some good 21 action in. Then the Hetricks came, Mrs. Bodine picked up Brian, and the games continued. Till I rolled my ankle. Not good. It hurt so much at first I didn't think about much but getting through it, but pretty soon I saw the weeks ahead looming with ace bandages, ice packs, limping all over work for 12 hours.. just like the last time this happened.
But this time I knew without question that we should pray for it. God is stirring things up here at Providence, and moving, and I could totally see Him healing this and having mercy on the consequences. So Jeremy prayed, and from then on it has seemed like a one-fourth as serious accident. It calmed down greatly, and I walked around a bit, although I could tell it would get jazzed up if I did much. I drove home with the stick shift, took a shower, and pretty much went on with my life! It's been a bit sensitive, and now it's mildly sore.
...after playing basketball for two and a half hours yesterday! So praise and thanks are due to God for straight-up mercy on my weak joint, making it heal way faster than is normal for me.
That was an abrupt end of the action Sunday (for me), but yesterday (Thursday) was an off day on my shift schedule, and I met Jeremy at the BP community center at noon for some more Bball, which was sweet. It was a great day off. Basketball at the cool new community center gym, then a big lunch at Chick-fil-A sitting out side, then a stop at the church office for some youth camp stuff, and lastly, another hour of basketball at Quinlisk Park. Running around dribbling and sinking shots, with Good Charlotte pumping out of my car and the warm air and occasional sun breaking through... it felt good, man.
I like Bethel Park, I like basketball, I like days off on the shift schedule, I like spring weather turning warm, I like exercise, I like my subwoofer and sound system, I like Chick-fil-A, and I liked Thursday. It was a good gift from God, and I'm grateful, and I don't deserve it.
May the body buffeting continue.
--JPB
Sitting there stagnating when I'm 23 years old!
So Sunday was a good day for buffeting of the body, and I went for it headlong.
A group from church--the elder 4(!) Calvettis, Taylor boys, Graham guys, elder 2 Q's, Kevin, Dad and myself--convened in the sunshine and breeze at Quinlisk Park eager to get the disc flyin' in a Providence Church ultimate frisbee game. We putzed around at first, and took a break to drive to Wendy's after an hour, but we still logged plenty of foot-pounding, lung-pounding action over the grass and through the sky.
I tell you what - football could never compare to frisbee. You can't bend a football throw around three people and have it lift up higher, hang in the air, and float down to a receiver right in the middle of defenders.
Round about 4 o'clock my legs were starting to tell me I couldn't go on much longer, and I was relieved to find that that was the general feeling. So a couple more goals, and we were done. With frisbee, that is. I've been itching to play basketball, and I had Mike Q bring a ball from the Q's house, so I headed right over to the hoops. An over-inflated ball with double rims makes for tough shots, but Brian, Mitchel and I still got some good 21 action in. Then the Hetricks came, Mrs. Bodine picked up Brian, and the games continued. Till I rolled my ankle. Not good. It hurt so much at first I didn't think about much but getting through it, but pretty soon I saw the weeks ahead looming with ace bandages, ice packs, limping all over work for 12 hours.. just like the last time this happened.
But this time I knew without question that we should pray for it. God is stirring things up here at Providence, and moving, and I could totally see Him healing this and having mercy on the consequences. So Jeremy prayed, and from then on it has seemed like a one-fourth as serious accident. It calmed down greatly, and I walked around a bit, although I could tell it would get jazzed up if I did much. I drove home with the stick shift, took a shower, and pretty much went on with my life! It's been a bit sensitive, and now it's mildly sore.
...after playing basketball for two and a half hours yesterday! So praise and thanks are due to God for straight-up mercy on my weak joint, making it heal way faster than is normal for me.
That was an abrupt end of the action Sunday (for me), but yesterday (Thursday) was an off day on my shift schedule, and I met Jeremy at the BP community center at noon for some more Bball, which was sweet. It was a great day off. Basketball at the cool new community center gym, then a big lunch at Chick-fil-A sitting out side, then a stop at the church office for some youth camp stuff, and lastly, another hour of basketball at Quinlisk Park. Running around dribbling and sinking shots, with Good Charlotte pumping out of my car and the warm air and occasional sun breaking through... it felt good, man.
I like Bethel Park, I like basketball, I like days off on the shift schedule, I like spring weather turning warm, I like exercise, I like my subwoofer and sound system, I like Chick-fil-A, and I liked Thursday. It was a good gift from God, and I'm grateful, and I don't deserve it.
May the body buffeting continue.
--JPB
Monday, March 17, 2008
tisk tisk
Four thirty? *tsk* ugh John, you did it again - stayed up till some ungodly hour and now your day tomorrow will be all messed up, and the time's gone, and you're just so irresponsible.
HAH.
Not tonight.
I'm on night shift, baby!
Yeppersindeed. I'm on temporary assignment as quasi hot end supervisor for A crew. My boss brought up the idea, for me to solidly learn the basics of the process without paperwork distractions, and to get to know the shift schedule first hand.
We started on nights last Monday, working 6pm to 6am. Monday night, Tuesday night, then Wednesday and Thursday off, except we had offsite training 8am - 2pm Thursday, so that sorta killed one of the days off. Now I'm wrapping up the 3-day weekend, which is pretty much the longest stretch on the schedule. Monday and Tuesday are off, then we're in Wednesday and Thursday nights, and off for a 3-day weekend.
Most people gag when I tell them the night shift hours. Six to six, pm to am, sounds hellacious, but so far I'm a big fan. First-off, to make the switch to that schedule, you have to stay up as late as possible the night before, then sleep as late as possible the day you go on, so you can get up and go right in to work at 6. Stay up and sleep in? Aww, do I have to? Secondly, anything at night is fundamentally cooler. Which is more memorable - driving a big run-down dump truck across concrete pads by piles of broken glass in grey daylight at 11:30am, or driving through the shadows and stark lights at 3am with a translucent black void overhead and the rest of the world asleep and quiet? Thirdly, I have to agree with what everyone's been saying: it's more peaceful on night turn. None of the daylight people are here changing things, looking things over, and creating more action. Not that any of that is bad, but there doth be a pleasant peace in their absence.
What have I been doing? A few days were spent basically as a tin bath operator, which was highly needed to get me familiar with that key key area of the process. I'm not proficient, by a long shot, but I at least know what's going on now. Then Dale, the process tech / effective hot end supervisor, was off Saturday, so the game was all on me. I made sure I understood the thickness and size changes coming up, and spent a lot of time hauling cullent (in the dump truck under inky black void). It was also totally on me to know, to KNOW, that the process wasn't falling apart, heading for disaster, head out of spec, or any other deleterious and undesirable direction. It's easy to sit back and figure everything's running like it should, but I always think, what if my boss came in and prowled over the whole process? What would he find? What if he asks me what something is doing? Could I say from first-hand knowledge, or would it be some mushy "I think it's OK." You gotta be there, and you gotta know. And I was and I did, and I do right now, and it's sweet. God has been answering prayers for better comprehension and retention of process info, which has been driving me crazy lately.
Hopefully that was meaningful. I always wonder what people actually DOOOO at their jobs, so that's what I do. That, plus spend about a third of my time hanging around at the tin bath control room, chatting, writing the hourly numbers, asking questions, giving breaks, going out on headsets if things get squirrely.. whatever's needed. I really like the people on this crew, so those hang out times are nice.
So yes, I am up at 4:30, and I'll be up for another couple hours. The Vault I drank at 1:30 is still coursing through my veins, staving off the ravenous tiredness that I know is actually there. Getting up after 2 hours and going to church this morning (last morning, that is) was ROUGH. Rough in a way that basically powned me.
So far we're packin' about 92.5%. 2.5 over target! w00t for that. Hopefully Earl and Bob and the guys will find the place in good order when they come in in a couple hours. My goal is that they will have no fodder for complaint as they sip their coffees this morning. We'll see.
--JPB
A-Crew hot end supervisor
HAH.
Not tonight.
I'm on night shift, baby!
Yeppersindeed. I'm on temporary assignment as quasi hot end supervisor for A crew. My boss brought up the idea, for me to solidly learn the basics of the process without paperwork distractions, and to get to know the shift schedule first hand.
We started on nights last Monday, working 6pm to 6am. Monday night, Tuesday night, then Wednesday and Thursday off, except we had offsite training 8am - 2pm Thursday, so that sorta killed one of the days off. Now I'm wrapping up the 3-day weekend, which is pretty much the longest stretch on the schedule. Monday and Tuesday are off, then we're in Wednesday and Thursday nights, and off for a 3-day weekend.
Most people gag when I tell them the night shift hours. Six to six, pm to am, sounds hellacious, but so far I'm a big fan. First-off, to make the switch to that schedule, you have to stay up as late as possible the night before, then sleep as late as possible the day you go on, so you can get up and go right in to work at 6. Stay up and sleep in? Aww, do I have to? Secondly, anything at night is fundamentally cooler. Which is more memorable - driving a big run-down dump truck across concrete pads by piles of broken glass in grey daylight at 11:30am, or driving through the shadows and stark lights at 3am with a translucent black void overhead and the rest of the world asleep and quiet? Thirdly, I have to agree with what everyone's been saying: it's more peaceful on night turn. None of the daylight people are here changing things, looking things over, and creating more action. Not that any of that is bad, but there doth be a pleasant peace in their absence.
What have I been doing? A few days were spent basically as a tin bath operator, which was highly needed to get me familiar with that key key area of the process. I'm not proficient, by a long shot, but I at least know what's going on now. Then Dale, the process tech / effective hot end supervisor, was off Saturday, so the game was all on me. I made sure I understood the thickness and size changes coming up, and spent a lot of time hauling cullent (in the dump truck under inky black void). It was also totally on me to know, to KNOW, that the process wasn't falling apart, heading for disaster, head out of spec, or any other deleterious and undesirable direction. It's easy to sit back and figure everything's running like it should, but I always think, what if my boss came in and prowled over the whole process? What would he find? What if he asks me what something is doing? Could I say from first-hand knowledge, or would it be some mushy "I think it's OK." You gotta be there, and you gotta know. And I was and I did, and I do right now, and it's sweet. God has been answering prayers for better comprehension and retention of process info, which has been driving me crazy lately.
Hopefully that was meaningful. I always wonder what people actually DOOOO at their jobs, so that's what I do. That, plus spend about a third of my time hanging around at the tin bath control room, chatting, writing the hourly numbers, asking questions, giving breaks, going out on headsets if things get squirrely.. whatever's needed. I really like the people on this crew, so those hang out times are nice.
So yes, I am up at 4:30, and I'll be up for another couple hours. The Vault I drank at 1:30 is still coursing through my veins, staving off the ravenous tiredness that I know is actually there. Getting up after 2 hours and going to church this morning (last morning, that is) was ROUGH. Rough in a way that basically powned me.
So far we're packin' about 92.5%. 2.5 over target! w00t for that. Hopefully Earl and Bob and the guys will find the place in good order when they come in in a couple hours. My goal is that they will have no fodder for complaint as they sip their coffees this morning. We'll see.
--JPB
A-Crew hot end supervisor
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Made For
"Well Greg, I can honestly say that a couple hours with your family is enough to make me feel at peace with my 'life direction' of heading towards getting married and having a family," I said with a smile.
It was true!
Life exudes from every pore of the Calvetti house. LIFE! From every marker on the school room table, from every crowded cabinet, from the drums by the piano and the little voices singing along to the songs I played.
"The guys at work were talking about how much money kids cost, and I certainly enjoy being able to save and buy stuff right now.. but what is a microphone, compared to Timothy? It's ridiculous to even make that comparison."
Yes, it's not all fun and games, and not always peaceful, but the energy and reality and life pouring out of those kids, from Benjamin and Timothy bounding around the floor to Sarah bundling up to go babysit Andrew and Peggy's girl... that trumps delay pedals and meals out at Ethiopian restaurants and me sitting here staying up late because the only one who will be affected is myself.
Like Dad says, it's what we men were made for.
--Clear Ambassador
It was true!
Life exudes from every pore of the Calvetti house. LIFE! From every marker on the school room table, from every crowded cabinet, from the drums by the piano and the little voices singing along to the songs I played.
"The guys at work were talking about how much money kids cost, and I certainly enjoy being able to save and buy stuff right now.. but what is a microphone, compared to Timothy? It's ridiculous to even make that comparison."
Yes, it's not all fun and games, and not always peaceful, but the energy and reality and life pouring out of those kids, from Benjamin and Timothy bounding around the floor to Sarah bundling up to go babysit Andrew and Peggy's girl... that trumps delay pedals and meals out at Ethiopian restaurants and me sitting here staying up late because the only one who will be affected is myself.
Like Dad says, it's what we men were made for.
--Clear Ambassador
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
This is how it happens
Tonight I sent 5 emails about youth camp stuff, three of them large, long-thought-out ones thick with non-simple questions and items requiring action.
You may wonder, like I did years ago, what *planning youth camp* actually involved (or planning any big event, for that matter). The answer is mostly stuff like this. A lot of other people do things like making specific lists, buying actual items, printing signs, etc., but my role is more looking over it all and figuring out what needs to be decided (and by whom), what needs to be delegated (and to whom), who needs to be involved, and what needs to be communicated to them. This mostly takes place via the thinking involved in writing documents or emails, or in talking to someone on the phone or in person.
Perhaps this level of abstraction isn't interesting to you, but it certainly would have been to me back 5 years ago, as I stood and clapped for Steve Murphy and his mysterious work for youth camp.
You may wonder, like I did years ago, what *planning youth camp* actually involved (or planning any big event, for that matter). The answer is mostly stuff like this. A lot of other people do things like making specific lists, buying actual items, printing signs, etc., but my role is more looking over it all and figuring out what needs to be decided (and by whom), what needs to be delegated (and to whom), who needs to be involved, and what needs to be communicated to them. This mostly takes place via the thinking involved in writing documents or emails, or in talking to someone on the phone or in person.
Perhaps this level of abstraction isn't interesting to you, but it certainly would have been to me back 5 years ago, as I stood and clapped for Steve Murphy and his mysterious work for youth camp.
Monday, February 25, 2008
If I were an Ohioan...
Hee hee hee hee heeeee :-D
*************************************
Justin, Daniel, if either of you are seeing this right now and getting it... this one was for you :-)
*************************************
PS folks, I'm eating corn.
P.P.S. It's the hair.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Open Issues / Report from the Crew
While I eat my massively greasy JPB-style Steak n Cheese sandwich and listen to Bloc Party thump in the family room, let me give you a similar update to what I gave the fine folks of our care group earlier this evening. (Last night, actually)
As some of you may know or remember, I had rough time with my job last year, feeling (and being) useless, excluded, and awkward all day every day, and being quite miserably unhappy many times.
It would be a disservice to let anyone keep thinking that is the case, and it would rob God of praise and appreciation that is due Him. I had a flash of realization as I walked toward the cullet silo this afternoon, striding by the furnace, pulling my gloves out: Here I am, DOING something! And not because someone told me to or I'm bored and wandering, but because I know what's going on, what needs to happen, and I need to know if the cullet getting run to the silo is wet or not.
I never have nothing to do, and haven't for a long time. I'm staying later and later, more oftener (for better or worse :-/), not because *that's what you do for your career*, but because there's stuff to do! I need to get caught up on the furnace, figure out where they should keep the refiner optical for the night, get the vibe at the tin bath, and finish my email to everybody summing up the day and instructing the night shift. There are days I walk around feeling like a million bucks, with a little inkling of thinking that maybe I'm a for-real working man, to stand next to people like Al and Earl and K-dog.
The coexistant flipside is the days like Wednesday, when I left the tin bath control room spewing violent frustration under my breath all the way to and around the furnace. That crew makes me feel like I'm being constantly mocked and laughed at by everyone, and I'm helplessly oblivious, with no respect and probably some animosity. Grates like fingernails on a chalkboard every second I'm around a certain group of the guys. And you know why they mock and ignore and discount me? Because I stink at this job! I can't make a single freaking decision on my own! Every step I think to take is wrong, and I just trip over myself again and dig myself deeper and miss some OTHER obvious thing. For the love of goodness, I can look at the furnace sheet for 30 minutes and turn away and not remember a single number! Bumbling over myself trying to report to superiors in the morning meeting, missing key factors in decisions, and utterly being NOT EARL. (My boss)
There is always at least a lurking fraction of that feeling during the days, but it is solidly overshadowed by the business and occasional satisfaction I described above it. Praise the Lord, even after a big Akron weekend flush with musical success, there was not one shred of unhappiness in going to work Monday morning. I didn't realize the degree of this blessing 'till I said it at care group. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to come to work, or not even mind or think about it. It's a real environment to me--alive with people, a dynamic & intriguing process, things to do, places to be, and good times to be had.
Now if I could just suck in a bunch of experience, flush out my brain's circuitry with contact cleaner, and be genuinely able to run the hot end! Untill I'm there, I am ill at ease.
That sandwich was SO GOOD ! I can feel the grease coming out of my pores already, but it was worth it. Mmmm. Yes, while everyone at work weighs in for the "Biggest Loser" competition, I'm running my own personal "Biggest Winner" campaign :-) So far I'm losing.
The second part of my update concerned the continuing drama of my spiritual quest.
Right now I'm in a good time. The best since last spring. So I don't want to recount and write down all the doubts, unanswered questions, self pity, victimization, sin, despair, dryness, deadness, and hopelessness I have been wading around in. Sometimes they have climbed up and ruled my day, but more often I walk about happily, even forgetting that at the end of the day, in the great gaping solitude of night, I have no real sureness that God actually exists, and the objective measures of my spiritual life are a thin film of oil on the dirty rainy ground... if you could even call it a spiritual life.
Dad reminds me that, be that all as it may, I am doing many objectively valuable and spiritually right things: serving a lot at church, not rebelling against home or parents or Christian friends, and not ditching the deep wisdom and provision of a solid job and chasing the fleeting fancies that get me all in a tizzy sometimes. At times I wrench at that very unchangingness, but in the end I suppose it's better to err on this side. ?. ??. I suppose. Dang folks, that one is hard.
But oh yeah -- this is a good time :-) It is! It started with a message about God's Word by Mike Pierson, from which God gave me a frank, "oh yeah.. let's do this" attitude that has resulted in reading Proverbs almost every night, genuinely poring down the pages for that great lady Wisdom that God extolls. I finally (i.e. God's inexplicable and independent grace) implemented the nagging feeling that I'm filling my head with music every spare moment, and not-God-things input = not-God-things mind and output. I've been listening to John Piper sermons to and from work, and they have been a key, humanly-persuasive (oh so persuasive!) voice inspiring me and making me feel like God is actually >real<. Struck with simple inspiration from a message on prayer, I have been getting together with Mike Q once a week to pray. To agree on earth concerning things, and change the world. Yeah! God has dropped frank faith on me for this, and looking at Jeremiah 39:12-14, I get a wisp of delicious hope that maybe things will actually change someday, and God "will be found by me." The jury is still out, and time will tell.
For now, I'm happy to be in a good time, and I'm ok with the unanswered questions hanging out there, and the lack of experience waiting to be resolved.
Now I have the microwaved rice bag sitting on my feet to try to keep them warm as cold air gradually fills the house. It's 2 am, and the heat kicks back to 50-something degrees way before then. Fingers cold, fleece zipped up to my chin... I'm flirting with sickness again, which apparently is nothing trite for my non-hardy body. Sucks to be someone like that.
Lastly, lest I forget such a great trip, here's the past weekend in Akron:
Earl let me go at noon Friday. I'm still surprised at how giddily good it felt to just DRIVE AWAY, halfway through the day!
We worked in the Chima's basement, which was lovely. I'll forever savor the mental image of the wood on the walls, the carpets on the floor-- couches on the far side, drums in the foreground, computer on the side ledge, cables and bags and pedals clogging the floor, long shadows in the darkness from the yellow lights across the room, the creeping seeping cold as the day got old, and the minutes of glorious warmth when the heater came on.
It was a weekend of low lows and dizzy highs. The lows are when limited time is already too much past, the part you're working on bears down on your shoulders with the weight of all the work it will still take to get it right, and the performance factor eats at your heart with fear since you could spend forever and even drive yourself further from actually playing it right in real time, when the record button is down. Oh that kills like little else. Just sucks you away on every level. But then I'd try the metronome in my headphones and suddenly KNOW that I could play those drums perfectly, perfectly on beat; and sit down there and beat them out and look at those six tracks on the computer and know that we had those drums! There, down for good, every time we play them back. I'm still dumbstruck by Brian's FLAWLESS and seamless double-tracking of his rhythm guitar (recording the same part over again on top of itself, exactly the same as he played it before. EXACTLY.), and I still relish the sweetness of those solid drums, bass and guitars together at the end of Saturday night. Sunday we finished the arrangement and recorded the last half of the song, which evolved through the entire weekend into something that has been stirring me almost to tears every time I listen to it. More travail, more crushing despair, and more exhilirating highs, ending with a movie-like scene where Steve sang out a flawless, perfect-pitch vocal track down in the dim basement as I sat in the chair and listened in increasing excitement and awe. As far as I'm concerned, this song blows away all of our previous material in terms of musical unity and vibrancy, and emotional depth and power.
Uh, other small details, we watched a stirring movie Friday night at the cheap theater with some folks, and Sunday I got up at 8:30 and had the first relaxed, pleasant Sunday morning in the past... 2 years? At least that I can remember. Long shower, non-stressed getting dressed and out the door, Starbucks, and time to talk at church. Wow!
Oh, and the weekend ended with the worst drive home ever. There is no reason I did not crash many times, and I never ever want to be that miserable and deathly sleepy and helpless again. I had to get home, I had to work the next day, I had to drive. Ugh, recounting it is unpleasant. Was it worth it for the song? I would not do it differently. Given another similar situation, I will cut the fun, pack it up, and head home. May 4:30 endure as the latest I ever get back home from Akron.
Ohh, the song has been delighting my heart! It's called "Sweeping Me," and I rescued it from being another stupid girl song and spurred us to these lyrics, with which I will end this post. I wrote most of the verses, which completed the preexisting chorus and bridge. It's basically an honest song about the tentative bud of love in our real Christian lives.
V1
How alike, how alone
How much longer, I want to know
Down in my heart, tucked away
Maybe we're meant for each other some day
But it's
CH
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
The night it wonders, would you, could you?
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
And the night it wonders would you?
Would you?
Would you?
Would you.
V2
You don't see, you don't know
What I wish, I could show
Wait and see, what might be
Falling for me as I've fallen for you
'Cause it's (CH)
Bridge
So this is how
The stars in the sky are shining like I feel now
So this is how
The clouds in the sky are drifting like I feel now
Because of this post I will have to sleep in very long tomorrow and will not get much done before Fuse fun night. But it's worth it, because somehow expression like this gives me great peace as life passes on and by. Seasons like this, weekends like this, little things like making myself a cool philly steak sandwich at midnight after care group and listening to new music while Daisy sleeps on the couch and the fire flickers away are not lost once I get these words down. The memory is stored to revisit and relive and benefit from in the future, and I can relax and know it's here.
It's a crazy game we play, this game that we call life.
We sit and speculate, as the days go by, the days go by
--JPB
As some of you may know or remember, I had rough time with my job last year, feeling (and being) useless, excluded, and awkward all day every day, and being quite miserably unhappy many times.
It would be a disservice to let anyone keep thinking that is the case, and it would rob God of praise and appreciation that is due Him. I had a flash of realization as I walked toward the cullet silo this afternoon, striding by the furnace, pulling my gloves out: Here I am, DOING something! And not because someone told me to or I'm bored and wandering, but because I know what's going on, what needs to happen, and I need to know if the cullet getting run to the silo is wet or not.
I never have nothing to do, and haven't for a long time. I'm staying later and later, more oftener (for better or worse :-/), not because *that's what you do for your career*, but because there's stuff to do! I need to get caught up on the furnace, figure out where they should keep the refiner optical for the night, get the vibe at the tin bath, and finish my email to everybody summing up the day and instructing the night shift. There are days I walk around feeling like a million bucks, with a little inkling of thinking that maybe I'm a for-real working man, to stand next to people like Al and Earl and K-dog.
The coexistant flipside is the days like Wednesday, when I left the tin bath control room spewing violent frustration under my breath all the way to and around the furnace. That crew makes me feel like I'm being constantly mocked and laughed at by everyone, and I'm helplessly oblivious, with no respect and probably some animosity. Grates like fingernails on a chalkboard every second I'm around a certain group of the guys. And you know why they mock and ignore and discount me? Because I stink at this job! I can't make a single freaking decision on my own! Every step I think to take is wrong, and I just trip over myself again and dig myself deeper and miss some OTHER obvious thing. For the love of goodness, I can look at the furnace sheet for 30 minutes and turn away and not remember a single number! Bumbling over myself trying to report to superiors in the morning meeting, missing key factors in decisions, and utterly being NOT EARL. (My boss)
There is always at least a lurking fraction of that feeling during the days, but it is solidly overshadowed by the business and occasional satisfaction I described above it. Praise the Lord, even after a big Akron weekend flush with musical success, there was not one shred of unhappiness in going to work Monday morning. I didn't realize the degree of this blessing 'till I said it at care group. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to come to work, or not even mind or think about it. It's a real environment to me--alive with people, a dynamic & intriguing process, things to do, places to be, and good times to be had.
Now if I could just suck in a bunch of experience, flush out my brain's circuitry with contact cleaner, and be genuinely able to run the hot end! Untill I'm there, I am ill at ease.
That sandwich was SO GOOD ! I can feel the grease coming out of my pores already, but it was worth it. Mmmm. Yes, while everyone at work weighs in for the "Biggest Loser" competition, I'm running my own personal "Biggest Winner" campaign :-) So far I'm losing.
The second part of my update concerned the continuing drama of my spiritual quest.
Right now I'm in a good time. The best since last spring. So I don't want to recount and write down all the doubts, unanswered questions, self pity, victimization, sin, despair, dryness, deadness, and hopelessness I have been wading around in. Sometimes they have climbed up and ruled my day, but more often I walk about happily, even forgetting that at the end of the day, in the great gaping solitude of night, I have no real sureness that God actually exists, and the objective measures of my spiritual life are a thin film of oil on the dirty rainy ground... if you could even call it a spiritual life.
Dad reminds me that, be that all as it may, I am doing many objectively valuable and spiritually right things: serving a lot at church, not rebelling against home or parents or Christian friends, and not ditching the deep wisdom and provision of a solid job and chasing the fleeting fancies that get me all in a tizzy sometimes. At times I wrench at that very unchangingness, but in the end I suppose it's better to err on this side. ?. ??. I suppose. Dang folks, that one is hard.
But oh yeah -- this is a good time :-) It is! It started with a message about God's Word by Mike Pierson, from which God gave me a frank, "oh yeah.. let's do this" attitude that has resulted in reading Proverbs almost every night, genuinely poring down the pages for that great lady Wisdom that God extolls. I finally (i.e. God's inexplicable and independent grace) implemented the nagging feeling that I'm filling my head with music every spare moment, and not-God-things input = not-God-things mind and output. I've been listening to John Piper sermons to and from work, and they have been a key, humanly-persuasive (oh so persuasive!) voice inspiring me and making me feel like God is actually >real<. Struck with simple inspiration from a message on prayer, I have been getting together with Mike Q once a week to pray. To agree on earth concerning things, and change the world. Yeah! God has dropped frank faith on me for this, and looking at Jeremiah 39:12-14, I get a wisp of delicious hope that maybe things will actually change someday, and God "will be found by me." The jury is still out, and time will tell.
For now, I'm happy to be in a good time, and I'm ok with the unanswered questions hanging out there, and the lack of experience waiting to be resolved.
Now I have the microwaved rice bag sitting on my feet to try to keep them warm as cold air gradually fills the house. It's 2 am, and the heat kicks back to 50-something degrees way before then. Fingers cold, fleece zipped up to my chin... I'm flirting with sickness again, which apparently is nothing trite for my non-hardy body. Sucks to be someone like that.
Lastly, lest I forget such a great trip, here's the past weekend in Akron:
Earl let me go at noon Friday. I'm still surprised at how giddily good it felt to just DRIVE AWAY, halfway through the day!
We worked in the Chima's basement, which was lovely. I'll forever savor the mental image of the wood on the walls, the carpets on the floor-- couches on the far side, drums in the foreground, computer on the side ledge, cables and bags and pedals clogging the floor, long shadows in the darkness from the yellow lights across the room, the creeping seeping cold as the day got old, and the minutes of glorious warmth when the heater came on.
It was a weekend of low lows and dizzy highs. The lows are when limited time is already too much past, the part you're working on bears down on your shoulders with the weight of all the work it will still take to get it right, and the performance factor eats at your heart with fear since you could spend forever and even drive yourself further from actually playing it right in real time, when the record button is down. Oh that kills like little else. Just sucks you away on every level. But then I'd try the metronome in my headphones and suddenly KNOW that I could play those drums perfectly, perfectly on beat; and sit down there and beat them out and look at those six tracks on the computer and know that we had those drums! There, down for good, every time we play them back. I'm still dumbstruck by Brian's FLAWLESS and seamless double-tracking of his rhythm guitar (recording the same part over again on top of itself, exactly the same as he played it before. EXACTLY.), and I still relish the sweetness of those solid drums, bass and guitars together at the end of Saturday night. Sunday we finished the arrangement and recorded the last half of the song, which evolved through the entire weekend into something that has been stirring me almost to tears every time I listen to it. More travail, more crushing despair, and more exhilirating highs, ending with a movie-like scene where Steve sang out a flawless, perfect-pitch vocal track down in the dim basement as I sat in the chair and listened in increasing excitement and awe. As far as I'm concerned, this song blows away all of our previous material in terms of musical unity and vibrancy, and emotional depth and power.
Uh, other small details, we watched a stirring movie Friday night at the cheap theater with some folks, and Sunday I got up at 8:30 and had the first relaxed, pleasant Sunday morning in the past... 2 years? At least that I can remember. Long shower, non-stressed getting dressed and out the door, Starbucks, and time to talk at church. Wow!
Oh, and the weekend ended with the worst drive home ever. There is no reason I did not crash many times, and I never ever want to be that miserable and deathly sleepy and helpless again. I had to get home, I had to work the next day, I had to drive. Ugh, recounting it is unpleasant. Was it worth it for the song? I would not do it differently. Given another similar situation, I will cut the fun, pack it up, and head home. May 4:30 endure as the latest I ever get back home from Akron.
Ohh, the song has been delighting my heart! It's called "Sweeping Me," and I rescued it from being another stupid girl song and spurred us to these lyrics, with which I will end this post. I wrote most of the verses, which completed the preexisting chorus and bridge. It's basically an honest song about the tentative bud of love in our real Christian lives.
V1
How alike, how alone
How much longer, I want to know
Down in my heart, tucked away
Maybe we're meant for each other some day
But it's
CH
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
The night it wonders, would you, could you?
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
And the night it wonders would you?
Would you?
Would you?
Would you.
V2
You don't see, you don't know
What I wish, I could show
Wait and see, what might be
Falling for me as I've fallen for you
'Cause it's (CH)
Bridge
So this is how
The stars in the sky are shining like I feel now
So this is how
The clouds in the sky are drifting like I feel now
Because of this post I will have to sleep in very long tomorrow and will not get much done before Fuse fun night. But it's worth it, because somehow expression like this gives me great peace as life passes on and by. Seasons like this, weekends like this, little things like making myself a cool philly steak sandwich at midnight after care group and listening to new music while Daisy sleeps on the couch and the fire flickers away are not lost once I get these words down. The memory is stored to revisit and relive and benefit from in the future, and I can relax and know it's here.
It's a crazy game we play, this game that we call life.
We sit and speculate, as the days go by, the days go by
--JPB
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
What kind of friend is Mike Q?
I just spent the last two fifths of the day with Mike Q. I went to his apartment straight from work and we went out to dinner and talked and came back and hung out some more and then prayed together to change the world (as we want to do every week).
It was a great night, on many levels.
One of which was what a good friend Mike is.
So what kind of friend is he?
The best I can do is give an example:
He's the one I think about texting when I put the stuff away that I got at Walgreens, stuff up the bag in my hand and stick it out in the holder in the garage, close the door.. then open it back up and get the bag out of the holder and put it in the kitchen garbage can, which I just emptied and should have known needed a new bag.
So pointless. (Dumb, as Mike would say). but really funny in an odd, small sort of way.
Almost anybody I can think of would either try to *thinkit'sfunny* and make too much of it, or else notthinkit'sfunny and either ignore it, or do some uncomfortable sort of laugh, or some other unpleasing thing.
And I think that's what sets Mike apart amongst my friends: I know how he will respond, and I can pretty much tell him anything, and not worry about it. From the smallest of the small, to the biggest of the big, to the weirdest bits of humor; it all goes out and I have no concern for whether he will think bad of me, or be awkward, or make me feel awkward, or whatever.
It's pretty cool, and I'm pretty glad to have that!
******************************
Tonight was sweet. And I say that with emphasis and triumph. I was the kind of person I wish I could be sometimes ... meeting a friend for dinner at a super-culturey-cool Ethiopian restaurant in a collegy-type chic area [The kind of place where I feel I fit in when I wear my scarf]..
sitting and talking for ages about characteristics of our jobs and sharing stories to demonstrate them..
eating FANTASTIC food, then stopping at Walgreens and finding the most amazing candy ever (SweetTarts jelly beans. It's the dextrose.) plus other things of an exciting, "oh man I found this!" nature..
listening to the new Pure Boss song again and having Mike appreciate it at a level similar to my own,
then talking to Steve-O for a long time on the phone bantering about band stuff and such, then talking more with Mike, and ending with heartfelt prayer for several major, pointed items...
agreeing on Earth concerning things so they will be done for us by our Father in Heaven (Matthew 18:19). Prayers that can change the world. Inspired by John Piper.
I wish there was a punctuation mark for putting your fist down on the table in emphasis. It would be a useful add-on to the exclamation point. 'Cause I would use it to put my fist down and say this night was SWEET!
Perhaps we could call it a "stoked mark."
--JPB
P.S. The best I've found is an underline behind and before. Please to observe....
When small groups of Christians get together and pray to God for things, they.change.the ._world_. Exclamation point.
It was a great night, on many levels.
One of which was what a good friend Mike is.
So what kind of friend is he?
The best I can do is give an example:
He's the one I think about texting when I put the stuff away that I got at Walgreens, stuff up the bag in my hand and stick it out in the holder in the garage, close the door.. then open it back up and get the bag out of the holder and put it in the kitchen garbage can, which I just emptied and should have known needed a new bag.
So pointless. (Dumb, as Mike would say). but really funny in an odd, small sort of way.
Almost anybody I can think of would either try to *thinkit'sfunny* and make too much of it, or else notthinkit'sfunny and either ignore it, or do some uncomfortable sort of laugh, or some other unpleasing thing.
And I think that's what sets Mike apart amongst my friends: I know how he will respond, and I can pretty much tell him anything, and not worry about it. From the smallest of the small, to the biggest of the big, to the weirdest bits of humor; it all goes out and I have no concern for whether he will think bad of me, or be awkward, or make me feel awkward, or whatever.
It's pretty cool, and I'm pretty glad to have that!
******************************
Tonight was sweet. And I say that with emphasis and triumph. I was the kind of person I wish I could be sometimes ... meeting a friend for dinner at a super-culturey-cool Ethiopian restaurant in a collegy-type chic area [The kind of place where I feel I fit in when I wear my scarf]..
sitting and talking for ages about characteristics of our jobs and sharing stories to demonstrate them..
eating FANTASTIC food, then stopping at Walgreens and finding the most amazing candy ever (SweetTarts jelly beans. It's the dextrose.) plus other things of an exciting, "oh man I found this!" nature..
listening to the new Pure Boss song again and having Mike appreciate it at a level similar to my own,
then talking to Steve-O for a long time on the phone bantering about band stuff and such, then talking more with Mike, and ending with heartfelt prayer for several major, pointed items...
agreeing on Earth concerning things so they will be done for us by our Father in Heaven (Matthew 18:19). Prayers that can change the world. Inspired by John Piper.
I wish there was a punctuation mark for putting your fist down on the table in emphasis. It would be a useful add-on to the exclamation point. 'Cause I would use it to put my fist down and say this night was SWEET!
Perhaps we could call it a "stoked mark."
--JPB
P.S. The best I've found is an underline behind and before. Please to observe....
When small groups of Christians get together and pray to God for things, they.change.the ._world_. Exclamation point.
Monday, February 11, 2008
This is how time goes by
Every day begins the same: I wake up at 7am (or 6:30 if I have to take a shower), dress, pack food, and leave too long after 7:30 to feel comfortable. I roll into work about 8, and don't leave until 5 or 5:30 most days. That part is always the same. Now to look back and answer the question "What happens to all these days??"
Here is the recent past and upcoming future:
Here is the recent past and upcoming future:
- Wednesday and Thursday (2 weeks ago) - worked night shift, 6pm to 6am. Got up at 3:30pm both days, hit Chick-Fil-A for... "meal".. (brunchinner?) and quiet time, and went to work. Great days. Other than the mad back pain. The night is MY TIME baby!
- Friday - I planned to go to Grove City for the night, but the timing wasn't working out, and my back was getting impossible to ignore or "push through." So I laid around and rested and wasted time. Bleah.
- Saturday - College Night. Which takes up basically the whole day by the time I sleep in, get some food, shower, and pack up what I'm bringing. Wrote and recorded a pretty good demo of "Hey Girls" that night.. up till 3:30am.
- Sunday - Church, then Grove City students over for a long lunch. Much-needed nap, then to the Calanos for the Super Bowl. Yay Giants!
- Monday - Doctor's appointment for my back at 3:45. Got home past dinnertime, ate some, then hit the couch with the hot rice bag, a blanket, a beagle, my good headphones, and 12GB of music. Fell asleep sometime around 9 o'clock and slept through till morning.
- Tuesday - Went to the Piersons after work for dinner and the first YC08 meeting with Mr. Pierson. Kick-off drum lesson with Mitch. Got home around 11.
- Wednesday - Dinner at home, and prayer with Mike at his place at 8:30. Something kept me from leaving on time for that, but I can't remember. Something like folding laundry. It was a fractional night.
- Thursday - Met Nate Dogg at Taco Bell for dinner, then back home to jam with him and Steve Gole.
- Friday - Erin's party! Went to the Piersons from work, showered and dressed up, hit the party, then Mikey came home with me, but we were too tired to do much. Good dancing.
- Saturday - Up at noon, which left 4 hours before Fuse after lunch was said and done. I did everything I wanted to in that time except starting to catalog my wild greasy-haired collection of recordings. I did make and pack my dinner for the night, which I was proud of. Yay for not caving in to paying for fast food! I left at 4. Lawrence Music to pick up my amp, church office for YC planning, Fuse, home, writing and demo-ing a song about the ridiculous profusion of cameras amongst teens. Bed at 3:30am.
- Sunday (today) - Drums, church, then to Lynn Noll's for a care group fellowship. It was a great time getting to know folks, and Lynn's house and pets are great. Home at 5:15. Steve Gole came for dinner, and we jammed till 10:30. Came up with a sweet 3-layer synth loop, which we played for 37 minutes straight. Poor Mom and Dad.
- Monday - Prayer here w/ Mikey and maybe Nate.
- Tuesday - YC07 review meeting at 6 with MP, Miikey Q and Katie Calano.
- Wednesday - Basketball after work. We'll see how my back's doing.
- Thursday - Looks free at the moment. Probably jam with Golinski.
- Friday - **Hopefully** leave work early and go to AKRON!! for a full weekend of recording.
And thusly flyeth by three weeks of life.
So where does the time go? Scanning the outline above, it looks like my priorities are church life and music. I also fill many hours' worth of "in-between" time with familyness. -- being down in the family room doing computer stuff, laying down on the couch, playing with Daisy, playing piano, and occasionally reading or folding laundry. It's not really *doing* anything per se, but I do not believe it is wasted time, and I do not choose to isolate myself from our family, which would be the effective result if I spent every bit of time on music (or something else). I'm also happy to have a night or two per week dedicated to jamming or recording, which has not always been the case, and which is yielding solid benefits musically.
Should I, will I, "make something of myself" musically? The prospect of making a full-fledged album of my songs is colossally daunting, and I almost fear the huge fraction of time and effort it would necessarily demand from my life. I think I will do it eventually, though, and I'd better do it before I marry and settle down (if that's God's will). I could play coffeehouses and the like, but that requires much focused practice, and I'm spending my musical time on free creativity: recording demos to get the songs in my head onto hard disk, and stretching my limits on synth and electric guitar with Steve. I consider creative generation a more mystical, uncontrollable and elusive thing than practiced performace, so I am taking every moment of the former that I can get. I feel that the latter may come down the road, depending on how my life changes in the coming years.
This "aerial view" of my time expenditure serves to clarify what I've been feeling recently: peace with my choices. The part of me that is dying to DO something--make something of myself--is subdued, and a calculation of what I would have to dispense of to fit more music or more travel in leaves me pretty happy with the balance I'm striking right now.
So, I guess I should say that I have peace right now.
!
My prayer of a month ago is answered (at the moment). Nice!
--JPB
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