Yep, I'm an idiot

Just in case you were wondering, today did indeed turn out fine. I slept an hour (by choice) got to work 40 minutes after 7, stayed till 4, dropped off 2 guitars at Lawrence Music on the way home to get work done on them, ate a great healthy dinner, and came up here to do homework. I ended up reading the CD booklet for The Young & The Hopeless by Good Charlotte. Quite engaging and genuine-seeming, and emotionally honest and bare (like I like to be). Good music too, once I popped the CD in. I'm working on the problems a bit now, as I import songs into iTunes, but I'm really not that worried about turning in fully-completed homework sets. I took time to read chapter two slowly, and understood what I could from the text. Work went well, I got another project to work on (with clear action points, yay!), and the stop at the music store was sweet. Apparently I'm the envy of the whole staff because of Doug, the 70's Fender tube amp I picked up for $100 :-) One guy was like, "Is that that Fender...the one with the french fries in the back? Aw man, I wanted that!" :-) It's cool to have a piece of gear that's respected by professionals like those guys. I'm also excited to get this new regime of pickup switching installed in my Strat. I will have 17 different combinations of pickups to choose from!! Dude, I can't wait.

So, yeah. Life is good, even if I'll be turning in two half-completed homeworks tomorrow in class and my room is still messy and I don't know when I'll do laundry and I'll have to spend almost every weeknight next week working on this class.

And you know what breaks me down a bit? And THIS is why I wrote that post last night, and why I put it up on the internet, instead of just saving it in "My Documents." I was struck on the drive home as Marquis Laughlin read with hushed voice Mark's simple account of Jesus' arrest, "trial," and death. I was going on and on last night about all I was giving up, and the bleakness and hardness of the future, as I thought through the causes of my feelings. But I have only barely tasted loneliness, loss, broken relationships and pain. Jesus gave up INTIMATE LIFE WITH GOD THE FATHER as He approached the cross. He hung there with no bottom to His pain, no net to catch His fall from the Father's love, no caveat to lessen the brutal blade of God's wrath as it cut into His flesh and soul.

I literally got shivers up my back when it came to the part where Jesus uttered "a loud cry" and gave up the ghost. I imagine Christ endured the scourging silently, but for the reflexive groans of His physical body. I doubt He screamed as the nails were pounded through his wrists and ankles. I doubt He cried out beyond a sharp gasp as the cross slipped into its slot, popping out his shoulders. But when God turned His face away, Jesus cried out (illogically, by the way) "My God, My God! Why have You forsaken Me?" He knew why. He knew what He was doing; but still He couldn't help but cry out as He lost the Father. And in the end, when God's wrath came pouring down out of the holy throne room, Jesus screamed. He wrenched out with all the breath in His lungs. And died.

Jesus walked all the way down the horrific road of lonely temptation, comfortless pain, and bottomless suffering. And the rest of the New Testament goes on to celebrate what He won for us after He reached the end of that road. He did what I cannot imagine going through with, and all of heaven and earth will throw themselves down before Him at the last day and cry out, "Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain, to receive blessing and glory and honor, forever and ever."

AMEN. Look at Him tonight, please.

--Clear Ambassador