Tired tired tired

My last post was about sweat at work.
This is an analogous one about sleepiness at work.

Last night added another notch to the "nights I stayed up way too late" pole. At least this one had a good reason: Steve H and I were recording a wild and crazy yet amazingly catchy song down in the basement, and then chilling in his car listening through a bunch of my recordings. I wouldn't do it differently, but again I'm left here, riding the wake of trying to live life to the fullest. This morning isn't bad - I'm jacked from a Mountain Dew (Game Fuel! New kind!!) and I have plenty to do. Other mornings "all vanish in the haze" - to borrow a phrase from Weezer.

I'm debating whether or not to caffeinate every morning.
Even when I get 8 hours of sleep, I'm just not very productive before noon.

Why IS it, that I can literally be struggling not to fall asleep while standing up, at 10 am, but be bright, wide, full awake at 2:30am, even when I know I'm running on too little sleep?
It makes trying to be a steady, normal worker very hard.

What is this that I am? Am I screwing everything up, and will I one day pay a terrible price? Am I just being me, and me doesn't fit with this whole "work" thing? Will I ever settle in to a consistent schedule? Could I ever possibly have devotions in the morning? Am I actually a good employee, and will I make it in the work world? Could I ever support myself/a family doing something freer than this? Could life hold something more beautiful and invigorating than this, or is this the call of a real man in the real world, and I need to suck it up?

To back up one step from these questions, which I honestly wonder about.. these are the questions of youth. Mom and Dad aren't asking these any more. I won't shun them or despise them, because soon enough I'll be set in my tracks, and this unbounded aspiration will have tempered.

It's already beginning to.

--Clear Ambassador