The Blog of a Lifetime

It's official: I'm sad now. I was ok when Rachael and Kim left--I hadn't known them for that long, though I would miss their ennervating presence at get-togethers. Then I said good-bye to Justin outside the Harvey's house Thursday night, tooting the horn as I drove away cranking the subwoofers in his honor. I wasn't really sad, and in fact when we were praying for him out on the back porch I was confident in hope and expectation for his new life at Villanova. Heather and Daniel haven't left yet, so their departure doesn't seem real. But I just looked through a bunch of pictures Daniel posted on Flickr from good-bye get-togethers last week while I was in Akron, and the weight of the separations settled in on my heart. So, yes, I'm emotionally stirred-up and I just listened to What A Night, which fits with and accentuates these feelings. But I'm glad of that. I want to feel the sadness, to grapple with the reality of these good friends' (and in Daniel's case best ever friend's) departures. Life will soon ramble on, my expectations and experiences rapidly locking in to the new norm, but for a little while here, and in scattered moments to come, I'll feel the change and gnaw once again on the irretrievable loss of what once was. You should be playing "What a Night" right now.

OK, moving on from moroseness. ... morosity? moroseillariation? . . . moving on from sadifying myself.

I have an Akron trip to report! One of my goals for my two weeks off between summer and fall semesters was to spend some relaxed time in my second home. Steve, one of my best friends on Earth, was having his grad party on Sunday, so that was a logical time to go over. But wait! Joel Rishel, a wonderful guy who has extended mounds of undeserved friendship and care to me, was getting ordained that very Sunday--a momentus event to be celebrated by a church picnic afterwards! What was I to do?

I split the day. Church and a few hours at the picnic first, then caravaning to Akron with Craig Tumino behind me, rolling in at the Hoffman's just as the line was forming for dinner :-) The ordination was well worth saying for. Mark Prater (founder and former senior pastor) was there from Philly and he, Mike and others testified to Joel's qualification for ordination, pointing fixedly at GOD'S grace that has made it possible. Then Mike and Mark led Joel in a series of ordination vows. Up till then it had been a rather formalistic-seeming ceremony. But those vows were not a formalism. I was quite sobered by them, and intensely grateful that Joel was standing there saying "I will," laying down his life and comitting the efforts of his deepest soul to care for me, and the other people in this church. At one point he vowed to follow God and care for His flock no matter what opposition or persecution might arise. That hit me, because I do not at all consider persecution of Christians an impossible or far-future possibility in America. Joel, thank you man for living the life and comitting to serve God. I wouldn't and couldn't say or do that, so I'm keenly grateful for you, and for God making you and putting you here.

The picnic was typical. I got to meet Jess and Steph's friend Michele, play frisbee, talk with Mr. Taylor, and save a girl from a spider crawling up her leg. Then the drive, spent listening to Copeland and trying to stay awake, and Steve's party. It was a good party. Relaxed, good amount of desirable food, and pretty much all the people from church there and opportune times to enjoy their company. Ultimate frisbee was fun despite the hecticity (man, I'm all into making up new words here!) of a tiny field crowded with rugrats. Link tag was also hectic and fun, and something I'd never played before. At about 10 o'clock I rode to a theater to watch Talladega Nights with the guys. It was....exactly what you'd expect from the previews. Very funny at points, and not unenjoyable, though not uplifting or virtuous. It also got me out of helping clean up the party ;-)

Stephen fortuitiously had Monday off from work, so after sleeping in we got some things done. Picked up his transcript, got him admitted at Akron U, and then went to take his Geo Tracker to Conrads (the garage where Craig works). Now begins the adventure.

Steve picked up this tracker for $500 on his way home from work one day. At first it wouldn't start, but finally it started working..if you don't count the gross coolant leak and the vanishing break power. And the engine stutter. Mr. Hoffman drove it to the warehouse at his work (he's THE airspring specialist at one of Goodyear's technical centers), but now it needed to be worked on by a mechanic, and Craig knew the hookups. So, after some debating and hesitancy, I ended up driving Stephen's convertible Geo Tracker, which happened to be without its top or its windshield wipers, down long Ohio roads in a pleasant Ohio rain shower. It ran pretty well, and I was pretty happy with the wind wipping around as I muched chips from the bag I stuffed in a gaping hole in the dashboard, but at a light two blocks from Conrad's ominious smoke began to drift from the hood. Indeed, the engine temperature gauge at cold didn't mean the engine was cold, it meant there was no coolant to measure! So, we pulled in to a Quizno's and poured water in the dry radiator from a bucket kindly lent by the helpful Quiznians. Yes, being careful of the steam which, after a few moments, shot like a hiccuping geyser from the ravaged engine. Poor Geo Tracker :-( At last it cooled down and we drove to Conrads...there to spend the rest of the afternoon talking to many people, discovering many problems, and being many confused about what was to be done, how much it would cost, and whether it was even worth lifting the hood on the thing. Finally Craig closed up, locked up, we hit Strickland's for ice-cream, and Steve and I headed home. Strange afternoon. That evening we went to see "Step Up" with the fab four (Jess, Jen, Christin and Emily). The dancing was astounding, and it left me wishing Pitt had breakdancing classes (it doesn't -- I checked).

Tuesday was a highlight day. I slept in again, through the sounds of Melody Sprague leading her girls in the week-long summer dance intensive that ran from 9 to 12 every morning. Endlessly-repeated segments of music coupled with a patiently called-out string of ballet moves and patiently-delivered critiques and exhortations ran in and out of my dreams as I slept and awoke, and at last I shifted myself upstairs to meet the day. I decided to be productive, so after some breakfast/lunch I fired up Mike's studio and wound the reel over to the unfinished recording of "Hit the Wall." The rest of the afternoon was spent in a delicious blaze of recording inspiration and accomplishment. I discovered the guitar tone this song had always needed, and laid it down solidly. Many times I pounded my fists and rejoiced up in the little bedroom as I heard the song, as a cohesive, unified whole, pound forth from Mike's big studio monitors. Immensly satisfying, and then I laid some nice solos on top of that, and Steve and I even worked on some vocals that night (till 11 o'clock). Great day, great song. Too back the vocals sucked :-P

Wednesday morning was a highlight. I drifted awake on the floor of Steven's room to the sound of the gospel song coming through the floorboards from the dance room in the basement. The peace, beauty and focus on God that brought were wonderful, and I spent most of that day basking in the sunshine outside and chilling with my man Philip. We fixed my subwoofer together, he ran to the gas station and got us flamin' hot cheetos, and we bounced each other on the trampouline till we were too hot and tired to stay outside. I didn't have to freak out about the million things I needed to to do or should have done or the hours that passed by, I just got to sit back in them and ride the day through. It kinda seems like life ought to be like that as the norm, since it is in those times that I seem to be most thoroughly experiencing--"living"--life. But the norm is gross over-requirement and a continuous stream of undone tasks and pressing needs, and to do otherwise is either impossible or lazy, it seems. Seems bleak to me, and unsettling. But perhaps it's because this is a fallen world, and it'll never be right till heaven. If so, I guess I'll have to suck it up and push on through the thicket.

Wednesday evening Steve, Philip and I played frisbee with the Tuminos, Mallinacks and Paradises. That was one of the goals of my trip, and it was a lot of fun. Afterwards we hit Zack's for ice-cream, and then went to the Mallinacks for more ice-cream and some fun games. Great night, and great folks.

Then came the final highlight. After laying around on the livingroom floor and talking and getting very sleepy, Steve and I got ourselves up and drove to the Detweilers' to pick up Steve's van for work in the morning. We swung by a McDonald's 'cause we decided we were hungry, and then we drove to the Murphy's, snuck onto their front porch, rolled out our sleeping bags and hit the sack :-) A long time ago Steve asked Mr. Murphy if it would be ok if he spent the night on his front porch. He laughed and said that would be fine, and since then we've been waiting to take him up on that. We weren't quite sure if it was just *too* weird of a thing to do, but finally I decided that everybody talks about doing crazy stuff, but nobody ever actually does it, and by george, we were gonna do it. It was intended in good fun, and I awoke to find that it had been received in good fun as well. Even Mrs. Murphy thought it was pretty funny. Richard came out with his notebook computer as we were waking up, and a few minutes later Jess came out bearing strong coffee and non-pasteurized, non-homogenized cream. We sat out on the porch for awhile chatting, and then folks had to leave to meet to the day, so we dispersed. Pretty sweet, and pretty crazy :-) And actually, it was a pretty good night's sleep.

I was thinking of heading right out Thursday morning, but when I got back to the Hoffman's I felt sleepy again, so I flopped out on the great bare floor of their unfurnished livingroom and slept for a couple hours. Then I loaded the car, said good-bye, and headed home. It had been a low-key yet very enjoyable trip.

I missed a lot in Pittsburgh while I was gone. Daniel got together with people about every night, wringing out the last sweet drops of fellowship while Justin was still around. It would have been great to hang with people till all hours of the night in the mall parking lot, so chill outside of Steak 'n' Shake, but I think Akron was the right place to be. I think Daniel probably had better times with folks by himself, and I don't think I would have added much at all to the company.

When I got back home Daniel was fast asleep and wisdom toothless. He'd gotten them out that morning, and though he snapped back remarkably fast after the surgery, he slept a lot and swelled up pretty nicely that day the following. That night I went over to the Harvey's for a last good-bye for Justin. A few people were there and we had a pleasant time sitting on the back porch talking, laughing and playing guitar. I was very glad to have that time to chill with Justin, pray for him, and say good-bye. It's weird that he's gone now.

Friday I slept in late, helped around the house a bit, started organizing my music stuff in the basement, and ended up getting swept into a series of activities that occupied the rest of the day from 3:30 on. The Quinlisks, Betsy and Nick came to visit Daniel, after which we ended up hitting the thrift store and the Maxisaver (Nacho Libre. Don't bother seeing it.) and meeting back up at Taco Bell. From whence we proceeded back to our house and watched Singin' in the Rain, a Behrens Boys childhood classic. That was very enjoyable. Every line, every scene from that movie is a classic! Gene Kelley and those folks are mad freakin' skilled, too, I tell you what. After that we lazed about the house longer making omelettes and doing computers and such, and finally folks left and I watched A Beautiful Mind for the first time. Quite a movie.

Today, or actually yesterday seeing as it's 2am, I slept again till 11am, and shortly thereafter Mom, Dad and I headed out to the Skiles' house for the first get-together of the Behrens Care Group (trumpets please). On the way I started reading the Japan guidebook I got for my birthday. It's a hike to the Skiles' house, but it was a nice property and we had plenty of space for chairs, the grill, and the volleyball net. The food was great (three things of fruit and only one back of chips!), the conversations were solid, and we had two sweet volleyball games. Most of the young singles are in this new care group, so it felt more like a church picnic or something, which was sweet. Dad led a nice time of talking and praying, sort of instating the new group, sharing some new from our lives, and praying for members. We wrapped up exactly at 4:30, right on schedule. I haven't been to Care Group much at all this year, so I don't think I'm as expectant as I could/should be for this new group. But that sure doesn't mean God doesn't have plans and my life won't be affected! We shall see.

OK, now we're current. It's super late again. Every night, man. Every night I'm up super late and crash somewhere when sleep overcomes me. Tonight I'm going to brush quick and lay out here on the family room couch. I feel like every day careens past, barely out of my control, while I don't do half of what I should. Kind of a lousy feeling, and I think it's going to get forcefully ended by this coming semester. More on that later, I'm sure. For now, it's time for sleep. Maybe I'll put some pictures in this blog tomorrow, but for now go to Flickr. There's good stuff there.

Good night folks. Life is weird. Very weird because it's not a game or practice or something to observe, it's the one life we have to life, irrevocably past and relentlessly moving on. Weird because I don't know what's going to happen, I know I'm not doing many things I could and should do, and I don't proactively care enough to do them now. Weird because I'm ok with that. Is it all going to fall apart? Am I a lazy fool, or just at peace? That's the question burning my mind these days.

--Clear Ambassador