Classes Return

So, today saw the return of classes. Intermediate Physical Chemistry robbed this spring semester of co-op's typical respite from the oppression of homework. I was busier than I think I've ever been before, and after a 5-day weekend, the business starts back up again. 13 credits of classes plus two trips a week out to NOVA promise a continued absence of breathing room during the week, and frisbee games, recording with Pure Boss, trips, camps, conferences and summer fun promise a dwindling number of unobstructed weekends. I've honestly been feeling trapped this weekend as I contemplated the irresistable flow of classes coming to sweep away my time from Monday until mid August. I've serious thought through the possibility of taking this summer or fall off. But if I did I would have to take three semesters to get to graduation, and I only have a scholarship for two. I just feel like I need a long period of open time to catch up. Catch up with my room, devotions, family and housework, recording and practicing music, and sleep. This entire past semester has felt half cocked--over before I was ever really ready for it.

Now, when I start to go on like this everybody laughs and says "welcome to real life." Thanks to Dad I know that the fullness of supporting and raising a family is what God made men for, and though it precludes the individual pursuits that excite me now, it satisfies and justifies at a deeper level. So, though I may not feel it now, I'm willing to walk on in this life as God brings it. That said, I feel unsettled about the prospect of life careening on like this. There may be nothing in this beyond me just needing to make better choices, but I'm not sure. I wonder if I'm not cut out for an eight-hour-a-day job. Engineering used to be pretty enjoyable for me, as I worked and studied, but now it seems more like something to get through and over. I got a B+ in P-chem, which for me is an earned failure because I didn't want to work hard enough in the class. As time goes on I feel less and less inclined to a normal job in engineering, not just because of preference, but perhaps as a matter of competence and necessary dedication. Perhaps. Could teaching be the answer? Something more exotic? Such speculations are presumptious, I think, unless God starts bringing them up in a more serious light. Engineering will provide a stable base for a home, and so far it has paid for the amenities that draw me away from it (I just spent $1600 in the past 2 months on music stuff).

So, I sit here and wonder what will become of my life, and if I'm destined to look back over it and see satisfaction somehow sprung from years of unrelenting responsibilities dragging me along.

We got out of class an hour early, I most likely hooked up with a solid homework group partner, I worked out, and I got lunch from the trailers on Bigelow. I called off work and I'll go in tomorrow and Wednesday. I'm going to lay back now and doze now to ward off the sickness I can feel nipping at my heels. Hank (Williams Sr.) sings to me, Daisy snoozes in the chair, and Mom and Daniel are at Readers and Writer's Club--the last one ever for Daniel. I wrote a new song last night, and I think it's good (as opposed to the ones I wrote over the past week, none of which you'll probably ever hear). And don't worry, I'll be writing about the weekend soon. It was too unusual to leave undocumented.

Trapped in many good things,

--Clear Ambassador