Ode to the Changing Times

Well, I think the biggest news to be journaled is that Daniel no longer lives here. I almost wrote all about it Thursday night, right after Mom and I dropped him off at Grove City. But sadness like I was feeling then is always intensified by writing about it, and I usually end up with a post that is sadder than I actually was before composing it. So instead I sat on the couch with this laptop and forayed into the sadness gripping my heart, writing it out facet by facet into couplets of a rough (Not rough like sandpaper. Rough like a bunch of upturned tacks) poem. After that I felt fine, and marveled at how the writing had completely purged the sorrow that had been twisting my chest. At that time the immediates were fine - GCC was great, Daniel's room(mate) were cool, he'd be around for Labor Day, I'd be out to visit, there were things to do at home - but any time I thought of what had just happened, that four years stretched ahead of me with no Daniel around, I got pretty downered (There's another new word, Jason). This house can seem rather lonely with I think of it with just me and my folks. Jonathan's here, but only for another month or so. Church is somewhat lonely too, without Daniel, Justin, Heather and Jess. I went to Taco Bell with Mom and Dad after church this afternoon, and then just went home. There is definitely reality to the sadness I felt, and we're still dealing with occasionally (Mom was crying as the three of us walked into Taco Bell).

BUT. There's a lot of stuff on my plate now, and the practical effects of Daniel's absence are mild in many ways because he was so busy and gone so much this summer. What, you ask, is on my plate now? Well thank you, kind stranger, for your interest in my 'umble little life! If I must, aw, sure, I'll talk about myself for awhile. (Pffft)

The battle cry of my life right now is "Take the reigns!"
I think this blog has given a picture of how much I've been freeloading and freefalling this summer. It's like...as I look over my life in the past months, there are never times where I just sit down and take stock of things, remember important things, think about what to do to fulfil my obligations and commitments, and most importantly, let God's truth and perspective speak to my self-focused life. I never seem to have my arms around my life, I just sort of hang on the the tail fin, or just let go altogether and enjoy the fall. I can't go on like that. I don't know how much I will change, and what degree of consistency, discipline and order is God's will and not my own idea of what I should be like, BUT, it has to change, and I believe it will. ("it" being my life and how I live it.)

I think part of the reason I was so lax over the summer was because there were no strong motivators for me. Everything stayed pretty much fine when I didn't have devotions. My grades weren't horrible, and I didn't care that much anyway. I could stay up till 3, sit through my class in a haze, and sleep in the library for an hour before going to work. That is changing, though. I've become increasingly aware of being incapacitated by the lack of devoted time with God, and with Daniel leaving there are several gaps I think God is calling me to fill that I am terribly unqualified to fill right now. So my prayers this evening were honestly prayers of desparation. Which God likes, so that's cool. I think I'll be doing more with the Youth-Parent Care Group now, and I want to be able to contribute something other than my black sin and selfish ambition. I also want to be a person ready to enter real life, which is approaching at the end of December when I graduate. I'm living like a dumpy college student right now, which is neither realistic, smart, nor kind to others.

I'll be taking the reigns academically, as well. Last semester was my worst ever grade-wise, with one A- and my second B+. I wasn't an "A Student" this summer--classes were just an irritating impediment to hanging out, doing music and doing nothing. Not so this semester. I had a moment where I realized that I needed to get on top of my classes; that spending a lot of time on them and really getting my mind into them (which is very difficult, time-consuming and strenuous in engineering) was not an irritating distraction, but rather it was my task for the fall. I want to finish well, so I think the "frame of normalcy" is shifting on the picture of my life. Meaning my priorities and anticipated time-usage are changing.

Another motivator for taking the reigns (besides spiritual and relational requirements and academics) is the fact that I will graduate with a degree in Chemical Engineering on December 16th, and I don't know what I will do after that. Now, being "Mr. Malesh," as Kayte called me, I am not at all worried about that. It is as silly to worry about that as it is to worry that Mom will make dinner tomorrow night. Oh man, what if there's no food! What if I have to make something! I don't have time! I don't have any ideas! There's no taco meat in the fridge!
Mom will make dinner tomorrow night, not because she has to, but because that is the job she has embraced and comitted to. She has made thousands of dinners in the past, and if she's not around to make one she'll either leave something for me or let me know I'm on my own so I'm prepared. It's the same with God, except dinner = my life and career, and he never leaves me on my own to cook something up :-)

Though I am not worried, I am aware of the many options that are floating about me and I know certainly that I need a solid investment of prayer to be able to make the right decisions. What I know now is that I am more and more convinced that I should be a teacher, not an engineer. Now, between graduating with a BS in chemical engineering and teaching *something* *somewhere* to *some* age group there lies a great gap in knowledge and expectation. So, I plan on talking to professors and seeing what the world of professorship is like and how you get there. I'm certain that God will bring things down to practical reality as needed and funnel me into His path as He has done in the past. For the time after December I can imagine taking time out from work and everything and recording my album for a semester just as well as I can imagine teaching english in Japan for a year. Perhaps I'll get an engineering job for a few years and then hit the road to a PhD so I can teach college. Perhaps a great opportunity for grad school will show up and I'll take it right away. I don't know, but honestly it's pretty cool to think that anything could happen, and that hopefully I won't be enchained to a lifelong 8-hours-a-day 5-days-a-week (and that's the bare bare minimum) job in a chemical plant.

OK, so that's pretty much the picture of my life and future that's in my mind right now. I've been listening to Chemical Brothers, and enjoyed it immensely. Daisy is across from me on the big couch, finally asleep. Mom and Dad have been taking her on walks most evenings, and now she's getting used to that and getting all chipper and active around 8 o'clock, when she used to conk out for the night. I think she misses Daniel, too. She hasn't been sleeping as much or as soundly, and keeps looking for attention.

I wonder if Daniel misses Daisy. I've been thinking of his departure from my point of view, looking at the myriad losses it brings to our everyday lives and the myriad opportunities and awesome people surrounding him at Grove City. But he's not a 22-year-old senior, he's an 18-year-old who just moved away from his home and knows only a handful of people. He's so capable, godly and wise that the thought of him having problems or being lonely or something is strange, but I wonder what it's actually like. I think for the most part he's having a blast, which is sweet. In fact, I wonder what it's like for all the folks who left. It's crazy for me to think of moving away and living in those little dorm rooms with all those strange and mildly disconcerting people around. That's why I've stepped back into AIM. Yes. I killed it in January, and now I'm bringing Frankenstien back to life. Its purpse is not to promulgate an image of myself, though, or to try to extract satisfaction from feelings of popularity or coolness, but rather to keep in touch with the people who left, and a couple who are still here. I'm not blindly signing on as soon as I bring the laptop out of sleep, and I'm trying not to sign on at all when I have something I really need to do. For me it's a lie to believe I can have it on and talk to people while still working on my lab report or writing my blog or whatever. So, just like alcohol and caffeine, use it with care and intent, and don't get addicted. And enjoy :-)

I was going to write out the specifics of last week, dropping Daniel off, work, and the day at Ohiopyle yesterday, but I'm going to wait. It's 11:50, so in 10 minutes I head downstairs to begin my conquest of Kayte the Proud in our fall fitness challenge :-D

I'll finish this off with a few select couplets from my Thursday night poem (which actually wasn't as rough as I remembered, so I put more of it in than I planned):

The way life’s been for 18 years
Will never be again
Hicks Hall is the new address
For my best friend

The second man to listen and laugh
Won’t be in the passenger’s seat
The scads of digital photographs
Won’t be of him and me

The different-sounding strings of chords
That I would never play
The clever jokes and witty words
That I would never think to say
The balance to my rashness
I wouldn’t think to need
The humble words of wisdom
That I would never see
The one to understand my jokes
And know exactly what I mean
The one to hear the ancient quotes
And laugh at them with me

My best friend lives in a cold-floored dorm room
Seventy miles away
And I’m left here with a snoring beagle
At the dawn of a lonely day

I wouldn’t ask to be a freshman
Walking the tiled halls you’re in
I’d screw it up and black the moment
With dirty pride and hungry sin
But you’re prepared
You really care
You’re a much better man than me

So, this goes out to Daniel, his new life at Grove City, and the great life we had for 18 years here at home. It's not over, but it's changed, and it's still good.

--Clear Ambassador

It's official: I'm sad now. I was ok when Rachael and Kim left--I hadn't known them for that long, though I would miss their ennervating presence at get-togethers. Then I said good-bye to Justin outside the Harvey's house Thursday night, tooting the horn as I drove away cranking the subwoofers in his honor. I wasn't really sad, and in fact when we were praying for him out on the back porch I was confident in hope and expectation for his new life at Villanova. Heather and Daniel haven't left yet, so their departure doesn't seem real. But I just looked through a bunch of pictures Daniel posted on Flickr from good-bye get-togethers last week while I was in Akron, and the weight of the separations settled in on my heart. So, yes, I'm emotionally stirred-up and I just listened to What A Night, which fits with and accentuates these feelings. But I'm glad of that. I want to feel the sadness, to grapple with the reality of these good friends' (and in Daniel's case best ever friend's) departures. Life will soon ramble on, my expectations and experiences rapidly locking in to the new norm, but for a little while here, and in scattered moments to come, I'll feel the change and gnaw once again on the irretrievable loss of what once was. You should be playing "What a Night" right now.

OK, moving on from moroseness. ... morosity? moroseillariation? . . . moving on from sadifying myself.

I have an Akron trip to report! One of my goals for my two weeks off between summer and fall semesters was to spend some relaxed time in my second home. Steve, one of my best friends on Earth, was having his grad party on Sunday, so that was a logical time to go over. But wait! Joel Rishel, a wonderful guy who has extended mounds of undeserved friendship and care to me, was getting ordained that very Sunday--a momentus event to be celebrated by a church picnic afterwards! What was I to do?

I split the day. Church and a few hours at the picnic first, then caravaning to Akron with Craig Tumino behind me, rolling in at the Hoffman's just as the line was forming for dinner :-) The ordination was well worth saying for. Mark Prater (founder and former senior pastor) was there from Philly and he, Mike and others testified to Joel's qualification for ordination, pointing fixedly at GOD'S grace that has made it possible. Then Mike and Mark led Joel in a series of ordination vows. Up till then it had been a rather formalistic-seeming ceremony. But those vows were not a formalism. I was quite sobered by them, and intensely grateful that Joel was standing there saying "I will," laying down his life and comitting the efforts of his deepest soul to care for me, and the other people in this church. At one point he vowed to follow God and care for His flock no matter what opposition or persecution might arise. That hit me, because I do not at all consider persecution of Christians an impossible or far-future possibility in America. Joel, thank you man for living the life and comitting to serve God. I wouldn't and couldn't say or do that, so I'm keenly grateful for you, and for God making you and putting you here.

The picnic was typical. I got to meet Jess and Steph's friend Michele, play frisbee, talk with Mr. Taylor, and save a girl from a spider crawling up her leg. Then the drive, spent listening to Copeland and trying to stay awake, and Steve's party. It was a good party. Relaxed, good amount of desirable food, and pretty much all the people from church there and opportune times to enjoy their company. Ultimate frisbee was fun despite the hecticity (man, I'm all into making up new words here!) of a tiny field crowded with rugrats. Link tag was also hectic and fun, and something I'd never played before. At about 10 o'clock I rode to a theater to watch Talladega Nights with the guys. It was....exactly what you'd expect from the previews. Very funny at points, and not unenjoyable, though not uplifting or virtuous. It also got me out of helping clean up the party ;-)

Stephen fortuitiously had Monday off from work, so after sleeping in we got some things done. Picked up his transcript, got him admitted at Akron U, and then went to take his Geo Tracker to Conrads (the garage where Craig works). Now begins the adventure.

Steve picked up this tracker for $500 on his way home from work one day. At first it wouldn't start, but finally it started working..if you don't count the gross coolant leak and the vanishing break power. And the engine stutter. Mr. Hoffman drove it to the warehouse at his work (he's THE airspring specialist at one of Goodyear's technical centers), but now it needed to be worked on by a mechanic, and Craig knew the hookups. So, after some debating and hesitancy, I ended up driving Stephen's convertible Geo Tracker, which happened to be without its top or its windshield wipers, down long Ohio roads in a pleasant Ohio rain shower. It ran pretty well, and I was pretty happy with the wind wipping around as I muched chips from the bag I stuffed in a gaping hole in the dashboard, but at a light two blocks from Conrad's ominious smoke began to drift from the hood. Indeed, the engine temperature gauge at cold didn't mean the engine was cold, it meant there was no coolant to measure! So, we pulled in to a Quizno's and poured water in the dry radiator from a bucket kindly lent by the helpful Quiznians. Yes, being careful of the steam which, after a few moments, shot like a hiccuping geyser from the ravaged engine. Poor Geo Tracker :-( At last it cooled down and we drove to Conrads...there to spend the rest of the afternoon talking to many people, discovering many problems, and being many confused about what was to be done, how much it would cost, and whether it was even worth lifting the hood on the thing. Finally Craig closed up, locked up, we hit Strickland's for ice-cream, and Steve and I headed home. Strange afternoon. That evening we went to see "Step Up" with the fab four (Jess, Jen, Christin and Emily). The dancing was astounding, and it left me wishing Pitt had breakdancing classes (it doesn't -- I checked).

Tuesday was a highlight day. I slept in again, through the sounds of Melody Sprague leading her girls in the week-long summer dance intensive that ran from 9 to 12 every morning. Endlessly-repeated segments of music coupled with a patiently called-out string of ballet moves and patiently-delivered critiques and exhortations ran in and out of my dreams as I slept and awoke, and at last I shifted myself upstairs to meet the day. I decided to be productive, so after some breakfast/lunch I fired up Mike's studio and wound the reel over to the unfinished recording of "Hit the Wall." The rest of the afternoon was spent in a delicious blaze of recording inspiration and accomplishment. I discovered the guitar tone this song had always needed, and laid it down solidly. Many times I pounded my fists and rejoiced up in the little bedroom as I heard the song, as a cohesive, unified whole, pound forth from Mike's big studio monitors. Immensly satisfying, and then I laid some nice solos on top of that, and Steve and I even worked on some vocals that night (till 11 o'clock). Great day, great song. Too back the vocals sucked :-P

Wednesday morning was a highlight. I drifted awake on the floor of Steven's room to the sound of the gospel song coming through the floorboards from the dance room in the basement. The peace, beauty and focus on God that brought were wonderful, and I spent most of that day basking in the sunshine outside and chilling with my man Philip. We fixed my subwoofer together, he ran to the gas station and got us flamin' hot cheetos, and we bounced each other on the trampouline till we were too hot and tired to stay outside. I didn't have to freak out about the million things I needed to to do or should have done or the hours that passed by, I just got to sit back in them and ride the day through. It kinda seems like life ought to be like that as the norm, since it is in those times that I seem to be most thoroughly experiencing--"living"--life. But the norm is gross over-requirement and a continuous stream of undone tasks and pressing needs, and to do otherwise is either impossible or lazy, it seems. Seems bleak to me, and unsettling. But perhaps it's because this is a fallen world, and it'll never be right till heaven. If so, I guess I'll have to suck it up and push on through the thicket.

Wednesday evening Steve, Philip and I played frisbee with the Tuminos, Mallinacks and Paradises. That was one of the goals of my trip, and it was a lot of fun. Afterwards we hit Zack's for ice-cream, and then went to the Mallinacks for more ice-cream and some fun games. Great night, and great folks.

Then came the final highlight. After laying around on the livingroom floor and talking and getting very sleepy, Steve and I got ourselves up and drove to the Detweilers' to pick up Steve's van for work in the morning. We swung by a McDonald's 'cause we decided we were hungry, and then we drove to the Murphy's, snuck onto their front porch, rolled out our sleeping bags and hit the sack :-) A long time ago Steve asked Mr. Murphy if it would be ok if he spent the night on his front porch. He laughed and said that would be fine, and since then we've been waiting to take him up on that. We weren't quite sure if it was just *too* weird of a thing to do, but finally I decided that everybody talks about doing crazy stuff, but nobody ever actually does it, and by george, we were gonna do it. It was intended in good fun, and I awoke to find that it had been received in good fun as well. Even Mrs. Murphy thought it was pretty funny. Richard came out with his notebook computer as we were waking up, and a few minutes later Jess came out bearing strong coffee and non-pasteurized, non-homogenized cream. We sat out on the porch for awhile chatting, and then folks had to leave to meet to the day, so we dispersed. Pretty sweet, and pretty crazy :-) And actually, it was a pretty good night's sleep.

I was thinking of heading right out Thursday morning, but when I got back to the Hoffman's I felt sleepy again, so I flopped out on the great bare floor of their unfurnished livingroom and slept for a couple hours. Then I loaded the car, said good-bye, and headed home. It had been a low-key yet very enjoyable trip.

I missed a lot in Pittsburgh while I was gone. Daniel got together with people about every night, wringing out the last sweet drops of fellowship while Justin was still around. It would have been great to hang with people till all hours of the night in the mall parking lot, so chill outside of Steak 'n' Shake, but I think Akron was the right place to be. I think Daniel probably had better times with folks by himself, and I don't think I would have added much at all to the company.

When I got back home Daniel was fast asleep and wisdom toothless. He'd gotten them out that morning, and though he snapped back remarkably fast after the surgery, he slept a lot and swelled up pretty nicely that day the following. That night I went over to the Harvey's for a last good-bye for Justin. A few people were there and we had a pleasant time sitting on the back porch talking, laughing and playing guitar. I was very glad to have that time to chill with Justin, pray for him, and say good-bye. It's weird that he's gone now.

Friday I slept in late, helped around the house a bit, started organizing my music stuff in the basement, and ended up getting swept into a series of activities that occupied the rest of the day from 3:30 on. The Quinlisks, Betsy and Nick came to visit Daniel, after which we ended up hitting the thrift store and the Maxisaver (Nacho Libre. Don't bother seeing it.) and meeting back up at Taco Bell. From whence we proceeded back to our house and watched Singin' in the Rain, a Behrens Boys childhood classic. That was very enjoyable. Every line, every scene from that movie is a classic! Gene Kelley and those folks are mad freakin' skilled, too, I tell you what. After that we lazed about the house longer making omelettes and doing computers and such, and finally folks left and I watched A Beautiful Mind for the first time. Quite a movie.

Today, or actually yesterday seeing as it's 2am, I slept again till 11am, and shortly thereafter Mom, Dad and I headed out to the Skiles' house for the first get-together of the Behrens Care Group (trumpets please). On the way I started reading the Japan guidebook I got for my birthday. It's a hike to the Skiles' house, but it was a nice property and we had plenty of space for chairs, the grill, and the volleyball net. The food was great (three things of fruit and only one back of chips!), the conversations were solid, and we had two sweet volleyball games. Most of the young singles are in this new care group, so it felt more like a church picnic or something, which was sweet. Dad led a nice time of talking and praying, sort of instating the new group, sharing some new from our lives, and praying for members. We wrapped up exactly at 4:30, right on schedule. I haven't been to Care Group much at all this year, so I don't think I'm as expectant as I could/should be for this new group. But that sure doesn't mean God doesn't have plans and my life won't be affected! We shall see.

OK, now we're current. It's super late again. Every night, man. Every night I'm up super late and crash somewhere when sleep overcomes me. Tonight I'm going to brush quick and lay out here on the family room couch. I feel like every day careens past, barely out of my control, while I don't do half of what I should. Kind of a lousy feeling, and I think it's going to get forcefully ended by this coming semester. More on that later, I'm sure. For now, it's time for sleep. Maybe I'll put some pictures in this blog tomorrow, but for now go to Flickr. There's good stuff there.

Good night folks. Life is weird. Very weird because it's not a game or practice or something to observe, it's the one life we have to life, irrevocably past and relentlessly moving on. Weird because I don't know what's going to happen, I know I'm not doing many things I could and should do, and I don't proactively care enough to do them now. Weird because I'm ok with that. Is it all going to fall apart? Am I a lazy fool, or just at peace? That's the question burning my mind these days.

--Clear Ambassador

Prophet or not?

I have two predictions. One is for the next 10 years, and one is for sometime in my expected lifespan. I am as sure of them happening as my underlying sense of the unpredictability of real life allows.

Within 10 years, the glitzy uber-rich world of hip-hop/rap (I really don't know the difference) will come crashing down like the glam days of 80's metal. The make-upped faces and massive hair of the glory days of metal bands fell at the dirty feet and torn jeans of Nirvana and the grunge movement they inspired. The hair bands and their songs were getting so indulgent and glamorous that they weren't resonating with people anymore, since real life isn't that good. The depression and angst of grunge was much closer to real life in a fallen world. [Pride-killing disclaimer: most of this is a summary of a documentary on the glory days of metal that I watched on VH-1. It makes a lot of sense to me.] I look at guys like Usher, those dudes getting grills, the 50-million dollar necklaces bought for birthdays, the massive 3-day parties...all the stuff you see on MTV and VH-1 and Rolling Stone, and I see the unreal mountaintop waiting to come crashing down. I predict that some form of gritty, simple, un-slick, un-"filthy rich playa in a white suit" form of rap will bust out from the streets, from the bottom up, and start the whole music cycle over again. I look forward to seeing what that new style will be like.

My second prediction is vaguer, longer-term, and shorter: Sometime when I'm an old guy I am certain that I will look back on this time now and tell my kids or grandkids how we could just "go to a gas station and buy a tank of gas for $50, just like that." They'll be amazed at how nonchalantly we bought and used so much gasoline, as they take for granted whatever transportation means have emerged by then. I don't expect to be driving a straight-up gasoline-powered three-ton car when I'm 60, should God favor me with such a long life. The question I'm burning to discover is WHAT will that new transportation infrastruction be? Ahhh, we'll just have to wait and see!

And lastly, as a bonus prediction, with each passing day I become more and more acquainted with and accustomed to the idea that I'll eventually become a teacher (probably college prof). I can't see myself as a good engineer, and everyone I talk to about this squints their eyes and says "Yeah, you'd make a great teacher!" I would love to be a GOOD teacher. To avoid the mistakes I've seen, and impart the learning I have been priviledged to receive from a few choice humans at Pitt. Now, how I'll GET there, well, God only knows :-)

Yours truly,

--Future Man (aka CA)

The week(end)

Good evening! I should be making my slides for the presentation tomorrow morning, but instead I figured I'd jot down the weekend (and the week preceding) before more life happens.

Last week was:
- Daniel and Dad hiking in the West
- Jonathan moving in
- Grandma and Grandpa coming here
- Mom getting degallbladdered
- ANALYTICAL CHEMISTRY FINAL
- Discovering a B+ in kinetics lab. Proof positive that I'm a slacker don't-give-a-rip senior who needs to graduate (as also evidenced by the very creation of this blog post)

- Hah! Post mis-typed is psot, which just looks really funny. Like...a scientific-sounding term for a no good vagabond or something.

The A-chem final was a big deal. That class started deceptively easily for our cocky hero, who consequently found himself fighting to learn the material while doing no homework and attending no recitations (both optional). Our hero also has an inexplicable mental block when it comes to electricity, so electrochemistry required hours of brain pounding to instill even a paltry level of workable understanding. Our hero found himself a heroic gypsy student all day Thursday--heroically roaming the Pitt campus armed with only his A-chem notes, food, an iPod, plenty of money, a car, a Starbucks giftcard, everything in his backpack, and the impending doom of a three-hour test at 6:00pm to determine if he would slip once again from his "A" pinnacle. The studying was ok, but the test was truly miserable. Especially the first hour. Our hero found himself very un-heroically considering the effect on his grade and grade point average if he skipped the final, because his brain was so knotted up and overloaded that he couldn't imagine spending three heroic hours buffeting his cpu over the test. But he had truly heroic friends praying for him, and after awhile his little brain was peaced (made at peace), and he indeed, heroically, completed the final. And unless he sucks worse than he thinks he did, he'll get a heroic "A."

Mom got surgicized Thursday morning (the reason from Grandma and Grandpa's visit). She got her gall bladder out arthroscopically (best case scenario), and according to the doc it really needed to come out. Yay! Hopefully that will fix the problems she's been having. She slept off the happy gas for a few hours and then G&G brought her home. The main thing she's been dealing with since then, besides the soreness and weirdness in her abdomen, is the knifing pain in her shoulders from air bubbles rising up through her body. They blow air in the incision to let the surgeon see and work, and the bits of that remaining end up causing some very painful days. But she's doing well, the bubbleses are gone, and she's moving about more and more easily now. Yay!

Friday was cool. I had class (the last real kinetics lecture), came home, lolled around, and then that evening went to a frisbee game that Justin invited me to. heather, Anna, Justin and the Schuch brothers were the only church people there. The others were folks from Campus Life and high school. So I got to meet some of the people Daniel has been getting to know, and we had 3 hours of mad frisbee. Everybody was tolerably to terribly good, and we played under the lights till they shut off a little after 11 (something my brain had never had to process before: being outside and it suddenly becoming utterly and impenetrably dark). The folks were great, and some of us hit up Wendy's afterwards. I was beat up, though, especially from the second game. The front of my waist, the part that get's scrunched up when you move your leg forward, was so sore that every walk back after a goal was an exploration of pain. But it was, as Jeph would put it, a glorious night.

Saturday I was RUDELY awakend at the EARLY hour of 10:30 by these two DIRTY guys barging in from SOMEWHERE out west. Bearing fine leather belts and shiny belt buckles, bedraped with authentic cowboy shirts, and bedecked with a genuine cowboy hat, Dad and Daniel made their reentry. Jonathan was gone for the weekend so that cut down on the flurry, but there were still lots of cars swimming around the driveway and streetside. Saturday evening was the senior night Youth Parent Care Group, where Daniel, Justin and Heather made their parting remarks to the group and got encouraged and prayed-for by all. I still haven't come up with an effective mental picture of life without those three living here, but soon that will become a moot point. It shall be interesting to see the reshaping of YPCG once those three pillars of leadership leave. That night we invited Justin to spend the night at our house, so Dad went home, we made a cameo at a grad party with Justin, and then we spent a couple hours laying in the bed of his pickup in the Wal-mart parking lot talking about stuff and looking at the nostars in the sky. Good time. Mmm.

I woke up this morning to the sound of the dogs barking for their breakfast. I had no idea where I was, when I had fallen asleep, what was going on, and what had gone on. Turns out I had curled up on the little couch after we got back last night, from which position I proceeded to conk out. Justin left early for setup and I left soon after to play electric guitar. Which went well. As did the service. Our hero decided to forgo caffeine, tired of leaning on it to stay awake and alive, and that ended up being a heroically good call, 'cause he felt much better throughout the day. Which consisted of church, lunch at the food court, and frisbee at Quinlisk park. It was a tough game insomuchas the humidity was stifling, compounding the 90+ degree heat, and several of us were already battered from Friday's game. But it was a great game insomuchas the players were good, not too competitive, and we made good plays. Afterwards several cars hit up Get-Go for drinks and snacks, proceeding thenceforth to the Quinlisks for hangeth outing. Our hero ended up sleeping on a couch from sheer exhaustion after his heroic efforts of the previous days.

Daniel and I brought dinner home from the Quinlisks, which we then ate, and now Daniel got his hair cut, folks are sitting outside chatting in the waning light, and I'm almost finished with a sweet and timely blog post. Bully!

One day last week--Thursday I think--I had an apricot. They were the first apricots Mom had gotten this year. I picked a ripe-feeling one, but it ended up being over-ripe. One might describe its texture as mushy. One might describe the eating experience as mish mish. YAAAAHHAHAHAAA!!! :-D True story.

Time to do, like, work and stuff, and watch pictures from the west, and get much-needed sleep before presentation practice at 8am tomorrow. Boo.

--Clear Ambassador

My Day, by John Behrens

My day starts here, in my room. Well, sometimes. Sometimes it starts on the couch downstairs, or out on the patio, or on my floor, or on the floor in the basement with headphones on. But today it started here, and it was sunny.

Then I got dressed, filled my pockets with the accoutrements of life, and looked like this.










On my way out I stopped to pet Daisy, who was sleeping on the family room couch like this. She was very very cute, and it would have been very very nice to have flopped down on the couch with her and slept instead of going to class.

But I went to class like a good slave of the system :-P

I walked out to my car parked in the driveway, unlocked the doors, and flopped my backpack on the passenger's seat. Ignition on, sub on, decide between satellite radio or CD, decide between windows or AC, emergency brake off, and roll out the driveway.


On the way I heard this song, and thought of Mike Quinlisk. It was actually a good song.







The right turn onto Dawson was mysteriously blocked, as you see here. After waiting for a few minutes and seeing no movement of the substantial bloc of cars in front of me, I turned around and went searching for another way. Why was I the only one to do that? It's an interesting question.


Anyway, I went around, and after turning right into some alley I was confronted and halted in my path by this dramatic view. The picture does it more justice than I expected. Except when I was there the cathedral looked a WHOLE lot bigger.

So, I got around the traffic and went merrily on my way, only slightly later for class than I had already been. I couldn't park here at my normal place becaue they were all taken.




So I parked here, which was up ahead and to the left in the previous picture. I was happy because these spots are likewise half an hour for a quarter.





Shut off the sub so people don't hear it and jack it when I leave, shut off the now harsh and empty- sounding stereo, cell phone in pocket, keys in hand, get quarters out of my little round mint tin holder, put the cooler bag into my backpack, get out, hoist backpack up onto my shoulder, close the door, lament the heat that will build up as the car bakes in the sun, pop the quarters in, and start walking down this familiar and oft-traveled street towards Benedum.

I hit the button and stared at the oh-so-familiar elevators after deciding not to get all sweaty and breathless by walking up the 12 flights of 22 steps to get to the Chem E classroom.




Walk in, turn around, and hit "12" on this oh-so-familiar panel of buttons. Stare at the buttons for the 100th time as you rise up the floors.





Tuesday is normally just a brief recitation where the TA answers questions about the homework and goes over stuff from the previous one. But today Dr. Johnson decided to lecture instead. So we learned all about enzyme inhibition.

This is my champion homework partner Jenna. She spazzes out about stuff fairly frequently, gets high on coffee, gets humorously belligerent sometimes, and doesn't always know the answer, but she cares about learning and she gets stuff done in time, and that's all I can ask from a homework groupie.

Dr. Johnson is a very good teacher. So much so that many of the students mildly (or not so mildly) dislike him. He expects us to learn, and he doesn't blindly and blankly tolerate ignorance or shoddy work. He frequently expresses concern for our actual education, betterment and preparation for the real world, which as far as I can tell is genuine. It's just...his little laugh gets pretty annoying sometimes :-P

Here's the view from the elevators looking towards the classroom (on the left where it's dark) as Jenna talked with Craig about the research group meeting that was tearing her away from working on homework as I *thought* we were doing. *tsk*


This was the pleasant view to my right as I walked out of the building after taking the elevator down and finding nothing pictureworthy during the ride. The summer sun was quite nice at 11am.

When I got back home Jonathan was still around upstairs, Mom was still out after taking Ken to the airport, and Daisy was...
















Pretty much right where she was when I left :-)

I played electric guitar for a long time very loudly, and then went upstairs to help Jonathan set stuff up in my room and straighten a few things up. Then I cooked up a crumbled asiago cheese and diced red pepper omelette for lunch, which was really good--better than I expected. After lunch I did computer stuff for several hours and then went upstairs into Ken's room and did some studying for analytical chemistry on the bed up there. It was mildly productive; another slogging step towards fully grasping what I will be tested on Thursday evening.

Then I put my drumset together and played for a couple minutes before dinner. Which was good. Mom made it. She makes most meals around here. They are very healthy. It's very kind of her to make them for us!




I ended first, packed up my backpack again, and headed out again for Pitt. Two times in a day. Inefficient, perhaps, but boy is it nice to have an afternoon at home with which to live my life. I parked a few spots away from where I had been parked that morning and walked up to Chevron for 3 hours of heavily-accented analytical chemistry lecture. The thrilling powerpoint notes handout is showed at the left.

Yury Skorik is a nice prof, but he asks tons of questions during class and often they are unclear or pretty dumb - so much so that you don't answer 'cause you think it must be something more, and it's not, and it takes time and you feel dumb. But overall it's not bad.


These are 4 people from my Chem E class who are in this class. We sit together and joke together sometimes, but I'm pretty starkly outside of their circle. But I've made them laugh a few times and inspired them to jump over the little circular tables out in the lobby after I did. Drew saw me taking the picture and started to turn her head away, consequently marring her visage, whilst Eric looks on with his characteristic cool aloofness and mild passive contempt.

Dr. Skorik saw me taking this picture as he stood next to me, which was a little awkward.






This is how I looked at the end of the day, in the bathroom after class let out at 9. I need to wash my hair, and those AE pants were a size too large (I thought I was grabbing the smaller of the two pairs in the store), and I need a haircut. Arg, how I want one. But Dad's gone, and I don't mind toughing it out with a big mass of stuff up above me. At least I trimmed my beard this morning, which was getting even scragglier and dumber than normal :-) I like that youth camp shirt. One of the best T-shirts I own.

After class I laid down in the grass outside the Soldiers & Sailors Monument absorbing the lit-up darkness of night in the Pitt campus until a spray of water told me that the automatic sprinkler system had made its way to my area. Then it was on to Fuel & Fuddle to start out on the 100 beer list and try the fabled buffalo wing pizza. The food and drink were great and I recommended the USS Yorktown in Charleston, SC as a good stop for Jenna on her way back from vacation there in a couple weeks. She works at F&F, which is why I stopped by last week. It's a sweet place. Their house brew brown ale was delish. The pear cider was fake-flavored, though. BOOOO. It had nutrition facts and an ingredient list on it, which is weird.

The green blur in this pic is Jenna as she fled the scene.

And that's pretty much the end of my day. I drove back home at midnight and have been sitting here on the small couch in the family room with my laptop, hopping over to Daniel's a few times to do AIM, since arriving. I listened to movie music on the way home (Back to the Future), so I was in the mood for Star Wars. When I got tired of that I played a couple Pure Boss songs and now I'm listening to Pink Floyd, which is fitting for the mood. I'd put a picture in of my current state, but my cell phone has decided not to hook up to my laptop for utterly no apparent reason, so I'm left to work with text.

My work is done. I'm very tired, Pink Floyd is making me comfortably numb, and i have reached the end of the day, both in journal and in reality. Good night! This is my life. yay for life.

--Clear Ambassador