Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Tired tired tired

My last post was about sweat at work.
This is an analogous one about sleepiness at work.

Last night added another notch to the "nights I stayed up way too late" pole. At least this one had a good reason: Steve H and I were recording a wild and crazy yet amazingly catchy song down in the basement, and then chilling in his car listening through a bunch of my recordings. I wouldn't do it differently, but again I'm left here, riding the wake of trying to live life to the fullest. This morning isn't bad - I'm jacked from a Mountain Dew (Game Fuel! New kind!!) and I have plenty to do. Other mornings "all vanish in the haze" - to borrow a phrase from Weezer.

I'm debating whether or not to caffeinate every morning.
Even when I get 8 hours of sleep, I'm just not very productive before noon.

Why IS it, that I can literally be struggling not to fall asleep while standing up, at 10 am, but be bright, wide, full awake at 2:30am, even when I know I'm running on too little sleep?
It makes trying to be a steady, normal worker very hard.

What is this that I am? Am I screwing everything up, and will I one day pay a terrible price? Am I just being me, and me doesn't fit with this whole "work" thing? Will I ever settle in to a consistent schedule? Could I ever possibly have devotions in the morning? Am I actually a good employee, and will I make it in the work world? Could I ever support myself/a family doing something freer than this? Could life hold something more beautiful and invigorating than this, or is this the call of a real man in the real world, and I need to suck it up?

To back up one step from these questions, which I honestly wonder about.. these are the questions of youth. Mom and Dad aren't asking these any more. I won't shun them or despise them, because soon enough I'll be set in my tracks, and this unbounded aspiration will have tempered.

It's already beginning to.

--Clear Ambassador