The Blog of a Lifetime

Fajita Chicken

2011-04-15T00:42:00.003-04:00

Johnny B's Tips for Healthy, Thrifty Eating: Number 2

For those looking to eat real, affordable food that they can cook themselves with a busy life, here is my biggest source of meals throughout the week: FAJITA CHICKEN.

Fajita chicken requires a couple things besides ingredients: a George Foreman-type grill, and the foresight to marinate the chicken a day or two before cooking. You can cook it on a skillet, but this takes forever, and burns the outside. So, pick up a double-sided electric grill at a thrift store for $5. You'll save more than that the first week you eat this instead of going out!

Here's the process:

Buy some boneless skinless chicken breasts. Frozen or fresh, but avoid chicken "tenders." They're just cut into smaller pieces, and they cost more. I get a 5-pound bag at Wal-mart and keep it in the freezer, thawing 6 or so at a time. It should cost about $2/pound - incredible value for meat.

Pop the chicken in a gallon Zip-loc bag, add ~1/4 cup water and a splash of olive oil (optional), and dump in a packet of taco seasoning (about $0.75). Close the bag and mush it around till the seasoning is thoroughly distributed. Put the bag in the fridge and leave it for a day or 2. Don't forget about it! Raw chicken goes bad fast even in a fridge.

On cooking day, preheat your grill, and cook the chicken breasts for 10 to 12 minutes. Sometimes there are really thick pieces, so I'll cut into them to make sure they're not a little translucent in the middle.

Set the cooked pieces on a plate and let them cool. Then cut them into strips or smallish cubes, dump them into a leftover container, and keep it in the fridge. Voila! You have the core of a full meal sitting there, available to pull out at a moment's notice!

Here's what I do with the cooked, sliced pieces:

Fajitas. This requires tortillas, cheese, sour cream.. whatever else I want to put on them. I don't do this much anymore - too much time to prepare.
Mexican Rice Bowl. This has staved off starvation on many a rushed afternoon. I often have cooked rice in the fridge, and I just dump some into a leftover container, throw in some chicken, cheese and sour cream (salsa if I have it), and heat it in the microwave. Filling, easy to eat in the car, and delicious.
Fajita Chicken Salad. A staple of my diet. Chop/tear up some lettuce, chop up some vegetables if you have them (broccoli, carrots, bell peppers, celery, etc.), and top with chicken chunks and some ranch. I also add cheese, sour cream (less salt than ranch), salsa if I have it, and crushed-up tortilla chips (so good!). For a bonus, microwave the chicken and cheese separately and dump on top. Tasty, and lots of veggies!

That's it, folks. Marinade (5 minutes & thinking ahead), cook (~30 minutes), and use (4 minutes for rice bowl, ~10 minutes for salad). Chicken is cheap, lean, and you control the amount of sodium in it. With cheese and dressing it's a bit salty, but still a far cry from a burger and fries, or anything at Taco Bell. A few strips put over a big salad is as healthy a meal as you could want while still feeding an active human.

That's it for now. Eat well! Don't cave to the system of over-priced prepared foods!

Cool Fruit Smoothies

2011-04-05T01:31:00.001-04:00

Johnny B's Tips for Healthy & Thrifty Eating: First Edition

It's starting to warm up (at least here in Tennessee), and when you start craving something cool and refreshing, don't run to Sweet CeCe's or DQ! Make a smoothie at home, with about 50¢ worth of supplies!

[Note: this tip requires a modicum of foresight. Have a couple bananas a day past ripe? Got some fresh berries at a good price? Got a can of peaches sitting around? Lay them out on a tray and pop them in the freezer. Once they're frozen, stash them in a Zip-Loc bag for some future date. It will be well worth your while.]

Two weeks later, it's 85°, sunny, and you want a cool treat. You're in luck! Grab that bag of frozen fruit, your jug of milk, and a couple ice cubes. Unless you have a top-notch blender, start with the ice first. This works for food processors or blenders, food processors just require more patience to get things blended up well. Blast the ice until it's not getting any smaller, then add the frozen fruit, bananas last. The point is to put the stickiest/wettest things in LAST, so everything else can get busted up pretty well by bouncing around and hitting the blades. SO, go ice, then, say, strawberries, then peach slices, then banana chunks, stopping and stirring as necessary to break up clumps. I even shake my Cuisinart while it's running, to dislodge things. At last, pour in just enough milk to make a homogeneous mixture. You will find, to your delight, a thick, smooth creamy treat more like ice-cream than your typical watery smoothie. You can add more milk to make it runnier, if you want. I like mine thick like frozen yogurt.

Here's a ratio I've used with good success (makes 1 big serving):

3 ice cubes

5 to 8 strawberries (sliced and frozen)

4 peach slices

~1/3 cup whole milk (whole milk = very rich and creamy)

If you're looking to be knocked over the head with intense flavor, this isn't it. But if you want a COOL, HEALTHY, CHEAP snack, plus the satisfaction of making something yourself and beating the over-priced retail food market, this is it!

Additions to try:

Vanilla extract

Fruit jam to intensify the flavor

Lemon or lime juice to intensify the tartness

Honey if you really want more sweetness (dont' give in! Train your tastebuds!)

If you try this, let me know how it turns out! If you have any requests for ways to eat healthily and cheaply, let me know, and I'll try to cover them.

Cheers

The Secret to Audio Engineering

2010-04-30T23:09:00.003-04:00

Are you ready for it?

I really should charge for this post, because this is the sum total of everything I've learned from the past year of reading a bunch of books and magazines, recording two albums, listening to hundreds of tracks, hanging out in a slew of Nashville studios, and talking with a bunch of professional engineers and producers.

No matter the song, style, or instrument, here is what you need to get a great sound recorded. In exact descending order of importance:

1) A great player
2) A GREAT PLAYER!
3) A quality instrument, properly set up and tuned (by the great player)
4) Your ears. Do what sounds good!
5.1) A microphone that's not garbage (a $250 AT 4033 is perfect)
5.2) A great preamp (this is the expensive part. Gonna set you back about $2000)
- If you're dedicated, you can acquire equivalent preamps for more like $500. It just takes patience, connections, and/or willingness to learn electronics and solder.

The end.

And really, 5.1 and 5.2 should be in smaller type or something.
Their importance pales in comparison to number 1 and 2.

Oh, and would you also like the secret to being an all-star producer and making hit music?
One thing.
This is it!

A. GOOD. SONG.

There.
That is the oxygen of music.
All the vitamins in the world won't help if you ain't got no air :/

I wish I could convey the mountains of books and articles and discussions and obsessions in the audio industry that are all eminently superfluous to what's listed above. It's so simple, but we all keep hoping that buying the right compressor will make the mediocre song performed by mediocre musicians sound like magic!

Perhaps some day I'll look back on this post and smile at my audacity. But this is what I've seen walked out in a thousand ways. And I think it makes sense, in the cosmic simplicity of the universe.

So there you go. I take cash and checks. Paypal is good too :)

A Very Good Friday

2010-03-27T00:49:00.002-04:00

Today was a great day! Many good things happened within these hours that I always want to do but don't often end up accomplishing.

It started with a wake-up phone call from Justin at 6:45am. (Earliest I've gotten up in a LONG time)

Followed by Bible reading while eating a grapefruit and a tangerine.

Then, I admit, I took a shower and crawled back into bed for awhile. It was supposed to be a 7:45 wake-up, but the time zones messed things up. I was bitter cold too - the ground floor here is always bone-chilling! :-(

Got back up and headed to Sal's. Reese Wynans (Stevie Ray Vaughn's keyboard player) came in at 10 to lay down piano for a Tom Douglas demo. It was a rollicking honkey-tonk tune, with gritty lap steel guitar and drums that made you smile. He took it up another notch with just the right feel, and easy command of a thousand amazing riffs.

After he left I gradually talked Sal into giving Taco Bell another try. He had gotten severly burned out after eating it almost every night for months back when he was touring. I explained that they had delicious steak and chicken now, paired with cheese, wrapped in a crispy fried tortilla, and bursting with quesadilla tastyness. My euphoric language eventually got to him, and we ended up having a great lunch at the Franklin Taco Bell.

We kicked it back at the studio for a few more hours after lunch. Sal worked on Tom demos, and I read up on Beat Detective in the ProTools manual. Learned a lot of great stuff about something I've been using in ignorance. The last thing we did before I headed out was jam out on piano and guitar. Sal showed me some jazz chord progressions, and especially the "Sharp fourth substitution," which is rocking my world!

At 4 o'clock I headed north to Nashville for a GUITAR LESSON! Yes indeed, after watching a show at 12th & Porter and feeling yet again utterly inadequate musically, I had the idea to take lessons while I'm here and get some much-needed external input for my playing. I got a recommendation for a good guy at Rock Block Guitars, choked slightly at the cost, but ultimately decided to go for it. I spend money on plenty of things, few of them as beneficial as this will (hopefully) be.
The lesson was good, but not in a cool flashy "look at all these licks I learned!" way. We talked about what I hope to learn, I played for a bit, and he began showing me that my left hand posture is very wrong. My fingers are all scrunched together and my wrist is twisted at an angle. All of that feels fine, but weakens and constricts my motion. I've got a set of exercises to work on to drill in proper wrist position, finger separation, and elbow movement. Ehhhhh, it's always like this learning a worthwhile skill! Gotta work to make something very weird become natural.

Sal texted me as I was heading out and invited me over for "Pizza Friday" at the Oliveris. We did this last week too, so now the kids think it's a tradition :) I was quite happy to enjoy Tina's great pizza and hang out with the fam. Sal's kids are something like 8, 6, 3 and 2, so there is a TON of energy about EVERYTHING, and no lack of talk or excitement. I love it! Hanging out with kids is like a huge blast of fresh appreciation for every little thing in life. Make the stuffed lamb breakdance on the table, and you're more entertaining that Jerry Seinfeld! :-) I have been really blessed by Sal and his family's friendship to me. Great folks!

After dinner and hanging out I popped over to Billy's. Billy Whittington is Sal's go-to engineer and mixer, and I've been going over to his house-turned-studio every couple days since I got here. It was 7:30 on a Friday night, but there was no doubt Billy would be camped out in his chair, mixing and editing away. Such was indeed the case. Lights glowed through the windows, Billy's pickup was parked outside, and I gingerly opened the noisy old back door (in a house that's a studio you never know if somebody might be recording live) to hear the monitors thumping from the mix room. Billy is a great guy - friendly, welcoming, ridiculously hard working, and really good at what he does. I took a seat and watched the screen for a good 30 minutes as he worked. Asked a question here and there, and eventually Anna Johnson and Billy #2 arrived. Anna is a (extremely talented) musician who's been recording her debut album with Billy W and Billy Smiley (producer, guitar player, co-owner of the house studio, and quite commesurate with his last name). So she listened to the mixes Billy had been working on, people started coming in and out, and after looking at some of Anna's drawings and paintings (which are also really good - gosh!) I headed out.

In one of my alternate-route explorations of Franklin I had passed this immensely intriguing "Battle Ground Brewery." It had been bouncing around in my head since then that I needed to check it out, and I figured this Friday night was as good a time as any. It didn't seem that big from the outside, but I went in, went up a big flight of steps, up some more steps, and through a big seating area into a room, hunting down the enticing blare of live music. Ah me oh my, what a great way to wrap up the day! It was a huge old Civil War-type house, great feel. They brew their own beer, and at the far end of the room was a 4-piece blues band just tearing it up. That's one of the great things about Nashville - all the musicians are stinkin' GOOD! These guys knew what they were doing, and both guitar players were loaded with chops. So I sat there editing my latest batch of photos on the Macbook Pro, sipping the best pale ale I've EVER consumed, and listening to fantastic guitars just sailing away.

AND, I'm wrapping all of this up by writing it up in a blog post! Also one of those things that I always want to do, and that weighs on me when I don't do it for awhile. I'm propped up against the wall, laying on my air mattress bed, tucked nicely under warm blankets and my hoodie hood. The warm glow of the touch lamp leaves most of the room in pleasant obscurity, and Steely Dan is spinning away on the record player. Oops - just finished the side. Guess I should shut it off and hit the sack. G'nite y'all!

Cross-section

2009-12-17T23:18:00.004-05:00

Spurts of laughter erupt intermittently from behind the Pastors College classroom doors. The whole place is empty except for those students and a couple other folks who are staying late after the Christmas breakfast. I'm hunched over my Bible, stabbing white plastic fork-fulls of salad from my bowl, alone in the Sovereign Grace break room. Keith Foley--Christmas music that I've been listening to all my life--stirs up great swells of Christmassy feelings and sentimentality as it plays on the little boom box next to my table. It's 3:30pm. Lunchtime in my heedless schedule. There's a sense of finality--of completion--, as I just came back down from playing guitar for the last choir performance of the year - an all-school Christmas chapel. I feel like I should be wrapping up the last few stay ends in the office and heading off to somebody's house for Christmastime bustle and warmth. But the guys are coming at 6, and every hour from now till then will be used to get the studio ready for the recording session.
More cool and different stuff to do.
That's what my life has right now.

Running a studio!! Dinners at Leaches'; Playing live music at Starbucks! Playing at church this Sunday; Random stops up in the CLC offices to chat with folks; The rare trip to a grocery store or somebody's house for care group; Helping with high-school/middle-school choir; Trips up to Philly! Late night after late night in the studio, at this desk, in this deserted building.

Cool and different stuff.

Even going home for Christmas is strange: Flying from here down to Florida for a holiday spent between 3 trailers in an RV park. I won't be back in Pittsburgh at all this Christmas season!

My excitement for all this is a bit tepid right now. It's been a long stretch without a home base. I'm sick to death of myself, and I don't think I'm the only one. My musical well is nearly dry, plus I'm sick, a bit low on sleep, and I haven't gotten nearly enough Bible in me this week. [Aha! Methinks perhaps me found the biggest cause, no?]

Tomorrow Sovereign Grace is closed, so I think I'll get some sleep and not come in till lunch time, which will be awesome. Mauricio plays at La Tasca at 10:30pm, and maybe I can even drum up a friend or two to go see him with. I have a Starbucks gift card to use, which will brighten up the afternoon, and a Christmas bonus which pleasantly changes the financial landscape. The Spanish album to-do list before I leave on Monday is by no means small, but it feels eminently doable and useful. All my packing and arranging to leave, however, isn't so neat and tidy, and I know Monday will be upon me before I blink twice. Alas! The carrot of peace is held a little further out in front of me :)

So there you go. For better or worse, a cross sectional slice which, though thin, goes through most of the varied elements of my life right now. I would have scoffed if you'd told me 10 months ago that this is what I'd be doing! Crazy how the times change.

Hm. I really need a back rub.

And salvation.

Well, at least I have salvation.*

:-)

*[Just so there's no possibility of misunderstanding, that was poignantly ironic understatement, meant to address the folly of my heart and underscore the massive undergirding of security and good news that my life unfolds upon. Thanks be to God for His incomprehensible mercy! ¡Gracias al Señor por Su misericordia incomprensible!]

Many Changes

2009-11-26T00:29:00.005-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted! 10/5 was my last entry, and that was more than a month and a half ago. A good, long, packed month and a half.

When I last wrote, I didn't have a key to the Sovereign Grace studio, I worked mainly up in the CLC offices, I lived at Greg's townhouse, and I didn't know what I was going to do after the end of the year.

I now not only have a key to the studio, but I pretty much live down there, making only brief trips to my new quarters in Germantown. When the year is up I will work full-time for a month at Sovereign Grace finishing an album, and in February I'll move to Nashville! Yes indeed :)

So that's the short story. To fill in a bit...

After my last post, I got pretty involved doing video work for Bob, and had the opportunity to sit in on Josh Harris' recording sessions for the audiobook of his latest work: "Dug Down Deep." Lots of great truths and applications of Christianity that have been floating around various sermons and conferences and teachings, all condensed and organized into a well-written and encouragingly small book :)

I had a fantastic trip to Pittsburgh in mid October, and really enjoyed some quality time with folks there. I also had a great weekend in Philly, enjoying the quality friendships that I've been blessed with in my sporadic visits up there.

As October slipped into November, I became more involved with the high school choir, which I had originally just been accompanying on guitar. I actually found myself alone in a room full of high schoolers, teaching a sectional for an hour. Quite an eye-opening and exhausting experience. I've been leading sectionals regularly now, and we had our first performance at an all-school chapel last week. My boys sang well, all things considered! I also started teaching guitar lessons, and wrapped up a lot of my tech team and Ken Boer projects.

November saw a transition in the overall feel of my time in Maryland. I moved out of Greg's townhouse, which had been only 5 minutes from the church. My new place is 30 minutes away, and although I have a whole floor to myself and a nicer room, the extra distance makes me more inclined to stay busy at the church than to trek home and hang out there. It's fairly stark, too: the kitchen lacks a cutting board, a scrub brush, a garbage can, dishwasher detergent, and most of the time silverware!

Around that same time--early November--I had a few discussions with Bob Kauflin, which gave me a strong vision for wanting to learn how to record and produce albums. Ken Boer had assigned me to be "project coordinator" for an EP of a few Spanish worship songs that Covenant Life wanted to produce, and as I began to tackle that in earnest, the scope quickly escalated to a "as good as we can make it with some money invested" bona fide album. The realities of peoples' schedules left me as effectively the engineer and co-producer for the album, and as rehearsal dates loomed near, my days became packed with studio work.

Since November started, the picture in my head of my life is centered around the carpeted halls of the Sovereign Grace offices. My little "office" at the desk in the studio lobby, with 2 laptops humming away. Breakfasts, lunches, and most dinners sitting on a tall stool in the sweet break room. Warm Dr. Peppers from the broken pop cooler. Starbucks "Via" instant coffees (quite good!). And the control room and studio rooms becoming like my living room as I spent hours setting up mics, snaking cables around, patching preamps and A/D's, and setting gains. It's strange to think that this is the exact same spot that I entered with trembling and awe just back in August, when Dave Mac walked me in there and we talked about the possibility of an internship.

In a way November is flying past, but honestly, as I look back on it, it has crossed the threshold of busyness, where time passage goes from flying by due to systematic occupation to crawling along in slow motion because every day is packed with a million different, new things. I much, MUCH prefer it that way. That's the way I'd like to live my life. Mike Q nailed it when he said it was like "youth camp mode." Except its a more temporally diffuse goal, and my work happens in a STUDIO, with MUSICIANS, making MUSIC! :-)

Let me tell you about this Spanish album. Which reminds me, I need to send out an email about coming up with a legit name for it :) The idea started about 10 months ago, when a fellow from Iglesia Gracia Soberana began writing some cross-centered worship songs in Spanish. Gracia Soberana is a Spanish-speaking church plant that meets in the Covenant Life facilities on Sunday afternoons. The fellow was Mauricio Velarde, and the vision was to have a disc with some cross-centered worship songs, written natively in Spanish. Virtually all the current Spanish worship songs are either lacking theologically, or are gross translations of English songs, which have great theology but utterly no lyrical flow or artistry to them. The field is wide open for these songs, and as we reviewed what Mauricio had written, Bob decided to expand the scope, since the songs were solid, and we could easily have 10 of them to make a full-sized album. We assembled a crack team of CLC musicians, and together with Mauricio began rehearsls, trying to get a bunch of white guys to play some authentic Latin music :)

Last week was our first tracking session, and the project is in full swing now. It has been highly enjoyable working with these guys, who are seasoned from years of playing. The contrast between this and working in my home studio--scurrying between the computer desk and the microphone, constantly hampered by my own unsteady playing, unable to do much with mic placement--is remarkable. This is a privilege and a joy, and there are very few things I would rather be busy doing.

As I write this, I'm laying in the top bunk of our motor home, which is parked in Huntington Beach State Park, South Carolina. The whole fam plus Uncle Keith is on Thanksgiving vacation. Yes, whole fam! Ken flew in to DC on Friday (well, early Saturday morning... long sordid tale), we drove to Pittsburgh that night (morning), and all trucked down to South Carolina to meet UK on Saturday. The weather has been gloomy and gray so far, and I have been quite sick, but it's nowhere near as unhappy as that makes it sound. It's fun just to be together, and dry humor is never far away. Neither is a cold Dr.Pepper, nor a walk to the beach, nor a game of corn hole, nor Uncle Keith's wireless internet :) Nor Daisy!! Ahh, good times. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get to try out one of UK's kayaks.

I know there's a lot I haven't covered here, but I think I updated the overall "feel" of things. A few other snippets:
- Leading worship at care group now, and everybody's singin' their hearts out
- Hanging out with Mauricio and his friends, amidst a din of Spanish conversation :)
- I'm learning a TON of Spanish! This is exactly what I've always wanted to do - be surrounded by it, and learn it conversationally.
- Oh goodness, me and Justin's trip to Cleveland for Steve Gole's wedding! Staying at Eric and Bethany's, playing on the worship team at church.. ah, it was a good weekend.
- Fee came and played a concert at CLC, and I got to help with setup and running sound. They put on a kicking show, and I have tons of respect for them for truly honoring and praising God through a rock concert... not an easy thing to do.
- Walking around singing Spanish worship songs all day every day. "Sal - vo, solo por Tu gracia!"
- Google Wave with the tech team. Super-helpful daily to-do lists. Super-fun, though dubiously productive, exchanges of humor and wit.
- Starbucks. Has anyone ever had a Flying Tiger at Starbucks? You should try it next time you go. Let me know what you think!
- Harvest party! Running sound for a bluegrass band, and getting an offer to play mandolin with them.
- Getting dropped into random things like running a camera on Sunday mornings. Good way to learn quick!
- I think I spent one other Monday at the zoo, and then another one at the National Museum of Natural History. Days full of wonderment, but also a great sadness as creature after creature, marvel after marvel was threatened or nearly extinct from mankind's heedless domination of the earth. This wasn't the way God intended it to go, and the planet truly is groaning and dying under the management of fallen humanity. Makes me deeply sad.
- Oh yes, goodness: my plans for 2010. Arg. They'll have to wait for another post. For now, my mind is running full speed, but so is my nose, so I need to go to bed and let my body continue to heal itself.

To God be the glory for the merciful, undeserved grace He has been pouring out! I do not know where this road will lead, and I don't need to right now. He has given me work to do that delights my heart and advances His kingdom, and He has provided a next step to take down the road of music production. Nothing could be more undeserved, but He is good and kind. My greatest desire (other than to see Him and be like Him) is to start every day on my knees before Him, and proceed in total dependance on God, seeking His help with every task, and His blessing on every decision. Without Him, all is naught. With Him, anything is joy!

Ba daa, baa da daa da da

2009-10-05T23:07:00.000-04:00

***I wrote this on 10/5/09, which was 2 Mondays ago. Just realized right now that it didn't actually get posted!***

"Monday, Monday..." I keep thinking of the Mamas and the Papas' song when I think of this day. It's my day off, and after the first one, which I frittered away on thrift stores and some shopping, I have been using them purposefully: doing things I always sit around and say I wish I would do.

Monday #2 of my Gaithersburg venture was my first venture into Washington, D.C., as I chronicled here. (The language of Kings and Chronicles, which I've just ploughed through, comes to mind: "And the deeds of that Monday, its museums and its sunsets, are they not written in the blog of the chronicle of John Behrens?")

Monday #3--last Monday--was my Museum of Natural History day. I got down there a little later than the previous week, and spent the hours from 11:30am to 5:30pm slowly going through three exhibits: Mammals, Ants, and Origins of Western Culture. I hadn't dared to hope this, but in fact I was treated to another perfect sunset, this time with a full battery and my eye to the camera viewfinder. I'm still sorting through all the pictures I took there. They will show up on Facebook and Flickr eventually. It was a spectacular sunset.

As soon as I started in on the mammals exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, I thought "Man - these dead stuffed animals are super cool. I want to see live ones!" So today, Monday #4, I got off a few stops early on the Red Line and walked to the National Zoological Park (aka National Zoo). I had succumbed once again to sleeping in (which is important, to a degree), eating a big breakfast (also important for not getting nauseously hungry during the day), relaxing a bit (not so important), and consequently arriving at my destination later than desired. Fortunatly the zoo stays open till 6, so I still had a good amount of time.

I'll restrain myself and keep it short: I saw Asian short-clawed otters--the CUTEST. CUTEST animal I have ever seen. If I ever become a king, I will have these as my pets. I saw elephant-nosed shrews, sloth bears (which look like something from a cartoon), monkeydudes, a lion and a tiger (who were both waiting to be fed), and MEERKATS! Aahhhh, what a cool animal! Took a lot of time to take pictures of them. I saw scores of amazing reptiles, including a python whose body was bigger around than my thigh. I saw creature after creature that made me stop in wonder and want to stay and stare at it for hours. It was amazing, and I want to go back and see jaguars. They are the coolest animal ever. And Asian short-clawed otters are the cutest.

Once the zoo closed I confirmed by a bus stop map that I could indeed go on down Connecticut Avenue and get to another metro stop. This was happy news. It's a cool area--feels high-brow collegiate to me--and I enjoyed walking down the grand sidewalk. It felt remarkably like a bigger, wider Brooklyn. The metro stop ended up being in a big spat of cool shops and restaurants, and I landed at a tiny Thai place as dusk gathered. Nabbed low low happy hour prices just in time, felt super cool sitting outside on the little patio, enjoyed my deep-fried tofu and shredded chicked with cilantro (and HOT chili flakes), and read Zecharaiah and Ezra. I have found that asking how to say "thank you" in another language is a good cultural ice breaker. The Thai phrase for thank you is: "Kop pun". You're welcome is "Kop pun ka." People like to be thanked in their own language.

Then I sat at the deserted far end of a metro stop waiting for the tracks to be cleared of a stricken train, reading Daniel and feeling like I was in the Matrix. Back at home again, I have limited myself to ONE hour--till 11pm--to do stuff. I need to start disciplining my days the day before, providing for myself the ability to wake up with enough time to read some Bible and stay sane before leaving for work. I can feel the tug and pull to become complacent, as though the fact that all these folks are so appreciative and friendly means I'm doing things well, when in fact it's because they're all wonderful, God-following folks, and I need to hustle my tail every hour of every day or I will leave important things undone and dig for myself unescapable pits.

There are many things I want to do right now. Here's a sampling of a few things that I actually have done so far, but am finding myself unable/struggling to keep up with currently: writing songs; learning the ropes of my synth; playing synth or guitar along with a metronome to learn good timing; playing electric guitar; taking pictures, threshing them out, and posting them online; practicing drums at the studio; reading "Worship Matters" by Bob Kauflin; reading books about live sound and recording; listening to latino music on the XM; listening to the CD's I bought on Monday #1 at thrift stores; reading 22 pages of my Bible per day; keeping up with this blog; keeping up with folks back home; going jogging; brushing my teeth. I am not unhappy or depressed about this. Right now I'm resolute, and honestly, what a cool setup this is to be able craft my lifestyle from scratch! I have absolutely no attatchments right now. I can do whatever I want, every day, with work being a flexible, grace-filled commitment that I love to do. This is a great "training ground" for time management, as well as a wonderful bit of time to enjoy the pursuits of my choice. I do not expect the rest of my life to be anything like this, so I am thoroughly enjoying it :)

Umm, a couple other items:
- Greg's having the kitchen remodeled, so I have been without countertops, a sink, or a dishwasher. I managed to make lamb chops on the George Forman, but resorted to going over to the Boers' Friday night and cooking for a couple hours. Words can hardly express the delight and joy I had in container after container of affordable, healthy, REAL food, all of which is only a microwave away from being eatable. The whole time here I've only been a meal or two away from having nothing good to eat, so this is a wonderful peace :)
- This weekend Ken had a 34-piece orchestra for worship, in addition to a regular-sized rock band. The setup for all that actually went swimmingly, and it sounded glorious. I ended up running the lights, which was good. Rolling along the lighting catwalks in the ceiling on wheeled creepers is one of the funner things I've done down here.
- I'm taking on the role of coordinator for a Spanish Worship album that CLC will be producing. This will be my first real time in the studio, and it's a perfect opportunity to see the music production process, from rehearsal and song selection to mixing the songs and burning the discs.
- Sunday--yesterday--was the annual Covenant Life staff social. It was a splendid time - just a quality group of people, relaxed and enjoying each others' company. We had a big dinner, and most of the evening centered on an epic ping-pong tournament. I got schooled by Raoul, who is a whiz. Hopefully we'll get to play some more on the table down in the SGM warehouse!
- Before the social, after stage tear-down finished at ~2pm, I joined part of my care group at a "harvest festival" at a nearby farm. It was a huge affair, full of people. There was cow milking and hayrides and a corn maze, craft booths, food booths, butter-churning booths, chestnuts roasting on an open fire... the whole nine yards. It was a gorgeous day, and a good time with care group folks.

It's 11:02pm, so I'm stopping. I'll have to come down later and get my load out of the drier, but I'm shutting down the writing (and hopefully the surging brain activity that accompanies it). Farewell, and live strong.

Today was a good day

2009-09-30T02:29:00.003-04:00

I started the day at Sovereign Grace. Got Dawn to let me into the studio (A key is coming soon, hopefully), caught up on Facey-face, and started downloading videos and reading about exporting files from FinalCut Express. Went to the staff prayer meeting, and reviewed several different video projects with Bob and Dave. It was nice to see that my detailed work with Summer Celebration performances and sermon clips (clipization, more accurately) was well-spent. Now I have a bunch of video work to do that will be productive and help get resources distributed that nobody else would have the time to put together.

Enjoyed two delicious fajitas for lunch, along with more pages of 1st and 2nd Kings. This is a sweet spot in my Bible voyage - the stories are interesting, and tinged with the understated grandeur of ancient writings. Then it was off to the Sunday planning meeting, which is always boisterous and instructive. I made the quality decision to stay in the meeting past 1 instead of going down and playing guitar to accompany the high school choir practice. I'm on the tech team this Sunday, so it's helpful to know the ins and outs of what's going on. And they have a piano player on Tuesdays.

Met with Ken briefly after the SPM, set up an audition date for acoustic guitar and voice (looking forward for some honest outside opinion, though I anticipate that it will be painful), and headed back down to Sovereign Grace, squeezing a phone call to Daniel in between.

From there it was more video work, capturing Summer Celebration clips from iso cams and starting to watch and outline Bob's main session message from this year's WorshipGod conference. The workday ended with getting permission to use a drumset, and practicing for a long time to the Psalms album. It was fun, but it will significantly improve when I procure some bona fide sticks. One tipless hickory and a brush don't quite cut it :)

I left the darkened offices at 7 and discovered a new kind of Altoids at the Exxon on my way to care group (Seriously, every time I think they've come up with every possible type of Altiod, they proffer something new. Honey mint, like its predecessor--Creme de Menthe--is delicious). Since this is a fifth Tuesday, my care group and two others got together for pizza, fellowship and Bible trivia instead of a regular meeting. Green team came in second, and I still believe that the ESV had "remain" instead of "abide" in John 15! It doesn't now, but I really really think it did when it first came out. Anyway...

Decided to go hang out with a couple folks at "Buffalo Wings," which turns out to be right by home. "A couple folks" ended up being more than 15, and we had a great time talking and causing a racket. Met an awesome guy who does free financial consulting, had some deepening conversations with folks I'd met in past weeks, and ended up talking outside with the last couple people after the joint closed down. It was one of the first times I've really felt like I had some friends, and really enjoyed hanging out with people here. That may sound mean to say, but it's true, and I don't think it's unreasonable for friendships to take some time to develop. Doing things together is ALWAYS the best way (or at least a really really good way) to go from acquaintances to friendships, and being elected as the care group's quiz leader was perfect for that. I'm beginning to feel like I've got some social-life buds peeking up from the soil.

I came home late, but feeling like writing. I ended up doing a spurt of music research, taking some notes for Grooveshark listening tomorrow, and listening to Stevie Wonder intentionally for the first time in my life. Now I've written this, which makes me happy, and I'm cold, which makes me hope I don't get sick. It's fall now, for sure. Warm sun but cool, crisp air. The leaves are still green, but their days are numbered. Some of the roads are starting to feel like home, and there are people I'm looking forward to seeing in the days ahead.

My goals are to continue my Bible reading challenge with Justin, practice drums, prioritize my widespread projects, intentionally make myself a part of the tech team activites, strive to do everything I do with excellence, diligence and thought, and get together with some of the older musicians to learn, hang out, and learn. I don't feel yet that I am directly moving towards DOING something employable with this whole music/sound area, but to push that too hard right now would, for me, be going outside of God's plan and timing. Be faithful, BE HUMBLE, don't think of myself more highly than I ought, love people, work hard, and turn the wheel over to God. That's the only way.

A new feeling

2009-09-24T00:20:00.004-04:00

I miss home.

That sounds simple and stupid, but for me it's not.
I've been travelling since some time in high school when I took David Altrogge up on his offer to "come visit sometime." These trips have come thick and fast since I finished my Christmas album on Mike Hoffman's tape rig and got started with the band Pure Boss in Akron, Ohio. Four weekends in a month doesn't seem like near enough, and I find myself missing sometimes half of the Sundays at home. And never giving it a thought. I love going places and seeing people and getting to do different things and do things differently.

For the most part this tenure in Maryland has been like that so far. I kept forgetting it was longer than a weekend as I packed for it. I have greatly enjoyed getting to do new, cool things and meet a host of new faces. Starting afresh--completely different than my life at home--has proven as beneficial as I had imagined.

But today I kept feeling myself tugging to go home this weekend. I didn't know why, but it was really strong, and I really wanted to go back to Pittsburgh!
I finally sat down to reason this thing out, since I was genuinely unclear on what to do.

The best way I can describe it is that there's nowhere warm here. The townhouse is great, but my room is pretty stark, and the rest of it isn't "mine." The church building and interior is very sleek and modern, meaning it's not very personal; not a warm place. It's not bad, but it's cool. On another level, no one here really knows me. I've been pretty quick at establishing fun, comfortable acquaintances with everyone I'm around, but there's no one I talk to at the level where we really know and understand and accept each other.
There's nowhere warm to rest myself in.

I can only think that this is what people mean when they talk about missing someone or somewhere. I imagine it's what people feel who move to new places and don't know anybody there.

It took me by surprise, but now that I've figured it out, I'm staying here. I'm staying, determined to push past the small-talk/humor veneer I so easily create, and try to get to know folks. Press past the normal level of relationship and seek for the true fellowship that's possible because Jesus Christ has saved me and these people that I'm around. Invest; ask; go beyond; initiate; reach out. Then and only then, if God blesses my efforts, will I get beyond this adrift state and make real relationships out here. And maybe, just maybe, a corner of that part of my heart which yearns for warmth and friendship will find itself satisfied in Jesus Christ, my Brother and present companion. That would be a great thing.

Day in the Capitol

2009-09-23T23:07:00.003-04:00

Monday (my day off) I went into Washington, D.C. for the day.
I decided to suck up the $4.75 parking cost at the Metro stop, which had stopped me last week, figuring (correctly) that it was a far better way to invest money than a meal out or some other more frivolous discretionary expenditure.

I successfully rode the Metro in, despite never being sure I was headed the right way or in the right place, and following a crowd onto another train on blind faith, figuring they were probably headed the same place I was. I was relieved to emerge above ground and see the mall stretching out before me and George's Obelisk stabbing the sky. It struck me how long it's been since I had been there, and how much has happened in that time.

I had one goal for the day, and set about burying myself therein: The Smithsonian Air & Space Museum. Came out almost 7 hours later, full of wonder at America's manned space flights, golden years long gone, and World War II (Had a great lunch, too. Who woulda thought their cafeteria pizza would rank in my top ten?!). It's crazy to put your face right next to a piece of metal that orbited the moon!

I didn't have much of a plan after the museum closed. I didn't want to deal with rush hour crowds heading out of the city, was open to eating dinner if I found somewhere to eat, and mostly just wanted to meaner around a place that most people rush hurriedly through. I talked to Mom for a long time on the phone, sitting on the grass and looking at the Capitol Building, and eventually started heading west, taking some pictures and enjoying the late afternoon light.

As the sun lowered in the sky towards the Lincoln Memorial, I was treated to a once-or-twice-in-a-lifetime lights show around the Washington Monument. The sky was perfect blue. A warm, hearty wind blew across the green grass, stirring the flags at the base of the monument to life. They literally seemed to be lit from within as they flapped in the golden sunlight. Red, white, and blue, in a grand circle. Enough to set almost any heart aglow with patriotic thoughts.
The sun lowered, the light richened, and the glowing flags and monument stood out majestically from the deepening sky behind them. At last I tore myself away and trotted down the slope to the World War II monument, to catch its magnificence in the last rays of the sun.
This was a fitting cap to a day in which I had spent uninterrupted hours studying signs about the war: The grand, staggering, globe-engulfing epic of a world and a people now almost totally lost and gone. The memorial sweeps with fitting scale and breadth, and fountains pour ceaselessly, like the lives poured boat after boat upon the murderous shores of Guadalcanal.
I was sober and affected. Blocks of marble were engraved with names of far-off places and great battles. The Coral Sea. The Ardennes. Battle for Monte Cassino. Okinawa. A wall of close-packed stars (4048 total) was marked with this engraving: "Here We Mark The Price Of Freedom." Each star represents 100 Americans who died in the war.

I sat cross-legged at the edge of the reflecting pool as the sun at last slipped out of view and the world began to dim. The fountains now gleamed brilliantly, lit unseen from below, as if the water itself was liquid light. Farewell, men. Thank you for giving your lives--giving your all--, for a noble and just cause. For freedom and justice. For your country and the protection of the world. You were great.

I headed home quietly, my stomach tearing itself up with hunger the whole way. It had been a good day. I was glad I went. I'll remember that sunset at the Washington Monument for a long time. Even though my camera ran out of batteries as it began to get really spectacular, I blazed the memory into my mind's eye. It was so good-looking that even my atrocious cell phone camera took pretty pictures. WWII has always stirred me, and both in the museum and at the memorial, this day carried that out. I broke my songwriting drought that night, and penned these words, of a fallen soldier to his surviving comrades and family:

So carry on without me
I did my best
Light the torch and toast my name
Along with the rest
I may be buried
In the sands of the East
But you will remember me
As long as you breathe

Show them the medal
That I never saw
Tell them the story
Of their unknown Grandpa
Teach them to live right
And love this great land
Teach them to work hard
With both of their hands

[whistling interlude]

So carry on without me
And the others who fell
Raise the glass in honor
Of men who died well

A collage of life

2009-09-23T22:19:00.004-04:00

Hello friends and future self!

Here are some portraits of what I've been up to, and what life has been like, for the past week and a half.

Last week I was in the Covenant Life offices all week, working with Dave W (tech stuff) and Ken (music-related projects). Now I'm trying to figure out how things will flow with Bob being back, and hopefully more going on down in Sovereign Grace (The two entities are separate, both organizationally and physically, though they're both in the same monster building complex. SGM is "downstairs."). Today is a decently demonstrative snapshot:
- Up at 7:20am. Shower, relatively hurried breakfast, and out the door.
- Came it at 8:30 to the SGM offices. Got somebody to let me in to the studio, and worked on video editing till 10.
- Met with Bob at 10 and hashed out what clips we want to pull from the WG09 interview. Worked on making that happen until noon.
- Packed up my laptop and walked the long course through halls and stairs and auditorium and lobby to get to the CLC offices. Thereat partook of lunch, which was leftovers from the previous night's singles meeting. One of the few tomato soups I have truly liked.
- Ate and worked at my unofficial desk, which is in an area with 3 admin-assistant girls. This has become the closest thing I have to a home base. It's right by the breakroom, so we see everybody, and there's rarely a dull moment.
- Worked on some low-level projects for Ken on my laptop, sorta twiddling my thumbs, so I rounded up one of the facilities guys (Felix, aka the man) and got him to let me into the infant care room and help me take down the monitor, which has had poor picture quality. Worked on that for a good while, and it looks like a 12dB RF amplifier and some de-sharpening fixed 'er up right purdy.
- Sat in on a webinar in the Luther Room (all the meeting rooms in the CLC offices are named after famous church dudes). It was about a new techy product for church meetings. (How would you like to answer a poll during a meeting, on your iPhone?) Got so hungry I was nauseous at points.
- 4:30pm: Did some reading/work at my "desk," and had some food. Granola bar, slices of Bel Giosso parmesan cheese, chocolate covered espresso beans, and dried cherries. Enjoyed sharing them all. Mm-mm good.
- Headed home about 5:15. Cooked up a dinner of grilled italian chicken, mac & cheese and veggies.
- Ate said dinner, chillaxed briefly on the back deck, and went to choir practice.
- Had a blast joining my voice with others', putting out that glorious rich sound that nothing but a choir can create. At the end Ken told us to sing "The Father's Love" one last time and not to worry about the notes but to focus on the truth of the words. The sound seemed all the richer and more unified, and I could feel God's presence there in that room as we sang. It was a great way to spend an evening.

That was today. Here are some other snippets:

Saturday night - rehearsal for the Sunday service. Dave W explained the lighting system in detail to me after practice was over, and I could feel my brain expanding and taking it all in. It was a great time of learning, and of hanging out with him.

Sunday - everything ran smoothly, so my job as assistant technical director was easy. Joined a big group for lunch, met a guy with a possible band/home recording connection, and returned home for pizza and football with Greg. Potomac Pizza also ranks in my top 10. Fantastic stuff.

Last Friday night Ben, the other full-time tech guy for CLC, invited me out to dinner with him, since neither of us had any plans for the evening. We had a great dinner at Macaroni Grill, affordable-ized by a giftcard he had, and I got to know him better, which was cool. Later that night I went to somebody's house for a theological discussion and some hanging out. Ended up with a small group super late, and played a couple songs of mine. One of those rare, rare times where a group of people is in a state to fully listen to something you play.

Greg is working on selling this place, while the rates are low and Obama is giving out free money for buying a house. He had some contractors in Saturday morning to estimate renovation costs, and this Saturday the countertop will get torn out. This makes me sad, 'cause I will be less able to cook food, and I need to save money chance I get.

I'm still listening to Owl City. It is a precious and rare thing when a song hits some nerve in you, and sends you to euphoria as it plays. I think it happens less frequently as you get older, and it always fades to some degree over time and listens. So I am enjoying it as much as I can while "Fireflies" continues to delight me deep down. Every other song of theirs is also delightful and enjoyable, and I'm so happy I know about them!

The subwoofer adjustment I made last week is blowing my mind. And NOT my ears! I always significantly notice the volume I play music at in my car. It used to be 3 windows closed, 4 open, 5 for rare super-rock-out mania. By the summer it had gotten to 4 min, 5 when I really wanted to listen to something, and 6 sometimes, especially to really kick it. That's when the sub really came into its own and the sound sounded balanced and full. At low volumes the sub was obnoxious and overwhelming and quite unpleasant. NOW, I'm listening at 3 all the time, and it sounds perfect - the low end is all there, and it's well-rounded and eminently pleasant. It makes me so happy I'm having to refrain from pouring more effervescent words into this paragraph!

The roads around here feel very isolated. There's a lot of woods and greenery everywhere - houses tucked back from the main roads, not tons of shopping centers... it just feels like you're out in the country, with not many friendly places around. Hard to describe, but it is very prominent to me. Perhaps later I'll come up with a fitting way to communicate it. It definitely feels different. Everything is pervaded with a different-ness here. I can't think of one thing that feels like it did "back home."

I have my little MicroKorg synth setup in front of a boombox in my room. I've been going through and playing with it, making good-sounding patches and learning the parameters. It's an example of the kind of thing I have always wanted to do, and now am in fact doing since I'm away from all the occupying things at home. I'm also starting to write some music, and I want to play along with a metronome regularly to try to get some good tempo beat into my brain.

There's more I could say, but plenty here. Much new, much to be happy with, and much being learned.

African Proverbs

2009-09-19T10:14:00.010-04:00

From the July 09 edition of "Ghana News Monthly," Vol. 1, No. 3.

     I had fun reading through these, and I think you will too. Some were familiar observations of life, which was quite delightful considering they're from another continent: Money is sharper than a sword.
     Others were quite obviously from very different life situations: The son shoots a leopard; the father is proud.
     And others were remarkably insightful when I thought about them, despite their unassuming premises: "Unless you call out, who will open the door?" and "Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight.

Enjoy!

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

Zaire - The Congo

What is said over the dead lion's body could not be said to him alive.
Little by little grow the bananas.
A single bracelet does not jingle.
Let him speak who has seen with his eyes.

Ashanti, Ghana

When a woman is hungry, she says, "Roast something for the children that they may eat."
He who cannot dance will say: "The drum is bad."
No one tests the depth of a river with both feet.
It is a fool's sheep who break loose twice.

Buganda

He who hunts two rats, catches none.

Ethiopia

A fool looks for dung where the cow never browsed.
One who runs alone cannot be outrun.
The frog wanted to be as big as the elephant, and burst.

And one which immediately brought to mind my trip out West, where the difference between the desert-like ranches of Utah and the green pastureland of Nebraska was stark: "The cattle is only as good as the pasture in which it grazes."

Thanks for reading!

And remember: You do not teach the paths of the forest to an old gorilla.

Post #250

2009-09-19T02:08:00.004-04:00

Some snippets from the past week:

- I think I may finally have my subwoofers adjusted right in my car! I'm getting sweet, juicy low end even at quiet volumes, without the wonky raw overpowering bleah that I've been battling since I got them. This makes me VERY happy.

- I got dinner at a Ghanaian restaurant this week. Yes. Two ladies from Ghana run it. I ate spicy spinach-chicken-sauce stuff with a lump of gooey ground up fermented cassava root whilst perusing a monthly Ghanaian newspaper. I love their style of journalistic writing. You don't realize how smarmy and uninformative news is here until you read something that straightforwardly tells what happened, using blunt English words. It was refreshing.

- Trader Joes! There is one near me! This was revealed mere hours before I was set to go on a grocery shopping expedition to supplement my first 80 dollars of food, which had lasted just over a week. I was excited at the prospect of buying more real food, and by drifting through the aisles for an hour and a half I was able to find good deals on solid supplies. Grocery shopping is a tremendously satisfying struggle against three competing requirements. I want my food to be 1) Reasonable to prepare, 2) Healthy, and 3) Not expensive. Quick healthy meals are expensive. Cheap healthy stuff is usually nasty and hard to make into a decent meal (mmm, bag of lentils). And cheap easy-to-make stuff is usually unhealthy (chili-mac anyone?). By dint of time investment, some cooking knowledge, and culinary fortitude, I walked away with three bags full of REAL food like frozen tuna steaks, lacy raw milk baby swiss, and broccoli, all of which is merely a step or two away from being a meal, and all of which set me back about 54 bucks. This pleased me greatly.

- Did I mention the fridges at work are stocked with Dr.Pepper? This fact envelopes each day in its warm, 23-flavor embrace.

- My laptop's wireless worked for one day at the church, and then refused to admit the existence of any signal. After days of grief from this, I went with my gut feeling. Restarted it, and boom, it's been working like a charm. While I feel frustration with computers, it is overshadowed by my enjoyment of wireless internet. It is highly useful when one has four bosses and no office!

- I haven't been sleeping well at night. It's warm and humid upstairs, and venetian blinds do a poor job keeping out the glare of two sodium vapor streetlights outside the house. Several times I have woken up, seen a time like "4:17" on the clock, and genuinely panicked that it was PM, and I had slept through the day. Took awhile to squeeze that thought out of my sleep-impaired brain.

- Housing! Greg informed me the other day that he could house me here through October, and that he's got a buddy who can take me after that. So I think I'm good! That is an answer to prayer. I had had the unfounded but persistent feeling that I'd be here more than just 4 weeks, and so it proved to be. Now I state with much more confidence that the internship is "for the fall; through December."

- Fireflies. Are in my head. Ten million of them. You would not believe your eyes.
Sorry. It's a song by Owl City, and it has been delighting my heart more than any song has in a long time. Probably since "Awakening" by Switchfoot. One of those pieces of sound that just goes into you and fits into some lock, releasing joy.. why I know not. But it makes me euphoric.

- I went to my first care group meeting on Tuesday, and it was a blast! Each guy there brought a unique set of contributions to the table, and it was a delight to watch them all come into play during the discussion. And to participate myself, jumping in like we were all brothers. Which we are in Christ.

- Monday is my day off (since I work a full day between Saturday and Sunday). I had grand plans to go to D.C., but woke up late, read leisurely and productively, and got ticked off that I would have to pay $4.75 to park for the Metro. So I toured the local thrift stores, bought a lamp that broke, and got some needed stuff at Target. Scored a Johnny Cash record, and a record of the Muppet Movie soundtrack!

I'll probably write another post talking more about what I'm doing at work and how things are going. This was meant to be some fun-size candy bars of text treats to fill your pumpkin bag of blog-surfing trick-or-treating.

:-)

First Post From Gaithersburg

2009-09-11T23:36:00.004-04:00

GAH!
I have much to catch up on!
Lost my job. Utah trip. Youth camp like crazy. Zambia trip a few weeks later. Worship conference. Kicking up dust about an internship. Chicago trip. Texas trip. I get the internship! One week blows by, and I'm on the road to Gaithersburg for the fall. And now here I am.

So let's back up to this internship thing. May, June and July were commendably full, but I knew unemployment couldn't continue indefinitely. Engineering loomed as nothing but a dark cloud of mind-numbing regulations and unexciting work (I don't believe that's true, but it feels that way), and I wasn't convinced that the right thing was to unthinkingly plunge myself back into that field in order to make myself ready for marraige as soon as possible, and spend the rest of my life in that mold. I also balked at the utter dedication and abandon required to (hopefully) make it in music or recording, whether or not I decided to spend 2 years and $60,000 on a degree in audio engineering.

In between those extremes an idea began to emerge of seeking an internship for the fall, unpaid if necessary, through any and all connections with people in Sovereign Grace. Live sound, recording, audio engineering... I would take anything. It would at the least enable me to serve my church better, at middling allow me to evaluate this field as a career choice, and at the most lead to another opportunity that could begin the course of a career in sound.

So I made some phone calls, sent some emails, and, with Jeremy's forwarded email going before me, introduced myself to a bunch of people at the WorshipGod 09 conference in early August. It became clear quickly that an internship at Covenant Life Church / Sovereign Grace Ministries was the only viable option, and it was with disbelief and joy that I got an email in late August asking me to come down. Yesss! I have something to do! :-)

I had one week between returning from a trip to Texas and my targeted departure date. In that time I furiously worked on finding housing, and with much prayer from many dear people and kind help from folks at CLC, an arrangement worked out on Monday the 7th, a few hours before I headed out. Greg Coss, from the church, has agreed to let me stay in his townhouse for a month, free of charge. What a blessing!

Such were the arrangements. It didn't feel all that exciting as I packed up on Monday, short on time and in an empty house, with Mom, Dad and Daisy out on a Labor Day camping trip. I had to remind myself that this wasn't just a couple-day trip, but I was leaving for months! My leaving/ending sentimentality rose up, and it took a mental resolution and Def Leppard records to keep the sadness away. After weeks of pleasant sunshine, of course this day was gray, overcast and rainy. I didn't get on my way until 5pm, and Labor Day traffic choked the roads for several long stretches. I had no idea what my living conditions would be like, except that it was a single guy, so there wasn't the prospective buzz of life that comes with a family.

That all changed when I pulled up to 1*7*2 Pintain Lane and saw Greg outside waiting for me. He helped me take all my stuff in, and welcomed me in immediately. He's laid back, deliberate, considerate, and there was no barrier to us starting to talk and get to know each other. The townhouse is sweet, and I basically have the run of the place until he gets back late in the evening most days. It's about 5 minutes from the church, for which I am amazed and grateful, and honestly, I can think of hardly any situations that could more easily fit with my personality and lifestyle. It's been great so far!

Much encouraged, I did some arranging and unpacking and hit the hay. Tomorrow, at last, I would start to DO STUFF!

Tuesday started out fantastic. I went to Dave Wilcox, who is the full-time technical director for the church, and he drove us to Panera to talk. Dave is a great guy - technically brilliant and accomplished, but truly humble, friendly, and caring. He was very considerate in bringing me in, going over what I could do, asking what I wanted to do, and getting me started. And THEN. His wife started going into labor! Thus ended the honeymoon. Dave was gone, and the rest of his staff--Ben and Jenn--were left in the lurch, along with this orphaned intern from Pittsburgh. So we plowed through the rest of the day, and I left at 5 to go grocery shopping and settle in at the townhouse.

Wednesday began similarly slow, but after a few hours I connected with Ken Boer, the director of music and worship and one of the four guys I'm interning under. He pretty much took me under his wing, let me set up in his office, and began loading me up with things to do. Joy! By the end of the day I had a plateload of projects and had started learning about the music end of things at the church. When I got home I went for a jog, which felt really good, and even found my way back home after forging into unknown geography. I was about to start dinner when Maritza, who befriended the Pittsburgh and Akron groups at the worship conference, gave me a call to start connecting me with people and activities going on. I ended up going to an "Introducing God" training course that night, which was surprisingly encouraging, and let me meet some more folks. I don't think I'll actually be able to help with the course (an evangelistic course like Alpha or Exploring Christianity), but I still benefitted from the evening.

Thursday was more work with Ken Boer, plus a few small live sound setups, which is always good. Any event which requires sound equipment is an opportunity for me to learn the myriad details of how stuff is set up, where stuff is, and how things are done. Key to being useful, and to gaining experience. Technically most office folks end their days between 5 and 5:30, so I left at 5:45, with 45 mintues to kill before sitting in on some music auditions at 6:30. I ended up driving around in search of a Wal-mart, not finding it where the GPS said it would be, going back to the church, finding no one there, driving out again to explore the countryside, taking some sunset pictures, and returning at 7:30, glad to find people there this time :) There was one voice and one drum audition, and it was cool to see how Ken ran them, what his goals are for them, and how he goes about trying to learn what he needs to know about each person's ability. This week has been a constant barrage of methods, technology, equipment and personnel that become necessary for a church this large. It's a new way of thinking for me, and has been quite interesting, and pretty impressive.

I got home from the auditions just in time for the kickoff of the first regular season game of this football year. Steelers vs. Titans, baby! Greg had just drafted Roethlisberger as his fantasy team quarterback, so we were both rooting for the Steelers. We had good man-food and drinks, and it was a nice relaxed time of talking and hanging out. AND, we pulled out a win in overtime! Let the domination begin.

Today was a much anticipated day for me. At long last, Bob Kauflin, my boss, was back in town! And later in the day there was a 10:31 meeting, which is the youth group. Full band in the auditorium equals big-time learning opportunity. More on Bob below. For 10:31 we were short a couple tech people, so after helping set up the stage and patch everything in, I took the role of "Stage Manager" for the night. Which sounds more impressive than the actual role, which is to walk around stage during rehearsal and talk to each musician, see what they need in their headphones, and relay it to the monitor mixer. It was great though, because it was a needed role, so my presence was actually useful--something I am acutely grateful for anytime it happens. It's the best way to learn, too - just jump in and start doing stuff. I enjoyed meeting the guys in the band and on the tech team, finding them all to be nice, friendly christian guys. This evening has left me freshly appreciative of the great joy it is to work with God's people. There's no one like 'em, and I'm a fan.

The meeting itself was enjoyable to watch, and I felt God's presence during worship, and cried out desperately for God to "bring me to the cross"--to bring me to truly love Him more than anything else, and rest in Him and Him alone, not in being seen or being impressive or in having the accomplishments or skills that I so miserably want. I've started to read "Worship Matters" by Bob Kauflin (after receiving a free copy from Ken), and just the first two chapters cut to my heart as he talked about the process of God bringing him from seeking to impress people to loving God more than anything else. As mentioned above, Bob was in for the day, and I got together with him after a SGM staff meeting in the morning. He too was effusively kind and welcoming to me, and I believe that comes from a heart that is resting in God in truth and reality. It's something I don't think I have yet (more like a destination that I'm further from than these guys), but I see quite clearly that I want. Bob hooked me up with some video editing projects, and took me on a tour of the Sovereign Grace offices, which are shawEET. The breakrooms there and up in the CLC offices are tricked-out - basically like a Panera or Starbucks interior. AND, they're both stocked with ice cold Dr.Pepper in the fridges! Ah me. Poor teeth.

So, I got home about 11 tonight, after the 10:31 meeting. Hung out with Greg and Wes, a realtor from the church who was looking over the place, and then sat down to write this. Tomorrow I am stoked to sleep in and get rested up--waking up at 7:30 has been taking its toll on me. Hopefully I'll run some laundry, cook up some chicken tenders that have been marinating in Mexican seasoning, and head to the church around 1 to play around with FinalCut (video editing program) for a few hours and help with setup and rehearsal for the Sunday service. This is my one weekend to learn all I can before attempting to serve as Assistant Technical Director for the 1st and 3rd Sundays. Bring it on! Let the learning begin! (or continue, as the case may be)

Things are quite pleasant, and the blinder view I always have is good. I must remember to consider the broader view of what I'm doing - what I'm learning, what roads I'm cutting for myself, every first impression I make, and the relationships that will be so much set by what happens right in these few days. Time managment has also become apparent as critical (duh), with a swarm of unrelated projects at work and a MILLION, BAJILLION wonderful, profitable, enriching and desirable things I could be doing in my free time. Oh life, must you be so choked and strangled? Alas. What I am doing is good. I must rest in what God has for me, not what I wish I was.

Good night, Gaithersburg.

--JPB

2009-05-07T10:47:00.002-04:00

Me (about a sweet pic Mike took): It's a masterpiece, Mike!

Mike: And masterpieces are only created by masters.

Me: . . . or pieces.

:-D

Recording

2009-05-05T18:10:00.002-04:00

Well folks, it's May 5th. That was a rude awakening. I thought it was the 2nd, or maybe the 3rd, till I checked my phone at lunch. Uncle Keith gets here in three days, bringing with him unknown amounts of non-music activity, and we leave on the 12th, early early. So the 11th will be all packing up. So I have 6 days left. That hurts just to say.

The last week has slipped by quickly with Mike here. It's easy to spend time on the laptop or watching hockey. The deadline to finish the album recording has been increasingly pressuring me, and a lot of days have gone by with not much time spent in the studio.

But here's the thing. I have 9 out of 12 songs for sure done, and two of the remaining three probably done, but with a chance of re-recording them.

The recording is going fantastically!

I've been knocking out two songs a day most days. Walk downstairs, set up a new project in Sonar 2.0, check levels, and 30 minutes later, a new final-quality track is down on the hard drive.
In case it's not obvious, let me say that this doesn't happen normally when I record. That's a big reason I don't spend more time in the studio at home. More often than not my efforts end in frustration and futility, or something that's 80% good, but too hard to get that last 20%, so it's useless.
A lot of the reason for this progress is the type of music I'm working with. These songs are meant to be sung. They live just coming out of your mouth. "Arrangements" are self sustaining even with just a guitar for accompaniment. If I botch a take it's no biggie to re-do the whole thing, or pick up part way through where I messed up. It is truly a delight to work with such excellent songs.

But there's more than that.
I still undoubtedly have the capacity within myself to ruin the recording of even such robust and intrinsically valuable songs. God has to be blessing my efforts. I am playing (i.e. "practicing") the songs, yes, but I get good at playing them faster than my rate of practice. Things are falling into place, and when I'm sitting in front of the mic, with the ominous red "Record" button pressed and destiny hanging in the balance... I'm playing and singing at my best.

God is--at the least--staying the tide of my own self destruction, and allowing me to record these songs in a manner doing justice to my musical abilities and the quality of the songs. I don't take that for granted, and every time I run up the stairs singing at the top of my lungs with another track crossed off the list, I am grateful afresh.

I am really looking forward to sharing these recordings with everybody, and I hope that they can be received and learned and sung with as much joy as I have gotten from them myself.

--JPB

Yo, wassup

2009-05-02T00:07:00.003-04:00

It's 10:07pm SLC time. Mike and I finished "Blazing Saddles," and now we're in our default positions: hunched over each's respective laptop at the non-dining-room-table-table. The automatic lights came on and dimmed at 8, so we have yellow light till 11pm. It's shining on the pile of field guides, Utah atlas, electronics, beverage containers, Cheetos, tumbleweed, sandstone, masking tape, song lyrics and other shtuff that covers the table. We're groovin' to The Meters. If you don't own "Look-Ka Py Py" by them, you should buy it. I feel comfortable promising that whoever you are, you will not regret that purchase.

Another day like every other day of my life: started with a goal, got diluted immediately. Instead of waking up and hitting the studio, I woke up, had breakfast, and Mike and I went on some errands. Finally after getting home and making buffalo chicken salad and macaroni & cheese for lunch, I took the tepid-but-still-delicious remains of my Rovico's americano down to the two by four and insulation room for some folk song work. Laid down what will most likely be the final tracks of "Good Morning Blues," and got "Pick a Bale of Cotton" started. One take with guitar and singing, and then lots with additional singing and clapping. My plan is to do like 10 tracks of harmonies and different parts, all with clapping, and get a good group work feel. Right now I'm pursuing that direction, but I don't know if it will work. All I know is I did a few test tracks, and then 3 serious ones, and after that my hands hurt from clapping so I left.

Helped Mike work on fixing Uncle Keith's tent from its wind-induced destruction. Ate a mango with a knife, rejoiced in the fact that there was nothing "instant" to eat in the fridge or the pantry, and fried up some corned beef hash and eggs for dinner. XX'd it and watched the Mighty Ducks and Redwings battle on the ice. Then to Blazing Saddles, and you know it from there.

I am currently wishing that Mike could appreciate food, that people on Facebook would appreciate my profile pic, that the world could appreciate my unique(?) brand of optimistic adaptability, and that I had the "spark," or charisma, like some people have.

Currently delighted by my vanilla bean in vodka success, the ease with which I am getting final-track-quality recordings for this album, the amount of vegetables and real food in my shopping cart earlier today, and the understanding of music history that is in truth unfolding as I read "Rock and Roll: An Introduction," by Michael Campbell and James Brody.

I take yet another moment to sit back, look around me at the railings and airy ceiling and shimmering sea of lights out the window, and appreciate where I am. This is amazing, and what a blessing to get to be here, for so long, so free. This is one of the best places on earth, and I love it.

2009-05-01T11:18:00.002-04:00

John: Is today Saturday?
Mike: I don't think so.. I don't know
John (opens cell phone): It's May first...
John (brings up calendar on laptop): It's Friday. Hmph.

A Few Notes

2009-04-26T17:34:00.003-04:00

Turns out when bereft of rock, I can indeed thoroughly enjoy other kinds of music. UK's Apple has great speakers with a unique jack, so I'm limited to his iTunes selection (a mere 4026 songs :-P). Without my usual fare, I have turned to Bach, Brahms, The Doobie Brothers (who I officially love now), and big band.
Food is a war. It does not want to be in an eatable form. I must threaten it with fire and sharp objects to get it into a meal. I enjoy cooking; but alone, when no cooking = no real meal, it feels strangely antagonistic.
The dryness out here is nice in some odd ways. If any dish or implement is wet, just set it out, and it'll be bone dry shortly. Socks not quite finished from the dryer? Just set it out and you're good. Wash your hands? Don't need a towel! Just wave 'em around a bit and the water's gone. Your hands actually get cold it evaporates so fast.
I don't mind being alone like this. I just have to be careful what music I listen to. Don't want to wake up emotions that would have no solace in my solitude.
I missed the last TWO Penguins games!! One of them I didn't even know was being played - thought they weren't playing till Saturday. Then Saturday I looked forward to the game all day, so excited for it.. and got a text around 5pm with the results. What?? It had been an afternoon game! I had missed it all. Great sadness.
After mistakenly turning into the parking lot of a Mormon church this morning I was all the happier to arrive at Gateway Community Church and there to worship the true God. I haven't gotten much into worship lately, but today I was glad to raise my arms, if only to emphasize the point that this God is the one I'm going after, or waiting on, or whatever. I don't want to be worshiping anything else.
Oh for sunshine! I have spent the last two days inside but for some shopping, and I'm ready to GO. I want to see sun-baked desert again! Yellow light, warmness on my skin, unobstructed view. Go away clouds! Meh.

I'm glad I'm here.

To Utah!

2009-04-26T16:01:00.015-04:00

To complete my picture updating, here are some cell phone pics from my drive to Utah the next day. I took almost a hundred, overcome again and again by the beauty and grandeur of each new sight.

Started out heading into the Rocky Mountains from Denver. The poor Mazda, loaded down with hundreds of pounds of recording equipment, struggled to make it in the thin air.

Finally - mountains! Snow, peaks, forests of pine trees, clear blue sky... it's been a long time.

After making it over the pass it was down down down, into Glenwood Canyon. An awesome spectacle and a marvel of engineering.

Grand stuff. Hard to capture in pictures.

With the last vestiges of the mountains behind, it was INTO THE DESERT!
A barren stretch man would have shuddered to transverse a century ago.

Welcome to Utah!

Home at last!

The Drive to Denver

2009-04-26T15:43:00.006-04:00

Mike was a dork and took unflattering pictures of me. Which are pretty funny.

These are some big tires!

Yep.
Yessir.
Yes indeed.

This was at 75mph.
Pretty, uh.. interesting.
Not easy.

Sure there are easier ways to get a tan, but why bother?

SKY!!!

This is one of about 50 sunset pictures I took, trying to capture the amazingness of the sight. This does it faint justice, but you get an idea, at least.

Desert Mountain

2009-04-23T23:33:00.025-04:00

Today I set my sights on the desert southwest of Salt Lake City. Going out sufficiently far on paved and semi-paved roads would get me away from people and in the middle of BLM land. I plotted my course on the trusty atlas and headed out at noon--warm clothes, lots of water, extra food, and a tank-up of gas and Dr.Pepper on the way out.

Thanks to Mikey Q I discovered that my cell phone can email pictures to my yahoo account, so I am delighted to offer photos--albeit tiny-sized--to do a much better job than my words.

Off down Utah 86, which took me all the way down Utah Lake, through annoying construction, and then down like a ruler line, south to meet route 6.

Naturally I took this opportunity to go fast. Broke 95, but didn't feel like trying to get 120 like I did once on the way to Akron. Nothing like an overheated tire blowing to ruin your day.

Once off the highway proper, it was about 10 miles of paved road, and 17.5 of unpaved, like this. Not too bad. Managed 20 - 35mph without any problems.

Here looms my destination. A small range of mountains stuck in the middle of a vast plain. It looked rocky but do-able, and decent roads let right up to it.

This was the start of the climb, and pretty well represents most of it. All the rock was sandstone, which afforded lots of variation, meaning handholds and footholds.

Lots and lots of climbing stuff like this. Got my hands pretty well scraped up, and got pretty tired out too. And when I finally scrambled up the peak... each one merely revealed a higher one behind it! This happened about 3 times.

Yes I climbed up here, and yes I went under that rock. Saw some amazing grottos as well, and some fantastic rocks, the soft sandstone worn in unearthly ways.

At last I did reach the top, and was greeted with an incredible view. I could turn in a complete circle and see nothing higher than myself for at least 15 miles, if not much much further.

There were more clouds than clear in the sky, and the wind absolutely RIPPED. Ceaseless, relentlessly, roaring in my ears and making it not a simple task to stand up straight. I can appreciate people who dislike the wind now. The few moments it ceased were sweet sweet peace.

One last view from the top. Which happens to include the road I came on. And shows just one sliver of the panorama that encircled me.

On the way down I saw some more remarkable formations, had a few hairy descents, got strung out on adrenaline from them, and from hunger, and by the end trotted down the rocks, quite comfortable negotiating them.

I couldn't believe it. Perfectly hand-sized. Why weren't there more of these?!?

Now you see it...

Now you don't!

Coincidences are ridiculous. How is it that after all that highway, and clattering down dirt roads, and pulling over at whim when I felt close enough to the mountain, the odometer would end up exactly here? I glanced at the odometer as I was getting ready to leave, and couldn't believe it.

So that was my trip! The last picture I leave you is of tumbleweeds. It's hard to describe what they were like down all those unpaved roads. They seem for all the world like animals. They scurry along almost randomly, but in a definite direction. The oblong ones skip across the ground like little kids. You see them piled relentlessly in any hollow and against any obstruction. They line the cattle fences like caged animals wanting to get out, and in the corners where enough pile up, I watched lucky ones skip over their fellows and come flying over. Fascinating to watch, and I never could bring myself to run over one on the road.

Farewell tumbleweeds! May you live to roll another day.

This day has been fantastic. Ham & eggs fill my belly, celery and broccoli I'm sure have added years to my life, and I think I'll be ready for bed directly. Burned a lot of calories today.

The first 2 days

2009-04-23T12:03:00.004-04:00

It is now... I don't know which day of the week. The computer tells me it's 4/23, and thinks I'm posting this at 12:09, when it's actually 10:09 mountain time. I do believe it's Thursday. Which makes sense because Friday it's supposed to rain, which is why I toured about yesterday and am planning to today. But first, back to Tuesday...

I got to UK's house full of wonderment and delight and disbelief, as described previously. Trying to figure out how to turn the Pen's game on proved too difficult through the sea of remotes, so I called Uncle Keith and he got me going. A can of soup for dinner from the near-bare pantry, and glorious victory on the ice. Pens lead the series 3-1! Next the car had to be unloaded (considerably easier than loading it), and empty I took it to the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, to return home full of groceries.

I'll spare you the details, and say only that I was quite pleased with my shopping trip. It was a triumph of thrift and health. I unloaded my $89.60 load and set up the kitchen with glee, armed for every food need for a week. I finished the night writing my blog, and retired to the couch in the living room, leveling out the shades so the twinkling sea of lights could join me in my repose.

I spent the first half of Wednesday out shopping. I had located several thrift stores on google maps, and headed north up State St, scanning every storefront I passed to learn what was available to me here. I pulled into a pawn shop on the way, and came back out with a guitar! A perfect, cheap-but-good Harmony sunburst acoustic with that open, un-slick sound that I need for this album. Then to other pawn shops where I salivated over the plethora of subs, and to a giant thrift store where I got a white button-up shirt for hiking. My last stops were Wal-Mart for a hat and sunscreen, B&D's Burgers for a delicious avocado burger, and Best Buy to look over their Digital SLR's and decide I didn't want to buy one new.

Thus was spent the first half of a perfect, warm, sunny day in paradise. With the forecast of rain looming, I didn't want to spend the rest of the day inside. So into my old Guardian bag went Dr.Pepper, a sandwich, two bottles of water, the Utah atlas, rough cuts and an apple. 2 gallons of water in the car, more than 3/4ths a tank of gas, hiking boots, cowboy hat, and off I went. I set out to explore the Oquirrh Mountains, which I have gazed at across the SLC valley, but never been to. I transversed the flat, wide valley, and met with little success in the canyons on the other side, which are all closed till the summer melts enough snow up in the mountains. Then was the first of many visits to the Atlas, by which I chose a route that went north along the mountains and wrapped around them to the West, along the shore of the Great Salt Lake, across salt flats, and then down south through the valley on the other side of the mountains, till I could wrap around them and come back home.

I munched buffalo jerky from a roadside peddler and cruised, till the full wonder of the great lake became apparent. Turns out the Great Salt Lake is really, really, colossaly huge. If the desert seems to stretch out in the valleys flat and vast, how much more does the mirror-flat plane of the lake soar to the horizon, broken only by islands (mountains, actually) jutting from its surface. I the highway passer got passed incessantly as I tried to keep my speed up on I-80 while still marvelling at the lake, and the salt flats extending from its shores. At one point the two directions of the highway were nothing but two piles of dirt, carrying the roads atop them and venturing out with nothing but water on either side.

After miles of such driving, deserted except for a couple evaporator plants, I got to the interchange with 138, which would take me south down the new valley. But on the right side, jutting up massive and mysterious and as enticing as any pirate cove, lay Stansbury Island - a mountain rising up from the lake, with enough solid land between the salt flats to carry a road out to it. The map showed most of the island was BLM land, which is Bureau of Land Management, which means you can freely camp and hike there. I turned right and headed out, but soon a few realities set in: (A) It was 5:30pm, and the only cars I saw were ones leaving the island. (B) Turns out even though you can see a mountain right in front of you, it can still be six miles away, and (C) the road was unpaved, and I could only do 20 at best, laboring over the washboard surface and bemoaning my already-dying front struts and skinny sport tires. So I stopped, beaten by the reality of nature, hiked along the shore for awhile, and headed back, champing on a rough cut like Clint Eastwood and opening all 4 windows of the car so the roaring onslaught of wind could blow through.

I'll write just one more part of my day. As I worked my way along state routes down through the Tooele valley, on the other side of the Oquirrhs from SLC, I came to the twon of Tooele and took a road that headed up into the foothills. Most of the time you see little hills and dream about climbing them and how cool that would be, and keep driving. But these had ATV trails running up them, so I knew they were accessible, and a sign at a pull-in forbade only vehicular trespassing. So I put on my boots and started walking, reduced to gasping pants almost immediately by the steep grade and thin air. At last, picking my way among the rocks and stubbly brush, I neared the top of a large hill overlooking the whole valley. It was like a movie scene - the last few steps unfolded the valley below in breathtaking grandeur. Angled sunlight swept across the fertile green plains, growing misty in the distance before the mountains rose up to meet the setting sun. Tooele laid peacefully below me, neat streets and clean houses in orderly array, ready for the coming of night. The grassy foothills on which I stood looked like green felt, and to my right a reservoir lay tucked in the canyon like a jewel. My gaze stretched far across the valley, and when it got to the north, stretched out to infinity as the great salt lake swallowed up the horizon, lying like a majestic lion at the head of the valley, watching over the scene from its stately immensity. I fought mosquitos and talked to Uncle Keith for awhile, till the sun dropped below the last bar of clouds and headed for the mountain peaks. Every minute the view got better and I wished I could take new pictures. The light, sharper and sharper, lifted off the plains and cut the foothills out in dramatic contrast. At last the sun slipped below the peaks, and the chilling wind from the mountains behind me hastened me back to the car. I enjoyed the lights show in the sky from behind the mountains as I continued south. Civilization petered out rapidly, and left me alone on the strip of highway, marveling afresh at the desolate Rush Valley, great gaping vastness to my left and right, dark and peaceful beneath the still-light sky.

Such were my adventures yesterday, and maybe my poetic language sounds cheesy, but it's my best attempt at capturing what I saw and how it affected me. My only sadness was that there was no one to share it with. How I would like for Pittsburgh and Ohio friends to see these things with me! I believe these great, dramatic sights make God's glory easier to imagine and anticipate, and human self-absorption harder to sink into.

Now it is nearing noon, high time to head out on today's adventures. I'm going south west, to the BLM desert and the old pony express trail. Blanket, food, extra clothes, lots of water, tank up on gas, guitar... yep, I'm ready!

First a backtrack, then an installment

2009-04-22T01:45:00.002-04:00

Backtrack:
I lost my job. Yep. Wednesday April 8th Guardian let me go. You can ask me about it privately - I've got no problem talking about it, because it seems to clearly be God's hand at work. Indeed, on the way home my primary thought was to stifle feelings of excessive joy and excitement. A world of opportunity was suddenly flung open to me! I have not looked back, and within a day I started talking with Mike Q about a road trip to Uncle Keith's house in Utah -- the crazy wild hair idea I had never quite done during my months of freedom between graduation and Guardian. Which brings us to the

Installment:
First installment, that is. Of my trip journal.
Yes indeed, to my continued amazement, the pieces of the trip kept falling into place. Mike was back from temporary work in Harrisburg--still unemployed. If we left quickly, we would have nearly a month, and still get back 6 weeks before youth camp, which was plenty of time for all the intense planning work. Nothing huge would be missed at home. The plans marched on. I laid out my schedule for the week after my release: taxes, room, room, laundry, care group, packing. The days passed in necessary activity, my room finally bloomed in resplendent cleanliness and orderliness, and the theoretical departure loomed ever nearer. Saying good-bye to friends after lunch Sunday left a slight smudge of reality on me, but even pulling away from the house and rolling down the hill, even 8 hours of driving Sunday and 16 Monday, even the sight of mountains at the edge of the sky Tuesday morning did not penetrate my mind and heart with the reality of this trip. Climbing over the Rockies as the Mazda gasped for air, descending through the awe-inspiring Glenwood Canyon, and feeling the twinge of fear as the gas needle sidled down and no settlement, green thing or prospect of life or fuel presented itself all filled me with knowing that I was in the WEST. Drawing in great pure breaths of warm, blowing air.. letting my ears reach out as far as they might without ever meeting a din of man-made noise.. standing on a high rock with a hand on my knee, casting my eyes in a great semicircle, surveying vast land stretched out in mighty distance, rocky creekbed dry with thirst and piercing in jagged rock beauty, mesas upthrust from the land like craggy tables of desert gods.. all rich tan framed against the soft, pure blue sky... all this was the West, and all this I relished with exquisite enjoyment. But only now, as I sit facing the window, keyboard on my lap, soaking in the flickering sea of lights in the Salt Lake City valley below, is the reality slowing creeping upon me that I am back here. Back in Uncle Keith's House - the awe of my childhood. Back in the luxurious house of many stairs and levels and windows that entranced me, and still does. Back where the view out of every window draws a gasp of amazement. Others might perhaps come here and think it nothing that special, or enjoy it at a lesser level. But for me, for some reason, this place stirs me so deeply that crying seems the only fitting outlet. That, or just standing, motionless as long as reason will let me be, before the view. Such I did last time I was here, 6 or 7 years ago, when it seemed most likely that I would never be here again. Yet here I am, and my heart is full right now. There is more I could say, and will later, but this has been an attempt, shaped by listening to Milton's Paradise Lost all day, at putting into words the tugging of my heartstrings that this place stirs. With all my might I relish this moment. The whole stay is before me, untainted by the passage of time and the looming of end, pregnant with possibility and anticipation, full of rich days to be lived. This is the purest moment of any trip, and I savor it, and share it. With my future self, and with any who care to read and enter into my world.

Tasting, entranced yet burningly unsatiated, tiny earthly droplets of Heavenly bliss, I bid thee good night.

A Pittsburgh Explorer

2009-04-06T18:33:00.004-04:00

Writing is hard.

If you'd like, please add yourself as a follower! I'd love to see where this new blog goes, and I hope that it will prove to be insightful, interesting, and helpful (even if you're not living in Pittsburgh).

Mah Room

2009-04-06T16:13:00.006-04:00

It's a work in progress. I have dared to disturb the dreaded top closet shelf, which in turn has spewed its contents into the room like fire from an enraged dragon. It'll be nice when I finish, though. I'm filing things in the garbage bag as much as possible :)

I finally have a record player! I got a stack of vinyl at Dave's Music Mine last Saturday, and have particularly enjoyed The Best of The Guess Who. This is music that was meant to be played from records on cranked up speaker towers. Rockin' out, baby!

10 Top

2009-03-26T03:28:00.005-04:00

Great Albums:
- "Plans" by Death Cab for Cutie
- "Black Holes and Revelations" by Muse

- "Who We Are Instead" by Jars of Clay

- "Never Take Friendship Personal" by Anberlin

- "The Everglow" by Mae

- "The Young and the Hopeless" by Good Charlotte

- "Dog Problems" by The Format
- "Who's Next" by The Who
- "New Way to Be Human" by Switchfoot
- "Speak for Yourself" by Imogen Heap

Every one of these I get excited about. If you don't have them I would passionately argue that you should get them. I wish I could grab you by the shoulders and say Buy them!!

But in truth I would rather you obtain everything ever recorded by Hank Williams Sr., a couple compilations of Johnny Cash, "When the Sun Comes Down" by Leadbelly, "The Early Years" by Woody Guthrie, and "Songs and Sounds of the Sea" (which you would have to get from me). These are songs that are enjoyed most by singing them yourself, and growing familiar with them will arm you for boredom of any sort, showers of any length, and tasks of any repetitiveness. America is poorer for not knowing songs like these, or needing them anymore. They were chiseled in the forge of a thousand campfires and wagon trains, generations of singing, and a trillion clangs of hammer on steel. When properly received, they put all of the albums listed above to shame. That I firmly believe.

[P.S. This is why nobody wants to hear songs I write or learn or want to play. For some reason, my music tastes are directed towards (self-percieved) betterment, not enjoyment. More precisely, betterment of self through true enjoyment. Or enjoyment of "truth" (i.e. value, as determined by my NSHO). But who wants a music crusader around the campfire at midnight? Freakin' play Colbie Caillat and shut up, John.]

Night Shift at the Plant

2009-03-23T00:26:00.010-04:00

Glass rolls down the line
Numbers slowly count the time
2 am, 3 am,
One by one they go
You don't care that the rest of the world sleeps.

Bright fluorescents know no hour
Warehouse roofs ignore the sky
Walk the concrete, open doors
Heavy boots on lengthy floors

Drink your coffee
Eat your food
Quarters clink in the vending machine
Gloves in pocket
Heat on face
Got to tend to everything

Push your glasses up your nose
Take a long step over a hose
Fans churn with ceaseless pull
Stand in the door and feel the sucking air

See what but a few have seen
Worlds of heat no man can ever tread
Cautious near to take a peek within
Hot breath of the beast upon your head

Never quiet
Never still
Dust and heat
And human will

Take and make the earth our slave
Make it make what can't be made
Motors quake and rafters climb
Bend it all to our design

Two Cities, Two Lives, and Solomon

2009-03-18T00:13:00.006-04:00

My past two weekends off I have gone on two trips, one to New York City and one to Akron, Ohio. Each of these places presented a lifestyle that part of me yearns for, and that is very different from my Pittsburgh life.

Two weeks ago I stepped into the bustling world of The King's College - a small but potent school with 200 highly motivated and ambitious students. In the heart of New York City they buffet themselves with tough, mind-shaping classes, and enter the world of high-power businesses, media, and generally the movers and shakers of our lives. Even when you babysit, you're watching the kids of multi-millionaires. Connections are around every corner and sitting in every coffee shop, and the students are thrusting themselves into every opportunity they can get.

This past weekend I entered the artistic, expressive world of the Akron/Cleveland area. Walking into the Thompsons' basement you can tell the house is filled with creatures that must express themselves. Paintings litter the walls, the basement is bursting with instruments, and Cory and Ryan's rooms are bedecked with random artifacts, paintings and signs. Craig walks around in all sorts of abnormal outfits, and never seems to play the same band twice, or any band that I recognize. Everyone plays something, and anytime two or more are gathered together, music is there. In the circles I hang out in there, local bands are thown around in conversation like the Pens or Steelers are in Pittsburgh. There are billboards for the Akron film festival, and the radio waves are full of excellent music, instead of the 80's and country that clog the Pittsburgh airwaves. People are sophisticated musically and artistically, and the cities support them.

Part of me wants to throw myself into either one of these worlds. Try to realize the potential that I believe I should have as a sharp homeschool with a Summa in chemical engineering and a restlessly analytical mind. Why shouldn't I be writing music reviews for a New York magazine? Why shouldn't I be interning at a studio, living in a Brooklyn apartment, and meeting people in the city and building a network there? I'd even settle for going back to college and returning to the joy and pain of forcing my mind around new concepts and whipping it into shape with lectures and classwork. I would love to learn about history and economics and sociology, and see what I did in a setting like that.
Or I could let go of my partial hold on normalcy and dive into the world of music people. Find a part-time job to pay the bills, join some bands, play every gig I could get, practice electric guitar every day, record my songs, write new ones, be challenged by people better than me, and work myself in to venues and radio stations and studios.

Part of me wants to do either of those.
Part.
I'm 24. If I was destined for one of those lives, an unwelcome voice whispers that I'd already be in one of them. If my soul cried for expression so strongly, I would be driven to my guitar, driven to my studio, instead of stuttering at the whim of my inspiration and sinking into laziness as a default. If I was such a brilliant mind, I'd be tearing it up at Guardian and motoring for advancement, probably with my sights on a PhD or a specific career path. Instead I sit with a couple toes in each pond, and my body resting in the comfortable, predictable suburban life of my parents and grandparents.

Enter Solomon.

He and I hung out Friday as I read Ecclesiastes. I'll give you two paraphrases of what I took away from my reading:
1) "People work and work and strive, and they never enjoy what they get, and die, and no one remembers them. That's no good. The best that there is in this world is to enjoy what you do every day, and seek wisdom."
2) The farmers always win.

Why is it that in every movie, it's the farmers who are happy? How many times have stories contrasted the dashing life of some adventurer with the peace of an agricultural community? "Magnificent Seven" acknowledged it up front at the end - the surviving gunmen are riding out of town, and Yul Brynner comments that it's the farmers who really win in the end. Jet Li's character in "Fearless" learns peace and wisdom from the village he ends up in after destroying his life with Wushu fighting. I believe that the fiction in these stories reflects the innate truth that Solomon lays out in Ecclesiastes:

What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow, and his work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity. There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God. (Eccl. 2:22-24)

It would be folly to make myself unable to enjoy my current life by fretting for something different. And it may be ok to be ok where I'm at.

That is not a possibility I would have considered a week ago.

Akron at Last

2009-03-17T22:40:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I made it out to Akron - the first time in '09. It was my long weekend--off from Thursday evening till Monday evening--and Steve was supposed to come to Pittsburgh to record. There ended up being some attractive events in Akron, and I wasn't feeling the recording for some reason, so I packed up and headed out Thursday night at 11:30, after a stressful evening watching Pitt lose and the Pens lose in a shootout. I rolled into the Thompsons about 1:30 and hung there with Brian, Nick, Steve-O, Cory and Ryan. Just walking into their basement was like finally putting on a jacket that fits - there were amps everywhere, guitars, 2 drumsets set up, 2 keyboards, guitar pedals littering the floor and shelves, a recording computer with 3 sets of speakers surrounding it, and stacks of audio gear everywhere. We kicked it for awhile and then Steve and I retired to the Hoffmans.

Friday Steve worked and I went to the church for a "personal retreat." I stopped at Taco Bell and Starbucks beforehand, and was pleasantly surprised to see Jess at work. It made me realize how long it's been since I'd been around. My retreat was neither fantastic nor a failure, and I wrapped up around 6:30pm. That evening Steve and I tossed around possible concerts to go to, but ended up going to Giant Eagle and getting a bunch of low-grade steaks and a movie. The steaks were quite good, and so was Eagle Eye.

Steve had to work again Saturday, but I went to a seminar that Aaron Osbourn was doing at CoG. It was about the Holy Spirit, and went from 9:30 to around 4pm. I sat in the sound room with Craig, which was nice and relaxed and private. From there we went to the Thompsons' house, which Craig was going to be house-sitting for the week. Steve took awhile to get back from work and show up, and in the interim Craig and I went shopping for supplies for Autumn's 21st birthday party that night. People started arriving around 7:30, and we had a good night eating burgers, talking around the kitchen table, jamming in the basement, and eventually chilling in the hot tub outside long long into the morning. Jes Arlia is a great guy. I'm a fan.

I got up alright Sunday morning, but I was pretty tired that day. Church was good, and packed with people from Dayton who had come for the seminar. Craig, Steve and I hit up MetroBurger for lunch with Brian and Nick, and we all drifted across the street to an awesome record store and an "artsy person" clothes store. Turns out there are clothes that fit me _perfectly_ and look _awesome_, but they cost $100+ a pop. Sad. Craig, Steve and I went back to the Thompsons and ended up crashing in Cory's room watching Flight of the Concords and falling asleep. That was sad because it was a stunning day outside, and Tuminos and Mallinacks were going for a hike. It saddened me to coup myself up in a dark room watching media drivel and drifting lazily to sleep, but that's the price for partying the night before. That evening we went to a party that Ernie - a newer man from CoG - put together for the guys in the church. We had some good snacks and talking, and watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," which is quite a thought-provoking movie. That night a few people came over to the Thompsons, but we didn't do much - Craig and I watched a movie and hit the sack.

Monday I woke up a little past noon, packed up, and headed to the Tuminos' for lunch. It was another gorgeous day, and it was great to hang out in the house full of life and love. I had to tear myself away, and barely made it home in time to pack my lunch cooler, change into my work clothes, put on my boots, and go to work.

Thus endeth another weekend of my life. Thoughts from this and the trip 2 weekends previous shall be forthcoming.

New York City!

2009-03-17T20:24:00.002-04:00

It actually happened! After much speculative conversation with Debs, an abort, and a re-bort (what's the opposite of abort?), I finally en verdad found myself in the car with Debs and her freshman year roommate Lydia, driving away from the Hetricks and headed east to the big city. I was pretty awake despite working that night, and only dozed for a couple hours through the middle of PA (Don't worry, Debs was driving). We arrive on the isle of Manhattan early in the afternoon, dropped off our baggage at her apartment, and took the car to Brooklyn to park it for the weekend. I shan't tell you where, so that I may keep that little nook as my own personal free parking spot. I'm a fan. Then it was the first of many subway rides.. back into the city, to Debs' apartment: 3C5. The four roommates of 3C5 are a fixture at Kings College, and that was sort of our home base for the tumultuous days we were there. I stayed at Matt, Kyle and John's apartment a few blocks away, pretty much drifting in and out like a phantom, and only seeing them once or twice.

I'll try to recap succinctly our varied adventures. After getting settled Friday we toured The King's College, which is located in the basement of the Empire State Building. Adventures getting through security. Ask me about it :-P
At first we were going to attend a TKC event that included dinner, but we ended up bailing and finding a pub to watch the Penguins game. Really really good coconut shrimp, Bushmills, and hockey game. By the end of the night most of the 3C5 girls and some other folks had congregated at our table, listening to Debs tell stories from work. I split at 12:30, when my lack of sleep finally caught up with me. Of course, I stayed up another 2 hours having a quiet time and soaking in the city from the 17th-floor apartment. So cool!

Saturday was crazy. I got up of my own accord at 7:30, and decided to go for a walk instead of sleeping more. So I forayed out with only a hoodie, seeking the edge of the island, not realizing it was actually 35 degrees out, despite being sunny. I never quite turned around, but I got really stinking cold. Worth it, though. I saw a helipad, a ConEd utility vehicle base, some crazy trucking center, a subway utility yard, and this random dock with boats and stuff that you could just walk on. It was sunny, fresh, blue skies and wonderful. Got back around 10:30, met up with Debs, and headed out with her and her friend Angie. We got frozen yogurt at Pinkberry (yogurt that's frozen. Not "less-fatty-ice-cream" that most of us call frozen yogurt), and darted into a pub to watch some rugby. Never mind the details, we ended up at The Frick, a sweet art museum, with Johanna, one of Debs' roommates. From there we killed some time at 3C5 playing risk, and headed to brgr for dinner with a big group of people. Best hamburger I've ever eaten, bar none. Then we all took a walk to this bakery, the cupcakes of which are the rave of everybody at Kings. Not life-changing, but the red velvet one was pretty good.
Our next activity, after some more chilling at the apartment, was Debs' hockey game. She plays with a league when she lives there, and her coach let her play this weekend, which she was stoked about. That game was one of my favorite parts of the trip - it was a lot of fun to watch, Debs' team played well, and it really made me appreciate the quality of hockey at the pro level, 'cause I'd never had anything to compare it to before. The game was from 11:30pm to 12:30am. At 2 Debs and I headed out from 3C5 to meet up with her friend Kyle at "Fat Baby," a club. Yes, we went clubbing! It was just like a movie - line out the front of the building, bouncer talking smack on everybody, dark inside with flashing lights, DJ boppin' and spinnin' records, everybody drinking and dancing.. the whole deal. Neither of us were at home in that scene, but it was still interesting to have done, and Kyle is a cool guy. We ended up going back to his apartment and watching Ferris Bueler's Day off, finally catching a cab back home at 5:30 :-) So that was Saturday - 22 straight hours of New Yorkinating, starting with a bagel sandwich at Pax and ending with the morning light creeping up the sides of the buildings as the cab threaded it's way through the still-busy streets.

Sunday we met up around 9:30 and rode into Brooklyn for church. We had enough time to stop at Blue Sky Bakery, whose muffins Debs had been talking up for a long time. Turns out, Blue Sky is pretty much the coolest bakery in the universe, and you have not even conceived of the possibility for deliciousness in a muffin until you've had one of theirs! Their coffee is incredible, too. I got a T-shirt, which is also bangin, and the whole place was much cheaper and friendlier than the Manhattan places we'd been the previous days. I like Brooklyn.
Church was awesome, and was perhaps the highlight of the trip, just for the happiness of being near God. We hooked up with another Kings College girl who goes to City Church, got some chinese for lunch, and picked up my car, which was still safe and sound thank you Lord. Drive into the city, waited by the curb for people to bring all the bags down, packed up the Mazda, said our good-byes, and headed out into the rest of the world.

The drive home was the low point of the trip. I had the post-trip heartache pretty bad, plus I had been around tons of very driven, accomplished people in a moving-and-shaking city, and was feeling pretty frustrated with my life. More on that later. By the time I dropped the girls off and got back to the people-less, dog-less house, I was as low as I could be. AND I had to get up at 4:15 and go to work. Dark times. So after 0 hours of sleep, 5 hours of sleep and 3 hours of sleep, I hit the sack at 2am for a brief nap, and then on with the next day. A sour taste in my mouth after a trip that was packed with a lot of cool things and experiences. I'm glad it worked out, and I still love New York City and want to go back whenever I can.

2009-02-23T01:15:00.003-05:00

If you want to know me, listen to my songs.

Everything from well-informed, accurate--if shallow--faith back in '04:

Jesus, sacrifice
You were slain to pay the price
That should have been required of me.
Jesus, God's own Son
You're the perfect righteous One
All of Heaven bows before Thee.
Thine was the terror, and Thine the shame
Now Thine is the name above all other names

Son of God what can I say to You?
There is nothing worthy I can do
I can only stand in awe
At mercy deeper than my fall
I have no ground on which to stand,
Except upon Your nail-pierced hands.

To deep frustration at the course and nature of my life a year or so later:

And I don't understand why You made me this way
And I don't understand who I am
And I don't understand why You fill up my hand
Till every thing overflows and slips away
Slips away...

And I don't know why You've given me
So much more than I can hold
And I don't know why You keep hitting me
As I keep getting old
And I don't know why time slips away
And nothing seems to change
And I don't know how You love me just the same
Just the same...

Yet always (95% of the time) remaining in the generally happy state of my blessed life:

Building Legos, model cars
Talkin' 'bout the War of Stars,
All the ways we whiled away the time for all those years
Quoting movies, no one knew
What we meant but me and you
The humor just went right over their heads

You go a-long with what's going on
You've never been somewhere that wasn't better for you being there..

How good and how pleasant it can be
When brothers dwell in unity!
Your time at home is coming to an end
I'll miss you, my brother and my friend.

And still remaining relatively light-hearted, positive, and strange :-)

Take a cup and fill it slowly now,
Pour it with care.
Empty out the can completely now,
Nothing left in there.
Take a sip and sip it slowly now,
Savor your fare.
Open up a Dr.Pepper and happiness is there.

Then God blew into my life like a hurricane for 2 months:

Don't doubt! Trust in what you know He says
Just step out! Step out on His promises
He'll meet you - look at all the lives around!
Just trust Him. Trust Him with your life.

But I settled back into the same old valley, slowly settling deeper and deeper:

If I say I'm sorry
Will I mean it this time?
I can swear to leave it
But I'm staying behind

How can You save me if I don't want to be saved?
How can You hear me if I don't mean what I pray?
How can You love me when I've thrown it all away?
Am I lost
If I don't mean what I pray?

And always, ever, never getting away from knowing I should be doing more with my life, but not doing it, and not knowing how to:

Look at all the pathways that I could take in life
Traveling the world or marrying a wife
Staying close to home, or moving far away
Anything I wanna do is possible, they say

But I put on my boots and go to work and live another day
In the same old car, the same old smile, and the same old aimless way
If I could just see where to throw myself, I'd give it all away
But I put on my boots, and go to work, and live another day

All the comforts of home that you love
All the potential that you're dreaming of
All could be yours, or all could be naught..
But time passes by and you've only got one shot

All the songs I write and all the instruments I play
But I put on my boots, and go to work, and live another day.

So will this win out in the end? Or will the words of "On My Side" prevail?

Time after time
Time after time lookin' out the door
Time after time
Time after time what's He waiting for?
What's He waiting for?

But You were always on my si - de
You were always on my si - de
I couldn't tame You I couldn't blame You
I couldn't tame You I couldn't blame You
I couldn't trace You, I couldn't chase away Your plans for me

Three from the Sea

2009-02-23T01:03:00.003-05:00

Three.
I see three.
Three I see.
Three I see--that's three for me.
Three for me and that's all I see.

But wait - there's more!
Do I see four??
Could there be four for me?
Four I see;
That's more than three;
But still that's not
a lot
for me.

This poem is an ode to my Shrimp flavor "Cup o' Noodles," and the dried sea critters therein.

And a tip of the hat to Dr. Seuss and Ogden Nash :-)

Doings Lately

2009-02-18T16:56:00.002-05:00

Time for an update, so all is not lost to the vistant magues of time.

This past weekend was one of my precious "long" weekends - from getting off day shift Thursday at 6pm to starting night shift Monday at 6pm. I had been planning for awhile to go to a Mae show at Messiah Saturday night, but I decided not to, which was nice 'cause I got to be here for Mom's birthday (also Saturday).
Thursday at work ended lousily, and I didn't get to basketball till about 7:15pm. 45 minutes of bump-and-bash basketball was not at all satisfactory.

Friday I slept most of the morning away, and did some errands in the afternoon. Landed some SWEET work shirts and T-shirts at the thrift store. That evening Mom and Dad and I went out for a nice dinner, which was a Christmas present this year. We were going to go to Kaya at the Strip, but they were reservation only (Hmm. It does happen to be Friday night before Valentine's Day :-/). We ended up at Kiku - Pittsburgh's first sushi place. So good! The first time I've had octopus sashimi that was actually good.

Saturday was a nice, pleasant day in Mom's honor. We had coffee and cinnamon rolls in the morning, and I made tortilla pizzas for lunch. There was a Pitt basketball game at 4, and Daniel and Kyle got here about 6pm. We had steaks for dinner, and then sat around the family room watching the Penguins and giving Mom presents. Kyle and I stayed up and watched a little TV after everybody hit the sack, but I got pretty tired, and actually went to bed at midnight!

Sunday we had church at the Upper Saint Clair High School, due to an unavoidable using of Independence Middle School for that one Sunday of the year. I wasn't needed on tech team, so I got a full night's sleep, which was cool. There wasn't much going on after church, so I headed home and we had Wal-Mart pizza (so incredibly good!). It took some mad texting and a couple phone calls, but I finally ironed out plans for that evening. It was my night to stay up late in preparation for night shift, so I enlisted the help of Shannon and Debs, fellow night owls, so pass the time away. They came here, and then we all trekked to the Grahams' house up on Mt. Washington. Which by the way I loved. We went down to Station Square with Andrew, but there wasn't much going on there, and it was pretty cold. Definitely have to come back when it's warm and lively. Then it was all into Pepsi Blue and off down the freshly-snowed streets to Pitt, to meet up with Thomas at Fuel 'n' Fuddle. One delicious pizza and one AMAZING celtic red ale later, it was back home for some chillin', and then off our separate ways. A good night. Nice to have some snow again - I miss the whiteness when it's gone.

So that was the weekend. Nothing earth-shaking, but I think it was valuable to be with Mom on her birthday, and it was nice to see Daniel and not miss church.

One other cool thing from the weekend: I finally cracked the puzzle of how to record College Song! It's a chill, fun, Dispatch-ish song about just moving in to college, and every attempt I've made to record it has been wrong. Too sterile.. the groove is destroyed.. it doesn't fit. Well, stick your most basic mic ever (Shure SM-57) in front of you, and play guitar and sing into it at the same time. Then stick the same mic over by the guitar amp and lay down electric and bass. Then swing it back over and stick it under bongos. Bam. There you go! Yay! That's my true love in recording: Simple, natural, REAL, clever, rule-breaking, full of life and dynamics and richness. If only I had a good-sounding room to use!

Yesterday... was Tuesday. Monday, however, was cool 'cause Debs came over around 2 to watch the Pen's away game against the Islanders. I made tortilla pizzas and espressos, which were delish, but were a poor salve to the wound of our loss to the only team below us in our division :-( Arg Pens! Come on! It was also a bummer to pack up and leave at 5 when people were coming for the Pitt game that night. Ah well. I enjoyed watching the box score on my computer at work and seeing the numbers stack up for Blair and Young as Pitt stayed ahead and soundly beat #1 UConn. Woo HOO, baby!

Today I slept till 3, evaporated some time in texting and talking with Mom, and then lifted weights downstairs, which felt GREAT! I'll pay for it the next 2 days, but you gotta start somewhere. I've been creeped out by how comparatively weak I've gotten, and that ain't gonna change unless I get down there and start buffeting. Now I'm enjoying my white chocolate mocha, absorbed in the white bright world of this computer screen since Mom's got all the lights off 'cause of her migraine. I've got my nice isolating earphones in and Kraftwerk is filling my head with their beautiful, mechanical, seminal electronica. Looking ahead, Nate Dogg is coming over tonight to play bass, I might try to hit a Maxi-Saver movie, tomorrow looks like Strip District, maybe Marley and Me with Mom, and basketball in the evening. Then working nights all weekend and MISSING OUT ON JUSTIN BEING HERE! :-( :-( Hopefully we can hang out a bit Saturday afternoon. Oy. I need to meet with Mr. Pierson asap about youth camp workload distributions, and 2 weekends after this one looks like the first yickie pickie 2009 meeting, which will get youth camp stuff rolling in earnest. I also want to start the final recording of College Song (the one I was talking about was just a scratchpad recording). Hopefully I can keep the vibes of it alive. Recording by yourself is a tricky, psychological, frustrating and delicate process. Unless you were a long-experienced, well-practiced musician, which I am not.

I think I'll sign off for now. More has gone on further back than this past weekend, but I care not to extend further this post, which is already more than what I planned, and less concise than I might wish. Peace. I hope.

cont'd

2009-01-20T05:33:00.003-05:00

Other info from the weekend. This one deserves more detail:

Rounding up Daniel, Mike and Nick and going down to the South Side for Philly Cheesesteaks Thursday night after basketball. (Played pretty well that night, btw)

Watching "America's Next Top Dance Crew" Friday night while Daniel and Mike were at the Hetricks. Literally clapping my hands and saying "Wow!" over and over after one of the performances.

Steve arrived late Friday night. Very good to see him in Pittsburgh. It finally happened!

The glorious epitome of musical co-operation Saturday as we slugged out the drum tracks. Finally finding bass notes to play with Steve's quixotic achordal chorus. Warm wonderful bass harmonies for verse 2. That sweet sweet drum machine. Pounding toms. Oh the joy. OH THE JOY!

Tortilla pizzas Saturday afternoon. So. Incredibly. Good.

Church people Sunday. Helping on tech team and tear-down. Listening to the song in the car. Lunch at Panera. Actually got to hang out with Wes Sames, yay!

Football games, caramel latte, they win! They win!

Late night super hungry, sated with Taco Bell. Car acrobatics in the Maxi Saver and strip mall parking lots. Got a genuine feel for throwing the car around. Felt like I was actually moving my car in a macroscopic sense, not just drooling it along the road like I only ever do.

2009-01-20T04:35:00.004-05:00

Over this past weekend I traversed the gamut of happiness.

I had a moment of exquisite joy standing at the synth, ready for Steve-O to hit record. A swell of total happiness at the song we were laying down, Steve being here, actually doing recording, having it go well, Daniel and Mike around, things going on.. everything in the world lining up just right.

Sunday I was jumping up and down and shouting in glee along with everyone else in the room as Polamalu dragged down an interception and fancy-footed his way into the endzone, sealing the deal against the Ravens. The Cardinals had won in an astounding game, the Pens had beat the Rangers in a shut-out, and all was as I would wish it could be on that day.

Later that night I had a couple moments of surreality as the heavenly sounds of Mew coursed through my car and I hurtled down the snowy parking lot, building up speed to swirl into a 180 as the night watched on in stillness.

Then Monday the reality that Daniel had left for the semester mixed in with the old familiar ache of a glorious weekend gone by, and I stood with my guitar, frustrated to an internal frenzy by other hands than mine controlling the computer, burned out on music, sad that the freshness of inspiration and cooperation were gone, tired of the song, and shadowed by the loom of cold joyless days ahead. The ache continued unabated as we finished recording, Steve packed up and left, and I dropped Mike off, late for work and alone.

If I could feel like that all the time, I think I would run like a puppy into God the Father's arms and never want to leave. But work is a numbing opiate, and my mind was blustered into business mode by the time I had reached the Tin Bath. As I knew it would, the future brightened back up, and my soul settled back into normalcy. All that remains is that lingering unsettlement - my constant companion, peeking around the corner when I let my thoughts soak down. All is not right, and this is not a game. Hell peeks around the corner, and I don't know what to do about it, or if it will be OK.

Pre and Post Christmas 2008

2009-01-07T22:29:00.000-05:00

My last post detailed Christmas 08 with the family, in Chicago. I also did a lot with friends in Pittsburgh before and after said Midwest excursion, which would be a shame to forget and thus lose.

Before Christmas, Mom was already in Chicago--she'd been there since a week after Thanksgiving. Daniel got back I think Wednesday the 17th, I worked that day and the next, and then I was off on my long weekend, from Thursday 6pm till Monday 6pm. Daniel came home with Skipper and Chris, two guys from AEX, who stayed with us while they participated in Daniel's old roommate's wedding. Batchelor party Thursday night, Wedding Saturday. I spent a lot of time with Justin, burning the midnight oil, and making heavy use of the after-midnight diesel fuel as well :-)

I think Friday night I went over to the Harveys and Justin and I watched "The Untouchables" down in the basement. Saturday morning J and Wayne went out for lunch, and I got up and tried to figure out a good efficient plan between my to-dos and Daniel and his guys. I ended up swinging into Chick-fil-A for some food, and lo and behold! Justin and Mr. H :-) So I had lunch with Justin, and then we both headed to Cash-in Culture - the used CD and DVD store in the mall. I loaded up on music and movies, and then we split ways and I headed home.

Saturday evening the corporate mission was to watch all 3 X-men movies at the Harveys. I forget if anything else was going on, but we started out there with a bunch of people: Justin, me, Daniel and his guys, Steve Schuch, Anna, Betsy, I think Rachel, Mike, maybe Heather and Katie/Rebekah Calano, and Andrew Graham. Most folks left after #1, and everyone but Andrew was gone by the end of #2. Turns out Justin, Andrew and I had an awesome talk down in the basement, till about 4:30am. Andrew is a great guy - I'm a fan :-)

Dad and Daniel left Sunday from church, leaving me to run amuck for a couple days on my own. Justin invited me to the Harveys for the Steelers game, where I joined about 20 other peeps. I left when the game was over and went to Nate and Sarah's for a "dinner with engineers," which was a fun and classy affair. I kept inwardly shaking my head and wondering what the guys at the plant would think as we sat in the living room swirling glasses of wine and talking about biomed stuff. Sunday night my mission was to stay up late to prepare for night shift, and I FINALLY had Justin in town to do it with! He came over here, and we made mac 'n' cheese and watched Hero.

Monday and Tuesday nights I worked.. finished up Wednesday morning, drove the car to the airport, parked, made it to the gate, and flopped on the floor for a little bit of sleep. From there it was a somnolent plane flight and then I was in Chicago! And you know the story from there.
Post-Chicago, I arrived in cloudy rainy Pittsburgh at about noon, thankfully remembered where my car was parked, and headed home. Worked that night (Wednesday) and the next, and then I was off for the weekend, until Monday morning. Yay! During those two days I was working, basically everybody in Pittsburgh had been in Akron having amazing awesome times. Which was tough, and also strange, since Akron is like my city, and here's all these people there but not me.

Thursday afternoon saw Justin and most Pittsburghers, as well and Craig and Steve-O all heading to Pittsburgh. I made it through the night, slept till 3 on Friday, and then Justin called and the day began. I think there was some confusion regarding the plans, but what ended up happening was Justin, Craig, Steve and Steve Schuch came over here and we watched Rocky IV on TV. Then Heather, Erin, Anna and Rebekah Calano all came over, while most of us were jamming downstairs. They left, they returned, they toilet papered my house, they took it down, and then Katie and two friends Brenna and Debs arrived. A little later Rebekah Booher came as well, so we had a full house. There was all kinds of noise as people jammed downstairs and talked in the living room. Many folks were hungry, but my house was regrettably bereft of food since I'd been gone/working for almost 2 weeks! We ended up making eggs and scraping together enough butter packets to make macaroni and cheese. People started leaving around 11, and eventually Mikey was left on the couch, out like a 3rd strike, and I convinced Steve to stay here instead of going back to the Harveys. Turns out we had a really awesome time playing songs on my laptop, and then he got my guitar and we played through a lot of his songs, which are great and really need to be recorded. We finally went upstairs to bed, but laid there in my room talking until about 7:30. Pretty crazy.

Saturday I roused myself at 12:48pm, took a shower, and dragged Steve up around 2. We had various ideas floating around, but what I really wanted to do was hang around at the Harveys with lots of people and talk and play pool. The first step was meeting folks at Chick-fil-A for lunch: Justin, Anna, Craig, Megan, Janelle, Heather and Erin. Then we all trundled over to the thrift store and looked at clothes for awhile, eventually repairing to the Harveys, from whence to venture not again until Sunday for church. Mom, Dad and Daniel got home at 5:30pm that evening, and Daniel came to the Harveys awhile later, bringing Mike Q and Nick Schuch in tow.

The afternoon/evening proceeded pretty much as I had predicted: pool downstairs (with some occasional beating of drums and a lot of Rat Slap too), great conversation in the den upstairs, and less great conversation but good hanging out in the living room/kitchen area. Wonderful Mrs. Harvey made dinner for us all, and eventually, when the group was pared down a bit, we coagulated downstairs to watch Spinal Tap, which we had bought at the thrift store. I think just Steve, Steve, Craig, Justin and I were left for that. Very funny movie. Then came the best part of the weekend: Steve and I stayed up in the basement playing pool till about 4:30am. Craig joined in too, till his Nyquil took effect and he crashed. We just played and played, cheering not even so much to win, but just for either of us to have good shots and make them. Apparently the girls woke up at some point, 'cause Anna, Janelle and Megan came down for awhile randomly. Pretty much a great time. 'Course, I was deathly tired Sunday, but that's OK. I remember the sermon.

Sunday Justin, Craig, Steve and Janelle all left after lunch. Before that, though, we had a great big group of people at Quaker Steak 'n' Lube for lunch. Including Debs, who just moved here to intern with the Penguins as a staff writer. Like Steve Gole back in the day, she pretty much jumped right into things, and became one with the hanging out that day (and Friday night, as well). After some confusion and many rapid decision changes, Katie, Rebekah, Debs, Erin, Heather, Megan, Mike, Daniel, Nick and myself all ended up going to the Quinlisks, where we watched Hitch down in the basement. Then Debs and company made dinner for everybody, and I made espressos, lattes and noggtes. Then we went for a long walk in the graveyard in the mist and warm temperature, Mike flew his awesome new radio controlled plane, we played cards down in the basement, and at the last, Katie, Heather, Debs and I watched The Italian Job down in the basement. Somehow, I made it through the next day of work quite well, despite getting home at 2am, getting to sleep at 2:15, and waking up at 4:45. Not recommended, but I made it. And I don't regret it.

That's about it, folks. Last night (Monday night) I met up with some folks for dinner at TGI Fridays to celebrate Jess Mittelman's birthday, and we watched Office Space back at the Q's. Now I'm off for 2 days, and I actually woke up at 5am this morning since I crashed on the couch at 7:30 last night. Sleep is a wonderful thing.

Peace.

Christmas 2008

2009-01-07T22:28:00.000-05:00

Holiday Season 2008

Christmas '08... what did I do? How was it? My 24th ever, the 4th since Grandpa's health issues started.

Well, it was in Chicago this year, and everybody was there except Ken. He was leading a tour in Africa for some New York lawyer's family. I think that's the first Christmas that he hasn't been here at all. The other big difference was that Grandpa was in a nursing home. He went back to the hospital a few days after I left from my Thanksgiving visit, due to the terrible pain in his back. Turns out it's a crushed L3 vertebrae, and there isn't a "fix." So he was in the hospital for a few days, and he's been in the rehab section of Manor Care nursing home since then. He walks a few times a day, trying to build up strength, but he's very weak, and if his back flares up, he's pretty much laid out till some morphine can take effect. So, each day was structured around who was going to see Grandpa when. I think Grandma went almost every morning, and various combinations of us would come in the afternoon and evening, usually bringing him some sort of restaurant food for dinner and/or lunch. I flew in on Christmas Eve, rolling from work to the airport to Grandma and Grandpa's. That evening we all went to the nursing home together and had our traditional Christmas Eve program in the lounge. KFC replaced a home-made dinner, but we still did some scripture readings and carol singings, and UK provided tech support to play "A Charlie Brown Christmas" from his iTouch on the little TV in the room. Interesting the places life takes you.

Christmas day we all went to see Grandpa in the morning, and did presents back home later in the afternoon. I actually had good ideas for most everybody this year, hooking Dad up with some tools, getting a gadgety new wrench for UK, Fiesta bakeware for Mom, and some Starbucks lovin' for Danmybro. And UK got me an ESPRESSO MACHINE!! Apparently he and Daniel went on quite a quest to find a good one, but this one is solid, and gets the job done. It was fun concocting espresso-based beverages from the hissing steaming machine in the basement. Nogttes were definitely the favorite. And I kinda think Grandma's washer and drier will forever smell like coffee :-P

Most days were split up with different groups at Grandpa's, eventually congregating back home around 9 or 10 for a movie. There were a couple exceptions, though. Uncle Keith got 4 standing room tickets for a Blackhawks game, so us four men went to the United Center on the 26th, Friday. That day was freakishly warm - 60+ degrees! The day before the sidewalks had been over an inch thick with ice. Yes, we had strange weather. But weather notwithstanding, there was nothing wierd about how the Hawks TORE UP the Philly Fliers! It was a great game (my first hockey game ever), and the crowd definitely was full of energy. Record size crowd, by the way, and franchise record-tying 8th win in a row.

The other more differenter day--for Dad and me at least--was Saturday. I had seen an ad in the Chicago craigslist page for a "Sound City foot pedal synth." In short, a very odd and rare analog synthesizer, but not the $2000 dollar mainstream one, but an off brand cheap one! I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity, so Dad and I headed out to Burr Ridge at noon. I ended up buying the synth after checking it out and talking him down to $275. Then the day got pretty more cooler: turns out Lagrange, where Dad grew up, was just 5 minutes down the road! So we drove there, and Dad had a crazy trip down memory lane. We drove up and down his street, took pictures of his old house, found lots of his friends houses, his grade school and junior high school, and even ate lunch at the local Taco Bell, across the street from the Arby's where he got his first real job. Pretty cool for Dad, and I really enjoyed getting to see what was once so familiar to him. On the way home we stopped at 2 music stores, and I got some great help in my search for a satisfactory overdrive pedal. Pretty cool day, and we topped it off by picking up Aurelio's for dinner. Ahhh :-)

Funny as it sounds, one of the marks of this Christmas was BLU-RAY. Uncle Keith got Grandma and Grandpa a Blu-ray player, which puts their huge HDTV to good use. And he had a slew of Blu-ray movies, which we watched pretty much every night. I don't know why, and I don't know if it's definitely a bad thing to be avoided, but watching those movies was a fun thing that sorta brought us together. And the picture was impressive, no doubts. Quite remarkable.

As always, we had a huge spread of cookies and sweets on the side table, complete with Grandma's chocolate cookies, Fannie May buttercreams and mint meltaways, and much much more. The basement fridge was well stocked with Dr.P and Diet Pepsi, with a new addition: Diet Dr.Pepper. It has fallen into much favor with the diet drinkers. I never did have corned beef hash and eggs for breakfast, and without Grandpa we couldn't do the jolly jump-ups, which are his signature breakfast creation. Mom cooked up a great pork roast for Christmas dinner, which was a great spread. Other than that, and spaghetti 2 nights ago, we kinda ate out most of the time.

The trip ended for me on Wednesday. UK, Dad, Daniel and I dragged ourselves out of bed at 6:30 in the morning and piled into the Suburban. They dropped me off at Midway Airport, and headed from there to down town, where they hung out until the afternoon Bulls game that UK had tickets for. I got checked in and securitied pretty quickly, and chilled by the gate till flight time. Didn't really sleep, just laid there. I decided to watch the ground for the whole flight, since the pilot mentioned that it was only 50 minutes of actual air time. So, I watched every foot of ground between Chicago and Pittsburgh. Except where there were clouds. And then I watched the clouds. Hard to make myself think that we had actually traveled that much distance.
Thus sorta endethed Christmas 2008, but folks still had a few days in Chicago till they left on Saturday, and I still had great times with people who were back on break in Pittsburgh. More on that later.

Christmas '08: Grandpa in the nursing home, espresso machine, Blu-Ray... good times.

December 11th

2009-01-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

Days like today are sweet. They're days I feel pretty happy with myself. I had 3 agendas for the day: go to the strip district, meet with Mr. Pierson about Youth Camp, and make dinner. So, I got up at a quarter to 9, showered, grabbed some cashews and a Dr.Pepper, and headed out into the rainy greyness. The car rang with Christmas cheer, though, as I put together a playlist of Phil Keaggy, Keith Foley, Julie Andrews and the Canadian Brass - pretty much the top 4 all-star Christmas albums of my life. They brought back sweet and heart wrenching memories of the golden, blissful Christmasses of the past as I cruised down Carson Street.

At the strip I cruised right into a rockstar parking spot on the main drag, and started working on my missions: tortillas at Reynosa, ingredients for tomatillo salsa, goat cheese and a baguette from Penn Mac, random snacks and drinks from Hermanowski's, and fresh veggies at Stan's. I also found a new coffee shop that specializes in crepes, at which I purchased my lunch (turkey asaigo crepe - quite good, and pretty different). And of course, I had to get a couple scones at the biscotti bakery, 'cause they're ~amazing~. I was finished by 11, and made my last scuttle through the rain to the blue Mazda on the curb. Back into Christmas wonderland, this time sucking on a latte as I made my way through downtown and out to Bethel Park.

Ah, just like old times: hanging out in the church office, toting around my laptop case full of jumbled papers (but I know where everything is. ...roughly..), plugging into and out of the internet, printing docs, and sitting in the chair in Mr. Pierson's office talkin' youth camp. This was the first meeting for YC09, and we got through it in good time, with good action points and deadlines to go on. I also helped the ladies at the office dispatch some musical items in their efforts to organize the place. Jere was there, and she brought up a possible opportunity with a Christian coffee house in Homestead - just a few minutes from my home! I ended up calling the pastor who runs it right then, and we talked about his vision for the place and the musical help that he's looking for. Who knows what might come of it!

At 3:30 I headed home, dropping off Rick's compressor and nail gun on the way. "I should get the mail" flashed through my head as I pulled up to the house, but once I was in the driveway the cornocupia of bags and articles to unload had seized full reign of my mind, and the mail was forgotten. 4 trips in and out, and then relegating items to their proper resting places. Or... to the middle of the kitchen table, in the case of my laptop bag. Veggies to wash, and tomatillo salsa to make first so it'll be ready for dinner. Tomatillos, jalapenos, onions and garlic. Peel, clean, cut, de-seed, place, roast, preheat, crush, chop, saute, and then it all goes into the blender with cilantro, salt and pepper. VOILA! Amazing, moan-and-groan delicious salsa. It's a beautiful thing.

Then chop and dice and rinse and shred, and at last there's a big tub of salad, and another one of fresh veggies ready to go. By then the tilapia filets were thawed, but Dad had to leave for CGLAA at 6:30, so he ate leftovers and was out the door. It wasn't quite as fun cooking for just myself, but the fish tacos were still good. Sauteeing the tilapia and frying the corn tortillas, then quick putting it all together and trying not to squeeze everything out the back end as I chomp it down.

Cooking is pretty sweet, and right now I like it a lot. Yesterday I made teriyaki chicken and rice from scratch - even the teriyaki sauce! (Thanks to MAQ for looking up the recipe for me.) It's very cool to make good, full, healthy meals, especially doing it by the seat of my pants and coming out with something delicious.

House came on at 7, so I cooked and ate and sat and watched, and at 9 I went downstairs to play electric guitar. Ugh. I really need to change the strings on my SG. One busted, and I've been using the Telecaster since, and it just ain't the same. That SG is one SWEET guitar. I did get some great Phil Keaggy-esque volume swell stuff going, proving the DL-4's analog delay simulation to not be entirely useless. Pretty much got an idea for combining that sound with an acoustic guitar melody I've already written, to make what I hope will be a killer piece. And perhaps it will fit into my germinating scheme to create an album about the human story, starting with creation, through the fall, and to the actual redemption, since we all crave the human race being redeemed (which usually ='s it redeeming itself, in the movies). I hope I can gain enough creative and concrete momentum to get this idea off the ground, since I feel like it would be a great vehicle to use vocal harmonies, synth and electric guitar sounds, and all of that combined with acoustic guitar and full rock sets. We'll see.

The day ended off with playing a heartbreak song, a heavenache song, a sea song and a worship song on acoustic, and then writing this. The alarm will shriek at 4am tomorrow, but frighteningly, 11:55pm is pretty early for me on day shift. My teeth are brushed and flossed (despite the jarring pain in my left jaw when I move it certain ways), and I'm good to trundle Daisy upstairs, bed down under the covers, and satisfy this lurking desire to read the Bible that's been mulling around in me all evening.

Peace,

--JPB

P.S. "Your Cheatin' Heart" by Hank Williams, "A Long, Long Way From My Home" by Kaiser and Mansfield, "Leave Her Johnny, Leave Her" from Songs and Sounds of the Sea, and "King of Grace," from PDI Ministries. Keys of C, E, C and G.

Thanksgiving 2008

2009-01-07T22:25:00.001-05:00

What did I do for Thanksgiving 2008? What was going on that fall? Say, wasn't that the last few months before I hit it big and toured the nation? :-D

Well, for Givingofthanks day I went to Chicago to be with Grandma and Grandpa while Mom, Dad, Daniel, Daisy and UK met up down in South Carolina. I took the weekend after Tday off, so I had 7 straight days off, which was great. Dragged myself out of bed Wednesday afternoon, packed up, and suffered through a few spots of holiday traffic to arrive at 10:30pm CST. Grandpa was doing pretty well when I got there, but things went downhill for a few days and he was in pretty bad pain, and really out of it until things cleared up Sunday afternoon. Before all that, he was moving around, helping Grandma make Jolly Jump-ups for breakfast, and even went to Baker's Square Friday night. Each individual thing, though, was a big deal, and he could only take 1 or 2 things a day. We did go to his first physical therapy appointment Monday, but after I left, his back has been so bad he's actually back in the hospital at the moment. Rough times now, but we had some good times while I was there.

I got to talk with Grandma a lot, which was great, and we all had a long discussion about my thoughts regarding Guardian, chemical engineering, music, and studying recording. I rented a peck of movies on Thursday, and watched one most nights after everyone retired. I also had my MicroKorg and drum machine set up on the coffee table, and would jam on those at times. Got some pretty deef jams recorded on my cell phone! Sunday I went to a Sovereign Grace-like church, which that week was sharing their service with a nearby smaller church and having a baptism afterwards. The one church was mostly white, and the guest church was mostly black, so it was a very interesting service, and really glorified Christ with the unity that they showed. Very cool churches.

I left Monday evening, heading out from fresh Aurelio's pizza and Monday Night Football countdown to traverse the long cloudy path to Akron. I rolled into Hoffmans' at 1:20am and me and Steve hung out till I fell asleep, around 3 I think. Over the next 36 hours I packed about a week's worth of action in, which made for a fun end to the whole trip. Steve and I woke up around 11, hung around the house for lunch with Scott and Philip, met up with Craig and Guitar Center, drove in my car to the dollar theater for a movie, hit a nearby mall to look for a coat for Steve, grabbed an excellent dinner at Red Robin, and went to the Manastary (house of christian college guys they all know). Jammed in Andy's room, shot some pool, and finally headed to Northside, where this SWEET guy was playing blues. Guitar, harmonica, and a mic'd box to tap his feet on, and he was good to go. I even got to play for awhile when he took a smoke break, which was sweet! Busted out some Johnny Cash and Hank Williams, and some old Leadbelly. Made me want to learn more songs (which I've done so far).

We wrapped up the night back at the Manastary, playing Mortal Kombat in the freezing living room and then watching a movie till 6am. The sun was beginning to paint the sky with light as we rolled back to the Hoffman's and bedded down in the den.

And that was about it. I got home close to 5pm, so it was tight getting dressed and ready for work, but I got there in time, and it all worked out. Definitely a good trip, very good and right to be there with G&G, and a sweet surreal time in Akron to cap it off.

What else is going on these days? My recording rig is still maddeningly on the fritz, but I just borrowed Justin's interface, 'cause it's been killing me to be unable to lay anything down. I broke a string on the black SG, and I want to find out what kind of strings the previous owner used, so it's still broke, and that's killin me as well. That guitar is so good! Mom is in Chicago again--rough times like I said--but this time she flew, so Dad and I still have Daisy. I'm off today (Wednesday) and tomorrow, and then it's the long weekend of days. Planning to go to the Strip District this morning to do some sophisticated grocery shopping :-)

Daniel is finishing up his semester, and the Grove City dynamic is changing as a lot of those folks I think are going to Dr. Duguid's church in GC now (which is cool - a great church). Ken is having amazing experience after amazing opportunity in Africa, and won't be home for Christmas (doing a private tour for some family related to the Rockefellers). Mom (when she's home) meets with lots of different ladies in the church, and continues to make marvelous, delicious and healthy food for the household. The new house plans are maybe kinda sorta on hold with all that's going on with Grandpa, and also all the projects that still need to be done/finished around this house.

I hang out with Mike Q a lot, especially on nights like this when I don't have anything the next day. It's cool to have a friend who isn't bound by regular job or school schedules. 'Course, he could use a job though :-)

I rear-ended somebody at a red light a few weeks ago (sun in my eyes), and it's been assessed, so I think tomorrow I'll be taking it in to get fixed. Still getting lousy mileage, so I'll probably have to take it to a mechanic and get it put on the diagnostic machine to see what's up. Drinkin' coffee/caffeine every working day. Still trying to gain back the weight I lost from the flu/stomach flu/food poisoning bout. Went ice skating Sunday, knees sore from that. Wanting to do the exercise bikes and get those knees into shape a bit. Listening to Christmas music, XM, and just whatever strikes my fancy. From sea shanties to Jet.

Right now it's 1:30am. I fell asleep in the basement watching TV, dragged myself up here around midnight, gathered up the garbage and took it now, got all wakey-wakey, wrote this, and now I'm going to set up and sleep out on the patio, since it's a freakishly warm 55 degrees out there.

If I think of any other bits of life these days, I'll jot 'em down here in the morning.

Light-up night
Bitter cold lately
Daisy's weight
YC09!
AEX football game?

A bit of an update

2008-11-14T00:17:00.002-05:00

Tonight I made tomatillo salsa: oven-roasted tomatillos and jalapenos, sauteed garlic, onions and jalapenos, all blended together with some salt, pepper and lime juice. Fry up some eggs and refried beans, and you've got a plate of huevos rancheros - a Ken classic and one of my favorites. It was so good I just made another plate now! So that's 7 eggs, most of a can of refried beans, and about a cup of salsa. I'm always glad when I want to and am able to eat a bunch of hearty food like that.

The idea and ingredients for the salsa came from the Strip District, where Mom, Melanie and I went yesterday. Mel spent the day with us, which was cool. We had a great lunch at a swanky "Island cuisine" place at the strip, and for dinner we had wine, crazy cheeses, fruits and baguette. Really good stuff. Not the way I expected to spend my day off, but not a loss by any means.

I've got a story for you: Back in the day we had this tape labeled "Songs and Sounds of the Sea," and we boys would listen to it and drink in the hearty vocals and tight harmonies, all exuding the mystique of the old whaling sailing days. I tried to find a copy of that album about a month ago, but my google search showed that it was a National Geographic Society record made in the 70's, and never re-released. After a couple emails I contacted a "John Roberts" from a seafaring music website, and he said he had a CD copy of the record that he'd made. A week later, I got a package in the mail, and there it was! Turns out John Roberts is one of the artists on the album, too! So I've been eating it up, and it has fueled my taste for genuine, folk-type music. If anybody's interested, I'd be happy to hook you up with a copy of the CD. As far as I'm concerned, it is fanTAStic music and well worth investing in. There's a spark in that album that just.. ah man. I dunno :-)

Today I had some swelling poking down from the top of my mouth, back by my throat. ARG. The classic beginning sign of a cold. Dude, I've just spent the last MONTH being sick. M O N T H. First regular flu killed about 2 weeks. Then I was over it and up to Akron for a weekend, but my stomach started giving me problems, and I got dizzy a few times, and slept a bunch, and when I got home Monday I had full-blown stomach flu for 2 days. Then Thursday, when I was all better, I tried eating normally, and had a reaction to something that caused my gut to empty itself over the course of a couple hours. Like, empty. Not a good time. So I took it even slower with foods after that, and at last the next Tuesday I was back to normal. Then, a couple hours after lunch at work, the exact same rumblings started down in my gut. In a second my mind made the connection: My vitamins! I take a multivitamin, glucosamine for my crappy joints, and "chorella," which is like a concentrated green vegetable supplement. I think it's the chorella that racked me out. Anyway, I cried to God in desperation and dismay, and by His mercy (and a lot of concentrating and laying motionless in the hot end locker room), I made it out with just one puke. No more vitamins for now! :-/
So yeah - I really don't want to be sick again. We'll see. I slept a lot today. Ugh. Another day off basically wasted -- waiting for the time to pass.. drifting semi-aimlessly, sleeping if I feel tired, potsing about on the exercise bike, grabbing a guitar for a few minutes, changing the membrane on our water filter system, watching TV for a couple hours... a day almost utterly wasted. This is killing me at this moment: it's like I have no vision, but really I have no drive. No drive to buckle down and read a bunch of the Bible, or do a study, or try to fix my recording interface again, or get my butt outside and rake the leaves, or SOMETHING! People who accomplish stuff don't waste time, and I'm sitting here at the end of one of many days that I have basically wasted.

I don't think things will stay this way indefinitely, but it still kills me. It kills me not so much that I wasted the day, but that I'm not the kind of person who uses their time with purpose and drive and diligence. You don't accomplish things like writing books or recording albums or gaining experiences or moving upward in any area or profession if you don't live that way.

We'll see what God has for me to do. For now, I've gotta get up at 4:30am tomorrow and go to work.

Life in America

2008-10-07T02:39:00.003-04:00

Blech. If I was reading this blog, I probably wouldn't read this post. But when I clicked on a yahoo news link by accident, I found an article which demonstrates my thoughts so well that I can't pass up the opportunity to succinctly state them. [And I did put a LOT of effort into writing this post well.]

It would be best to read this yourself first. But if you hate clicking links of any sort as I do, I'll sum it up:
"Microwave ovens pose a serious safety hazard to young children, a new study of scald burn injuries demonstrates."
"Hot foods or liquids from microwave ovens were the fourth leading cause of scald injuries in children under 5 years old, a review of records from the University of Chicago Burn Center shows."
Studied 140 cases. Now they're calling manufacturers to make a way to prevent little kids from opening microwaves.

My thought is that America is chasing a million improvements like this, and I feel like they all end up with the same fundamental action point: a new requirement for everyone to prevent harm to a few. Bluntly, we're trying to make life dummy-proof and risk-proof.

Many of these improvements, like alcohol thermometers instead of mercury ones, and forklifts that won't move until someone is sitting in the driver's seat, make a lot of sense, and it's a blessing that we have been able to address the accidents that brought about their development. Almost all of these improvements, like getting manufacturers to make microwaves that infants can't open, are valid and right in and of themselves.

But your average joe can't work on his own car anymore because of all the emissions and efficiency and safety systems, and how many cars have been classified as totaled because the airbags went off in a fender bender and it's too expensive to replace them? How many manufacturing jobs are no longer in America due in part to the cost of meeting the extensive and voluminous requirements for environmental and occupational safety? What is the effect on our sense of personal responsibility when "Caution, the beverage you are about to enjoy may be hot" is on every coffee cup lid? What I see from a zoomed-out perspective is a burgeoning structure of abridging the freedom and taxing the resources of the majority to prevent harm to a few. To prevent risk.

I am in an impossible situation here: these improvements, these requirements, do worthy things. It would be evil to stop putting airbags in cars just so they're easier to fix. What?? I would have workers die in accidents so companies can save some money on their Responsible Care departments? What if it was MY kid that got scalded? But along with all the good they do, there is a sum effect of these advances--the good ones, the nit-picky ones, the life-saving ones, the far-fetched ones, all of them--that is to me wearisome, sad, and damaging at a deep and subtle level.

So which would you rather have? More freedom and a healthier nation (in ways you probably don't even realize)?
Or the two (or twenty) friends that would have died by now 100 years ago?

I am content to be where and when I am. But I thought I would express this view I have--this conundrum that vexes me--since it is a frequent presence in my thoughts, and undergirds my view of everything around me.

Personally [and that's an important qualifier], I wouldn't mind trading #2 for #1. Bring on the risk and pain: let's LIVE!

--JPB

Real Life

2008-09-23T00:57:00.002-04:00

Ever since everybody went back to college, I've been spending the dedicated portions of my free time doing "real life" stuff, which has become the distinguishing mark of this period of time. I was originally planning on buckling down with music stuff after the summer and putting an album out there for people to listen to, but Dad had some home projects, and it was absolutely the right thing to do to help.

Coming out of summer, after my long and glorious tour of Akron, Cleveland and Grove City, Dad started tearing apart the upstairs bathroom to replace the floor tiles, and I replaced the kitchen sink. Once the new floor was in, I took up the job of painting the bathroom walls. Which got extended to include the ceiling, and lengthened by the difficulty of fully covering the original light blue color (not so "light" after all). In the midst of this, Dad was socked with buying a new van after ours got totalled by somebody tearing up the hill and smashing into it. He was also dealing with insurance people to look at the damage to our property: torn up driveway, demolished mailbox, and two mashed up tree trunks. He and Mom went down to West Virginia overnight to pick up our new minivan (White Dodge Grand Caravan, sunroof, 3.8 V6, leather seats, DVD player... pretty nice!), and despite taking an entire week off of work, he barely touched the house plans, which was his original goal for that week.

Now I'm starting on the trim for the bathroom (which looks nice, btw), the pressure's on for finishing the house drawings, and the water filter for the kitchen sink is messed up. Oh, and the sunroof on the new van is busted too. And for me, the software for my recording interfaces is shot to hell, and after a night of intense misery, I have nothing but an indeterminite period of difficulty awaiting me when I try again to fix it.

Although at this moment we're all feeling pressed down by all this stuff that keeps breaking, in general this has been a good time for me of doing real things. Something just clicked when Dad started laying out all these projects, and my mindset has been that this is what I'll do, and I'll get things done. It's satisfying to get experience and learn how to do house stuff, but above everything else, it is very gratifying to be able to help Dad in a way that's meaningful to him. To take these things off his back so he doesn't have to worry about them is a valuable contribution, and it makes me happy that I'm able to do that. It's something a 24-year-old son living at home ought to do for his father. So I'll do everything I can, and I'll come out a little more prepared for taking care of my own home, and Dad will come out with more things fixed than he would have been able to do himself.

Tomorrow I head to Lowes to scope out options for the bathroom trim. Hopefully they have good wood in stock.

Hm... there's a Chick-Fil-A at the Waterfront too... :-)

--JPB

New York City!

2008-09-03T00:21:00.006-04:00

Two years ago, Nate, Katie, Sarah and I spent 4 days in Chicago, doing a lot of walking, and getting to know that majestic city. Since then we've been talking about going to New York, and last weekend--pretty much at the last minute--, that talk became reality. Katie and Rebekah pulled into Nate and Sarah's driveway at 4:45am Friday, we piled our bags into the white minivan, and the five of us headed off into the thin morning light. Off to New York City!

The trip really didn't come together for sure until a couple days earlier, when we worked out our housing arrangements and I got Monday off of work (I'm back on shifts, which respect neither holiday nor weekend). Rebekah had been vascillating, but Mr. Calano said she oughta go, and so we were five. That strengthened the "Calano Girl" contingent, which changed the dynamics of the trip from how Chicago had been. And as far as differences go, having a car and driving gave a different feel to our being in the city, and our accomodations were very different on this trip.

Our time in New York was actually shaped a lot by our housing arrangement. Nate and I stayed at the house of a family from the Sovereign Grace church in Brooklyn, and the girls stayed with their Aunt Janet at her apartment, only 10 blocks away. The logistics of getting to and from Manhattan shaped each day prominently, and gave our time in the city less of an "abiding" feel. That was fine, though, 'cause not having to pay for a hotel was a remarkable blessing, and we got to know the city in a different way. Instead of only seeing the impersonal megapolis of Manhattan's soaring buildings, we walked the streets and spent time in the comfortable brownstone houses and thick brick apartments that coat Brooklyn's earth so densely with humanity. In fact, some of the best memories that stick out in my mind are from there.

Friday we walked around Times Square and the surrounding area after arriving and finally finding parking at about 1pm. Saturday we bustled our way through Chinatown and Little Italy in the morning and early afternoon, finishing off with a little Frisbee in Central Park. The later afternoon and evening were then taken up with getting back to our separate residences in Brooklyn, freshening up, getting back together, and driving to some of the Calanos' relatives in the area. We went to Aunt Jo's apartment first for a brief call, and then hurried post-haste to Aunt Rosemary's, where a large contingent of semi-distant, highly-Italian Calano relatives were gathered, eager to see Tommy's girls and Sarah's new husband. I had heard about their Uncle Rocky, food food food, kissing on the cheek when greeting, and other aspects of the side of the family that Mr. Calano came from, and I was quite curious to see if they were exaggerated, or what.
Well, they were all true. And I had a blast! The little Brooklyn house was packed with folks, and they were all friendly, and I got to have several nice conversations and a lot of great food. The New York City urban life is quite different from my experience, and nothing could have shown me it as well as that evening.

The other "induplicable" touch of real NYC life was the apartment where the girls stayed. Their aunt Janet is a lawyer in Manhattan, and her apartment is the entire 15th floor of a building. Nate and I got to stay there Sunday night since Janet was out and we had the place to ourselves. It was a really nice place, and every window greeted you with an airy view of the city. Sunday night I spent an hour just sitting in the window well of the pool table room, soaking in the sea of lights stretching out from my perch, and listening to the breathing of the metropolis. Something about cities gets to me really deep, and that night and that apartment let me take it in like nothing else could have.

Nate and I got to see a more yuppie aspect of NYC life via the Roses, the family who very kindly hosted us Friday and Saturday nights. They were a young family with two young kids, in a small but comfortable Brooklyn apartment. Rick worked right off of Times Square, and they hadn't owned a car since moving to the city. The Sovereign Grace church (City Church) is within walking distance of their house, and so are most of its members. Rick helps on the sound team Sunday mornings, so I came early with him and helped set it up and run it for the service.

It wasn't a *New York* experience per se (other than the 3-race diversity of the 4-person worship team), but it was one of my highlights from the trip. Like I said when I ran sound for Chad and Abbey's grad party a few months ago, I am rarely happier than when I'm behind the wheel of a sound system. Ooh ooh - and the bagels! Rick had mentioned the bagels they have every morning before the service, and asked if we'd had New York bagels yet. His hearty recommendation had me kind of excited, and my hopes were not disappointed when I finally had a chance go go back and grab one before the service started. Lest you think "New York bagels" is just a platitude, let me assure you: they were de-SHILL-ous! The fundamental texture and basic flavor way outclassed even the asiago cheese or cinnamon sugar of a dense, lifeless Panera bagel.
[Don't get me wrong: I still highly enjoy Panera. I'm not complaining, and I'm not ungrateful for what we have here, and neither should you be. Being made to enjoy less something over which you have no control is poison. I am solely commenting on the specialness of the New York trip.]
So yeah - Sunday morning was cool, and touching the healthy, solid ground of a Sovereign Grace church was a great anchor point for the trip.

As far as what we saw in Manhattan during the days, it was mostly the classic New York sights that don't require a large block of time or money to see. We didn't go up any buildings, didn't go out to Ellis Island or the Stat of Lib, didn't see a Broadway show, and didn't go to any museums or music venues. We did spend time and money browsing & shopping in Chinatown and Little Italy (Littaly, as I like to call it), walking around Central Park and Times Square, riding the Metro, seeing Grand Central Station, and getting food from such places as Pellegrino's, a gyro stand, Jamba Juice (Katie's favorite!), and Famous Famiglia Pizzeria. We walked the Brooklyn Bridge (absolutely stunning. And mind-blowing when you think that they built it just a few years after the Civil War!), rode the Staten Island Ferry, and walked past dresses that were worth more than our combined monthly salaries on Madison Avenue. We didn't learn about the city in a museum or catch the big hits on a bus tour, but we saw its life in progress at eye-level:

Two, no three, no four generator trucks humming at the curb with rivers of power cables snaking off to a giant tent dominating a block-sized park. "Pardon the inconvenience as we continue to make New York a fashion capital of the world" read the signs. Thanksgiving day fashion show, I believe.
Peeking over the fence into a roadwork zone, where bundles of pipes and conduits took up about as much volume as actual dirt below the pavement.
Orange and green caught my eye in the random block where this sushi place was supposed to be. A shorter building was tucked inbetween 500-foot giants, and the entire top area was done up in striking orange, green and white. "Permanent Indian Consulate to the United States" was engraved on a plaque in the 20-foot bronze doors that loomed above me like a mysterious gate from a Kipling story.
Dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of people strewn over the sunny grass in Central Park, and walkers, runners and bikers pouring along the path as we sat on a bench and ate our toasted bagels and Jamba Juice smoothies for breakfast.

Speaking of food, here's one of my favorite stories from the trip: We subwayed back to Brooklyn late Sunday afternoon, transferred Nate and me to Janet's apartement and rested our feet for awhile, and then headed out to the bright lights of Times Square for a late dinner. We'd gotten a recommendation for a pizza joint there, but the guy was literally closing the door as we walked up. Nate asked if there was another good place that would still be open, and he pointed us to "Famous Famiglia Pizzeria" a couple blocks away. Down the street and around the corner we saw the sign, and found one of those distinctive, "non-polished" joints that seems to promise delicious food from every grody corner and chipped tabletop. It only took about 10 minutes for our 18" pepperoni to arrive steaming upon our table, and from the first bite, I knew it was good. GOOOD. Like, as good as Aurelio's in Chicago, which I have never given an equal in the 24 years that I've been going there (no overstatement). The firm cheese, the just-right thin crust, and the perfect amount of sauce that squeezed out of every bite - not too sweet, not to acidic... just perfect. 'Twas amazing.

Whellnow, on the way back Monday evening, we pulled off the turnpike at the Sideling Hill plaza as the light was fading from the Pennsylvania sky. As we pulled into our spot, I noticed the sign for the restaurants: Famiglia Pizzeria! So I got all gee-hawed up and ordered me a slice of pepperoni, happy to know that this place was really good, and I had a good dinner coming.
Bite.
Squish.
Glop.
Bleah.
The cheese was like slime, the sauce choked the pizza with tasteless tomato acid, and the whole piece sagged and slumped in my hand like a fine upstanding lad who'd had his backbone pulled out.

Here's the thing though: Yes, my dinner that night was a disappointment. But it crystallized in my mind that we had been somewhere special that night in Times Square. Oh, the turnpike one might have had the same picture of Famiglia guys tossing dough in the Macy's Day Parade hanging on its wall, but the food behind the counter was just a sad, mediocre placeholder flying under the same name. "Famous Famiglia" was started in the heart of New York City by the four Kolaj brothers, who arrived there with their mother in 1970 [ref]. Not only were we at probably one of the first locations they opened, but just a few miles away from where we sat, colossal ship yards were drawing in goods from all over the world, piping them through New York's labyrinthian conduits and out to the rest of the United States. Where could you find fresher Italian goods than right there? New York has the authenticity of true value: it's not just a tourist trap - it really is one of the shipping capitals of this hemisphere. It really was history's epicenter of immigration from everywhere across the ocean. And it really is the place to put something if you're only gonna make one of it.

We were at a special place during our trip, and from gazing at the sprawl from the window of the apartment to staring at the grafitti flashing by in the subway tunnels, from the shrimp scampi in Little Italy to the ferris wheel inside the Times Square Toys 'R' Us, from the ~noo ywok~ accent in the little Brooklyn apartment to the men playing guitar and hammered dulcimer and selling their CD in Central Park, New York City wasn't an imitation, it was the real thing. And I liked that!

Next on the list: Go there with Steve Hoffman. :-) :-)

One Crazy Long Weekend

2008-08-28T10:30:00.006-04:00

I tried to savor it as much as possible -- driving around in the afternoon sunshine of a Monday.. waking up at 10am on Tuesday... 5 straight days without work!

Here's the backstory: After 2 weeks on the 12-8 schedule, I was informed Friday morning that I was being put on D crew as the fill-in hot end supervisor, until a bona fide replacement can be found. 12-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, starting out on days (6am - 6pm) on Wednesday. Aha! An extra 2 days off, courtesy of my boss. AND, with the way the schedule works, I work Wednesday and Thursday, and don't have to come back till Monday night (6pm - 6am)! Except I'm taking Monday off to go to New York City!
So yeah - lotsa days off in a short space of time. Something to savor indeed.
And before the NYC trip hits, I want to jot down what I did with all those days.

Friday I slept till about 4pm, packed up and hung out with Daniel as he packed up for Grove City, and reluctantly left at 5:37pm -- 37 minutes after I planned to leave, and 97 minutes after I should have left to get to frisbee on time. Yep: a frisbee game in Akron - the kickoff to a long-overdue Ohio weekend. Even though I didn't arrive till almost 8, I still caught a lot of great frisbee action, as the sunset painted the sky light orange and the breeze was warm over the drying August grass. We hit Zack's (excellent frozen yogurt) after it was too dark to play any more and we were tired of playing while it was too dark to play any more. Then the night changed from the plan. Chad and I went to a good-bye party for Dave Davis at the Chimas, and I ended up hanging out there with Brian and Nick, Steve, Jes Arlia, Joel Putnam and some others until around 3am. Everyone would say we had a good time, but I wonder about the usefulness of a bunch of immature people lounging around talking about nothing and making each other laugh. We did go to Taco Bell, though, and that was definitely time well spent :-)

Slept till noon Saturday up in Craig and Chad's room, and wiled away the afternoon hanging out with Collin and going on a couple errands with him and Craig. Not real purposeful, but I wouldn't call it a waste. Since Steve-O had slept in from the night before, he was working late, and then going to a movie, so I shrugged my shoulders and accepted the Tuminos' invitation to come along to a birthday/anniversary gathering with their relatives. Ended up being a sweet time at a really nice house, eating some good food (yes, including corn), talking to some new and very pleasant folks, climbing saplings, and jumping a badminton net (which amazed everyone there). Craig, Chad and I left early, listened to some of my recordings on the way home, and ended up watching "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" for the evening. Great movie! Aa-ee-aa-ee-aaahhh....

Thus endeth the chronicles of the Tumino house era of my trip. Beginneth "Smorgasbord Sunday." Woke up at the Tuminos, went to church (sans breakfast), enjoyed the Chad-led worship service and Randy Stewart-preached sermon, chatted about, double-entreed at Chipotle with Steve-O, picked up some shingles, and sat in the parking lot watching a TV show on Steve's iPod while waiting for the rain to clear up so we could finish this roof he was working on. OK, so, the rain's not clearing up. Off we go to the (old) Roberts Care Group farewell picnic, where I have a couple good conversations, grab a burger, and head off down the road following Cory Thompson's Jeep Cherokee towards Cleveland. Cutting out the details, I end up standing on the floor of the House of Blues with Craig, Cory, Steve-O and Charlie (my buddy from Pitt), waiting for Styx to hit the stage. And they hit it! And boy howdey did they hit it good :-) A dazzling and entertaining display of proficiency and experience. Maybe a little too up close and personal for a band of that style and age, but everyone basically said it was the best concert they'd ever been to. The night ended flopped upon the couch in the Hoffman's den at 2am with Brandy curled up at my feet and Steve-O getting out his schedule to discover what classes he had tomorrow and when he should get up. Ah yes.

Thus endeth the Akronian segment of my saga. Now beginneth the brief, second, Cleveland excursion. I got up as soon as I could drag myself out of bed (about 9) and drove to Charlie's place to hang out for the morning. We took a long walking tour of Case Western and got lunch at this sweet place called Tommy's (which ironically is right by the Grog Shop, where I saw State Fair play with Golinski and Shannon).

Now we enter the Grove City portion of my wanderings. However, we don't enter it easily, since my cell phone absolutely refuses to get charged, and by this point is completely dead. I called Daniel from Charlie's phone right before I left, and left a voicemail to the effect of "Hey, I'm coming... um, I don't know where your room is, or what your class schedule is.. and I don't have any way to call you again, and you don't have any way to call me... but here I come!" So we set sail to GC with a broken telegraph and no wood to make a fire for smoke signals. Fortunately the celly takes enough charge to get a text with his room location. Unfortunately, the driver is dumb and goes on the wrong highway. Fortunately, there's a Rita's where he cuts through to get back on track, and cotton candy ice is deLISHious. Daniel is asleep peacefully on the couch when we arrive.

It was interesting being at Grove City on the first day of classes, but not being a student. Lots of people greeting friends they hadn't seen in awhile, and lots of bustley class stuff. We ate dinner in the cafeteria with a few guys from AEX, and went to the hall afterwards and chilled for awhile. It's fun seeing the fun and funny things that transpire in a dorm hall, and get little pictures of people as they stop in the room for a minute. Eventually we got our butts up off the couch and went to Wal-Mart with Jess. Pretty much the classic thing to do when visiting a GCC student :-)

The rest of the night was spent in Daniel's room, with a morphing group of people occupying the room as time went by. Eventually Daniel, Tim and myself were left, talkin' about good stuff and relaxing in the light of the white mesh Christmas lights. Then people started getting back from the freshman square dance, somebody was talking in a hillbilly accent, three people returned pieces of western garb borrowed from Daniel, and EVERETT finally came in! I had been waiting to meet Daniel's roommate, and I was unprepared for how sweet he is. He seems pretty easy-going and considerate, and he's got a good streak of random humor, which will serve him well in his Daniel-roommate capacity. Definitely a good guy.

Sleep that night, wakeupfulness the next morning, lunch at Taco Bell, and off down the sun-baked highway home. I'm SO glad I got to see Daniel's setup, see some of the faces around him, and get a little feel for where he's at. His room's quite nice, with a couch and two big chairs and carpet, and there seem to be a lot of solid guys in his hall. I'm sure he'll be going over to the AEX hall a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing Skipper and Shane and other quality dudes from there as I drop by over the semester.

Thus endeth the saga. Thanks for reading! I'm sure my next post will be even harder to keep from being too long. New York, here we come!

Be not anxious

2008-08-14T03:21:00.003-04:00

Rest easy, world! Mothers, tuck your children back in bed and whisper words of comfort in their ears. Be at peace citizens, for watchful eyes are over the glass plant while you sleep and night embraces the land.

In other words, I'm now working midnight - 8am for a month or so :-)

I volunteered for this shift to help out as we make some changes in how the tin bath is being run. There's another guy who's working 4 - 12, so between him, myself and the daylight folks, we've got 24-hour coverage for most of the week.

So how is it?

Well, things started out rough. I couldn't make myself go to sleep Sunday evening, so by the end of my first night I'd been going 25 hours straight. Worse than that, we had a size change (going to a different width and thickness of glass ribbon) that went awry and cost us a lot of production, and seemed to be due to me failing in my purported role.

Tuesday was better, since we didn't have any size changes, and the crew that was on for most of the night was one of the best. It got even better at the end as I talked to my boss when he came in. Turns out I did OK the night before, and the focus of the problem lay elsewhere. WHEW. I had had faith going into this, which turned to despair, but God didn't let me sink. I still need him every hour of every night, because I have a lot to learn about this process, and when things start going wrong, I don't have a big pile of experience to turn to.

Wednesday I tore my to-do list UP, baby! Good to feel productive, and to be so, demonstratively.

Tonight is real quiet, and the network is having issues, so I can't do most of what I need to do. Which is why I wrote this.

I'm sleeping fitfully (meaning I'm waking up 4 or 5 times) from 9 till 4 or so. I drag at the end of the night, but when the sun comes up, the day shift comes on, and the world wakes up, I get all perky again. Although I'm getting more sleep than before, it's not as deep. I ain't fooled by no shade over no window, bubba -- it's light outside and I know it!

Good: I still have evenings free, which is when other earthlings are typically free and foraging about for hang outage.
Bad: No more sleeping out on the deck. In fact, no more sleeping at night at all, which I find myself lamenting.
Good: The plant is peaceful, and I'm by myself at my desk.
Bad: Dismissing myself from whatever's going on at 11pm and going off, not to close my eyes in slumber, but to work a full workday. This was hard last night at the GROW picnic: saying my good-byes in the middle of everybody sharing what God had done over the summer.. leaving that rich group of people circled around the campfire, the warmth of fellowship and the glow of the firelight. It was also hard tonight, when I had to quick lay down my last idea for the bass line and shut the studio down in the middle of a spurt of jubilant inspiration on a new song. Oww my most of me! :-/
Good: Change, stretching, growth. God. God's presence. Which I need to remember and listen to more. But which is comforting nonetheless.

Time to go see how the tin bath is doing.

--JPB

A couple days...

2008-08-06T12:55:00.004-04:00

[I started this post I think at the end of this week, and got up to Tuesday. Now I don't remember what I did the rest of the week. Alas!]

Sunday 8/3 - Another splendidly long Summer weekend day. Went to church early with Daniel and Chad, and played my synth along with practice to try to start learning what sounds good in a worship setting. Mr. Pierson dished out another fantastic sermon, and after lunch all the Ohio folks and a lot of 'Burghers hit up Panera for lunch. Chad, Abbey, Hannah and Halley (and Nick Schuch) came with us back to our house, where we lolled about in the family room, played some music, and then went out and... picked blackberries in the woods! Which turned out to be a great time despite the voracious thorns. Wild blackberries aren't consistently sweet or flavorful, but those that are are exquisite. And there were TONS of them. Patches of berry-clad brances that make your eyes light up. After berrypicking we cleaned up and worked on dinner. I grilled the dogs, and we all sat out on the patio and ate in the perfect summer air, laughing a lot, and having some good convo as well. Cornfolks headed out shortly thereafter. "Chad we just, oh Chad.." :-P Really good times with those folks. AND THEN, Daniel and I left for Schenley Park, where a big group of church folks were gathered on the hill to toss a disc and watch the "Cinema Under The Stars" movie. Frisbee was sweet on the long slope, and the movie's mediocrity was redeemed by the STUNNING vista spreading out behind it. A smoky gradient of blue to red at the horizon, and a thin sliver of moon, turning blood red as it sank into the blinking lights of the city skyline. Never has Pittsburgh seemed so broad, open, and plain cool! A memorable night. Followed up by Fuel & Fuddle!! Ah, it was an amazing night, let alone the fantastic day preceding it.

Monday 8/4 - The hardest day of work since things started going better. I will never again come in to work at 8:00 on a Monday. I had 3 days to report on for the 9am morning meeting, and simply not enough time to prepare. Earl and Kirby were gone, so I was pretty much alone getting grilled by the plant manager and not having the answers. Left a lousy taste in my mouth that lingered through the rest of the day's stressfulness. That evening Steve Gole came over for dinner, talkin' and jammin', which was sweet! He hasn't been around for a month, so it was good to catch up, and Daniel joined us for the music, which was a lot of fun.

Tuesday 8/5 - "Heathen Night." :-) Daniel was going with Mr. Harvey to give stuff out and talk to homeless folks, so the rest of GROW banded together for the evening. We went to Schenley Park and played frisbee till it was too dark to see (well, past that point, actually), then we took a long leisurely walk to Dave 'n' Andy's, which is a famous Pittsburgh homemade ice-cream joint. Even I liked it, and I don't get very excited about ice-cream. On the walk back to the cars I halted the group and encouraged us toward profitable discussion, which everybody did very well. We walked up to the cars, and stood around and kept talking for 30 minutes! Good times in the car with Shannon and Heather on the way there & back.

...that's all folks...

Que esta pasando

2008-07-25T12:04:00.003-04:00

The summer continues with its craziness. I'm consciously putting recording, jamming, room cleaning, and even sleep and working out on hold, in order to capitalize on the people availability that I believe this summer extends uniquely. GROW is drawing a bunch of folks together with a ready zeal to hang out, and Daniel and Justin's job at the church office gives them flexible hours, and plops them right in the middle, locationally and vocationally, of what's going on. At some point last week Daniel had seen the Graham brothers for 7 straight days in a row! I want to be able to say that I used the legendary Summer of '08 to its fullest potential.

Thank God I haven't gotten sick, and I've been actually much better at work being alert and involved (which has more to do with God "loosing the bonds" on my understanding than with the caffeine I hit up every morning), despite getting 4 - 6 hours of sleep almost every night. The main toll that takes is in not being able to work out. The heartiness of my joints is directly linked to the amount of sleep I get, and I can't tear them up lifting weights if I don't give them sleep to heal up. But that's an OK exchange for now.

Wednesday was decent sleep-wise. I went to the middle school after work and helpd Ryan set up the new sound board and rework the whole sound system. By God's grace we had it all rockin' and rollin' for worship practice, which ended at 9:30. I am rarely happier than when I'm running sound, and that night was especially joyous because my abilities in that area were directly able to benefit Ryan, and the worship team, and ultimately the whole church. I've been wishing for a way my music stuff could be used in God's service without being antagonistic to His purposes, so I was very grateful for that opportunity. After practice Daniel, Justin, Heather and I chilled and watched the clouds and stars at Q Park till 10:50pm. Then shut it down, drove home, and hit the sack.

Yesterday I was somewhat reasonable with sleep as well, which I think made Mom happy :-) I slept for almost 2 hours after work, which was my contingency for going swing dancing, since that went till midnight. It worked out pretty well. I even helped Mom for awhile before hitting the sack, and she was cool with me bypassing dinner. 'Course, when I got home at 12:30am I went downstairs and jammed with my Scholz Rockman for an hour. But I don't regret that either, 'cause it convinced me that it really is a quality piece of gear, despite its cheesy plastic body. Swing dancing turned out to be fun, as well, and we got into the groove decently well towards the end. Makes me want to keep doing things like that until I'm comfortable in general with dancing and can improvise with grace.

Today I try to flee the premises as close to 4:30 as possible, zip home, pack up quick, and head to the church office for the GROW camping trip (woo hoo!).

Lunch break ends... NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW

[Any Flaming Lips fans out there? If so, you'll get that.]

2008-07-16T11:57:00.003-04:00

I just recounted my past week for Jess, to explain how I don't even eat, sleep or brush my teeth consistently, let alone have regular devotions. Since I made myself recall it all, I'll put it down here, and as much before and after as I can remember.

Monday 7/7 - The first full day that Mom, Dad, Daniel and Daisy were home from Kentucky. I was supposed to help clean up the house that night, but I found a SWEET guitar on craigslist in the afternoon, so I drove out to Mt. Oliver and bought it before dinner. After cleaning up for several hours that night, Daniel and I headed to the Harvey's for Justin's general-purpose birthday gathering. Whereat we spent the night. Great times with this summers' group of people: Daniel, Justin, Tim, Betsy, Katie & Rebekah C, Rebekah B, Jess, DK, Quinlisks, Chelsea, Schuchs, and others I'm sure. We also had some Allisons there, and Janelle McCombie from Indiana, which was sweet.

Tuesday 7/8 - GROW! It was Nick's birthday, so several of us gathered at the snow cone stand before GROW, and Betsy brought a cake. Then after the meeting we congregated at the Schuch's house for a late night pizza party for Nick. I had to peel myself away around midnight to go home and sleep.

Wednesday 7/9 - Domenica had free tickets to the Pirates-Astros game, so I headed to PNC Park after a brief stop at home and met Nate, Sarah, Anna B, Domenica and the Graham Brothers at the Clemente statue. It was a PERFECT night, and though the Bucs let themselves loose, it was fun to sit and talk and enjoy the sights.

Thursday 7/10 - The hits just kept coming. Thursday I drove straight to the Rutmans' after work for dinner and a trip to Monroeville with Nate Dogg to check out a guitar. We also hit up the Guitar Center out there, and hit some traffic on the way back. Then back to my house where I soldered up a busted speaker while Daniel and Justin put together a 2-person cow suit and Tim Whitbeck watched in amusement. Good man-times after that, sitting around in the back yard talking and enjoying the benefits of our age.

Friday 7/11 - Friday morning I packed for the next 4 days or so, and headed out. I went to Chick-fil-A for lunch and got free food because of the cow shirt I made the night before (Did I mention Friday was Dress Like A Cow Day?). Work finished up splendidly (thank you Lord, and friends for praying), and I headed to the Harveys. Some hecticity, ending up at C-F-A for dinner (more free food!) with great GROW folks, and back to the Harvey's for the dub feat -- double feature movie night. I loved Luther, but wasn't feeling Amazing Grace, so I crashed on the floor at about 11pm. One of the best decisions of the weekend.

Saturday 7/12 - Up at 7:30 and drove to Akron. Hung around, helped the Tumino's set up for Chad and Abbey's grad party, made a Dr.P run :-), grad partied, frisbeed, grad party tear-downed, showered at the T's, and went to Dave Potter's for his graduation/21st birthday party. I finally crashed in the Tumino's living room at about 1:30 as everybody sat around and watched Looney Tunes. Looking back, Saturday felt more like 4 days, not 1. Four good days.

Sunday 7/13 - Church (hooray for Jason Reyes and the Stewarts!), Chipotle take-out to the Allisons, and then the rest of the afternoon there hanging out with a big group of Akronites. I ended up in a group around the piano, playing and singing worship songs for something like 3 hours. Eventually we left there and hung around at the Tuminos for a few more hours eating dinner and playing grand rounds of knock-out. Departure: ~9pm. Harveys: 12:15am. Whereat I spent the night.

Monday 7/14 - I actually just came home after work Monday. Grandma Sweetie and Aunt Diane were spending the night on their way home from visiting Kristin, so we all ate dinner out on the patio and went to Handel's to satisfy Grandma's insatiable love of ice-cream. I was dead tired, but Mom had to drag me away from the synth at 10:30. I had discovered that everything I'd played around with till then was just side "A" out of TWO banks of presets!

Tuesday 7/15 - Another GROW day. Justin, Daniel, Betsy and I congregated at the snow cone stand beforehand, and I got a steak & egg hoagie from a sweet local place near our property. We did sword drills for a starter game, and I got to stop and pick out prizes at the dollar store on the way :-D Slept out on the deck again after taking the garbage out. Haven't slept in or on my own bed in... a month? Something like that.

Wednesday 7/16 - Don't remember! Other than the money I made, this day is lost to me. I do know that during this whole week, work was excellent. Something clicked (i.e. God worked), and I was able to simultaneously understand and take ownership of much more of what's going on.

Thursday 7/17 - When it was my turn to answer my own question around the fire Thursday night, I had a tough time picking a highlight for the day. They took me out to lunch for my birthday, and Olive Garden was REALLY good... but that wasn't the highlight. Being really hot and sweaty and getting a guava snow cone from Nick's stand was wonderful... but not the highlight. Daniel and Justin bought a bunch of deluxe food and we cooked dinner at the property as we sipped ice cold Dr.P's and IBC root beers, and then a bunch of people came at 8:30 and we talked and I played some of my songs... and ultimately maybe that was the true highlight. But the one that had me wiggin' out with excitement and disbelief was tucked in the middle. I saw some guitar effects listed on craigslist, did some brief research, and immediately called the number listed. He'd had all kinds of people calling about them, but if I could meet him soon, he'd give me all 4 I wanted, for the price of two! So I freaked out, finished up a bunch of work stuff, and headed down 51 to meet him at the Goodwill store. He had the reverb, EQ, chorus and Scholz Rockman, all for $150, and they looked SWEET. But the highlight was talking after the sale-- he has a studio in Carnegie, and buys and sells all kinds of instruments, and invited me to come hang out anytime. I haven't had a free evening yet to take him up on that, but I 100% plan on doing so. My first Pittsburgh music connection had me trippin' along as I drove off towards the snow cone stand. We'll see what comes of it!

Friday 7/18 - I'm 24! Earl was gone, so I ran the hot end for the day. It was about the same as the days at youth camp-- running around, tending to this and that-- which was sweet. Care group that night, and a followup bonfire at the Quinlisk's with leftovers from Thursday. Fell asleep wrapped in a groundcloth, and got all bit up by some bugs.

Saturday 7/19 - Slept in till 11, and hung out in the living room playing my synth while Mom cooked. Breakfast plans got scrapped, but we had lunch after Dad got back from mowing at the property, and not long afterward we all headed out (in one car! Together!) to the Calvetti's for Rochelle's surprise birthday party. Good times hanging out with the kids. That night I recorded some jams with my synth, but of course, since I was recording, and not jamming, it didn't relaly flow, and most of it sucked. Funny how that little red "R" button kills all inspiration, eh? :-/ Nick slept over that night.

Sunday 7/20 - Went to church at 10, and sat with the Caprios and Wes. The Stewarts were in from Akron, and Randy's sermon was great. After some hecticity, 9 of us ended up meeting at Wendy's, grabbing some lunch, and heading to the Youghiogheny River Outfitters to canoe down the river. Abbey was in town for the day! We got rained out right before heading out, and after playing frisbee in the downpour for an hour, we packed it up, Abbey headed for Maryland, and we headed back. Sad maybe, but we still had fun :-P That afternoon was SWEET! Instead of buying some overpriced undergood-tasting food at some restaurant, our group headed to the Caprios, where we all made dinner. Betsy and I did some shopping and got materials for chicken terriyaki and stir fry. I directed the operation (and cleaned under the leaking garbage disposal :-/ ), and we ended up sitting out on the back deck eating some pretty good food, talking, and feeling pretty cool :-) That evening we walked to a little field nearby and played frisbee for hours. A perfect summer day I will not soon forget.

Monday 7/21 - The GROW girls made dinner for all the guys... and then sent us out as 3 teams on a **video scavenger hunt**!! Coffee with mayo... singing happy birthday to strangers... calisthenics in the pouring rain... ring around the rosie in Wal-Mart... the list could go on and on :-) We're not sure if the video evidence has been destroyed yet, but our agents are working on clearing the record :-P

Tuesday 7/22 - A slightly less great day of work, but I can't complain, and it was my fault anyway. The Allisons have been in town since Sunday night, so we all congregated at my house for dinner with the fam. Then off to GROW, which was great. I ran across Hebrews 10:32 and on, which really hit home with where our discussion group was at from John Piper's book. Quite remarkable. Then we watched Newsies at the Quinlisks -- a time expenditure which I 70% regret -- and Justin and I repaired to the Harvey abode for sleep.

Let's just say I woke up this morning feeling as tired as you would feel at 3am after an exhausting day of work and a long busy evening. I think that means I'm exactly 1 day behind on sleep, but I can't think of a day I'm willing to give up, and the schedule marches on like a banshee, so on I go. I'm honestly not sure how this will come out, but so far I haven't gotten sick, and I'm doing well at work, so we'll see. Tonight I am fervently hoping that, in the moment, I don't disregard my plans to leave promptly from worship practice and go home and sleep. Which brings up that tonight we're setting up the NEW SOUND BOARD (which is why I'm going), and I'm stoked for it!

This is a monster post, and I'm so hungry my intestines are digesting themselves, but HA! I have finished it, it is done, and I shall call it my squishy, and it shall be my squishy. Time to make like a hungry boy and fly to Chick-Fil-A!

--JPB

The Summer Rises

2008-05-17T13:32:00.003-04:00

***This post was written a good while back at the beginning of summer. I don't think I actually finished it, which is why it wasn't posted, but I'll put it up here. The language seems a little over the top at points, but it's pretty much what it felt like, and still feels like occasionally.***

Sunlight rises over the hills of winter, creeps in from the corners of spring, and people start driving around with their windows open and short sleeves on. In my life, key people like Daniel, Justin and Betsy come back home to stay for a few months, and the world is once again as it should be. My text messaging has increased dramatically as I try to coordinate with a bunch of fun people looking to spend time. My "want to do" list is longer than ever before: Go out in the woods, camp, jam with Steve Gole, jam with Justin and Daniel, record the soundtrack for Nathaniel Taylor's movie, record some songs with Pure Boss, record my own songs, go to Akron several times, go to Washington DC, play lots of basketball, keep lifting weights, maybe get a digital SLR and take some cool pictures, go to Pirates games, play frisbee after church every week, and pretty much do anything outside of the self-imposed confines of my stupid little life.

My "want to do" list is long. My "have to do" list is short. And powerful. Like a mad rip 5-foot UFC fighter. Go to work every weekday (not too bad), be alert and energetic at work (the killer), and the trump card: plan and execute youth camp. I'm currently gasping for air under the torrent of youth camp stuff that needs to be done. So the WTD list will mostly have to wait until after June 22nd-25th.

Aside from that, I'm still straddling both worlds, trying to be a bona fide engineer and employee during the day, and hanging out with carefree people 4+ years younger than me afterwards. I'm in tension between the demands of and engineering career and the cries of the undercurrent of music that keeps wanting to suck my feet out from under me. I straddle the line between saved and unsaved, boiling over sin constantly in myself, but continuing to seek God in different ways, when I can, and going to church and doing church stuff. I stand on a windblown peak, with two faces of a cliff at my feet. One is an engineering job, which has stability and money for a wife and family down at the bottom. The other is a wild ride that lives in the moment, ventures out into new things, walks down unknown paths, makes the most of these priceless years of youth, leaves me some stories to tell, but doesn't guarantee anything 10 years later at the bottom. I've been climbing for the engineering suburbanite cliff all my life, but I can't get the siren call of the other road out of my head or my gut. I'm ready to fight my laziness, kick my craving for stability and sameness in the gut, and throw myself into the big wide world and see what I can do. But I have no direction, no certainty, no peace, and no real prospects in that direction. It's the idle dreams of a lame kid sitting on his bed whining about his life but not doing anything about it. But the engineering path is kicking me in the stomach as well, as I meet baffling resistance within and without to "clicking" here, drinking it in, pushing through the difficulty of learning, and excelling like I did in college.

Mom had a picture that sums it up well: I'm surrounded by goads. Sharp points at every turn. Every direction I try to go jabs me and sends me right back. I'm at an impasse, and the only way out is up. Nice cliched ending to the analogy, right? Well I'm still waiting to see if that actually happens. I try occasionally, I have brief moments of positive feelings towards God, briefer moments of fragmentary hope, but mostly I'm sitting here looking at sharp spikes staring me in the face from every direction, hating where I'm at, where I'm headed, and myself, the creator of all these goads. I've heard stories all my life about people who excelled, who accomplished, who performed, who did things. I have the bug for that, but I can't seem to carry it out, and I'm wondering if there's any place, any mercy, for someone who sees greatness, has the kernel for it, but lets it slip through his unwilling hands. I'm to blame, but I feel helpless at the same time. I can't just shrug my shoulders and make my deepest motivations change in the twinkle of an eye! I'm to blame, but I feel like a prisoner all the same. I'm despicable, I want to be pitied, and I hate myself for wanting to be pitied.

Will this ever change? I know full well that the only true solution to this impasse IS up. God. Surrender of my "pride of life," desire to make something of myself, be impressive, be impressed with myself. SEEING that I am hell-bound and needing mercy, and therefore sincerely clinging to Jesus Christ, crucified for my sins and risen again, throwing the doors open to Him and following His voice with childlike submission, faith, and sweet gratefulness, love and joy.

Like the Good Old Days

2008-05-06T01:16:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I went on a great trip to Akron. Kinda just happened when plans for Philly fell through, and seemed to have the ring of God's blessing about it. Here's the low-down:

Left work Friday. Made good time up 51 and through downtown.
Steve still at work, so I walk into "La Puente" and crash the Refine dinner :-)
Meet Joel Putnam, who turns out to be an amazingly cool guy.
Abandoned mall with Nick, Brian and Jenica.
Iron Man. We are entertained.
"The engineer in me cries out!"
Joy! Steve is still up when I get home, and there's stuff for burritos!
Hanging around the kitchen like the old days. Long time talking and praying out on the front porch.
Sleep till 2 with a break to play with Lizabeff.
Steve back. Taco Bell, Guitar Center, and Walmart for the afternoon.
Enchilada Cheetos!
$1200 Rhodes. I WANT IT. Holy smokes.
No show for the CoG Academy drama. Instead, really good time hanging out with Mike.
Walked down to the Duchess and bought pop and chips, just like the old days! *sniff*
Seriously.
Brian, Nick and Dave Potter come over and we burn wood from the old stage.
Talking about eating Kosher for hours.
Truly good time with those guys!
3:30? Hmm.
Church *mostly* on time.
Baja fresh with Jess and Jen.
That would be Jess Arlia and Jenica. Hah! Gotcha, eh? *poke poke*
Met Solomon. Hah! Someone else is awkward!
Say what? Some party event thingey for Will Paradis and some Rutkowski? Sure, I'll go!
Seems to be lame for a brief period, then I get in on a basketball game, and 7 hours later it's like, man, this was an awesome day!
Sorta kept up with a college-level bballer (who was also a really nice girl)
Experienced Mr. Paradis's home-made audiophile speaker system. My life is changed.
Not joking at all.
It's one of the best-sounding systems in the world.
Like, whaaaat? {:-0
Also got to know Adam Hanes and his sweet sweet outdoor job.
Finally met Amanda Rutkowski!
Good times with more people. Jon Fleck, John Roberts, Brian came by, played catch with Jenica, basketball with Justin Work & others, caught up with Rick Matzek, met the whole Paradis family.
It was a good day. I shot well.
Awkwardly standing there through the tearful goodbyes of the Rutkowskis and Digneys, who are like Will's family. (He was going off to the Air Force the next day. Turns out this was a send-off party for him and Rick Rutkowski.)
Home with Steve-O. Jon Lavery is there!
Freaking genius.
SECOND 2-liter bottle of Diet Dr.Pepper.
"Hey Jon, is this your week to not sleep?"
". . . yeah . ."
GAH it's 12:53am and I'm in Akron!
And of course I didn't remember till 10 o'clock, AT the Paradises, that tomorrow I get up extra early to do extra hard work.
Prayer, Vault, and some rockin' music get me home no problem. It was a good drive.
It was a good weekend.
Like, really good.
My efforts to be more friendly and outward-, people-focused were blessed! Kinda leaves me standing in the dust saying "Did that just happen? Duuude!"

2008-04-29T16:34:00.004-04:00

I'd better document last week, 'cause if I don't remember it, then it was of almost no value. Even though I *did* a lot (meeting one of my current personal goals), it was of a consumptive, rather than productive nature, leaving nothing for me to show but a few souvenirs and less money.

But it was not ill-spent.

Except Tuesday. I worked, and stayed up late watching TV because it was easy. Hateful.

Wednesday, after some internal debate, I agreed to go with Steve Gole to Cleveland to see his friends' band State Fair play. They didn't even start till 10pm, so it was a late night. But Steve drove so I could sleep, and musically it was worth the trip. State Fair crosses the line from "good band.. for friends of mine" to "good band. Period", and even got into "I don't care about the band, I'm immersed in a highly enjoyable sea of sound at the moment." Really something for some guys playing in "The Grog Shop!"

Thursday Steve, his friend Rachel, and myself met up at the Strip District, grabbed some dinner, and went to see Eisely play at Club Stratus. We ate at this cool "island cuisine" place. Shwanky. Not cheap. But delicious, and I felt cool being there :-) The concert was small, personal, good sound quality, and yieldinous of a new band. "The Myriad" was opening when we got there, and they grabbed our attention even before we got into the building. Bought a CD, talked to their bass player, and rocked it out in the car on the way home. Great stuff. Cool "night on the town."

[This is all I can remember. I didn't finish this post, and now I have forgotten that which I sought to preserve :-( This illustrates the reason I want to write in this blog. Somewhat of a negative motivation, but so are a lot of things in life.]

Caution: Discouragement below

2008-04-16T00:26:00.004-04:00

Today I met one of those people who makes me feel like the most unaccomplished, wasted, insignificant and lowly person walking this globe. I saw a Behringer headphone amp on craigslist, emailed the seller, and ended up driving out to Greentree to pick it up at his office this afternoon. Garry had long enough hair to be a tried and true music guy, but short and neat enough to be very professional. He had mentioned his studio on the phone, so I asked him about it as we stood in the stark lunchroom (straight out of The Office!) and he hooked up the unit so I could test it. Turns out he ran a studio all the way from a four track tape rig in the 80's to a full-blown 32-channel board with all kinds of gear and people working there... while playing in bands himself and working as a software engineer. He's finally knocking the studio down to a home rig since the crazy amount of work and time and lack of sleep was getting to be too much. I use Cakewalk Sonar 2.0 as my recording software. Turns out he was on the beta testing team for Cakewalk for years, and he wrote some of the code that they use in Sonar. He spoke about mics and boards and gear and bands and musicians with the ease of immense familiarity.

I drove away from the gleaming office building despising my pitiful, introverted, connection-less, lackadaisical, unfocused, unmotivated, unproductive little suburban life. Hearing about Ken's accomplishments in Africa hasn't helped either. Leading tours, hanging out with a multimillionaire client, setting records in Ethiopia, working on writing a field guide, posting 100% professional-looking pictures of vistas that make me almost wet my pants, planning and working to break the North American record for the most bird species seen in 1 day (which he's got sponsors to pay for, by the way)...

While here I sit in my colossally tiny world of church friends (Whom I love, don't get me wrong! You guys are.. far better than most of the world even knows can be), a few work friends (with whom I have no connection outside of work), and... what is it 1? maybe 2 friends from college? I roll through this life safe in my car, paying for everything I do and everywhere I go, talking pleasantly with strangers behind counters whom I'll never see again, and holding unrelentingly onto my time and activities. I find myself waiting to end conversations with people! Just because.. it's less effort to not talk! The thought of making my life, my evenings, my hours, my meals, my time, my effort, part of something other than church, work and the occasional trip to Akron or elsewhere is inconceivable.

That is the functional reality I am faced with in those moments when I crave being accomplished in real-life, professional-level fields. I am so far from real music people, people running studios, the actual livings and breathings of professional musicians and studios that it makes me snort a despising laugh at myself. And the thing that kills is that I can't kid myself that I'll start making those kind of connections. My life isn't going to change that drastically! If it was, it would have by now! I have never done my recording at the level of fierce seriousness that gets you moving up and into professional (or even just freakin' serious hobby) circles. And though I hurt inside for the lack of accomplishment, I know that that is not the same as a motivation that will begin to generate that kind of productivity.

So I sit in our kitchen with a knot in my stomach, hatred for myself, and thick chains of laziness, personality and years past and gone locking me down. There is no one to blame but myself.

You may protest - oh! You go to Akron! You travel around! You're a better guitar player than me! You have a studio in your basement and you've made two albums and like 70 songs!
All that is is a pitifully small pond in which I might look like a big fish. Any kind of respectable, real-world pond leaves me a bacteria floating in the water, worth nothing to anyone.

When (please Lord) God saves and changes me, I think I will look back on this post as the wretched misery of a person trying to live for himself and being resisted in his pride. I can't just snap my finger and make that change, though. And right now, I'm in the valley of despair--at least in the moments like today when I look at my life and compare it to lives of actual accomplishment in the world.

Here again is a poem I wrote awhile ago and posted. It gives a bit of emotion to the content of the paragraphs above:

Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground

A couple things I'm happy with:
- Basketball. I'm exercising myself, hitting shots, and getting outside.
- Jamming with Steve Gole. So much fun, and some pretty cool music!
- This post. At least I was non-lazy enough to exercise the creative energy necessary to type this up and work it over.
- My music collection. It's huge, I know almost all of it, and it's recently been expanded by another 7 CD's.

I don't know what that's worth. Documenting this period, I suppose. Pretty dinky stuff I guess, but at least it's not depressing, and I enjoy those things. I don't want to be ungrateful or unreasonable.

--JPB

Killing some time at work

2008-04-14T02:29:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting at work icing my ankle, with a few minutes to kill, so I have the luxury of writing whatever I want in here! I'm ignoring the burden of past experiences that I haven't yet documented.

My left ankle is pressed up against a stiff ice pack that's pressed up against my man boot that's pressed up against my desk. I'm hunched over to reach the keyboard, backing up every minute or two to fork off another piece of enchilada, or take a sip of the SoBe Essential juice+energy Berry Pomegranate flavored energy juice drink. Nobody else is around, so I'm playing The Strokes comfortably loud through my desktop speakers. Since mowing the lawn last week, I've gotten to like them a good bit. More British stuff from Craig.

XM47, "Lucy," plays at volume notch 1 in the speaker above me. It's just on so I can hear a page if one comes through. Gotta pause the iPod quick and try to catch the repeat. "JAWN BAREIN, WUN SEVINDY FOWR.. JON BARIN, WUNSEVINDYFOR PLEEZ." And since it's night turn, you never know when you might get a whoop in the background as they're hanging up the phone, or maybe some intentional clatter of the receiver, or best yet, a multi-syllabic mispronounciation of Frank Fronzaglio's name :-)

My hot end is in good order. Dale didn't show up, so I've been hauling cullet most of the night (which is why I'm icing my ankle), but I've got 7 truckloads, and we use about 9 per shift, so I'm close to even. The sand car is done unloading and I pushed it down the tracks to the other empties. The tin bath is running well and we've got two of the most experienced operators there right now. Frankie is learning the furnace from Josh, and they've got some hot & dusty cleaning yet to do. We may not get the debris cleaned out from under 3 port left and right... we'll see. Roy Hi-vac'd all 3 levels of the batch house, so I'm waiting awhile before I ask him to clean up the busted glass in the casting hall. QC tests show that the glass color is holding steady, and the last defect sampling didn't have any bottom tin pickup, so we seem to have licked that. There's not much I can do about the tab alumina or chromite, and the seeds & bubbles aren't bad enough to warrant action. Joe has been cleaning up around the tin bath, and that's one of the main things remaining for the last 3 hours of the night: cleaning up the place for all the daylight folks coming in in a few hours. I try to leave them as few things to complain about as possible.

It's been a very relaxed weekend, which is welcome after the HELLACIOUS day last Tuesday. I messed up, we went out of spec, lost a lot of glass, and didn't have a very good reason for it. Bleah. I learned my lesson, though.

Enough sitting around. I could do this all night, but I gotta always light a fire under my own rear and get out there, look around, think, take a step back mentally, scout around for anything left untended, anything that should be done, anything that somebody could give me a hard time for not doing or fixing or addressing or noticing. If somebody walked in right now and looked around, what would they see? What would they ask me about? Would I have a good answer? Could anybody look in on me right now and say I'm being lazy? Would they be right?

That's what these weeks as a supervisor-in-training have been like. On good days, I love it. On the bad days I want to bash my head into an I-beam.
There have been many more good days than bad.

Ahhhh. Good song just came on :-)

Hope this was somewhat profitable, or at least mildly entertaining to read!

--JPB

Buffet

2008-04-11T14:50:00.002-04:00

I had a thought awhile ago. A creep-out, actually. A being-creeped-out that there are days when I never get my heart rate up or use my muscles for anything but walking, sitting, standing, walking again.. laying down... Augh! Jibbly jibbly jibbly.

Sitting there stagnating when I'm 23 years old!

So Sunday was a good day for buffeting of the body, and I went for it headlong.

A group from church--the elder 4(!) Calvettis, Taylor boys, Graham guys, elder 2 Q's, Kevin, Dad and myself--convened in the sunshine and breeze at Quinlisk Park eager to get the disc flyin' in a Providence Church ultimate frisbee game. We putzed around at first, and took a break to drive to Wendy's after an hour, but we still logged plenty of foot-pounding, lung-pounding action over the grass and through the sky.
I tell you what - football could never compare to frisbee. You can't bend a football throw around three people and have it lift up higher, hang in the air, and float down to a receiver right in the middle of defenders.

Round about 4 o'clock my legs were starting to tell me I couldn't go on much longer, and I was relieved to find that that was the general feeling. So a couple more goals, and we were done. With frisbee, that is. I've been itching to play basketball, and I had Mike Q bring a ball from the Q's house, so I headed right over to the hoops. An over-inflated ball with double rims makes for tough shots, but Brian, Mitchel and I still got some good 21 action in. Then the Hetricks came, Mrs. Bodine picked up Brian, and the games continued. Till I rolled my ankle. Not good. It hurt so much at first I didn't think about much but getting through it, but pretty soon I saw the weeks ahead looming with ace bandages, ice packs, limping all over work for 12 hours.. just like the last time this happened.

But this time I knew without question that we should pray for it. God is stirring things up here at Providence, and moving, and I could totally see Him healing this and having mercy on the consequences. So Jeremy prayed, and from then on it has seemed like a one-fourth as serious accident. It calmed down greatly, and I walked around a bit, although I could tell it would get jazzed up if I did much. I drove home with the stick shift, took a shower, and pretty much went on with my life! It's been a bit sensitive, and now it's mildly sore.
...after playing basketball for two and a half hours yesterday! So praise and thanks are due to God for straight-up mercy on my weak joint, making it heal way faster than is normal for me.

That was an abrupt end of the action Sunday (for me), but yesterday (Thursday) was an off day on my shift schedule, and I met Jeremy at the BP community center at noon for some more Bball, which was sweet. It was a great day off. Basketball at the cool new community center gym, then a big lunch at Chick-fil-A sitting out side, then a stop at the church office for some youth camp stuff, and lastly, another hour of basketball at Quinlisk Park. Running around dribbling and sinking shots, with Good Charlotte pumping out of my car and the warm air and occasional sun breaking through... it felt good, man.

I like Bethel Park, I like basketball, I like days off on the shift schedule, I like spring weather turning warm, I like exercise, I like my subwoofer and sound system, I like Chick-fil-A, and I liked Thursday. It was a good gift from God, and I'm grateful, and I don't deserve it.

May the body buffeting continue.

--JPB

tisk tisk

2008-03-17T04:33:00.002-04:00

Four thirty? *tsk* ugh John, you did it again - stayed up till some ungodly hour and now your day tomorrow will be all messed up, and the time's gone, and you're just so irresponsible.

HAH.

Not tonight.

I'm on night shift, baby!
Yeppersindeed. I'm on temporary assignment as quasi hot end supervisor for A crew. My boss brought up the idea, for me to solidly learn the basics of the process without paperwork distractions, and to get to know the shift schedule first hand.
We started on nights last Monday, working 6pm to 6am. Monday night, Tuesday night, then Wednesday and Thursday off, except we had offsite training 8am - 2pm Thursday, so that sorta killed one of the days off. Now I'm wrapping up the 3-day weekend, which is pretty much the longest stretch on the schedule. Monday and Tuesday are off, then we're in Wednesday and Thursday nights, and off for a 3-day weekend.

Most people gag when I tell them the night shift hours. Six to six, pm to am, sounds hellacious, but so far I'm a big fan. First-off, to make the switch to that schedule, you have to stay up as late as possible the night before, then sleep as late as possible the day you go on, so you can get up and go right in to work at 6. Stay up and sleep in? Aww, do I have to? Secondly, anything at night is fundamentally cooler. Which is more memorable - driving a big run-down dump truck across concrete pads by piles of broken glass in grey daylight at 11:30am, or driving through the shadows and stark lights at 3am with a translucent black void overhead and the rest of the world asleep and quiet? Thirdly, I have to agree with what everyone's been saying: it's more peaceful on night turn. None of the daylight people are here changing things, looking things over, and creating more action. Not that any of that is bad, but there doth be a pleasant peace in their absence.

What have I been doing? A few days were spent basically as a tin bath operator, which was highly needed to get me familiar with that key key area of the process. I'm not proficient, by a long shot, but I at least know what's going on now. Then Dale, the process tech / effective hot end supervisor, was off Saturday, so the game was all on me. I made sure I understood the thickness and size changes coming up, and spent a lot of time hauling cullent (in the dump truck under inky black void). It was also totally on me to know, to KNOW, that the process wasn't falling apart, heading for disaster, head out of spec, or any other deleterious and undesirable direction. It's easy to sit back and figure everything's running like it should, but I always think, what if my boss came in and prowled over the whole process? What would he find? What if he asks me what something is doing? Could I say from first-hand knowledge, or would it be some mushy "I think it's OK." You gotta be there, and you gotta know. And I was and I did, and I do right now, and it's sweet. God has been answering prayers for better comprehension and retention of process info, which has been driving me crazy lately.

Hopefully that was meaningful. I always wonder what people actually DOOOO at their jobs, so that's what I do. That, plus spend about a third of my time hanging around at the tin bath control room, chatting, writing the hourly numbers, asking questions, giving breaks, going out on headsets if things get squirrely.. whatever's needed. I really like the people on this crew, so those hang out times are nice.

So yes, I am up at 4:30, and I'll be up for another couple hours. The Vault I drank at 1:30 is still coursing through my veins, staving off the ravenous tiredness that I know is actually there. Getting up after 2 hours and going to church this morning (last morning, that is) was ROUGH. Rough in a way that basically powned me.

So far we're packin' about 92.5%. 2.5 over target! w00t for that. Hopefully Earl and Bob and the guys will find the place in good order when they come in in a couple hours. My goal is that they will have no fodder for complaint as they sip their coffees this morning. We'll see.

--JPB
A-Crew hot end supervisor

Made For

2008-03-05T23:50:00.003-05:00

"Well Greg, I can honestly say that a couple hours with your family is enough to make me feel at peace with my 'life direction' of heading towards getting married and having a family," I said with a smile.
It was true!
Life exudes from every pore of the Calvetti house. LIFE! From every marker on the school room table, from every crowded cabinet, from the drums by the piano and the little voices singing along to the songs I played.

"The guys at work were talking about how much money kids cost, and I certainly enjoy being able to save and buy stuff right now.. but what is a microphone, compared to Timothy? It's ridiculous to even make that comparison."
Yes, it's not all fun and games, and not always peaceful, but the energy and reality and life pouring out of those kids, from Benjamin and Timothy bounding around the floor to Sarah bundling up to go babysit Andrew and Peggy's girl... that trumps delay pedals and meals out at Ethiopian restaurants and me sitting here staying up late because the only one who will be affected is myself.

Like Dad says, it's what we men were made for.

--Clear Ambassador

This is how it happens

2008-02-26T23:46:00.003-05:00

Tonight I sent 5 emails about youth camp stuff, three of them large, long-thought-out ones thick with non-simple questions and items requiring action.

You may wonder, like I did years ago, what *planning youth camp* actually involved (or planning any big event, for that matter). The answer is mostly stuff like this. A lot of other people do things like making specific lists, buying actual items, printing signs, etc., but my role is more looking over it all and figuring out what needs to be decided (and by whom), what needs to be delegated (and to whom), who needs to be involved, and what needs to be communicated to them. This mostly takes place via the thinking involved in writing documents or emails, or in talking to someone on the phone or in person.

Perhaps this level of abstraction isn't interesting to you, but it certainly would have been to me back 5 years ago, as I stood and clapped for Steve Murphy and his mysterious work for youth camp.

If I were an Ohioan...

2008-02-25T23:36:00.007-05:00

Note: Skin tight pants not depicted

Hee hee hee hee heeeee :-D

*************************************
Justin, Daniel, if either of you are seeing this right now and getting it... this one was for you :-)
*************************************

PS folks, I'm eating corn.

P.P.S. It's the hair.

Open Issues / Report from the Crew

2008-02-23T00:58:00.003-05:00

While I eat my massively greasy JPB-style Steak n Cheese sandwich and listen to Bloc Party thump in the family room, let me give you a similar update to what I gave the fine folks of our care group earlier this evening. (Last night, actually)

As some of you may know or remember, I had rough time with my job last year, feeling (and being) useless, excluded, and awkward all day every day, and being quite miserably unhappy many times.
It would be a disservice to let anyone keep thinking that is the case, and it would rob God of praise and appreciation that is due Him. I had a flash of realization as I walked toward the cullet silo this afternoon, striding by the furnace, pulling my gloves out: Here I am, DOING something! And not because someone told me to or I'm bored and wandering, but because I know what's going on, what needs to happen, and I need to know if the cullet getting run to the silo is wet or not.
I never have nothing to do, and haven't for a long time. I'm staying later and later, more oftener (for better or worse :-/), not because *that's what you do for your career*, but because there's stuff to do! I need to get caught up on the furnace, figure out where they should keep the refiner optical for the night, get the vibe at the tin bath, and finish my email to everybody summing up the day and instructing the night shift. There are days I walk around feeling like a million bucks, with a little inkling of thinking that maybe I'm a for-real working man, to stand next to people like Al and Earl and K-dog.
The coexistant flipside is the days like Wednesday, when I left the tin bath control room spewing violent frustration under my breath all the way to and around the furnace. That crew makes me feel like I'm being constantly mocked and laughed at by everyone, and I'm helplessly oblivious, with no respect and probably some animosity. Grates like fingernails on a chalkboard every second I'm around a certain group of the guys. And you know why they mock and ignore and discount me? Because I stink at this job! I can't make a single freaking decision on my own! Every step I think to take is wrong, and I just trip over myself again and dig myself deeper and miss some OTHER obvious thing. For the love of goodness, I can look at the furnace sheet for 30 minutes and turn away and not remember a single number! Bumbling over myself trying to report to superiors in the morning meeting, missing key factors in decisions, and utterly being NOT EARL. (My boss)
There is always at least a lurking fraction of that feeling during the days, but it is solidly overshadowed by the business and occasional satisfaction I described above it. Praise the Lord, even after a big Akron weekend flush with musical success, there was not one shred of unhappiness in going to work Monday morning. I didn't realize the degree of this blessing 'till I said it at care group. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to come to work, or not even mind or think about it. It's a real environment to me--alive with people, a dynamic & intriguing process, things to do, places to be, and good times to be had.
Now if I could just suck in a bunch of experience, flush out my brain's circuitry with contact cleaner, and be genuinely able to run the hot end! Untill I'm there, I am ill at ease.

That sandwich was SO GOOD ! I can feel the grease coming out of my pores already, but it was worth it. Mmmm. Yes, while everyone at work weighs in for the "Biggest Loser" competition, I'm running my own personal "Biggest Winner" campaign :-) So far I'm losing.

The second part of my update concerned the continuing drama of my spiritual quest.
Right now I'm in a good time. The best since last spring. So I don't want to recount and write down all the doubts, unanswered questions, self pity, victimization, sin, despair, dryness, deadness, and hopelessness I have been wading around in. Sometimes they have climbed up and ruled my day, but more often I walk about happily, even forgetting that at the end of the day, in the great gaping solitude of night, I have no real sureness that God actually exists, and the objective measures of my spiritual life are a thin film of oil on the dirty rainy ground... if you could even call it a spiritual life.
Dad reminds me that, be that all as it may, I am doing many objectively valuable and spiritually right things: serving a lot at church, not rebelling against home or parents or Christian friends, and not ditching the deep wisdom and provision of a solid job and chasing the fleeting fancies that get me all in a tizzy sometimes. At times I wrench at that very unchangingness, but in the end I suppose it's better to err on this side. ?. ??. I suppose. Dang folks, that one is hard.
But oh yeah -- this is a good time :-) It is! It started with a message about God's Word by Mike Pierson, from which God gave me a frank, "oh yeah.. let's do this" attitude that has resulted in reading Proverbs almost every night, genuinely poring down the pages for that great lady Wisdom that God extolls. I finally (i.e. God's inexplicable and independent grace) implemented the nagging feeling that I'm filling my head with music every spare moment, and not-God-things input = not-God-things mind and output. I've been listening to John Piper sermons to and from work, and they have been a key, humanly-persuasive (oh so persuasive!) voice inspiring me and making me feel like God is actually >real<. Struck with simple inspiration from a message on prayer, I have been getting together with Mike Q once a week to pray. To agree on earth concerning things, and change the world. Yeah! God has dropped frank faith on me for this, and looking at Jeremiah 39:12-14, I get a wisp of delicious hope that maybe things will actually change someday, and God "will be found by me." The jury is still out, and time will tell.
For now, I'm happy to be in a good time, and I'm ok with the unanswered questions hanging out there, and the lack of experience waiting to be resolved.

Now I have the microwaved rice bag sitting on my feet to try to keep them warm as cold air gradually fills the house. It's 2 am, and the heat kicks back to 50-something degrees way before then. Fingers cold, fleece zipped up to my chin... I'm flirting with sickness again, which apparently is nothing trite for my non-hardy body. Sucks to be someone like that.

Lastly, lest I forget such a great trip, here's the past weekend in Akron:
Earl let me go at noon Friday. I'm still surprised at how giddily good it felt to just DRIVE AWAY, halfway through the day!
We worked in the Chima's basement, which was lovely. I'll forever savor the mental image of the wood on the walls, the carpets on the floor-- couches on the far side, drums in the foreground, computer on the side ledge, cables and bags and pedals clogging the floor, long shadows in the darkness from the yellow lights across the room, the creeping seeping cold as the day got old, and the minutes of glorious warmth when the heater came on.
It was a weekend of low lows and dizzy highs. The lows are when limited time is already too much past, the part you're working on bears down on your shoulders with the weight of all the work it will still take to get it right, and the performance factor eats at your heart with fear since you could spend forever and even drive yourself further from actually playing it right in real time, when the record button is down. Oh that kills like little else. Just sucks you away on every level. But then I'd try the metronome in my headphones and suddenly KNOW that I could play those drums perfectly, perfectly on beat; and sit down there and beat them out and look at those six tracks on the computer and know that we had those drums! There, down for good, every time we play them back. I'm still dumbstruck by Brian's FLAWLESS and seamless double-tracking of his rhythm guitar (recording the same part over again on top of itself, exactly the same as he played it before. EXACTLY.), and I still relish the sweetness of those solid drums, bass and guitars together at the end of Saturday night. Sunday we finished the arrangement and recorded the last half of the song, which evolved through the entire weekend into something that has been stirring me almost to tears every time I listen to it. More travail, more crushing despair, and more exhilirating highs, ending with a movie-like scene where Steve sang out a flawless, perfect-pitch vocal track down in the dim basement as I sat in the chair and listened in increasing excitement and awe. As far as I'm concerned, this song blows away all of our previous material in terms of musical unity and vibrancy, and emotional depth and power.
Uh, other small details, we watched a stirring movie Friday night at the cheap theater with some folks, and Sunday I got up at 8:30 and had the first relaxed, pleasant Sunday morning in the past... 2 years? At least that I can remember. Long shower, non-stressed getting dressed and out the door, Starbucks, and time to talk at church. Wow!
Oh, and the weekend ended with the worst drive home ever. There is no reason I did not crash many times, and I never ever want to be that miserable and deathly sleepy and helpless again. I had to get home, I had to work the next day, I had to drive. Ugh, recounting it is unpleasant. Was it worth it for the song? I would not do it differently. Given another similar situation, I will cut the fun, pack it up, and head home. May 4:30 endure as the latest I ever get back home from Akron.

Ohh, the song has been delighting my heart! It's called "Sweeping Me," and I rescued it from being another stupid girl song and spurred us to these lyrics, with which I will end this post. I wrote most of the verses, which completed the preexisting chorus and bridge. It's basically an honest song about the tentative bud of love in our real Christian lives.

V1
How alike, how alone
How much longer, I want to know
Down in my heart, tucked away
Maybe we're meant for each other some day
But it's

CH
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
The night it wonders, would you, could you?
Sweeping me and sweeping you too
Hold on tight as I hold on too
'Cause the lights are singing, singing in you
And the night it wonders would you?
Would you?
Would you?
Would you.

V2
You don't see, you don't know
What I wish, I could show
Wait and see, what might be
Falling for me as I've fallen for you
'Cause it's (CH)

Bridge
So this is how
The stars in the sky are shining like I feel now
So this is how
The clouds in the sky are drifting like I feel now

Because of this post I will have to sleep in very long tomorrow and will not get much done before Fuse fun night. But it's worth it, because somehow expression like this gives me great peace as life passes on and by. Seasons like this, weekends like this, little things like making myself a cool philly steak sandwich at midnight after care group and listening to new music while Daisy sleeps on the couch and the fire flickers away are not lost once I get these words down. The memory is stored to revisit and relive and benefit from in the future, and I can relax and know it's here.

It's a crazy game we play, this game that we call life.
We sit and speculate, as the days go by, the days go by

--JPB

What kind of friend is Mike Q?

2008-02-20T00:53:00.003-05:00

I just spent the last two fifths of the day with Mike Q. I went to his apartment straight from work and we went out to dinner and talked and came back and hung out some more and then prayed together to change the world (as we want to do every week).
It was a great night, on many levels.
One of which was what a good friend Mike is.

So what kind of friend is he?

The best I can do is give an example:
He's the one I think about texting when I put the stuff away that I got at Walgreens, stuff up the bag in my hand and stick it out in the holder in the garage, close the door.. then open it back up and get the bag out of the holder and put it in the kitchen garbage can, which I just emptied and should have known needed a new bag.

So pointless. (Dumb, as Mike would say). but really funny in an odd, small sort of way.
Almost anybody I can think of would either try to *thinkit'sfunny* and make too much of it, or else notthinkit'sfunny and either ignore it, or do some uncomfortable sort of laugh, or some other unpleasing thing.
And I think that's what sets Mike apart amongst my friends: I know how he will respond, and I can pretty much tell him anything, and not worry about it. From the smallest of the small, to the biggest of the big, to the weirdest bits of humor; it all goes out and I have no concern for whether he will think bad of me, or be awkward, or make me feel awkward, or whatever.
It's pretty cool, and I'm pretty glad to have that!

******************************

Tonight was sweet. And I say that with emphasis and triumph. I was the kind of person I wish I could be sometimes ... meeting a friend for dinner at a super-culturey-cool Ethiopian restaurant in a collegy-type chic area [The kind of place where I feel I fit in when I wear my scarf]..
sitting and talking for ages about characteristics of our jobs and sharing stories to demonstrate them..
eating FANTASTIC food, then stopping at Walgreens and finding the most amazing candy ever (SweetTarts jelly beans. It's the dextrose.) plus other things of an exciting, "oh man I found this!" nature..
listening to the new Pure Boss song again and having Mike appreciate it at a level similar to my own,
then talking to Steve-O for a long time on the phone bantering about band stuff and such, then talking more with Mike, and ending with heartfelt prayer for several major, pointed items...
agreeing on Earth concerning things so they will be done for us by our Father in Heaven (Matthew 18:19). Prayers that can change the world. Inspired by John Piper.

I wish there was a punctuation mark for putting your fist down on the table in emphasis. It would be a useful add-on to the exclamation point. 'Cause I would use it to put my fist down and say this night was SWEET!

Perhaps we could call it a "stoked mark."

--JPB

P.S. The best I've found is an underline behind and before. Please to observe....

When small groups of Christians get together and pray to God for things, they.change.the ._world_. Exclamation point.

This is how time goes by

2008-02-11T00:12:00.000-05:00

Every day begins the same: I wake up at 7am (or 6:30 if I have to take a shower), dress, pack food, and leave too long after 7:30 to feel comfortable. I roll into work about 8, and don't leave until 5 or 5:30 most days. That part is always the same. Now to look back and answer the question "What happens to all these days??"

Here is the recent past and upcoming future:

Wednesday and Thursday (2 weeks ago) - worked night shift, 6pm to 6am. Got up at 3:30pm both days, hit Chick-Fil-A for... "meal".. (brunchinner?) and quiet time, and went to work. Great days. Other than the mad back pain. The night is MY TIME baby!
Friday - I planned to go to Grove City for the night, but the timing wasn't working out, and my back was getting impossible to ignore or "push through." So I laid around and rested and wasted time. Bleah.
Saturday - College Night. Which takes up basically the whole day by the time I sleep in, get some food, shower, and pack up what I'm bringing. Wrote and recorded a pretty good demo of "Hey Girls" that night.. up till 3:30am.
Sunday - Church, then Grove City students over for a long lunch. Much-needed nap, then to the Calanos for the Super Bowl. Yay Giants!
Monday - Doctor's appointment for my back at 3:45. Got home past dinnertime, ate some, then hit the couch with the hot rice bag, a blanket, a beagle, my good headphones, and 12GB of music. Fell asleep sometime around 9 o'clock and slept through till morning.
Tuesday - Went to the Piersons after work for dinner and the first YC08 meeting with Mr. Pierson. Kick-off drum lesson with Mitch. Got home around 11.
Wednesday - Dinner at home, and prayer with Mike at his place at 8:30. Something kept me from leaving on time for that, but I can't remember. Something like folding laundry. It was a fractional night.
Thursday - Met Nate Dogg at Taco Bell for dinner, then back home to jam with him and Steve Gole.
Friday - Erin's party! Went to the Piersons from work, showered and dressed up, hit the party, then Mikey came home with me, but we were too tired to do much. Good dancing.
Saturday - Up at noon, which left 4 hours before Fuse after lunch was said and done. I did everything I wanted to in that time except starting to catalog my wild greasy-haired collection of recordings. I did make and pack my dinner for the night, which I was proud of. Yay for not caving in to paying for fast food! I left at 4. Lawrence Music to pick up my amp, church office for YC planning, Fuse, home, writing and demo-ing a song about the ridiculous profusion of cameras amongst teens. Bed at 3:30am.
Sunday (today) - Drums, church, then to Lynn Noll's for a care group fellowship. It was a great time getting to know folks, and Lynn's house and pets are great. Home at 5:15. Steve Gole came for dinner, and we jammed till 10:30. Came up with a sweet 3-layer synth loop, which we played for 37 minutes straight. Poor Mom and Dad.
Monday - Prayer here w/ Mikey and maybe Nate.
Tuesday - YC07 review meeting at 6 with MP, Miikey Q and Katie Calano.
Wednesday - Basketball after work. We'll see how my back's doing.
Thursday - Looks free at the moment. Probably jam with Golinski.
Friday - **Hopefully** leave work early and go to AKRON!! for a full weekend of recording.

And thusly flyeth by three weeks of life.

So where does the time go? Scanning the outline above, it looks like my priorities are church life and music. I also fill many hours' worth of "in-between" time with familyness. -- being down in the family room doing computer stuff, laying down on the couch, playing with Daisy, playing piano, and occasionally reading or folding laundry. It's not really *doing* anything per se, but I do not believe it is wasted time, and I do not choose to isolate myself from our family, which would be the effective result if I spent every bit of time on music (or something else). I'm also happy to have a night or two per week dedicated to jamming or recording, which has not always been the case, and which is yielding solid benefits musically.

Should I, will I, "make something of myself" musically? The prospect of making a full-fledged album of my songs is colossally daunting, and I almost fear the huge fraction of time and effort it would necessarily demand from my life. I think I will do it eventually, though, and I'd better do it before I marry and settle down (if that's God's will). I could play coffeehouses and the like, but that requires much focused practice, and I'm spending my musical time on free creativity: recording demos to get the songs in my head onto hard disk, and stretching my limits on synth and electric guitar with Steve. I consider creative generation a more mystical, uncontrollable and elusive thing than practiced performace, so I am taking every moment of the former that I can get. I feel that the latter may come down the road, depending on how my life changes in the coming years.

This "aerial view" of my time expenditure serves to clarify what I've been feeling recently: peace with my choices. The part of me that is dying to DO something--make something of myself--is subdued, and a calculation of what I would have to dispense of to fit more music or more travel in leaves me pretty happy with the balance I'm striking right now.

So, I guess I should say that I have peace right now.

My prayer of a month ago is answered (at the moment). Nice!

--JPB

Looking Forward

2008-02-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

There are two things I'm impatiently anticipating right now. One is unusual for me to look forward to, and the other I'm looking forward to for an unusual reason.

Exercising
It has now been more than 6 weeks since I have been able to work out in any manner. I had a cold leading into New Years, then I got bronchitis at work, which lasted well into January. Right as that was clearing up, I began to get an odd knot in my back, between my spine and right shoulder blade. It started out feeling like a marble stuck in there, and it kept not going away. Then I did some heavy lifting and took a few shifts on grinders at work, and that threw my back into orbit. I dealt with pretty bad pain that weekend--it hurt every time I breathed in or moved--, and went to the doctor on Monday. The X-rays didn't show any misalignment, and the Doc prescibed a muscle relaxant and hardcore antiinflammatory to address what she thought was a muscle contusion. I wasn't thrilled, but it turns out she was right, and the next day I felt 50% better. A couple days into the pills and I was effectively back to normal! Plus I'd get a nice, chill, almost-dizzy buzz after each meal's dose :-)
I feel like a pale, sickly shrunken noodle, and I can't wait to ease back into walking on the treadmill and pumping some IRON. I hope this desire stays with me, 'cause that would really help in doing it consistently. For now, I'm cautiously doing some pushups, and we'll go from there.

Summer
Of course.
Duh.
But this year it's different, and a lot stronger than the years when I looked forward to school being over. I've been wishing to >>do<< different things when I hang out with people, rather than sit in a house or a restaurant and chit chat or entertain ourselves with media. Influenced by Ken's example and a deep desire to see the sky, I keep wanting to do things outside. Got a free Saturday morning/afternoon? Let's drive to Raccoon Creek State Park and hike around! Drive out an hour into the country and explore! Got an hour after dinner? Walk around some old stately neighborhoods around Squirrel Hill! Sit outside in some secret vantage point perched on a Pittsburgh hillside!
But all of this doesn't work too well when it's grey, wet and cold outside. Hence my pacing at the gate, waiting for spring to show up.

I hope both these desires remain when they're able to be fulfilled. If they do, I could do some really worthwhile things in the coming months.

Just . . . get here summer!

--JPB

Artificial Colon-induced Importance

2008-01-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

Triumph:
Paging through screen after screen after screen of emails till I found the ONE spam message that was preventing me from have a clean inbox. Ahhhhh. Unread? zero.

Triumph:
Stevie Ray Vaughn turns out to be the perfect music for right now. Shawn McDonald sang to us for 2.7 hours as I drifted through dim consciousness on the couch and Mom and Dad discussed every inch of the house plans on the computer screen, and I was looking for something quiet to follow him up. Quiet but not melancholy... quiet and happy or interesting and not sensitive acoustic.. but Stevie took things in a little different direction, and it's PERFECT. Thusly is the point of having 5247 songs to choose from.

Frustration:
Still unable to log in to my artistcollaboration ftp sites to upload new recordings.

Possibility:
Yahoo! domains for a few bucks a year. My own whole website? Hmm...

Resolve:
My savings keeps going up (I set it up to put half my net paycheck in there every week), but my checking account has trickled down. I need to spend less money. Small things, smart things, recognizing that this isn't as special of a case as it feels, but rather it's another $27 subtraction that I have a chance to cut out of my next bank statement. It's good to look over my account activity and see my spendings add up.

Discomfort:
The weird knot of pain between my right shoulder blade and backbone. For two weeks now it's been taking my breath away when I turn or move certain directions. Shannon and Dad's best efforts at pounding it out haven't helped, and it's sitting back there, a quiet little ache. It's like somebody implanted a marble back there and forgot to take it out.

Warm:
The fire behind me, the light oak cabinets and table and chairs, golden floor, golden brown couches, yellow light, soft shadows, sleeping beagle, carpet, blankets, brown bricks.

--JPB

Update:
Triumph:
Recording one of the songs that I sang into my cell phone memo recorder awhile ago. Many other songs still lay in there conceived yet unborn, but this one at least is out in the air, screaming a little bit, but kinda good looking. Looks a little like his daddy.

Helplessness:
It's late. Work is immovable. Nothing in the world can change the hours gone and the fewness of the ones that remain before then. I have rolled my dice.

A Survey of 2007

2008-01-12T20:45:00.001-05:00

Inspired by Jason's enjoyable post.

Most unexpected event:
Doubting every single thing about my life and being further from God and more miserable than I ever thought I would be.

Hardest thing (other than above):
Battling and being drowned by my laziness.
- Struggling to do a good job at work and not being able to easily change that
- Letting my musical potential slip away mostly unrealized
- Letting almost everything I want to do slip away undone

Best new addition:
I'll pick two:
1) Pure Boss practice room up in the loft of the Chima's barn. It's like something in a movie - warm wood sloped ceiling, thick green carpet, drums and amps packed in tight.. we can do whatever we want up there, and when we're tired, there's a pool table and couches down below!
2) The Piersons! I started hanging out with their family this year, and now I try to go over there for dinner and hanging out every couple weeks. I love being around younger kids and experiencing the richness and fun of a well-run family. I'm so grateful for their openness!

Best new music:
Oooh baby. Probably Mae. They have become a staple of my heart and subwoofer right next to Switchfoot. I also got into The Who. Don't listen to them much right now, but they affected my music a good bit.
I've been sucking in new music like a feind, though - just most of it not as deeply as Mae.

Biggest change:
Getting a job.
I am challenged. Hard.
I am paid.
I am tied-down.
I am being forced to conform and suck up like most people are in their first year of public school. Which is good for me.
It's an amazing blessing and a grating frustration.

Biggest thing that didn't turn out to be big:
For those of you who don't know, I had a "relationship" (we called it a purposeful friendship, since that's what it was) in the spring. I've never sought God and been met by Him so intensely than in the month preceding that. It went about a month, and then we both agreed that it wasn't really clicking, and so it ended, as well and as painlessly as I think something like that possibly could. I won't say who here, but if you want, feel free to ask me about it.

Biggest thing that did turn out to be big:
Youth Camp! I still don't really feel like I'm the person who organized and led THE youth camp. Which is good, 'cause that would fill me with pride, and it's not really true.
Planning was a beautiful, intense, focused haze, and camp was a slow-motion paradise, personally (for myself) and spiritually (for everyone else). Could not have gone better.

Best memories from an event:
Probably the Pirates game/fireworks show/Styx concert with Daniel, Justin, Betsy and other church folks. A multiplicitly delightful and wondrous night.

Thing I most respect about myself from the year:
Probably... my burgeoning music collection and appreciation.
Next is maybe my skill at driving my car.
There's some brutal honesty for you.
Those may seem trivial, but I can't think of anything else I respect about myself. Everything else sucks.

Thing others probably respect most about me:
The stuff I do with church: worship team, care group worship, college night, Fuse I-team.
I put this in, at the risk of seeming prideful (I'm not proud about this stuff), because it illustrates the dichotomy of who I want to be and who I am. The frustration I feel with my life vs. the value other people see in what I do do. Maybe I am actually living my life OK, but I have no peace right now.

Well, this is an odd mix of really depressing and then pretty happy stuff. For future reference, I am in a lonely and depressed mood right now with people leaving for college, Daniel and Ken in Utah where I would kill to be, and myself torn and shredded with doubt, frustration, hopelessness and self loathing. Those are all honest feelings, but they come and go, so there is only limited value in expressing them. And FYI, expressing them intensifies them. Literally, speaking words of doubt solidifies that doubt in your mind. So really watch what you say, and hold your tongue more than you let it go. Our words ring like a judge's gavel, and come back to speak to our heart later, so don't put a bunch of junk out there that will make it harder to turn to God with childlike faith and gratefulness.

I want to end with a flurry of things that I've remembered as I've searched my memory to come up with this post. Just indulge my desire to preserve the past:
- Nate and Sarah's wedding. I was a groomsman, which was sweet.
- Getting a new laptop
- We're going to build and move to a new house, for crying out loud! At this moment Dad is sitting at the computer working away on the plans. It is filling his life right now, and he's doing a masterful job at it.
- We got Alex in the band for awhile, and I played guitar, but it didn't work out so we're back to 3.
- We got a new kitchen table and a couch in the basement, so two main areas of the house look a lot better.
- The great Harrisburg trip with Shannon, Mike and Kayte.
- The free period in the spring after graduating and before getting my job
- I've become pretty good friends with Craig Tumino and Betsy Caprio. Nick Shuch continues to be a strangely good friend, too.
- I don't really stay at the Hoffman's much anymore in Akron. Pure Boss is more centered on the Chimas now.
- My gosh, the Rishels left and Jeremy Hetrick is our new assistant pastor! He and his family have been a joy and delight in many many ways.
- I don't enjoy food as recklessly as I used to, and I don't always want to talk about stuff like I used to.
- I started the year as a person who grew facial hair and didn't wear glasses. Now I've ditched the contacts and beardtee and am a cleanshaven person with glasses.
- Genesis series at church, and lately the Philippians series.
- Oooh man, the Dispatch concert trip! Steph's glorious glorious beach house in the idyllic Stone Harbor beach town, tons of driving, and really really enjoying the concert. Quite a trip.
- Kennywood with Steve Hoffman, Rachel and Betsy. Great time with an unusual mix of people.

I think 2007 was in 3 distinct phases - semesters actually. Spring was no-work, no-school, ending with the golden month. That phase was ended viciously with my job starting, and the summer was the newbie phase of my job, which, looking back, was very very different from how it is now. Youth Camp totally occupied the first part of the summer. The fall was settling in to my real job as it is now, sprinkled with really good times with friends - Pittsburgh, Grove City, Messiah, Villanova and Akron. The year ended with a glorious stretch of vacation - family in Chicago, then Tuminos in Akron, then Akronites here, centered around the Harvey's basement. A larger-than-life time whose memories still leave a sad sweet tinge.

OK, that wraps it up. I pray to God that 2008 has me finding God and peace and direction, be it in the job-wife-family direction or the music-craziness-doingstuff direction. Mostly I need my hard cold heart softened and Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross made real to me in an abiding way.

Thanks for reading! Future self, I bet you treasure this post.

--JPB

For all you car owners and want-to-be car owners

2008-01-12T20:35:00.000-05:00

Two facts.

The first: My insurance for the last 12 months was $1806.

The second: My insurance for the next 12 months will be $1056.

Two messages:

The first: Cars are EXPENSIVE! Hold out as long as you can before getting one! Don't get one unless you're sure you'll be able to pay for it (and I'm not talking the one-time cost of purchasing the vehicle). They drain precious twenties and hundreds from your pocket like nobody's business.

The second: My rate is dropping by $750 because my three accidents are finally off my record . . . three years after they happened. When you have a car, don't be stupid with it. I don't mind accelerating fast sometimes or taking turns harder than most people know you can take them, but when it comes to serious risks like the distance between you and the car in front of you, rainy conditions, stopping time... it's no joke. If you mess up once, you'll be paying for it for years.

You can buy cheaper cars than mine and get less insurance than I have, but these messages still stand in principle. It behooves us to have a sober view of owning and operating a car.

--JPB

Snapshot

2008-01-09T22:12:00.000-05:00

Woke up this morning and felt a lot better than I expected - the top of my mouth wasn't swollen, my lungs weren't quite clogged with congestion, and I didn't ache anymore (hooray).

Random thought: Think about PR. Public Relations. Like for a politician or celebrity. Now, what is the "public" with which the relations must be managed? Why is PR necessary? I think the "public" in this case is defined by being essentially ignorant about that for which PR is being managed. If they really knew this politician, he wouldn't need a PR guy to make sure every statement coming out of his mouth can't possibly be taken wrongly. If they really knew circumstances, personalities, contexts, we wouldn't need PR. The pervasive availability of news has made everyone "partial-knowers" - ignorant "public" who need to be managed. This thought isn't intended to be snotty like that last statement sounded, rather, just to sit back and ponder on the nature of PR and why we need it. An overinformed public. Which is why I don't watch news or read newspapers or hardly ever check online news. Most of it is none of my business.

Active playlist setup: Playcounts > 0. Results: 4213 items. 11.8 days of audio material. All of which I have listened to at least once.
Well, most of that's probably just one listen, right? Playcounts >1. 3483 items. 9.1 days.
>4? 1987. 5.1 days.
>9? 852. 2.1 days.
Thats a lot of hours and days and weeks and months of music that has gone into my brain.
Something I am intensely proud of, for some strange reason that is probably inscrutable to many. One of the few ways that I am a type of person I respect. Probably an idol that God will tear down or wear down through the future. Certainly something that has greatly benefitted all aspects of my musical creativity.

Chick-Fil-A for lunch tomorrow! Hearty beef & veggie soup for breakfast.

Tonight was a nearly unique night, and very satisfying. I stayed home while Mom and Dad went to prayer meeting and Daniel went off to the Shuchs' to hang out and play games. I sat in the huggle chair and ate large amounts of the oriental snacks I bought Saturday and read large amounts of "The Mixing Engineer's Handbook." I like my EQ style, but my gain staging sucks and I need to leave headroom when I record and mix. And--probably with youthful bravado and arrogance--I think my monitor setup is just fine and I can make fine mixes with it, all else being equal.

Wednesday is over. Over the hump for another week! Now it's just "tomorrowisFriday" and "todayisFriday!", and another weekend is here. Funny how the precious and irrepeatable weeks rush by.

Time to obey what I said 30 minutes ago: "I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed."

Which brought exclamations of joy from Mom :-P

--JPB

Oh, and I most definitely, indubitably and irrevocably . . . . put my boxers on backwards this morning.

A couple clarifications

2008-01-06T03:46:00.001-05:00

Dear blog,

I don't want you to feel unloved or un-thought-of because of my neglect of you for the past few months. Truth is, I've thought of you many times. A lot of cool things have happened, and I wanted to write about them so I could remember them later. I've had a lot of deep and emotional thoughts, experiences and realizations, and even some random and interesting insights into life, both trivial and technical. But here's the deal: one of the changes I've been undergoing--call it a low-level emotional motivation change--is that I no longer feel like there's inherent value in expressing myself. In fact, I've come to really despise talking about something and then never doing anything about it. I feel the pettiness and arrogance of so much of my own musings and other peoples', and work has beat into my head the truth that no one cares what you say, they care what you DO. Do I want to make an album of my solo songs? Don't frikkin' write a long blog post about it! You can write that post when you have the CD in your hand and can include a link to the website selling it!

So when I would be in the shower or on the road or at work and think of some nifty principle upon which the world operates, or some clever thought that sums up part of what I've been going through, it was quick to lose its appeal and drop to a dull unimportance, and your screen never saw its life. And all those trips to Akron and fun times here? Sorry blog, I just didn't want to jump into the long ordeal of writing them out, writing way too much, trying to hack down the length, then hating myself for not being a clever and concise writer like Kayte Bell, and grinding my teeth at yet another fate sealed by the late hour I'd stayed up till.

So, that's where I've been, and that's who I've been lately. Maybe I'll have a spurt of writing more for awhile, I don't know. I wrote these two posts because Megan Chima told me at church last Sunday that she somehow read my blog, and she thought it was clever, and that I was a good writer. That was cool to hear, and made me think maybe it's nice for people to have interesting things to read here and maybe I'm not as completely stupid and poor a writer as I feel like I am.

OK, that's it. Take-home point? I no longer place paramount and self-evident value on pure self expression. Often times I think of something I could say in a conversation, and then think why? To what end? And let it go and never say a word. I'm getting older, blog, and I don't like it. It's nice not to regret impetuosity so much and to feel sorta better than others sometimes, but I place a high value on the heedlessness of youth, and wish I wasn't so shackled by the analytical predictions that limit my actions before I every actually TAKE them and see what happens.

Oh and lastly, just so you don't run wild with speculation, when I said in my last post that within a year I probably wouldn't be a single man, that was a un-backed-up impression I've had, not a secret relationship I'm not telling anyone about. :-P

Yeah. Trying not to use so many smiley faces either.

--JPB

I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!

2008-01-06T02:55:00.000-05:00

But soon enough I'll probably be taking antibiotic pills. [I may have bronchitis. More on that in 2 paragraphs.]

I've been hanging out like there's no tomorrow for several weeks, ever since friends started coming back from college for Christmas break. There were a couple days with Daniel, Justin and Betsy, then the wild Friday night care-group-party-and-beyond, crashing at the airport at 5:30am and flying to Chicago for Christmas. The night I flew back from Chicago Justin and I were out till 4am, I had one evening Thursday to catch up, and then Friday it was out till 2 or so at Betsy's, then Akron Saturday afternoon, and the fun really began!

I had a realization tonight as I finally got a shower, feeling almost like a stranger in my home, where I've been but a ghost of a resident for days. It was more than the warning thought that's been wagging its finger at me every time I stop to take a glance backwards: "You can't keep doing this! You can't work in a no-mercy real world job and keep your foot in the heedless college crowd that stays up like there's no tomorrow because there hardly because they sleep till 3pm the next day!" That thought has been amply realized in the continued worsening of my throat and voice, and the deathly weight of tiredness that leaded my limbs and dragged my eyelids shut on Thursday, literally while standing up.

The realization was not that I *can't* be doing this forever, but that I *won't* be doing it forever. At some point, probably within a year, I will not be a single man anymore. Certainly in five years (if the good Lord's willin' and creek don't rise) it would be strange, and not too great, if I was still hanging out all night entertaining myself with movies and games and young unattached friends.

I went out to lunch Friday with my boss and a sand salesman, and they were talking at length about their lives - being married, kids, watching the money slip away, watching the years slip by. I do not believe that life has to be a hopeless and nearly joyless trap like it is for them, and I do not believe that my life will be like that, but it did slap a vivid picture of real life right in my face. Things do actually change from how they've been, and it actually is possible (and will happen) that I'll be the guy who goes home early and leaves the laughter behind to go sleep and be responsible. That I will go home and eat sandwiches because I shouldn't pay $12 for a restaurant meal.

What's the application of this? Well, to put it starkly, it means these past weeks are probably one of the last times I will be hanging out so crazily. [And by crazy I mean skipping by home at 11:46pm after work, care group and Fuel 'n' Fuddle, stuffing my backpack with clothes and some deodorant, hopping in somebody's car back to the Harvey's, playing pool, watching The Godfather II till 4am, waking up, eating pancakes, driving a vanfull of chattering people to a museum, wandering around, swinging by the oriental drug store to buy shrimp crackers, hitting up Chick-Fil-A with a group of 17, jumping over to the thrift store, and returning again to the Harvey's house for pool, music, the Steelers game and more entertainment of myself by and with others.] I may have a few of these carefree periods left, but their days are numbered, mark my words. And yours are too, if you hope to be anything but a petty and self-serving child all your life.

What's the point? I'm not sure, honestly. I wanted to write this post to break my spell of not blogging, to write down this realization, and to try to convey the finality and real-ness of its emotional impact. I'm still going to dead fish-it tomorrow -- drive to church and go from there, not knowing wherest and whenst I will go, flitting from person to person, group to group, conversation to conversation, joke to joke, activity to activity. A life full of failures has dulled any recognizable motivation to be all responsible and think ahead and cut everything out now so that at some magical point in the future everything'll be great, which would be a natural action point from what I've just written.

Somehow, it feels like there is value in realizing that our youthful days are numbered, and that the adults who are asleep right now will inevitably be us.
Enjoy it now! And don't be surprised at the future.

--JPB

The Job Market (i.e. the scary desert)

2007-11-14T00:46:00.000-05:00

For obscure and not really sufficient reasons, I spent an hour or so looking at job postings in the Pittsburgh area on craigslist. Ultimately, I wonder what else is out there besides this straight 'n' steady white collar line I've always been on. So I clicked through retail/wholesale, media stuff, architects/engineers, skilled trades and food/hospitality.

First off, I'm grateful for HAVING a job. Not having to sell myself, try to prove I meet the qualifications, hope I hear back, keep looking...

Next, I'm grateful for my salary. I may be on the low end of starting ChemE salaries for this area, but compared to so many other jobs out there, I've got something to be happy about.

From a couple postings, I'm brushed with a breath of something different and interesting. Working at a vintage artsy items store ("Your Mom's"), responsible for making creative and artistic signs for the store, updating their websites, going out and finding cool stuff to sell, setting up for live sound on the weekends, etc. Sounds like fun.. less the minimum wage. And for a more exotic shot, if I had experience and skill with maintenance, I could go work in Antarctica for 3 months! The stuff of National Geographic.

Lastly, I'm genuinely scared at the lack of low-experience chemical engineering jobs posted. Everybody and their sister company are looking for mechanical and electrical engineers, but I only found a handful of ChemE postings, and most of them wanted experience. Everybody wants experience. Reading over lists of requirements makes me want to learn specific, demonstrable job skills like software programs, project management, supervision, systems integration, design, etc. etc. Seeing what employers are looking for makes me want to get my butt moving at work. I've gotten a shot of the career-minded motivation I've often scorned. What a young fool.

I'm grateful God led me--half wondering why--to look this over tonight. I don't know how long this motivation will last, but it's a shot at least, and I think I needed it. I think I'll be gladder to go to work tomorrow, and I pray I'll dive in further, trying to learn, insert myself into what's going on, and get things done.
Easy to want to do, easy to imagine, but terribly hard to do in front of real people, full of ignorance, awkwardness, self-doubt and stupidness. I guess I'm not as much of a go-getter as I thought. I wish I could say "I don't get awkward," but it's a real impediment. Bleah.

One other thing brought to mind--something that's been brewing up a ton lately: I hate saying stuff like I just wrote about. Yeah I'm motivated now, but I'll probably go right back to how I've been tomorrow. I hate jumping the gun, talking all about something, and then not following up on it. Like my blab about studying recording. I'm still looking at it, but almost all of my desire for that path is gone right now, and I've done very little towards it. The more you talk about something at first, the more you have to let down, the more respect you lose, the more you hate yourself when the future comes and you don't do anything. Speak from a position of accomplishment, not planning! DO, then talk. Or better yet, be someone truly worthy of respect and just DO, and let another man praise you, and not your own mouth. I wish I could be that kind of person.
But for now I thought I'd write about this to maybe remember it down the road and be knocked into a healthy appreciation for my job again.

Peace.

--JPB

Seamos Recordando

2007-10-31T10:08:00.001-04:00

Pure Boss has a new song!
Recorded, that is.
We've got lots of new songs, quite a bit fuller and better than our first album, but we've let two summers go by without coming through on our promise to "record the album this summer." So per Brian's idea, this weekend I packed up my PC and interfaces and we set up musicmaking shop in the loft of the Chima's barn. Which consequently became even MORE the coolest place in all of Ohio :-) The rain drizzled outside in the gray chillyness, but up in the loft the light glowed off the warm wood roof and avocado carpet scraps, and we filled the little hunched room with drums, mics, guitars, amps, pedals, and cables cables everywhere.

The plan was to practice Friday night and nail down the song(s) we wanted to record. Instead, we took a long time to set up, and devolved into Brian and Stephen playing X-box and me laying on the floor watching and being tired. We pretty much hit the sack that night, in Brian's now-sweet, Nick-vacated room, with Dora trying to get us to play tennis ball even though it was 1am.

Brian worked on Saturday, so I slept in (a bit too long) and met Jess after her shift at Starbucks for some catching up. Starbucks sure seems like a cool place to work! It's kinda filed away in my mind as a backup plan if I ever get out of my current career and need to find work. Next on the agenda was Guitar Center, where I finally bought the Line6 delay pedal I decided on 2 weeks ago. I met Steve there, and my cell phone finally ran out of batteries (I forgot to bring the charger), and eventually Steve and I ended up back at the Chimas. Steve put on his new drum heads, and I hooked up my new pedals. Steve Gole swung by at 4 o'clock and we got in some good jams with him before he headed to Canton to visit an old friend there. Brian was back by that time, but we didn't really get anything done with the rest of the day 'cause Brian and Steve went to a pumpkin carving party and I went over to Emily's house to hang out and watch a movie.

It was nice to have some chill time with the Fab Four (minus Christin), and by the end of the night Craig, Steve and Brian, Josh, Dave Potter, Jenica, Jess, Jen, Emily and Christin were all there. We watched The Office and Shooter and had some pizza, and by the time we left it was 2:30 and we were all 3/4ths asleep. Good times with Akron folks.

Did we go home and crash like sensible people? No no. We laid in Brian's room and talked about the band, and then Brian was like "Hey guys, we should watch that video of our concert at my grad party!" So we headed down to the basement and stayed up till 4:30 watching and critiquing our last show. Good times indeed :-)

Sunday was work day (how ironic that sounds). After church Brian and I came right back (Steve just slept through the whole morning), we ate a bit of lunch, and then hit the studio. We were up there till 11, minus a break for dinner (yay Mr. and Mrs. Chima for buying us subs!). We got drums, bass and guitar, leads, and vocals down for "City Lights Behind Me," but none of it was tight, and I got increasingly bothered by the flabbiness of it all as we went along. It's a great song--my favorite of Steve's--but the recording wasn't coming together, starting with the bongy, flabby drums and getting worse from there. I have now found peace by considering this our first pass at the song, and mostly our calibration of the new studio setup. We'll come back and record it again after we've done some more songs, and then we'll make it SWEET! But at the time, it drove me up a wall.

At the last, when the song was burning to a disc and Monday loomed ominously on the horizon, I couldn't make myself tear down the studio we had labored two days to set up. So I thought about it, decided everything there could take the cold, and left it all set up, with the promise to return the following Sunday and record another song. I took my guitar stuff with me, but left the rest.

I stopped at Starbucks on the way out to cheer Jess up on her 11:30 closing shift, and found that they had let her go early, which was merciful considering she was opening at 5:30 the next morning. So I ordered a pumpkin latte from strangers and headed home, mulling over the unavoidable mountain of time that lay between me and where I needed to be the next morning. I find it interesting to contemplate the finality of the distance when I'm in Akron. There's no way to weedle around it, bs through it, or save it for later. The miles must be crossed and there's nothing for it but to suck it up and drive. I almost went straight to work and slept in the parking lot, but I figured that was a bit weird, and I'd probably get strange looks when the shift change came in at 6. So I just headed home and did all I could to stay alert. I made it, and another week began.

It was a good weekend. Akron is one of the only areas in my life that I am relatively satisfied with right now. I'm not constrained there by my self-imposed drive to get home, be in control, and do my own things, so I actually end up with some interesting and memorable experiences, and a lot of good time with people. And that's all coupled with the enriching and purposeful band stuff, which is the best thing musically that I have going right now. So, thank You Lord for Akron, and may it serve Your purposes amidst the great fun and enjoyment!

--JPB

P.S. To clarify, my sense of usefulness and satisfaction from being in Akron is NOT because the people in Pittsburgh stink or I don't like them! The difference is in myself: I'm more the person I want to be over there, because I'm removed from home and my habits of laziness and independence. Akron is truly great, but Pittsburgh is home, and Providence is my family.

Speed Dial (and digression)

2007-10-24T21:16:00.000-04:00

One of those random bits of life that I'll enjoy remembering 20 years from now:

1. Don't use this one, for whatever reason. I just assigned it to Steve Gole.
2. Brian Chima
3. Dad Cell
4. Mom Cell
5. Home
6. Daniel
7. Hoffmans
8. Steve Hoffman
9. Quinlisks (I forget I have this one assigned)

Notice the logic of the arrangement: Rather than arranging by importance numerically (i.e. home = 1), I arranged it geometrically, since 5 is the most central button.

Incidentally, it's little things like that that will keep me from ever really fitting in with normal people.

That's a thought that touches on what's becoming very obvious at work: I just don't fit in with the "cool crew," the good ol' boys, the hang-out-at-the-coffee-machine crowd. My humor, my actions, my thoughts, my comments, my questions, my mannerisms, are all different. They all kill the mood, or break the conversation, or leave a hanging silence. Most of what I do is more logical and thought-out, or at least more free from the constraints of public-school-bred social conformity, but it still hurts to not fit in.
It has made me grateful for the people at church who let me fit in. I had forgotten what it feels like to be a tagalong, to be in the way, to be awkward, a minute late, missing the point, out of the know. Fundamentally I'm still a homeschooled geek, but I love the Christian people who let me forget that.

Hrm. Way more deeper than I was looking for here. Logic-based behavior vs. public-school-bred social conformity. One of those thoughts that I should compile into a series of essays. Something like "Logical systems and principles of everyday life: You'll say 'Hm, I never really thought about that, but you're right!'"

--JPB

Discouraging Poem

2007-10-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

I include this poem not because it's how I feel right now, but because it still socks me in my gut with how I felt a week ago. Right now, thanks to a nice talk with Mikey after College Night and a couple days' dose of time, I'm feeling contentedly optimistic. But here's how life seemed not long ago, and how I'm still not convinced it isn't:

Your wings have feathers and here you sit
Watching them folded at your side
You didn't know which way to fly
And so you never tried
You write the songs but never make a sound
You'll spend the rest of your life on the ground

--CA

A Good Saturday

2007-10-15T13:17:00.000-04:00

That I want to remember.
Because it wasn't the kind of Saturday you'd remember.
But it was the kind of Saturday I seek so often, and I want to remember why I have sought such days, and that they weren't just wastes.

Mom, Dad and Grandma Sweetie all went up to Grove City for the day, from noon till sevenish. So I was by myself. I got up and drove to the church office at 9 to meet with Jeremy and talk about the state of things for awhile. Before going home I went to Wal-Mart for the glamorous purchase of deodorant, work socks, regular socks, and boxers. At home I straightened up my room (at long last), alternating sets of pushups with weeding out old clothes and neatening the beds. Then followed a period of eating lunch, watching Heros, doing laundry, and catching up on email and Facebook.
Daisy was getting bored, so I went out in the delicious cool air and we played frisbee for awhile. I marveled at how well she tracked and caught that little disk, and it was great to see her so happy and energetic.
Now follows the only real wacko, non-ideal part of the day: I was shooting the BB gun at trees and such out back after frisbee, and ended up literally shooting out the window of our motor home, which was parked on the dead end street up from our neighbors! Long story, not *quite* as dumb as it sounds... but pretty much :-P So that was a bizarre diversion as I revisited the foolish 8-year-old days that I never really had.
To close it out, the folks got back home, Daniel's friend Skipper was there, and I went downstairs into one of those rare, wonderful recording times. "College Song" is finally coming together, and the tracks seemed to be uniting as a whole into more than the sum of the parts, which is something I can't make happen.

So: lovely day at home, catching up on life and enjoying it. I may not always be able to recalibrate myself with times like this, and that may not be the highest goal of life, so here's to the relaxing and useful days that have gone by, and here's to what may come ahead; may we all give ourselves to what we know to do.

--CA

Life: Revised

2007-10-14T22:43:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna tap out the new plan for my life that has just materialized, to represent the thoughts and ideas that have been building up of late:

I work through May at Guardian, giving them a year of service to be fair, and then quit this job for which I am discovering I am not very well suited. I have a chance to do some travel if it works out, plus I can plan and run Youth Camp 08 during the summer, and in the fall I start taking classes at the Duquesne University school of music for a degree in sound recording or some such topic. I flourish in the environment, the formal training fills in the gaps of my homespun skills, and I make connections and build qualifications that lead to a job as a sound engineer in a studio when I graduate in 2 years.

There we go! :-)

And now I'm on my knees crying out to God again, for Him to show the way, step by step, and help me follow Him NOW, at work, and not do anything that isn't His plan.

The world feels open again, and hope scents the air like a delicious smelling salt. (Or a 15-year-old single malt scotch)

Such was the grace for today. Who knows what tomorrow's will be.

--Clear Ambassador

More free coffee!

2007-10-10T23:31:00.000-04:00

Happiness is finding that you have over 19,000 points accumulated in your National City account and redeeming them for $30 of Starbucks gift cards.

This post may surprise you

2007-10-09T22:19:00.000-04:00

To be fair, I am going to post this entry, which I wrote last week. Hm, how the darkness has changed so quickly! I don't know if the light is here to stay, but here's a look into the darkness that has been consuming me for the past month:

***********************************************

Youth camp materials left un-tended-to.
Care package left uncompleted; months and months late; meaningless, stupid and awkward now. Regret sticks through like a thick needle.
Good music coming out of the speakers. Music like I ache to make. Frustration like a straight jacket.
Shaver sitting unplugged on the cabinet since I haven't even unpacked from the weekend yet. Tousled, messy room condemning me from every ugly corner.
Deep piles of mail quietly deriding my negligence from weeks and months past. Have I incurred another overdraft from an unpaid account? Worry like a stab in my stomach.
I read the birthday card from Mom and Dad, and love them, but I just don't agree with their warm words of encouragement. I don't think they're right.
It's 10 o'clock. You're already late. You stupid worthless piece of junk, flopped on the couch doing F***ING INTERNET while your life rolls by you untended into the junk heap and you wring your hands but never do a thing and see the wreck coming but NEVER DO A THING.

I am tired, tired, tired, oh so tired of hating everything I am.

--I am not a clear ambassador. That's a hypocritical signature. I'm a failed launch, hearing loss, an inflammed knee, Applebee's cocktails, and a deserted shopping mall.

**********************************

Just for clarification, the things listed above did NOT make me feel this way. I've finally decided to let a bit of this out, and cleaning up my room just gave some examples to use.

The Perfect Weekend

2007-10-08T12:23:00.001-04:00

This past weekend in Akron categorically ranks among the best ever.
A multitude of things I've wanted to do all happened, and all happened well:
[Mike, you'll appreciate all the free stuff]

- Mini (drumless) Pure Boss show at the Sausage Fest. 2 guitars and bass, and everybody said we sounded the best we ever have!
- Latest episode of The Office in the Chima's basement till about 4:30, with Brian, Nick, Craig, Steve and Jes
- Lovely morning alone at the Chimas: sleep in, work out, shower
- Sitting outside in the perfect warmth, sipping a free iced latte and catching up with Jess before she started work
- Unconstrained hours in Guitar Center, getting all the pesky little things like sticks and strings, and trying out a few pedals for my future rig (EVH Phaser = heaven)
- Deuteronomy and Dr.Pepper in Taco Bell
- Got Jess out of work early :-)
- Helped some Tuminos move Jason into his new office at the church. Finally got to meet the new pastor!
- Seamless transition to hanging with the Tuminos for the rest of the day, which I've wanted to do for ages
- A stop at Zack's. Hangin' with Christin and free ice-cream!
- Frisbee for hours in the Tumino's street, till way past dark
- Silly Ninja Game around the fire!
- Arsenic and Old Lace with Craig and Steve. Whew, what a ride!
- Crashed in the Hoffman's den. No trip to Akron would be complete without one of these :-)
- On time for church!!! *gasp*
- Jason preached. And John Joyce played drums!
- Lunch after church at the grace house. = time to hang with everybody
- Going for a hike with assorted Tuminos, Mallinacks, Potters, and Meghan
- SEBASTIAN!!! Goodness gracious, puppies are so cute! And funny! Ahhhhhhh, finally met my puppy-time quotient, which has been building up for years.
- Ultimate Frisbee after the hike. Yessssss!
- Great climbing tree
- Riding back with Sebastian flopped on my lap
- More hanging with the lively and lovely Tumino family (Collin takes care of most of the liveliness :-) )
- Chipotle and music with Craig
- Another free Starbucks!
- Sixth Sense and a quiet, semi-freaked-out drive home on the dark highway

I think all this weekend was missing was some solid band practice time. Other than that, man.. I'm left amazed that it all actually happened, so well and so enjoyably! Thank You Lord for your kindness.

--Clear Ambassador

Short Story

2007-10-02T22:49:00.000-04:00

I was at the dentist two weeks ago, to get a cavity refilled after its previous occupant had vacated the premises (I thought it was a popcorn kernel. Not so). Dr. Qualk shot me up with Novacain (Carbocain, actually), and waited the customary few minutes for it to take effect. We talked about college, and chemistry, and organic chemistry, and O-chem lab, and O-chem 2 lab, and the triumph of getting an A in O-chem 2. I suddenly realized that the numbness had passed its apex. He was better than he thought at placing that needle, and I had been numbed up about 5 minutes ago.
I chenched the arms of the chair and said a silent, fervent prayer that he would wrap up his collegiate ruminations. Getting one shot was bad enough. Getting another for no good reason would SUCK.
Thankfully after a couple more sentences he picked up his drill and got to work.
Still, by the time the filling was in and he started smoothing it out, he was basically buzzing into my un-numbed gums.
But I said not a word, for a little tingle at the edge of your gums is much better than another needle rammed up your cheek.

Novacain shots were one of the very few true terrors of my childhood.

--CA

Messed-up guy

2007-10-02T00:06:00.000-04:00

Here's an inventory of my current nonidealities. They seem to have added up to a disturbing plethora at the moment:

Right thumb sensitive at extremes of motion, and still can't bend all the way in. From crushing it whilst walking on my hands on railings at Kennywood.
Scratches all over my arms and shoulders from clearing brush Saturday.
Big beautiful bruise on my right bicep from above.
Small spots of poison ivy all over my arms, back, ankles, chin, and ears. From above.
Some weird bruise or pulled tendon on my left bottom quad. Origin unknown.
Bee sting/stinging nettle on my, well, left behind :-P From Saturday.
Some crazy swollen gland under my chin. Just discovered that tonight.
Top of mouth all torn up from eating a massive hoagie for lunch. (Yes, I'm a martyr)
Some kind of wierdness on my scalp.
Rug burn on my right wrist from grabbing something jammed under my subwoofer.
Burn on my right wrist from a piece of 400 degree glass.
Right patella tendon has been inflammed and sensitive. Worst it's been in a year.

At the moment number 4, poison ivy, wins the prize for most constantly irritating and aware-of. The thumb thing keeps going and going and I wonder if it will ever get better. The scalp thing is disconcerting, the knee is frustrating and discouraging, and the swollen gland makes me wonder if I'm on the edge of being sick. But mostly the poison ivy just itches itches itches ITCHES!

And to clarify, I am not complaining here. This is a status report, not a whine fest.

Good times, eh?

--Clear Ambassador

Caught Up

2007-09-27T11:54:00.000-04:00

For once. Once in the last... four years?

I'm caught up on sleep.

And not in a "bleahh I woke up at 1 o'clock and feel like mush" way.
I woke up at 7, and even though I could've kept pushing snooze, I have remained alert and comfortable since then. It's not the empty overabundance of energy that caffeine gives, but there's no drowsiness lurking just below the surface, waiting to engulf me as soon as I stop moving.

Yesterday I got home at 6:30 from work. Mom and Dad were mostly finished with their dinner, so I said I would get mine separately in awhile. I laid down on the little couch in the family room.. and woke up at 9. Just enough to brush my teeth and move to the bigger couch.
So that's about 12 hours of sleep. And I was extremely hungry when I got to work.

I don't know what to make of this, except perhaps that it shows the difficulty of actually getting enough sleep. We'll see how it goes tomorrow morning...

--Clear Ambassador

>>SMACK<<

2007-09-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

AWW MAAN!

Mitch blasts out of his seat and goes hopping around the room, while I collect another jack, slapped from under his nose yet again. Egyptian Rat Slap (and espresso) have reached the breaking point.. his remaining cards have gone airborne, but it makes no difference: my victory has become inexorable. His eyes are bright, and he can't help smiling at his own defeat... yet again... with three times as many cards dealt to himself as me.

Caleb got spanked too, though we had to split our game up between the Pierson's dining room table, the Hetrick's back patio, their living room, and the back seat of the minivan. He was dead set on beating me this time, and it was definitely a battle. The best part was probably the look on his face when another juicy pile of face cards was slapped.. swaggering bravado if he'd won, or a stunned stare if my hand had come down first.

Rat slap is a great game. It gets you empty of everything else in your mind, just zoned in on the cards.. teetering on the brink of the next one to show its face. It was a fun way to hang out with the Piersons (and it's also a good way to jack yourself up before a long drive).

Mad thanks to the Piersons yet again for letting me hang out. Times there always stand out from the roughage of the week :-)

--Clear Ambassador

Payloader Therapy

2007-09-21T15:37:00.000-04:00

After enough hours slumped in the chair busying about with raw materials issues and duties, one needs to relieve one's pent up muscles and mind. Couches with beagles on them are in short supply at glass plants, and so are drum sets or electric guitars. But we do have a big payloader and lots of piles of glass :-)

Sunshine, hydraulics, mountains of glass... getting shaken around by forces ridiculously larger than you should be able to control... Therapetic I say. Therapetic!

I moved about 20 tons from D pad to 2nd level C pad. Which was barely noticeable on D pad, and didn't even make a change on C pad, which is bigger than 2 houses.

Plus I stacked up the transition cullet getting dumped on 2nd row E pad, and pushed up the contaminated cullet recently dumped on F pad.

Ahhh. The world is a better place, and my back stopped aching for a couple hours :-)

--CA

P.S. That picture isn't from our plant, but it's pretty dang close. Our payloader is cooler.

I love my boots!

2007-09-19T23:38:00.000-04:00

It took a couple months to really break them in, but now it's like a day-long comfy foot hug :-) I would seriously leave them on for days if that wouldn't be weird and make changing pants impossible. Oh, and with steel toes, 2-inch heat-resistant soles, electro hazard protection, 0.4 kilograms of insulation and waterproofing, these are not the boots of a child. They are man boots.

Or moots, as I affectionatly call them.

Looks like I can add my recommendation of Red Wing boots to the thousands already out there. I don't know how, but they sure make 'em well! I regret not a cent of the $180 that brought me and my moots together :-P

--CA

~135

2007-09-19T00:11:00.000-04:00

Miles for the round trip to Grove City.

I played guitar for a prayer & worship night with the Grove City Care Group (GCCG), which is now the GCSRCG, since Seth and Patrick are coming from Slippery Rock.

I calculated it out as I ruminated on the odometer on the way home: roughly 120 miles.. 30 miles to the gallon.. $2.75 per gallon... it was about an $11 gig. Which I say not because of my first thought, which was "What a dumb amount of money to spend for such a short thing." I say it for the thought that quickly swallowed that one up: What better to spend money on? What should I save it for? Restaurant food and gas station snacks? More CD's? Gas to go hang out with friends for my own benefit? How good it is to have *something* I can spend my money on that's of real value and service!

I'm not saying this is always my attitude, since if it was I think I would be a much more generous man whose bank statements would look a lot different. But it was a genuine thought, and a feeling I want to chase. A moment of conviction I want to nurture.

--CA

P.S. It took some more effort and grace, but I arrived at the same conclusion regarding my time as I wrestled with going to Fuse Saturday night instead of the Brad Paisley concert with Daniel, Justin & Co. Here is one thing I can do that's clearly of eternal value.. so dig it!

Poems of Advice and Wisdom (i.e. my mind on sleeplessness)

2007-09-18T01:06:00.000-04:00

Sleep will cloud my consciousness
Like wine the drunkard's thoughts.
I'll savor late-night memories
Yet wish I had them not.

Feign the man who hateth not
The art his hands and mind hath wrought.
Wouldst have them stand in line to see?
Then you must your own critic be.

Complaining
Woe the man who makes his life
Finding wrong instead of right.
Has the moment shown its cards?
Play them for whate'er they are!

Sad the man who finds too cool
Himself for splashing in a pool.
Hold you tightly to yourself?
Well, you'll be loved by no one else.

Look as children madly run
From one thing to the next begun.
Heedless rushing in to try,
Thoughtless but to ask you why.
Fail it twice but try again..
Separates the boys from men.

--CA

Flashes

2007-09-17T22:34:00.000-04:00

Now I know what it feels like to be an olympic track star winning the gold medal!

While walking in the crystal sunlight of this fresh autumn day,
past the piles of broken glass stacked like bales of glinting hay,
I noted beams of sunshine, caught and captured from the sky,
Flick'ring but a blinking moment, 'till another caught my eye.
Blade by blade, like an army firing freely on the field,
Shots of glass-reflected brightness showed me just how it must feel.
Scattered flashes from beside me, as I go passing by,
But this crowd shimmers silently, and I walk, instead of fly.

--CA

In the style of Mikey Q

2007-09-13T22:21:00.000-04:00

Whole lotta catchin' up:

Trips:
- Erie with UK in the motor home for Labor Day
- Pirates game --> Grove City --> Cleveland to hang with Charlie --> Akron --> home late Sunday night
- Akron second-to-last weekend of July for band practice. Half with Alex, and half with the original trilogy, since Alex was leaving
- Akron last weekend of July for Pure Boss concert at Brian's grad party

Visits:
- One big distended and extended blob of Akronites :-) Steve and Jon Detweiler here to do the roof. Allisons here for a weekend visit. Mike Hoffman here Sunday to help. Steve staying till Monday, then coming back Wednesday with Craig to finish, then coming back again Thursday afternoon for Kennywood

Good times:
- Kennywood with Betsy, Rachael and Steve-O! The *second* company picnic. First one got rained out. Though we still went and got free food. And did rides. And got a set of free tickets since the park closed early :-) Booyah!
- Fuel 'n' Fuddle: hit it up after Ritas and wandering around Pittsburgh Saturday night with the Allisons, etc. in tow.
- Pirate's game, Styx concert + fireworks, the Fuel 'n' Fuddle! Hoh hoh -- amaaazing! One of the shining highlights of the whole summer. The game was great - competitive, lots of action, and great people. Styx were great: kinda quiet, and not a lot of songs, but so seasoned and skilled that they rocked with winsome ease. Betsy got majorly into the concert, which was a lot of fun since I'm often the only super-vocal enjoyer of things. Fireworks dazzled us with their spectacle, and their volume! I truly liked Pittsburgh for the first real time. F'n'F capped off the night with great food and extended time to enjoy people.
- Recording "Sick as a Dog" with Stephen. He needs to move here!
- Steve Gole!

Work:
- No longer in the "new guy" phase
- Taking over raw materials from Jay
- Given responsibility for the batch house. Classic engineering: pursuing goals is like grasping oil with the hand. Hangs over you constantly. Easy to back burnerize, but critical to make efforts on, in order to demonstrate get-to-it-iveness, which is a key intangible in the work world.
- Brian--the only other process engineer--left. Leaving me, BT, unloaders, Bobby and Earl in the hot end office.
- Doing lots of unloading. Getting pretty good on the payloader.
- Finding myself at many classic work issues: stress, irritation, worried about getting noticed/getting credit, longer hours, poor communication. Augh! What am I becoming?
- Getting my jeans dirty most days. Yessss
- I am still a new guy, even if I'm past that phase. Now it takes more effort to get out and about, watch, ask, and learn. I know enough to make a comfortable rut for myself. *DUN DUN DUN*
- Boredom is now. no longer. an issue.

Home:
- New lappy. Frickin' iTunes still won't play videos. COMPUTERS!!! GAAGHH!! (Otherwise pretty spiffy, though)
- Dad doing house planning a ton (incl. right now)
- Stripey pants!!
- Not playing much consistently, but dinking around a bit. Recorded Dr.Pepper song, Sick as a Dog, and A Thousand Fair Admirers. Wrote the college song, which is probably my best song in many important ways, but haven't recorded it yet. Gotta do it justice. More chill with recording than perfectionistic. Getting better at guitar, and enjoying it. Electric >> acoustic. Drums = I suck, but Steve Gole plays my kinda stuff... WELL.

Church:
- Jeremy got College Night rolling for the year
- According to myself and a startlingly large number of independent commenters, I should be on electric as much as possible. Seems to add a lot to the sound. And I love it :-)
- Still benefitting from the Abe, Isaac and Jake sermons!
- Philippians series
- Fuse. Haven't been much recently.
- Ohiopyle camping trip! Tired as death Friday night, but Saturday made up for it. Hung out with Erin and Anna first half, then rode back. Absorbed a disproportionate number of injuries at Cuke Falls. Sober time up at the cross at J-ville.

Currently:
- Enamored with The Who. Literally can't get enough of "Let My Love Open the Door."
- About to order a slew of CD's, plus tri-tone gray All-Stars from amazon.com
- Bought some shows and movies on iTunes. Bug's Life is great!
- The lawn is spiffy from a good mow and a recent trim job
- On the upshot of another attempt at devotions and exercising. Iffy, but you just keep trying
- Baleveine Double Cask was fantabulous tonight, but in general not my style
- Daisy is still cute
- Chick-fil-A is still >>amazing<<
- Grovers back, but Daniel, Justin, Hezz, Rebekah Booher, Betsy and Rachael are all gone.
- How how how should I record "When You Were in Love?"
- Praying for grace to devote and exercise. I can only pray, and see what happens, and not let eyes stray to past history and mind decay to hopelessness.

Upcoming:
- Transition to Crystal Gray starting Saturday. Working Sunday, minus time for church. Yay, but boo, but overall yay
- Folks in for Brad Paisley concert this weekend
- Switchfoot/RelientK concert in November! Hoh hoh -- amaazing!
- Really want to be in Akron. Like it there. But I was hurtin' for the 'Burgh last weekend.
- I've been up way too late every night this weekend. Time to read some Biblio and end that trend. So much for exercising.

Arise, my soul, arise.
Shake off they guilty fears.
The bleeding sacrifice
On my behalf appears.
Before the throne my surety stands.
Before the throne my surety stands!
My name is written on His hands.

--Clear Ambassador

Inspired and Informed

2007-09-13T22:14:00.000-04:00

Mom's comment on Kayte's blog showed me clearly why I have trouble keeping my blog posts short: "She always seems to have a very clear idea of what she wants to say."
SOMEHOW, her sharply-written account of one aspect of her monumental first day of teaching carries more punch than 5000 words of rambling that would capture and preserve the weight of the details.

Because I tend to go so long, I have many times wanted to write about what's been going on but balked at the amount of time it always takes up once I get going.

Also, MikeQ-style posts are good for capturing more disparate details, but keeping it snappy and winsome. Yay Mike!

Lemme ruminate 'n' percolate on what I want to say. I'll be back shortly...

--Clear Ambassador

Tired tired tired

2007-08-21T09:02:00.000-04:00

My last post was about sweat at work.
This is an analogous one about sleepiness at work.

Last night added another notch to the "nights I stayed up way too late" pole. At least this one had a good reason: Steve H and I were recording a wild and crazy yet amazingly catchy song down in the basement, and then chilling in his car listening through a bunch of my recordings. I wouldn't do it differently, but again I'm left here, riding the wake of trying to live life to the fullest. This morning isn't bad - I'm jacked from a Mountain Dew (Game Fuel! New kind!!) and I have plenty to do. Other mornings "all vanish in the haze" - to borrow a phrase from Weezer.

I'm debating whether or not to caffeinate every morning.
Even when I get 8 hours of sleep, I'm just not very productive before noon.

Why IS it, that I can literally be struggling not to fall asleep while standing up, at 10 am, but be bright, wide, full awake at 2:30am, even when I know I'm running on too little sleep?
It makes trying to be a steady, normal worker very hard.

What is this that I am? Am I screwing everything up, and will I one day pay a terrible price? Am I just being me, and me doesn't fit with this whole "work" thing? Will I ever settle in to a consistent schedule? Could I ever possibly have devotions in the morning? Am I actually a good employee, and will I make it in the work world? Could I ever support myself/a family doing something freer than this? Could life hold something more beautiful and invigorating than this, or is this the call of a real man in the real world, and I need to suck it up?

To back up one step from these questions, which I honestly wonder about.. these are the questions of youth. Mom and Dad aren't asking these any more. I won't shun them or despise them, because soon enough I'll be set in my tracks, and this unbounded aspiration will have tempered.

It's already beginning to.

--Clear Ambassador

Sweat sweat sweat

2007-07-17T09:49:00.000-04:00

So here's a slice of life at the glass plant . . .

Sitting in my office chair, catching up on a blog after helping with the waist cooler swap-out. The green jacket is off, the yellow sleeves are off, the heat hood is off, and still the drops keep rolling, rolling down. Head, back, arms.. it's like I jumped into a swimming pool.
I have to watch where I rest my elbows as I type this, 'cause my shirt'll soak any papers on my desk. In fact, I just moved the stria print-out, which is considerably.. eh.. softer, than when Steve dropped it off this morning. The knees of my green pants are soaked through, and goodness knows how saturated the jeans are underneath them.
But still, when you're standing in front of the big hole looking in at the pool of syrupy glass, you wish for more layers, as the heat marches through the fabric and smacks you.

Let's just say that work is the only place I've ever actually used Gatorade for its intended purpose.

--Clear Ambassador

999.8

2007-07-16T12:58:00.000-04:00

Let us peer together into the mists of time past, shall we? Far back, at the dawn of the new age [i.e. January 2007], we see . . . Steph Schaefer talking to Justin and John about a crazy idea. An idea that would change the future. How 'bout the three of them buy tickets to see Dispatch play in New York City . . in July?! Sure, why not!

For those of you--like me at the time--who don't really know who "Dispatch" is, they are a chill, backbeat college band that was huge about 10 years ago, broke up, and has a highly devoted fan base. They played three nights at Madison Square Garden to raise money for Zimbabwe, and we bought 3 tickets to the Saturday show way back in January, right before they sold out. As the months rolled by I got a job, but we still figured we'd make it work. And we did! It turned July 13th - 15th into quite the weekend: Pgh to Stone Harbor (where Steph spends the summer with her Mom), to New York City, to Philly (to crash at the Harveys and hit church), and then back home. And yes, 999.8 was the odometer reading when I pulled into our driveway at the end of it all :-)

This trip was a lot of fun. It was amazing! It sticks in my mind as one of the funnest things I've done in a year or two. Memories of riding in the car, eating snacks, and listening to music (no subwoofer! :-( ) are prominent. Pretty much anytime we went anywhere, we stopped and got snacks, which was hellaciously unthrifty, but a lot of fun. Eastern PA and NJ still have Cherry Vanilla Dr.Pepper around, so I hit that up as often as possible, and didn't worry about the caffeine. We probably supported 4 Wawa employees with our patronage during the trip :-) [Wawa = Eastern Sheetz]

At some point in the weekend I realized, quite abruptly, that I was in the middle of a movie-like road trip -- a classic good times craziness expedition, here in the midst of my work-constricted life. I think it was on the road somewhere in New Jersey, to or from New York City, rolling down the sweet highway in the sweet car with sweet people.

I also realized Saturday, as I sat back in the booth across from Steph and relished my exquisite frozen Heath mocha, that God was answering our prayers for good times during the trip, even though we didn't have much time in any one place. He abundantly multiplied our time in Stone Harbor, making our 12 hours there feel like 2 days: Night beach walk, good amount of sleep, Wawa breakfast (where else?), seeing where Steph spends her days at Tee Time Mini Golf, lolling about on the deck, going back to Tee Time and walking around the cool shops of Stone Harbor, and just soaking in the eminent beachiness of the entire place.

God even richly blessed the concert, which honestly, I didn't really care about. Dispatch's music doesn't mean that much to me, and I find its genera slightly annoying for some reason. But we listened to a bunch on the way up, which was good preparation. Our seats were really really terrible (way up behind the stage with abominable sound quality and pot smokers in the row ahead of us), so we scooted out after a few songs and walked further down and around till we found some unused seats, and sorta hovered there, off the prowling security guards' radar. Nobody ever came back to those seats, so we had them the rest of the night. And they were sweet :-) Spread out before us was the living, lit-up bowl of Madison Square Garden - dipping down and stretching out, across and up. The stage was a little left of us, and the sound was beautiful - crisp highs, pronounced mids, and--even in that huge place--floor-shaking bass. Ahhh, it was a moment of heaven-anticipation. I even found a cheap, filling and NEW food thing to fill my raging stomach (Knish. Basically a big potato pancake.). Standing there, great sound, enjoying the songs, great view, perfect food.. it was amazing! And I even liked the music. Quite a bit. A live setting almost always brings out a more rockin', energetic quality in music, compared to when it's recorded in a studio. With that perspective, I've found most of Dispatch's stuff pretty enjoyable. Their (sloshed/drugged, but still dedicated) fans filled the place with their singing. Everyone seemed to know the words to every song!

So yeah, even the concert was a blast, let alone the glorious weekend surrounding it!

[ I did have a rather dark spell on the way in to New York. Let's just say.. we were using a GPS navigation thingey.. we had the wrong destination at first.. we crossed a $9 toll bridge three times.. and only paid once.. and I succumbed to anger, which is never a pretty thing, for myself or others. We did get in OK, though late, though the show started late so it was OK, and I have rarely been as happy to park a car as I was when we rolled between the lines in the parking garage and I pulled out the key. Oy. But despite the aggravating entrance, our little view of NYC was amazing, and I'd definitely like to see more of it. ]

Church Sunday was nice, and we enjoyed the sleep-innage possible with an 11:30 service (though we had to budget time for a Wawa stop, of course). Then it was lunch with a couple church folks (getting to know Philly people! Yay! Riding in a Celica convertible! YAAAAY!), good-bye to Steph, and hello to Longdrivehome. We did some shifts, did a little sleeping, and wound up rockin' the Mazda to old favorites as we rolled up 51 into the Pittsburgh area.

I think Nick stayed with us that night, but I hit bed pretty quick, 'cause I had to be at work at 6 the next morning to start . . .

TRANSITION!

[dun dun dun]

And that's another post :-)

Yay weekend!

--Clear Ambassador

P.S. Good times = Justin and me driving away from Sheetz and leaving Daniel and Nick there and turning off our cell phones and nto coming back for half an hour :-D

P.P.S. I forgot the tickets, so we had to back home. heheh.

P.P.P.S. That frozen Heath mocha was one of the best things I have ever eaten in my entire life. I can only hope someday to go back to Stone Harbor, back to Coffee Talk, and order another (and pray it's not a let-down :-P).

Diary of a Czar

2007-07-05T12:17:00.000-04:00

Who would have thought, three months ago when I fished around for a funny signature and ended up ending my email with "--The Czar", that it would become such a big deal. And as kids searched for a hidden 2-liter bottle of Dr.Pepper, or chugged odious water from 2-oz. Dixie Cups and ran around holding hands, Mr. Pierson began to refer to me as "The Bizarre Czar" :-) Hey, I'll take that moniker and wear it with pride.

Well, youth camp. Let's see . . .

Sheetz on the way in with Katie, Daniel and Nick.

Katie making custom Yickiepickie T-shirts, and thereby being amazing.

Czar sash!! Ahhhhhhh, me likey.

Frenetic beginning, 'till Greg C took charge of Capture the Flag/Frisbee and I was freed.

Czarship has its perks: private room, morning espresso, Autumnobile access, radio, and knowledge to answer questions.

Czarship has its lows: when there's nobody to make the fire with which marshmallows are to be roasted, it's your fault. And you don't get to hear much of the messages, even when you're leading worship.

3-4 cans per day.

Canker sore the size of Manhattan = pain that never leaves you nor forsakes you.

Leading worship = doable, especially with a room full of people who want to sing.

Leading worship practice = very hard and humbling.

Skit about me and Dr.Pepper. Made my month :-)

Watching the campers run around carrying out YCAmoeba, by brain child. Seemed to go well!

Amazing, extended ministry after Monday and Tuesday nights' sessions.

The hardest part of running YC is the announcments. Timing; what to say; who to say it; when to do seconds; etc.Thanks dragged on too long, and I pretty much didn't think at all about the end of camp, so it got pretty hectic again.

The Meadows for ice-cream with PChOP people.. staving off the end of YC :-)

Steve-O came home with us, which pretty much made that day and the next.

As Monday rolled by, I was amazed at the experience of having other people take on tasks that I assigned them, and doing them as well, and with as much care and concern, as I would (or more). It's hard to describe what it was like watching Greg take CTF/F and make it happen, or walking into my office and seeing Wes Taylor hunkered over, drawing multiple maps of the Amoeba game to give to each of his refs. The wonder of this feeling is somehow tied to the fact that I could never make someone do things that well. I found quite clearly that comments/instructions from myself can't create a sense of ownership in anybody. So to see someone caring and working and *feeling* their task - doing what I could never ask or force them to do - . . well, it was indescribable! [I think this feeling relates to that which arises when we see God's grace at work. Could never ask or demand...]

Ultimately, I remained profoundly unaffected by nearly everything that went on at Youth Camp, even as I cried while people shared, and played my heart out when I led worship. So I didn't come home with a glowing ember to cherish, but I think with an armful of logs to fuel faith down the road.

YC08? Barring the providentially unexpected, I'm in 100% baby! We'll see how the post-YC meetings go in August.

For all of you who were affected at Youth Camp, who saw God there, who felt the Holy Spirit in you and around you . . cherish that! Thank God for that! I am far more aware now than I ever was before that all our youth camp stuff, all the food, games, plans, bunks, buildings, bandanas.. they are all fundamentally different from God coming. I didn't send Him an email telling him to show up Monday and Tuesday nights at 7pm. All my plans and labors, though not meaningless, felt like popsicle sticks in my hands before the great weight of God that deigned to settle on those little buildings out in the rolling green of Clymer, PA.

--Clear Ambassador/Czar

I want to remember the skits, so here they are:
- Blue Barf: "THE Infomercial" - predominantly featuring Minus 1, starring Akash Negi :-D
- Peeps: "Dancing with the Peeps" - featuring the Czar on guitar. Cowboy country, Picnic Table Polka, Spaced-Out robot hip-hop, and Blue Barf Ballet.
- Picnic Table - I forget the title. It was a rollicking, random ride of scattered, semi-indecipherable yet entertaining Biblical references and trippy vignettes. Killing the fatted calf was a highlight
- Cowboys - "Cowboy Memories" - sittin' round a campfire, recalling vignettes. Let us not forget the mooing cows or meeting the Man in Black.
- Flaming Cheetos - "Wheel of Fortune" - Took the cake for 2007. Human spinner, hand-made letters to be flipped over, and people doing the voices for other people. Good times.
- Spaced Out - "Dr.Pepper Obsession" - Nick Schuch = me (beardtee, Czar sash and radio, can of Dr.P), Mike P = psychiatrist. Rest of team = vignettes. Shannon as our Mom back in the homeschooling days (She's gone! We can eat ice-cream and drink Dr.Pepper!). Steve Shuch shaved the top of his head to play the old John B, hobbling on a cane and still clutching the can. Ahhh, amazing!

Like a spider, I spin my threads

2007-06-12T23:01:00.001-04:00

206.

Threads, that is.

Email threads in my youth camp inbox.

Probably like 500 messages or something, total.

It's funny - that's pretty much what "working on something" amounts to these days: sending emails and making phone calls. Sometimes I sit down and think and write out lists or ideas, but for the most part it's just communicating to or from people on the lappy or the celly.

Teams are almost set. Worship teams are pending a couple approvals. Skit, games, campfire, contingency plans, Sunday night activity, meal plan, snack trailer are all in the hands of my yickiepickies*, requiring only my occasional input/decision/approval. Sermons and seminars are in Mike P's domain. Worship setlists are one of the biggest pending issues, as well as head referee assignments and a couple other helper positions. Probably the biggest single thing remaining is designing and making the booklets. Then there's the team leader meeting this Saturday with my (as yet undetermined) admin input, and the prayer and pizza tomorrow with my as-yet-unguided prayer leadership. Several annoying outliers keep nagging me, but I try to write those down in an appropriate place for future reference as soon as possible.

So let the emails and grace flow like rain :-)

--Clear Ambassador (aka The Czar)

*Youth Camp Planning Coordinator = YCPC = yickiepickie
They are Mike Quinlisk and Katie Calano (YCPCKC. Lucky!)

Life is Good

2007-06-09T13:40:00.000-04:00

I could hardly be happier right now without being just directly drenched by the Holy Spirit's love.

Sitting here.. sunny and cool outside... iPod on shuffle pumping through the house speakers.. a virgin Pure Boss at my side, Cheez-Its, youth camp stuff rolling along...

Is this happiness apart from God Himself? Or is it a legitimate enjoyment of Him? I think it's the second.. though I'm not sure how much of this kind of happiness lasts when things get harder. But for now, right now, life is really really good.

[I'm at the Hoffmans in Akron. I'll go see the big annual dance show this evening. For now I'm sitting in the main area at the table working on the lappy. Nobody's around, the dogs are sleeping peacefully, the sunny trampoline awaits my next break-for-mental-health, usefulness exudes from my work on Youth Camp matters, Cheddar Jack Cheez-Its ooze flavor from their crispy goodness, Dr.Pepper and Live Wire Mountain Dew combine in a marraige of matchless flavor in the Chick-Fil-A cup (one of the best pop cups ever made, btw), and the music. Oh the music! Even from down in the den, Mr. Hoffman's subwoofer kicks; and all-library shuffle... it makes all music new. Leadbelly? Frank Zappa? Random Beck song I never gave a sneeze about before? U2 songs as old as my love for music? Every one is a jewel of delight. Can it be ok to be on top of the world like this? I don't know, but I think it's right to look up. Every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. Thank You, Lord, for this drop of Your kindness. May I remember it and love You when I don't feel as directly _happy_.]

--Clear Ambassador

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